Newbie rant

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Hot_Toddy7

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Ok, I'll apologize in advance for the potential length of this post, just need to get it out, to some people who may possibly understand, and be able to offer some constructive comments/advice.

So at the moment I have all 3 horses at a nice little private yard, no school, but 5 acres with 3 stables and no b*tchy liveries!
I have one 17.3hh Hanoverian, whom I have posted about before. I acquired him 2/3 years ago now, as a rescue, due to be PTS. I met him once before agreeing anything and fell in love, he was skinny, very hairy, and looked more TB than WB! We collected him the next weekend. I was told at the time that he had soundness issues, and had been deemed psychosomatic by the vets (this didn't bother me, he was only going to be a companion/light hack/nice easy horse compared to the 2 TB's!). Since I have had him I have gone through so many different feeds and it has cost me a small fortune, you name it, I've tried it. And whilst he has looked *better*, he has never looked *right*, he never loses any weight, just never puts any on!

My TB mare I have owned since she was 3, now 9. She is an absolute sweetie to handle (though doesn't tie-up!), has great feet, loves people, and is a fairly good do-er. When we first went through the re-schooling (she's an exracer), she was a nightmare, used to rear bolt upright, and was just generally very stressy! Had teeth/back done, all was Ok, had new saddle fitted once she'd started to muscle up a bit, and by 5, she was great. Going really well, started basic school movements, and she was, well, just great. Then we started jumping, this took a little while, but once she got the hang of picking her feet up, she showed a great natural ability and a fair amount of scope. In the last 2 years, she has gone back to being a nightmare. Teeth/back/saddle/worming all Ok, but she's a nightmare. Ok in walk, very forward going, but that's fine. In trot, she will throw herself everywhere, can get an outline, but only sideways! Canter is better, but the trot is just plain awful!

Finally, my other TB, another ex-racer! He is completely different to the mare, quite lazy, not such a nice movement through the legs, but he does try! He's coming along quite nicely, despite a few narcolepsy scares (long story)! His main issue is the sheer amount of injuries he acquires. Mostly just little cuts and grazes, but I'm sure people who walk past must think I beat him up. The thing is, I have no idea how he does it. He's fine when rugged (the rugs get ripped instead!), but with the recent weather, he's been naked and has cut himself again. All the cuts are in really random places also.

This has all been on my mind for a while, big horse is going for bloods next week, and I have a feeling that I might just be put in the PTS position, the amount he costs to keep (more than the TB's put together), has driven me to financial ruin. Whats more, my job is going t*ts up, being forced to move work places against my will, and blatant protests, to somewhere that going to my yard 2 times a day would mean approx £100 a week in petrol - which is not do-able. Unfortunately there is little I can do, I will struggle to get another job, because although employers aren't supposed to discriminate, they quite honestly wouldn't look twice at my CV. What's more, after a few weeks of continuous crying, advice from the parents (and building up, what I thought, a slightly more functional relationship with my dad), my dad has now decided he wants nothing to do with me! (as of Saturday, fantastic start to my bank-holiday weekend) He's entitled to his opinion of me, but he could have picked a better time to voice it.
I actually feel like I'm at breaking point (I seem to constantly teeter on the edge of sanity), and I don't know if I can hack this much longer. I am open to any advice/ideas in all honesty. But those who want to accuse me of being a cr*p horse mum, please save it for another day.

Apologies, as I read back, I see this is an emotionally charged post, and a very long one at that!
 
First of all ((Hugs)), what a horrible situation to be in. Families, eh? As if horses weren't enough to bother about!

Is there anyone you know/trust locally who could check in on your ponies once a day, to help give you some breathing space if you move with your job?

Would your tb gelding be safe enough to consider getting a sharer for, or would you be able to consider taking a grass livery or two? (even just to keep you going over the summer)

Big horse - get the bloods done, and have a realistic chat with your vet regarding his future. At the very least, you have given him a few years of stress-free living :) An unsound, hard keeper would not be easy to rehome, as you are aware. I don't think PTS would be an unjustifiable decision personally.

TB mare - what is your gut instinct? Physical or behavioural? Have you ever considered something like ulcers, they can have fairly wide ranging effects on horses.

Self harmer - could just be your stereotypical woosey tb but is there any chance the injuries are related to the narcolepsy? Is it possible he is going down in the field?

Sounds like you need someone to talk to, do you have anyone you can offload all this to? If you feel things are getting beyond what you can cope with, maybe even a chat with the doctor would be an idea?

I really feel for you, it comes across that you are trying your damnedest to do your best for your ponies x
 
I don't know why anyone would think you are a bad owner from what you've said!

Not much advice but I hope things improve soon, it sounds like life is challenging you from many angles, but try and stay positive!
 
I very much agree with Rhino :)

Make a list of the things you can do something about and the things you can't. Work through them one by one so they don't seem so overwhelming.

If it were me, I'd being having that realistic chat with the vet after the bloods come back for your WB, I'd look to find a competent sharer for the TB mare and (as Rhino says) consider alternative medical issues that might be going on with her, and (if you can afford the time) spend a day watching the gelding to see what's going on with him in the field. If he seems fine in the field, maybe he's incurring injuries in the stable?

You can't really do much about the job relocation and it's not the best climate to be job hunting if you can avoid it, so could you move yards instead?

As for your dad...I'm definitely not the best person to advise on parental issues as my opinion is always that chromosomal links do not mean anyone should put up with c**p :) Presuming you've not drop-kicked his cat or set fire to his house I'd be inclined to think this is his problem. Only you can decide whether you want to invest the time and energy into working that out at the moment...if it were me I'd focus on the rest of your post and deal with that in due course :)
 
Thanks guys.

As for my dad, you would've thought I had drop kicked his cat, or his wife... One or t'other! :D We have a fragile relationship at best, but this past month or so, I thought we were making headway, until he proverbially drop kicked me.

I am in therapy at the moment and see a psych (though apparently I'm not changing as people would've hoped), I hate the therapist, I would quite happily burn her house down, but that would be a fair few backwards steps in the scheme of things!

With the mare, I would love to get a sharer, as she is a little too small for me in all honesty, but all the 'looking for' adverts I see are people wanting 100% safe happy hackers, what happened to all the people who wanted a challenge?! And she could potentially be too much for someone who doesn't know her. My mum rides her occasionally, and she certainly doesn't bounce as well as she used to, but she is used to difficult horses, and tolerates mareys behavior, but she doesn't want the committment of a horse again. I would have to say in all honesty, that I feel her issue is probably a physical one, just because she is such a lovely angel on the ground.

At the moment the once a day thing isn't a massive issue cos they're all out 24/7 with plenty of grass, they do get fed only once a day, as of approx 3 weeks ago when the job situ changed. It's not ideal, but on a temporary basis, they can cope, but with winter coming up, it's gonna be difficult!

I really like the idea of watching the grey for a day, have to admit it's not something that has crossed my mind before, have a week off next week so will book a day for voyeur activities! I have never seen him go down in the field, it's only happened on 3 or so occasions whilst being tacked up, he basically stands in a very rested way, then his legs start to buckle. He's never completely floored it, he kinda comes to again and acts like nothing has happened!

With the yard, I rent it as a whole, max of 3 horses (owners are v, v fussy, but they are great with the maintenance) so grass liveries are not an option atm, if the big one goes then it is something I'd look into, maybe free livery in return for doing mine in the morning, but feel bad for thinking that, and starting to plan around the big one going. I could move, but having had a look, finding a yard where I can have all 3 together will be hard. It's also next door to my grandparents house, so I can check in on them, and help out when needed, I would ask them to help with the horsies, but it's not fair being as they haven't ever dealt with bigger/more lively ones, and they've got their own health issues.

I will have a think about other people locally who may be able to help out, would be great if someone would do it as a sharer in return for rides!

Will try writing a list tomorrow, that does sound like an awesome idea, will pin it up in the tack room and cross things off when done to make me feel better!

Thanks again for all the advice, and reassurance, words like yours mean alot at times like this.
 
I agree with rhino too. I also think that you said you are going through therapy at the moment. That can be so tough and emotional that things cn feel worse than what they are. That's not to say your situation isn't bad! I've recently been through therapy and whilst I thought I was ok as I was going through it, I look back now and see that I was only just about keeping my head above water and my immediate family lived with me in a zombie like state for the whole time. Some weeks were worse than others and there were things that I buried so deep that when they came up I was a complete mess. It's a emotional time and such a brave thing to do but yeah in a long winded way I'm just saying don't forget how hard that can be and sometimes it will play with your mind because emotions are high. But again I not saying that your situation is smaller than what it is. I'll just be quiet now lol! Big hugs!
 
Families are the devil sometimes.
But you do need to sort something to make life enjoyable .
I would Be considering PTS for the WB your not going to be able to pass him on you rescued him gave him a kind time but there's a reason he never improves if you are financially struggling to find it then ( and I know people will seriously disaggree with me on this) I see it a responsible thing to PTS.
If you enjoy the others you live with their issues that's horses and I would look for a sharer for them to take the pressure off you.
Times are hard and they will get harder you need to hold on to that job as an absolute prioritity or all of you will be in a pickle.
 
Hey hun ;)

I'm having shite time too so feel free to pick up the phone and rant at me if you need to. Infact we could just rant back and forth at one another!

Have you booked in with my vet for Dinosaur's bloods? Also what day? Please let me know what happens and if it does come to the worse my offer still stands of being there.

I think stresshead will come good again with a bit more work, she was pretty darn cool that day we went out together :)

Jesus (the sleepy one ;) ) shouldn't be too hard to find a sharer for as he really is so easy and such a credit to you. As for the self harming, how about setting up a cam corder to cover his field and see what he gets up to?

Finally, I love you! I would text you instead but I am sans phone atm.
 
First off hugs. You are not a crap horse mom. I also find that when life struggles are getting me down, I seem to get more overwhelmed with my horses. Such as, what was that funny step? OMG she's Neuro, I've always known, vets are wrong. But I have anxiety issues and like to get myself worked up for no particular reason.

So like Rhino says, make the lists. I'm a constant list maker. I also keep a journal. Writing is therapy and can help with the jumble in our heads. If you don't like your therapist, switch. You will get nothing out of it. Back when I was in therapy I switched to one that was ok with me NOT taking meds. The other one gave me the impression if I didn't take my meds I was going to end up in hospital.

Family, well, it's never easy. I have a decent enough relationship with my Dad but a near non existent one with my mom. I adore my dad but my life has not been one he would have liked me to choose. We've had long talks about this. My moving home(back to America) is causing strife as he doesn't understand why I'm bringing all the animals home. While no, not intelligent, I'm not dumping them to start a new life.

Best of luck and lots of hugs,
Terri
 
Equilibrium Ireland said:
First off hugs. You are not a crap horse mom. I also find that when life struggles are getting me down, I seem to get more overwhelmed with my horses. Such as, what was that funny step? OMG she's Neuro, I've always known, vets are wrong. But I have anxiety issues and like to get myself worked up for no particular reason.

So like Rhino says, make the lists. I'm a constant list maker. I also keep a journal. Writing is therapy and can help with the jumble in our heads. If you don't like your therapist, switch. You will get nothing out of it. Back when I was in therapy I switched to one that was ok with me NOT taking meds. The other one gave me the impression if I didn't take my meds I was going to end up in hospital.

Family, well, it's never easy. I have a decent enough relationship with my Dad but a near non existent one with my mom. I adore my dad but my life has not been one he would have liked me to choose. We've had long talks about this. My moving home(back to America) is causing strife as he doesn't understand why I'm bringing all the animals home. While no, not intelligent, I'm not dumping them to start a new life.

Best of luck and lots of hugs,
Terri
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Thanks so much for your kind words. I completely agree with you re the therapist, I'm just kinda terrified that I will hate any of them (I've hated pretty much any health professional I've ever seen, GPs included!!). I wrote a list on my little chalkboard in the tackroom today, was a little overwhelming, and costly looking LOL. I really admire you, taking all your herd back home with you, it's a hell of a move for you all, but the fact that you're sticking together is just so lovely.

As an update, I rode the mare today, just bought her a Saddle Co saddle as it's a bit lighter (and I like the fact that it can be adjusted!), but she was virtually psycho, again. She was fine to start with, then we went through a boggy bit and she kinda freaked herself out with how deep it was. And from that point on, she was a frikkin' nightmare. Tried to have a nice slow trot up a hill and she just threw herself all over the place (she's taught me to have a sticky bum!), she sort of throws her head up, and tries to spring into a canter, but throws herself off balance, panics and has a hissy fit. Then she got to a point that she refused to move (nothing nasty), she just planted, a friend (riding the TB gelding) rode past and she took a few strides and had a little bronc. I am at my wits end with her, she's been fabulous on the ground, but I've resorted to riding her out in a Rugby, just for control!
 
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