NLP/sports psychology/confidence issues – show jumping. Long...

little_flea

little_flea

Well-Known Member
Joined
13 September 2007
Messages
3,339
Location
London (but Swedish)
Visit site
Sorry, I know its been done to death before...

I have been considering getting some help for a while now - as some of you know, my horse has had a bit of a show jumping blip and it has made me - a naturally passive rider at the best of times anyway, and very small on my big mare - ride even more cautiously than before.

I have concluded that I really need to learn to ride more positively if I am going to continue show jumping. At the moment I am wary of Maggie stopping, and I just seem to freeze, can't find a decent canter, ride really backwards to a fence etc. When I watch myself on video I just cringe at myself. (only on Maggie - I ride other horses ok!)

I really want to get some help and I would love some advise on what you think is the best thing to do. NPL? Hypnotherapy? Seeing a sports psychologist? Is there any long-distance stuff that actually works, such as tapes etc?

Any recommendations for where to go much appreciated - I am in London (horse in Essex).

I am really not giving my horse a decent chance, and I am putting so much pressure on myself to do well - for example, Maggie and I have no results to speak of together, a few decent rounds in 1.05m classes is the best we have done, but I still feel that because she has jumped bigger classes and I have as well, (but not together) we should be doing at least 1.15m with good results now. And we are not. I am even putting off going to shows for fear of failure (we have had some pretty disastrous rounds so it is not entirely unfounded). This usually happens in competition rather than in training and I think it is a combination of me and Maggie together.
 
flea - I dont have experiences of using any of these things but what i do recognise is like me I htink you are putting too much pressure on yourself, I dont know anyhting about you or your horse but I have had my horse for three years and I am always thinking I should be further adhead with her but i was worrying too much about that than actually getting things done in a logical order. so I am nervous jumping my pony as I was pushed too much by an instructor who insisted I needed to be doing 1m10 fences at home before doing intro eventing and result was scared pony and rider and several nasty falls. When what i really need was to work on canter and thne height of jumps will not matter! so that is what we are doing now! Taking our time and enjoying my horse! Cause in the long run it makes it all mre enjoyable and they cost too much money to stress us out constantly! DOnt know if that helps but try taking some pressure off yourself and try to enjoy what you do do!
Good luck
 
I found NLP and the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) were life savers, I had 6 weeks off work last year with anxiety problems related to my Granny dying and my horse retiring, it all happened in the same week and flipped my switch so to speak....I also bought several books and Cds from Amazon, again good to reiterate your therapy.
You appear to be pressurising yourself too, try not to, I know it's easier said than done.
Feel free to pm me if you want more details xxx
 
Thank you both. Yep, I have always put myself under pressure - I can't imagine what life without it would be like! I also have anxiety issues and have been in therapy for a big chunk of my adult life, but somehow it has always seemed separate to my "horsey" life - though of course it can't be. Things have gotten worse since the break-up with my partner of 7 years which occured a year ago - almost to the exact date of me getting Maggie, so no wonder that I don't feel my poor mare has been given much of a chance...

It just needs to be fun to compete again and I really want to sort it out.
 
Hi, I had the same problem with confidence...my young horse threw me off when he was 3 years old, and after recovering from the broken bones, I found I had major confidence issues when riding (other horses). I started by finding a wonderfully patient instructor who really brought me forward and helped me get thru the majority of the fear. After that, I had occasional panic attacks still...so I asked around and someone recommended Jo Cooper - Equestrian Confidence - to me...she does it all over the phone - NLP & tapping, and it worked. At the time it doesn't feel like anything is changing, but then you'll realise one day that you just did something you were afraid of previously. Jo is great, I would highly recommend her. her website is http://www.equestrianconfidence.com/
 
i think what is interesting is that you say its only with the one horse?
i can be quite a timid and nervous creature but its a pretty equal thing - i can get equally nervous before any round on any horse sometimes. so i think maybe yours is something a bit different to 'general' nerves as its very specific with it being just one horse.
i know what you mean about pressure, personally i love it, but i think maybe if you change your goals in your head so you are thinking 'the aim of today is to actually enjoy it & sod the competition' for a few goes i think it might really help.
sometimes my bf has to give me a lecture on what i should and shouldnt be expecting from the horse or me as i can get a bit perfectionist - like and only see the bad , and if you dont rationalise what you are thinking with someone else, its easy to get very wrapped up in your own crazy thoughts in your head.

i am not insinuating that you have crazy ideas by the way! just sometimes thoughts get out of proportion when you are putting pressure on yourself and can get unrealistic. so its really helpful to voice what you are thinking i find.
that might be a bit muddled, sorry but i hope it helps even a tiny bit
 
Hi Flea

I have been considering the same thing, about getting help I mean, I also struggle with my horse, I can ride other peoples horses perfectly well, bring them on, school them, get on them when they are naughty, at home and at competitions BUT I cannot ride my own horse, for some reason there is more pressure, I don't know why or what to do about it, I have ridden so many tricky/quirky horses and done really well with them but I am really strugging to SJ my horse at the mo, I have never had a "nice" horse before and now he is not so nice, because of my lack of riding him in the ring, I sit there like a lemon and he stops, now it is a habit!

Thank you for posting about this, some of the responses you have got seem really helpful! I wish you luck :)
 
Shark1 - you are so right in pointing out the importance of verbalising/structuring achievements and goals - so much more constructive than general free-floating anxiety about performance, expectations and what we think in our heads we "should" be achieving. (and yes I do have crazy ideas!) Focusing on the positives is so important and something I am SO bad at doing in this aspect of my life. Funnily enough, I am very good at encouraging others to think positively, and quite good at doing it myself in other areas of my life, but somehow this sensibility hasn't infiltrated the equestrian part of my life...

Emmyc - I am exactly the same, forever schooling horses for other people and riding them better than my own... I guess because there is no pressure. I am in exactly the same position as you with my own horse (though I know that she has stopped in the past with her old rider, and I had a semi-pro ride her for me to suss out what was going on, and he didn't fare much better than I did). Bl00dy horses, this is meant to be a fun hobby, not a source of constant performance anxiety and feelings of underachievment! Good luck, it is nice to know that it is not just me. x
 
I think (Supanova and I were discussing this earlier) that is it so easy to focus on what is going wrong rather than what is going right. You say that you should be jumping 1.15s by now, but wait a sec. We "should" all be better in some way, but I bet a lot of us are actually quite good at lots of other things - we just choose to ignore that.

I do understand your feelings of underachievement - I always think I should be far better than I am, as my horse is great and would be fab with someone who could actually ride. However, with horses there are so many variables. You can not accept responsibility for all of them. It's ok to worry about it (you care about it, so of course you worry) and it's ok to set yourself goals. But it's such a shame that you're not out competing and doing what you enjoy. Sorry, no constructive advice at all, just a bit of e-support!
 
Thank you HTH! You are absolutely right. There are so many great people on here and I am so happy that you take the time to post on silly self-indulgent threads like this one (and my other endless ones about myself and Maggie...). xx

Now, did I miss that competition report from Towerlands...? ;-) xx
 
Not silly and self-indulgent! It's the downside to being emotionally involved with a sport - you feel rubbish when it's not going well. But if we didn't care about it, we wouldn't do it!

Towerlands - erm, erm...... well I did the Disco, annoying two down in the JO as horse got a bit fast and I didn't really do anything.

Went off to do the NC, tried not to get too close to the fences when I walked the course so I didn't know how big they were..... 1-5 all good (I rode 3-5 well if I do say so - there we are, concentrating on a positive!!). Came round the corner, saw 6 a bit closer than I was expecting, took a flyer... forgot to get her back for 7 so too close and had it down. Forgot where I was going, circled, found no. 8. Round to 9, a big oxer, could not see a stride for toffee, had a flap and a panic, asked for a totally impossible flyer, she chipped in, we scrabbled over it using crampons and grappling irons, sent it flying........ Got a grip, over 10, down to 11, a triple, and proceeded to put in two strides in both places where there should have been one. Somehow left it up. so I am not very pleased with self as I rode like a complete dingbat to 9 and 11! So there we are. Not a success story!!
 
Well done though - you jumped round a whole NC course cinsisting of 15 odd jumps at Towerlands (the most difficult, up to height and spooky venue round here) - bl00dy good if you ask me! x
 
Not sure if this is going to be helpful, but I'm going through a similar problem with my pony. When I bought him we went down a height because I wasn't ready to compete at the height he had been jumping at. Recently I worked my way up, and after a few clear rounds he started stopping at first jumps or napping at jumps going past the gate.
I'm a quiet rider, probably a bit like you, and I'm not very agressive, and I let him get away with it. Eventually he started stopping more and more often, and I was too scared to push him on in case he stopped at speed (which he is very clever at doing!)
After about 5 eliminations in a row, I decided to take a break, and we've been working on cross country, dressage and showing. We only show jump about once every 2/3 weeks, and as a result my pony is alot more enthusiastic and finds it new and exciting. We've only gone to low-key shows, and have been jumping smaller, simply to gain confidence. As a result I'm alot more relaxed, and my horse is jumping so,so much better. We even managed a 1st last time we competed, which I am so pleased with. I'm gradually working my way up to the bigger heights, and trying to avoid stressful competitions until I feel more confident. I'm also thinking of trying rescue remedies to help me relax, and have had my instructor compete my horse in one round, so I know he can do it, which helps me feel more confident in the ring.
Sorry for the big post, and I hope some of that is helpful. Best of luck! :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top