No confidence

OvergrownShetland

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23 February 2014
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94
I share dales x cob who I adore and love as if he was my own. I have had so many highs with him, from getting back into jumping to winning in the show ring. However, recently I have found myself in tears after one of his moments. He's becoming restless and fidgety when handed, and misbehaves when ridden. over the winter he has started napping and this week he has taken off with me twice. I hack out alone during the week and in company at the weekend depending on the soundness of his owners other horse.
I know that a good instructor will sort everything or at least most things, however we don't have a school at the yard. I have access to two schools, but neither are really lesson appropriate. One is ownede by a lady who does lessons (I have tried her, but her style of teaching reduces me to tears) and the other school is next to a field inhabited by an ex racer who goes crazy and runs up and down the fence line, which sets B off.
Can anyone recommend anything to make me not feel like I can't ride and dread getting on?
 

Molly'sMama

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6 April 2011
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I share dales x cob who I adore and love as if he was my own. I have had so many highs with him, from getting back into jumping to winning in the show ring. However, recently I have found myself in tears after one of his moments. He's becoming restless and fidgety when handed, and misbehaves when ridden. over the winter he has started napping and this week he has taken off with me twice. I hack out alone during the week and in company at the weekend depending on the soundness of his owners other horse.
I know that a good instructor will sort everything or at least most things, however we don't have a school at the yard. I have access to two schools, but neither are really lesson appropriate. One is ownede by a lady who does lessons (I have tried her, but her style of teaching reduces me to tears) and the other school is next to a field inhabited by an ex racer who goes crazy and runs up and down the fence line, which sets B off.
Can anyone recommend anything to make me not feel like I can't ride and dread getting on?
Probably not what you want to hear, but have you considered trying another horse? I know its hard -I've shared,- but at the end of the day, you're paying to enjoy him ,and the good thing about loans is that they aren't permanent. I literally went through what's been happening to you, and my instructor was like 'at the end of the day ,there are so many nice horses that want riders'. If you're dreading getting on, then that signals to me like it's time for something new.

If you really can't bear to lose him, can you try hiring a school, and boxing him to it, meeting the instructor there? Or travelling to an instructor's yard?
 

Coblover63

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Sounds like you are in a downwards spiral - he is picking up on your nerves and reacting... and you are reacting to him reacting by becoming more nervous! You've described his behaviour as having changed so I'm sure he's picking up on your vibes. What is he like with his owner? Is she more confident?
 

OvergrownShetland

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23 February 2014
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Thank you for your replies :)

I do love him ever so much and I really can't bare to part ways. he is naughty with her sometimes however she doesn't fret about it. He's quite strong and that's what I don't like - I don't like it when he knows he can win because he's stronger than me!
 

Shay

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17 August 2008
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They are always stronger than you! Unless you have Minis - and sometimes even then - they are stronger than we are. The trick is not to let them find that out!

It does sound like you are at a real cross roads and my heart goes out to you. Most of us will have been where you are at some point or another. You have the sense to realize you can't carry on as you are - so now you have some choices as to how to fix it.

You could get an instructor to help you with ground work etc at your yard, even without a school. You might be able to get an instructor to hack with you and help you as you hack. You might be able to source transport to take your horse to a suitable instructor. Or you might find someone who can help you cope with the racer in the next field. Depending on where you are you might be able to get help from the local pony or riding club with lessons, transport etc. Don't go to an instructor who makes you cry. That won't help just now!

Try posting on a local board to find instructors. Ring round and talk to them. Find someone you like who can do what you need. They are out there!
 

OvergrownShetland

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23 February 2014
Messages
94
They are always stronger than you! Unless you have Minis - and sometimes even then - they are stronger than we are. The trick is not to let them find that out!

It does sound like you are at a real cross roads and my heart goes out to you. Most of us will have been where you are at some point or another. You have the sense to realize you can't carry on as you are - so now you have some choices as to how to fix it.

You could get an instructor to help you with ground work etc at your yard, even without a school. You might be able to get an instructor to hack with you and help you as you hack. You might be able to source transport to take your horse to a suitable instructor. Or you might find someone who can help you cope with the racer in the next field. Depending on where you are you might be able to get help from the local pony or riding club with lessons, transport etc. Don't go to an instructor who makes you cry. That won't help just now!

Try posting on a local board to find instructors. Ring round and talk to them. Find someone you like who can do what you need. They are out there!
Thank you for your reply. I've found a lady near me who is a well known dressage rider in our area. she has ridden and competed all types of horses, (hairies and all) and the says that she knows how each type "tick" therefore she can boost rider confidence by helping the rider see why their horse acts a certain way. I like the sound of her, and she comes highly recommended by a friend who had a nasty accident and went from BE100 to refusing to go anywhere off the lead rein.
 

TarrSteps

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Thank you for your reply. I've found a lady near me who is a well known dressage rider in our area. she has ridden and competed all types of horses, (hairies and all) and the says that she knows how each type "tick" therefore she can boost rider confidence by helping the rider see why their horse acts a certain way. I like the sound of her, and she comes highly recommended by a friend who had a nasty accident and went from BE100 to refusing to go anywhere off the lead rein.
Sounds like a good person to connect with. I agree with Shay, you need some outside input from the right sort of person.

In my experience "confidence" issues are almost often based in skills and understanding. It's not lack of confidence that makes you feel anxious in a situation where you're struggling to cope, it's the fact that you're struggling to cope! Knowing why that is happening and what to do about it is the key to feeling more confident.
 

OvergrownShetland

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23 February 2014
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94
TarrSteps, you've hit the nail on the head. I don't know how to cope :(
I've been riding for 10 years and thought myself to be competent. B can be ridden by a complete novice and not put a foot wrong and most of the time he's like that with me, but I don't know what to do when he bolts, or drags me round the school because he doesn't agree with me asking for a downward transition... It really gets me down
 

TarrSteps

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Well then, you'll get that information from someone who does know and make it your own for ever more. Preferably, that person can show you how to not get into those situations in the first place and assess the whole situation to make it more productive and enjoyable for you and the horse.

I see that as the point of education. I don't even begin to know "everything" about horses and I don't even know everything I need to know on a daily basis because new things will always crop up. But someone, somewhere has had the experience I'm having and knows how to deal with it. It's not up to me to be all knowing, it's only up to me to be open to learning when I meet up with something I don't know.
 
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