Non-horsey other halves? How do you cope?ALSO IN NL

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seche

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Also in NL but you team will also know perhaps what I am faced with? Advice please!

I have recently just got myself a nice new boyfriend who is utterly lovely (having been single for so long how am I this lucky?)

Only thing is he is totally un-horsey. Thinks horses are dumb (of course dogs aren't!) and that I am quite insane that I talk about my boys like their nearly human.
How do I get it across to him that horses are not just planks of wood that eat money etc, and that they are trusting, high spirited, and that eventing/hunting/going racing ETC isn't just for trust fund babies (lord knows im not!!!)

Sadly giving him a riding lesson will NOT be an option as he is a semi-pro rugby player who weighs in at over 17 stone... I have a 16.1 TB...
 
Its a shame he is so heavy as getting them on board is a good way to get them interested!! My ex suprised me by learning to ride and now evenm though we have split up he still rides!!!

Just wait till it warms up abit and get him up the yard to give you a hand (although after playing rugby the mud shouldnt bother him)!!! Im sure he will come round!!!
 
Not being funny, BUT you prob can't. If he loves you he will accept your horses, but i would make sure you make time for him to be 'the special one'.
Have calender so he knows what events/training your doing etc... have lots of horsey mates so you can do the horsey chat...

My OH is non horsey and it's taken me nearly 25yrs to get him to at least hold horse or occassional drive lorry and he resently got much better but this was only after i fell off at comp, then knocked myself out in lorry park, drove home and then did horses whilst throwing up..... once i got home.
Mmmmm he realised how much work is involved with doing horses!!!

But if you do make a small amount a 'special time' normally they will forgive you having horses!!! and help
 
My Oh wasn't horsey when we met and he played Rugby. We seemed to get along by each respecting the other's sport/hobby/ passion (call it what you will) and supporting each other. I'd go and watch him play sometimes and he'd come to the stables or shows occasionnally.
It actually worked well as while he played rugby, I played with my horse!
When we talked about getting married my dad warned him that if he married me, he would marry the horse as well. My horse even came to our wedding.
We've been married 36 years this year so it obviously worked for us!!
Good luck.
 
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My Oh wasn't horsey when we met and he played Rugby. We seemed to get along by each respecting the other's sport/hobby/ passion (call it what you will) and supporting each other. I'd go and watch him play sometimes and he'd come to the stables or shows occasionnally.
It actually worked well as while he played rugby, I played with my horse!
When we talked about getting married my dad warned him that if he married me, he would marry the horse as well. My horse even came to our wedding.
We've been married 36 years this year so it obviously worked for us!!
Good luck.

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There you are - seems like sensible advice to me
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FWIW mine is unhorsey and it is a constant source of slight tension, I don't think I'm as lucky as some on here. You have to do a balancing act and accept you have to compromise occasionally, but if he's worth having it's worth it
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I think it will be easier for him to grasp the enjoyment come the summer as quite frankly at this time of year I think we're all mad so how you will convince an intelligent, objective outsider otherwise I don't quite know
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My OH is not horsey at all. We have been together for 29 years! And yes... we were childhood sweethearts... I'm not very, very old!
Thing is, I have never encouraged him to get involved. He loves golf, football,rugby, in fact any sport other than horses!
We co-exist very happily coz we do different things, then have loads to talk about when we are together.
My advice would be... let him live his life, you get on with the horses... and make the time you have together extra special.
TBH... he's got to get used to the horsey part of your life, as however nice he is, if he can't accept the horses, then he's not the man for you!!
Good luck!!
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My hubby isnt horsey, but lets me get on with it - thats why I married him!! Other ex's were always moaning about the amount of time I spent with my horse, but then they didnt have their own hobbies. My hubby is in a band, which takes him out at least 2 weekends a month, so I am home alone - and that is kinda our deal, he goes out with the band, I go out with my horse - works both ways. Its just a case of a bit of give and take. He understands that it is something that I have done for 20years and wouldnt want me to change it - however much he moans about the expense! Dont try to push him into getting involved - its my hobby, although he has watched at a couple of competitions, but refuses to even attempt to muck out!!
 
My OH is totally non-horsey, infact he likes to remind me that he broke his first rule of dating by going out with me - 'never date a horsey person'! He was brought up around horses, his parents are farmers and his aunt breeds show ponies, so he knows whats involved. It was the show pony world that put him off horsey people
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BUT.....he knows how much my horses mean to me and he appreciates how much work goes into producing an eventer (even at the lower levels) and he respects that. He will NEVER be horsey but he will now come to the odd event if they are close to home, will phone me when Im at a comp to check 'how the beast is behaving' and puts up with the house smelling like a tack room (he has actually renamed the spare bedroom the tack room due to the amount of horsey stuff in there!). I make the effort to keep some time away from the horses that we can spend together and he appreciates that.
I wouldnt push him to be involved, just let him come round in his own time.
 
My OH isn't horsey and we've been together for 4 years. He knew right from the beginning that my life revolves around them although i still have to make time for him also.

He doesn't get involved and leaves me to it but he also knows that i have to go down there twice a day and that i'm at shows at weekends.

I think as long as he understands how much time and money they take up and that you can spend a little time with him, it'll be fine. I haven't really pushed to much to make him horsey, cos i think he will be if he wants to be.
 
my oh isn't horsey, but fully understands my passion for them, although it's taken a while to convince him.

He did grudge the time i spent with b a lot, but whereas he LOVES his job and works ridiculous hours, it took him a very long time to understand that I work all day at something I don't particulaly love in order to spend 2 or 3 hours a day doing something I do love.

He now understands b is also like a loved pet to me as opposed to a horse like a lot of people buy and sell.

He even helped me out a bit at my last yard, poo picking and taking b in for shoing etc, although current yard is a little big & busy for his liking.

For my part I compromise. I try and find out when he has a weekend off (which isn't often) and try and avoid competing those weekends, unless it's a big show. I always ask him if he wants to come and watch or come to the yard with me.

The only thing I still have to work on is presents. He still will not buy ANYTHING horsey as a present for me (christmas or birthday) as he says it's not for me then!. (although he did by me a bp for my birthday)

Never EVER wash his clothes after you have done a horse load. He will not like hairs in his boxers!.

Get changed after doing hoss. He will NOT like the smell of shite as much as you do.
 
Sorry to say i was the OH who went nuts about the time she spent at the stables always late for everything !!!!
Taking 3 hrs to do a 1hr hack ?

So i gave her a choice, its the Horse or me, she said bye then !!!!!???

Oh that didn't work out as i'd planned, so plan 'B' i bought a horse & have never looked back since, best thing i'd ever done.
Mind i'm a big lad so bought an 18hh Cleveland Bay, who i love more that anything he's my best mate!

Once you've connected to your horse, what else do you need ?
Oh one last point, it takes me 6-7 hrs to do a 1hr hack...haha
 
[ QUOTE ]
Sorry to say i was the OH who went nuts about the time she spent at the stables always late for everything !!!!
Taking 3 hrs to do a 1hr hack ?

So i gave her a choice, its the Horse or me, she said bye then !!!!!???

Oh that didn't work out as i'd planned, so plan 'B' i bought a horse & have never looked back since, best thing i'd ever done.
Mind i'm a big lad so bought an 18hh Cleveland Bay, who i love more that anything he's my best mate!

Once you've connected to your horse, what else do you need ?
Oh one last point, it takes me 6-7 hrs to do a 1hr hack...haha

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I'm loving it
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One question though - did you hang onto the horsey OH or don't you need her anymore now you have the 18hh Cleveland Bay
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[ QUOTE ]
My Oh wasn't horsey when we met and he played Rugby. We seemed to get along by each respecting the other's sport/hobby/ passion (call it what you will) and supporting each other. I'd go and watch him play sometimes and he'd come to the stables or shows occasionnally.
It actually worked well as while he played rugby, I played with my horse!
When we talked about getting married my dad warned him that if he married me, he would marry the horse as well. My horse even came to our wedding.
We've been married 36 years this year so it obviously worked for us!!
Good luck.

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Exactly the same here, except we only have 13 married years so far, but he's a great groom now, does early mornings when im feeling slow and even does overtime when i need a bulk hay buy!!! Best of luck. Rugby players make great horsey husbands they can carry anything!
 
We are still together mind she now moans at me, as i spend all the hours i can at the stables, i'm also an 'Equine Photographer' because of my horses...made a real change to my life !!

Oh i don't know why more blokes don't take up riding, so many lovely women with man probs...i've so many girlfrends more than man freinds now...

So i'm happy as a pig in poo !

Wayne :0)
 
My OH isn't horsey atall & like others have said it has been a source of tension between & it is a balancing act but one thing i can say if you spoil ; ) your other half you'll pretty much get away with all the time you spend with your horse!! that was a bit of advice my aunt gave me when i bought V & i have to say it has served me well.

I'm not sure if you can 'make' him horsey (though good luck & never say never!) my OH will have nothing to do with V, i think he's been down at the yard a total of 5 times in over a year & sometimes he doesn't even get out the car!! though he is a stuborn bugger!!

I have certain nights/days that i ride & that seems to work well, you also have to try do things with the other half so they feel like your spending 'enough' time with them!! and not all your time with the horse!!

I think you have the advantage of having your horse first, it was the other way about for me so boyfried at that time (now husband - so cant be that bad!!) was used to having all the attention. Also make sure your horse doesn't suffer, like i said it's a balancing act!

Good luck! let us know how you get on.
 
I think tbh, it takes them a while to get used to it but if you're going to work together then they have to.

There will always be compromises but i find it really helps if they have thei onw hobbies and sports. My OH is very into rock climbing, it takes up a big part of his weekends, i dont think it would work if i have an OH who was sat at home waiting for me all weekend. Sometimes he comes to watch me compete (he has more of an interested now as he bought me Blue and often refers to him as 'his' horse!!). He accepted straight away that the horses are a huge and important part of my life but took a long time for him to be interested or really understand the horsey bug
 
Mine is probably the worst sort - very horsey family (Father is MFH and bother Father and Mother have pointed in their time). However although my husband hunted their pointers, mucked out for his pocket money etc. etc. he also saw the drain on the family farm that was caused by horses - money always went on a new horse, never a new tractor/bull/fencing etc.; there was always time to go hunting twice a week but it meant that essentially twice a week he had to work the farm on his own.

Understandly he is now a little bit bitter towards horses.

Recently he has come round a bit. Last season he came to his first event (Osberton) and proceeded to tell me how to ride every XC fence (well he did used to team chase....) and warmed me up for the dressage - annoyingly all his advice was right, though he's never done dressage, and I got my best score ever
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.

Now he's sort of semi-interested and will occasionally come to the yard to put jumps up if I ring him to say I'm ready, warmed up and have put the fences out
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. He will also get my horse in once a week when I work late, though always under protest and always claiming that he doesn't know which one it is
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.

He's into his big road bikes and came up on his bike to join me at Blair last year. He's planning to go to the MotoGP at Assen this year which is perfect as I'm planning to day a 3-day abroad.

It's a very fine line at times but after 8 years together I think we're finally coming to a compromise......
 
My attitude to my horse(s) (I call it committment - others call it obsession
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) has been the kiss of death to a few relationships so I can't claim to have all the answers but I think it is important to remember that horses are your choice of hobby, not his.
Over the years I have seen many miserable looking men standing around getting cold/bored at yards while their girlfriends fart around with their horses in a non urgent manner with no regard for the growing frustration of their OH's and I think its pretty unfair.
If I met a man and he told me that he had a hobby that cost him pretty much all his time, energy and disposable income - involved being outside in all weathers, all year round, for hours at a time, getting cold, wet, covered in various unpleasantries such as poo/wee/slobber/hay/shavings etc. whilst probably looking pretty unattractive throughout.. i think I'd be backing away slowly towards any available exit.
For all of us that have horses its our overwhelming love of our horse/sport that provides us with the motivation to do all of the above, and at times I will admit tht I do question my own sanity - so for a non horsey OH without the same motivation, I think they're doing well to even stick around let alone join in.
I find that if you don't expect/pressurise then you can be pleasantly suprised when they show up or help out but if you force the issue then you risk developing a deep resentment towards the whole topic..
And personally I'd rather enjoy my time with my horse without the pressure of somebody standing around clock watching just dying for me to get finished - I'd only invite someone along if it was going to be something vaguely exciting to watch like XC or SJ that might ignite their interest rather than bore them to tears and confirm to them that I am just mad!
I think what I'm saying is live and let live basically?
 
hehhee! i have been lukcy with my bf's in the past, they have all been very sweet and made the effort to come to shows etc. the funniest was one that decided he wanted to ride so i borrowed a friends horse and took him out on leadrein with my horse, he was terrified though and didn't look that sexy in a skull cap! lol! I have just met a nice new one and he know what its all about as had a previous gf who was horsey, he is however in to brit car racing so unfortunatly i'm having to go and watch the racing when he's driving. I haven't got a clue whats going on and its very dull but prob no more so than watching sj for a non horsey person. How about getting him to follow the hunt? my ex loved going on foot and always willed me to fall off over the hedges! he thought it was great fun. plus the fact he got to combine a saturday morning with keeping me happy and the inevitable meet at the pub, where after an hour or so he would scoot right back too till we finished!
 
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