None-horesy friends!

[katiejam]

Rant required….

I have always wanted to do a BE event but never felt ready / good enough until recently. I have entered Richmond this weekend and have a really mixtured emotions going though my head at the moment. One minute I am nervous and the next minute I am really excited! The whole thing is a massive deal for me!

I regularly get up at 5 to ride before work or am still at the stables at 9pm, just to get practice and fitness work in, all gearing up for this weekend!

One of my uni friends decided to organise a girly weekend THIS weekend! I said I can't go. Now they think very badly of me for choosing my horse over them. One is barley talking to me and the other had a moan at me on the phone this morning.

I know we don't get together very often but with a stressful job and a crap family life, my horse is (and my financee!) are the only things that keep me sane.

How do I make them realise what my horse means to me, how much I enjoy competing and how much of a big commitment they are???

My view is that there is no point having a competition horse if you are not going to put the work in. Also I am nearly 30 and getting married next year. The chances are that within the next 3/4 years we will want to start a family. If we do that the competing will stop (or certainly down scale). I therefore want to make the most of it while I can. My horse and the ability to compete might not always be there but surly good friends will???

I'm just upset that my best fiend doesn't share (or is willing to understand) such a big part of my life. She has put a real dampener on the weekend ahead???!!!!

rant and off load over!

And to top it all off, I've been working on a big spreadsheet at work this morning and didn't save my changes before my computer crashed!

 

[Suziq77]

Bane of my life sometimes - I was ranting about this yesterday! I can't go out on mounted hound exercise on Saturday morning because I would have to get up at 5am and I have a non-horsey friend staying overnight and I don't want her to feel unwelcome. I really really wanted to get out on exercise just once before cubbing starts as I have a young horse who has never seen hounds

I'm really very fond of my non-horsey friends and I want to keep close to them as they are lovely people and you never know what the future holds.

BUT sometimes I feel like I need a sign which says:

Yes, I know I get up really early - it's worth it!
No, I do not find it a pain that I "have" to go and see my horse every day.
Yes, I do "still" have lessons even though I can ride
For the last time, a "horsebox" is a motorised vehicle - what you are thinking of is a trailer. I do not tow my "horsebox" with my peugeot 206!!!!

etc.

 

[jenbleep]

And to top it all off, I've been working on a big spreadsheet at work this morning and didn't save my changes before my computer crashed!

I know you were ranting, but this made me chuckle Kind of a "whatever will go wrong, will go wrong!" kind of thing.

I feel your pain - I haven't been out with my friends for agggggges and I had an event last weekend - dressage time was 9.40 so not too early....it still meant I had to be at the yard for 7am though! One friend (who I keep saying we have to go out sooon! to) invited me for a night out last weekend, she said she'd drop me off in the morning etc but I had to decline because of horsey commitments. I felt bad but the last time I went to a show hungover I fell off at the first jump so I don't want to make that mistake again It was just bad timing!

She is horsey so she understood but I know where you are coming from. Sorry no advice

But good luck this weekend, enjoy yourselves!

 

[MadisonBelle]

I am in my forties and have been riding since 17......... It has taken most of that time for my non horsey friends to "get it"........ Some have dropped off the radar as "close" friends, others have stayed.... I do see them all (eventually) but the one's that "get it" I tend to put myself out for as they have been there for me when I have lost a beloved horse....Those that haven't....well I do see them but only when I literally don't have to put myself out by so much as 1 minute....... Me bitter!!! pah

ie I am seeing a close friend this weekend who get's it so I shall leave the yard earlier on Saturday (get someone else to give mare her last feed) and will also ride late Sunday as I will stay at her house. However had it been a friend who doesn't give me their time either then I would being doing the last feed myself and would get to theirs at a later time.

It's give and take in my book and I finally got to the age where I couldn't give anymore as felt crap in the mornings competing after a heavy night where I had once again had to visit them. (I am in Kent and all my friends are in Essex and only half of them come to me and I do like a drink so stay over.....oops!!)

It is hard to juggle but most of them realise now and we try to plan things a few weeks in advance as they have busy lives too with their own families.... It's just a bit gauling when it's okay for them to change things for their lives but the horse shouldn't come into it??!!

 

[OneInAMillion]

Ask them to reimburse you your entry fee! Then they will see why!

I regularly skip social occasions to "play ponies" (as friends call it) they now have just accepted that it is me

 

[Bettyboo222]

Well, when I needed a new dress (yes need not want, I literally did not own a dress) One of my non-horsey friends suggested that I just didn't buy hay this month ... well what would B eat ?

 

[Holidays_are_coming]

My friends are pretty good, they don't get it but humour me and we try and plan stuff in advance with my comps pencilled in. Also if she is injured I make the most of it!

My friends even wanted to watch me event, this yr but I put them off as it was a lovely thought but they would have hated it!!!

 

[FrodoBeutlin]

I do have lots of non horsey friends but they all know that I take my dressage very seriously and would never dream of asking me to go out the night before a competition or anything like that.

Are these people not into sport at all?? If they were playing football at a decent level how would they react if you asked them to 'skip a match' and let their team down in order to go out with friends? (Football is just an example, any other sport would do too).

Tell them clearly that this is a competition, which you have spent a lot of time AND money preparing for. It's not like you've turned them down because you feel like going for a happy hack round the lane

 

[diggerbez]

argh i feel your pain. my uni friends all live in london and i live in the north so i hardly ever see them. they earn lots more money than me too so i think don't understand when i say that i can't afford to go down and visit them (because as well as train tickets i would also have to pay someone to look after my horse for me!) Having said that, i think they understand that i take my riding very seriously- although i am an amateur it is more a way of life than a hobby per se... perhaps you could tell your firends that you would love to come but you'll lose your entry fee which is basically £60+ And then YOU organise the next get-together around a time that suits . you just need to get them used to the fact that you can't just drop everything at the last minute

 

[HotToTrot]

Ha ha! I sympathise. I get all sorts: "I need to leave early and not drink too much as I have to get up at 3 am tomorrow, drive for the best part of five hours and do an event".

The response: "Oh, just get someone else to drive you". Yes, ok. I'll find someone who's insured on my car, can tow a trailer, wants to get up at 3 am etc etc - they are positively crawling out of the woodwork!

Um, don't know.Talk through exactly what it entails: you get up at 5 am and stand in the middle of a cold field, in November, in the pouring rain, on a regular basis, teaching your horse to walk sideways. What you pay for the pleasure of doing this would buy you a small, gold-plated, carribean island and you do it why? So that you are ready to go eventing. Miss the event, and all of your time, effort and pennies are kind of wasted.

 

[Naryafluffy]

Can feel where you're coming from, know lots of people who don't get the time involved:
30min to plait horse,
approx 1hr travel time depending on event
at least an hour to warm up.........
and how long are you in the arena, oh yeah about 5 1/2 mins!!!!!

 

[Ladylina83]

I know what you mean - prob why I don't have that many friends !! but the handful I do have are ace as they all have their own interests and we are quite independent. I don't really have a group of friends more individuals which are much easier to fit in.

For me it's my Mum that guilt trips me when I can not be available - you'd think she would have got it by now, but she still doesn't understand Christmas day mucking out / having to leave at 5 on a sunday to bring in or not being able to get across to Manchester for a concert at 6 when I finish work at 5 have 2 horses to do and live 30 miles away ! I've been riding since I was 5 for god sake that is nearly 25 years !! " Well I just thought you would like to spend some time with me" Well yes but...

 

[Lynds]

Why don't you suggest to your friends that they come and support you instead?

They can entertain them selves by checking out the fit young farmers, going for a 'country' walk, wearing designer country wear, having a picnic, get a bit sloshed on pimms and spend a fab day in a beautiful place. (as long as it doesnt rain!)

 

[Lynds]

BTW, good luck this weekend, I hope you have a fab time!

I did my first BE this year and similar to you didn't ever think me or the bog pony would be good enough. After posting a double clear with no time faults I had a little tear!!

 

[j1ffy]

I agree with Ladylina - I generally get guilt trips from my mum! E.g. she was upset that I don't visit a as much as I used to; maybe that's because it's a 4-5 hour drive so realistically a weekend trip, which means missing out on three days riding including the only days I can compete / do long hacks, and those are the reasons I pay a fortune to have a horse in the first place! Grrr. Still love her though . And it's all academic now I live halfway around the world!

Ah, it feels good to let off steam now and then...

 

[Suziq77]

Can feel where you're coming from, know lots of people who don't get the time involved:
30min to plait horse,
approx 1hr travel time depending on event
at least an hour to warm up.........
and how long are you in the arena, oh yeah about 5 1/2 mins!!!!!

A typical conversation:

"OOooh I'd love to come and watch you at a show"
Me: "OK great, I could do with a groom - do you want to come to the yard for 6am on Sunday and you can chat to me while I plait?"

"Hmmm, that's early. What time are you leaving?"
Me: "About 7am, it's an hour and a half drive"

"Oh, well can I meet you there?"
Me: "Yes no problem, quicker in the car anyway. Are you OK for 9am then you can give me a leg up and watch me work in"

"Really? 9am? What time will you be on and when will you be staying til?"
Me: "My time is 9.30am, the test takes approx 5 minutes then I'll load up after that and watch the rest of the class, probably leaving for home again about 11am"

"Oh. Well it's not really worth me driving all that way just for that is it? But I'd love to come another time, let me know when you're next going out".


Really good luck this weekend and you've definitely made the right choice

 

[4faults]

Haha I avoid this problem by not having any friends who aren't horsey! Seriously

I don't keep in touch with anyone from school, all my close friends are people who grew up on the same yard as me, I went to hartpury so all my friends from there are horsey or at least know the commitment involved and have always worked with horses up until 3 weeks ago so all previous colleagues have been horsey too

 

[Ludi-doodi]

QR

The full poem is here....http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/just-a-horse/

but I think this verse might help you explain it to your friends

'Just a horse'
Brings out the best in me,
'Just a horse'
It gives me who I am and
Keeping me from being,
'Just a girl.'
'Just a woman'
'Just another passing being'


PS good luck with Richmond - have a blast!

 

[shorexhorse]

Friends! considering how much we need them ,some of them can be the biggest pain ever sometimes. Non horsey people never truly get it, either.
Maybe your friends think your being a bit ungreatful - maybe when timing suits everyone you could arrange something to get your friends together again? then You are making the effort, showing that they are important to you, but your horse is as well. Best of luck with your competition.