Not clicking with new horse

[SecretAgentBilly]

I have recently bought my first horse about a month ago. Previously I had an absolutely amazing pony on loan who I had a fantastic bond with and who I trusted hugely, unfortunately he had to be retired leading to me getting my own.
My new one is an ex racer, but I really don't seem to be gelling with him.. I fell off him last week and although he is very good to hack out I don't look forwards to riding him like I did with my pony.
Don't really know what I'm asking, maybe has anyone else bought a horse and then just wanted their old one back? I would do anything to be able to have my pony again. Any reasurance would be good!

 

[wills_91]

He is still very new to you and you to him. It took me a while to gel with my mare when I got her and I was constantly comparing her to my old boy when I first got her. Wouldn't swap her for the world now.

 

[KimLovesStorm]

Yep same with my ex racer (first horse also) did not like her for the first month. Kind words from plenty of friends helped. Go back to your basics, made huge difference with me. Give him time out in the field, do loads of groundwork and lunge if you don't feel confident to ride. Then after a while ride it, walk it around for ten minutes and get off, let him know not every time you get on him you're going to be working him hard hope this helps

 

[AmyMay]

You've had him two minutes. Come back and moan after Christmas if you still haven't 'clicked'!

 

[Abi90]

I felt the same, had my boy a month and still feel like that about riding him too. He's still settling in and we're still getting to know each other.

So I've done lots of groundwork and lunged him if I've not felt like riding. At least I know I can still exercise him and he now comes up for a snuggle and follows me round like a dog.

Many a time I've thought I may have made a mistake but the more time goes on then the better I feel!

 

[KimLovesStorm]

Oh yeah @Abi90 that's exactly what mine is like!! I grew to love her and she grew to love me (or the feed I give her, whatever! Lol) we still have our days... I wanted to get rid of her a few weeks after buying her and dad said not until I have tried her for three months... three months aren't over yet but I don't think I would sell her now <3

 

[SecretAgentBilly]

Thanks for the reassurance, I think I might just keep hacking out for a bit until I feel like going back in the school. Amymay I wasn't really 'moaning' as such but more wanting a bit of assurance from other people who have been in the same situation!

 

[Frumpoon]

An ex racer isn't really a good first horse but honestly you've only been together 5 minutes, I am alway over horsing myself....it's fine, just get some decent lessons and be kind and patient with each other x

 

[brighteyes]

It takes a year to really know your horse.

 

[Exploding Chestnuts]

Try a few individual or small group lessons, but fun things, so you forget about serious schooling: the best thing ever is to have two/three horses [one being the leader]. and do little jumps three in a row. Trot, canter, with reins then no stirrups then hands free, there are the pony club type games, which are fun for everyone.

 

[Bertolie]

I lost my gelding last February and then bought a young mare. For the first 3-4 months I was totally indifferent to her but then something suddenly clicked and we have really started to gel. You haven't had your horse long, give it time, and I found plenty of groundwork really helped with my mare.

 

[MuddyMonster]

It took my horse and I about 2 years to gel, so give it some more time. Finding the right 'team' of people around me really helped - I went through a good few instructors!

I've had him just over 4 years now and I love the absolute bones of him.

 

[Equi]

You don't need to click. You need to be able to safely handle, ride and achieve what you want.

 

[ShadowHunter]

I've had mine for about 2 and a half months now and for the first month, i was always thinking 'oh god what have i done' but as the weeks go on its getting better. We're starting to bond and get used to each other. Still have a few 'off' days but thats more down to me than her. Give it some time and take it as slow as you want, theres no pressure.

 

[Red-1]

You don't need to click. You need to be able to safely handle, ride and achieve what you want.

I guess everyone is different. When I am paid to ride the above is true for me. When it ismy own horse there has to be more to it than that.

IME sometimes it takes a "thing" for you to click. In my husband's case with a loan horse it was when he got cast and cut his leg. He went from a horse that seemed dangerous (it was my husband's first horse after a few RS lessons) to being a vulnerable animal that he had to take care of. He nursed that horse and when he came to ride it again they were a partnership.

For me it tends to be when the horse pulls me out of the do do. Maybe a horrid flappy wagon comes by one a narrow road, maybe I mis-time a jump, just something where the horse proves his worth. With my current one it was as soon as I saw him over the stable door. With others it has taken longer. One mare it took over 2 years before we really clicked.

When all is said and done the choice is yours, to keep going or decide this is not the horse for you, but I would give it until next summer if it were me, unless I thought the horse was putting me in danger. After the mare I would not go 2 years waiting again, life is too short!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

The horse is still settling in and wondering whether he can trust you, just as you are not sure about him. It takes time to develop a relationship with a horse, in the same way that it is very rare to meet a person and instantly click with them.
Give yourselves time and remember that your ex-racer is used to being handled by professionals who were dealing with multiple horses. It will take time for him to get used to being in a 1-1. I bet by this time next year you will be posting about all the fun you are having together.

 

[only_me]

It takes time - spend time grooming, talk to him while mucking out, if he is in the field go and see him in the field etc.
with riding don't expect to be a winning combination from the start, what you are probably doing is trying to ride him the way you rode your pony. do activities that you and horse enjoy, hacking, fun rides, small bits of schooling, some jumping, but keep it all small and easy. Once you adjust to his way of going then you can start to make changes imo.

When I tried my horse we clicked instantly, even though he was a bit young, a bit overpriced, a bit big - from the moment I sat on him we clicked. And I had to have him I'll probably never find another like him but I enjoy spending time with him as much as riding, from the start I trusted him and he trusted me. I appreciate that our bond is very rare but it is lovely

I think at present you just need to be adaptable, ride him not your pony

 

[Cinnamontoast]

I've had mine for about 2 and a half months now and for the first month, i was always thinking 'oh god what have i done'

That was me, exactly! I deliberately got something totally different, went from a Hanoverian x to a coloured cob and the first few weeks when he'd been a pest to catch, I'd trudge up the field wondering what the hell I'd done.

Stick with it, it's not the horse's fault that he's not the pony, he's a different boy entirely. One day soon, you'll look at him and realise that you've just suddenly 'clicked'. You barely know him yet, give yourself and him a break and let it happen.

 

[Supertrooper]

Definitely stick with it, I really think it can take months to properley bond with each other. Don't forget it's all new for him and rules that he had before have now changed etc.

Like someone else said just spend time with him, even just sitting in the field watching him. Grooming him, find his spots he likes to be scratched on, chat to him, take him out for walks in hand, go blackberry picking with him etc etc

 

[Polos Mum]

It takes a year to really know your horse.

Totally agree with this - my situation is worse as my old horse is still in the field and I can plod him out for the odd hack - truly unfair on the new one to constantly be comparing !
Time helps and knowing you can't get the old one back and that any new one won't be as good as the old one (for a while anyway)
I also found lessons helped me a lot as something to focus on/ work towards

 

[joosie]

It took me a good 3 months to even BEGIN to gel with my mare. She's just that sort of character - there are many layers to her but the outer layer is "cold" and stressy and that was the only side I saw to begin with. But that was 2 years ago and things are so different now. We have a close bond and practically read each other's minds. It just took me a while to pick away at those layers. Sometimes you do just click straight away (I did with my youngster) and sometimes it takes a while - a month isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things and you have got all the time in the world to bond with your horse

 

[SecretAgentBilly]

Thanks so much everyone for your advice etc! Glad to hear some other people have felt the 'what have I done' thoughts creeping in, exactly how I'm feeling really. Hopefully in a few months I will post saying how much I love him!

 

[rachk89]

Have days where you just groom him and don't ride him. Talk to him, take him to an arena and do groundwork. When I got my horse 4 months ago I did a lot of bonding the first week I don't actually remember riding him but I must have. But because of that we have developed a good bond and he trusts and loves me more than anyone. Follows me anywhere even around the arena as I put jumps out although he gets in the way with that lol. I know him quite well now I think although I need to get fitter as I have muscled him up well but not me so much and now he can work longer but I die too quickly.

 

[Summer pudding]

You have all my sympathy..I think it takes 2 years. Did the fall set you back too...what happened? I fell off my newbie 6 months ago and haven't been on since, but have done lots of bonding ground work...but I'm still not sure. Good luck.

 

[oldie48]

Mmmmm with an ex racer you've had 5 minutes and haven't gelled with! Really?

Try a few individual or small group lessons, but fun things, so you forget about serious schooling: the best thing ever is to have two/three horses [one being the leader]. and do little jumps three in a row. Trot, canter, with reins then no stirrups then hands free, there are the pony club type games, which are fun for everyone.

 

[Louby]

It takes a year to really know your horse.

This.... Im 14 mths in!! and the other day thought you know I do like you. Lost my boy whom Id had for 11 years, despite his quirkiness he was a hard act to follow. Bought a super young horse but weve had our ups and downs, mainly downs until this week, touching wood frantically when suddenly things seemed to come together. A month is nothing, dont be so hard on yourself x

 

[gnubee]

Did this horse make sense on paper before you bought it? I.e. Did it tick the boxes of the potential you wanted from the horse, right height, temperament etc for what you normally like riding? Did your instructor think it was right for you? If so, it's probably too soon to worry about 'clicking'. If you have over horsed yourself however this may be your head weighing in on a heart decision and you should take note.
Assuming you just need more time, don't rush it. Focus in the activities you both enjoy and leave things that he is reluctant about or that scare you until you are more comfortable with each other. Spend time ground handling, grooming etc and also consider lunging, long reining, loose schooling as things you can do to develop the bond when you don't feel like riding. Having spent a lot of time wondering if my youngster was too much for me and worrying that her strop pines got in the way of me liking her as a person, the first time I really felt like we were going to be ok was on a day when we did a bit of join up and then I persuaded her round my handy pony/ bomb proofing course. I finally had a real achievement that I could label with her, and had a sign that she was starting to trust/ respect me.

 

[Mister Ted]

Well everything is still all new to you both.Put yourself in his position and think how unsure he will be feeling of his new surroundings.It takes time to get to know one another too.I would spend as much time as you can in his company becoming his friend so he can come to rely on you and gain your trust.Horse ownership isnt just about riding.Having the patience to anticipate his needs and just enjoy his company can be very rewarding.

 

[Pigeon]

It's like a human relationship - it takes work from both sides!

Spend time with him grooming, and hacking is the best for a bond. Ex racers take a while to trust you, but when they do, you are THEIR person. LOVE LOVE LOVE mine, he's really soppy and nickers every time he sees me, but it took at least a year to bring him out of his shell.

 

[Serianas]

Its taken Jack and I 18 months to get to the point where we can do things together. Two days after I got him my OH had a nervous breakdown so that set us back massivly and compounded the 'what have I done?!' feeling... Stick with it, spend time with him and just chill out together. There is nothing wrong with doing groundwork if you dont feel like riding, and no point dashing about if you would rather just walk. It will come