Not enjoying riding anymore

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Hi everyone, sorry this is a bit of a depressing first post, but I could do with some impartial advice.

I have 2 horses, a riding mare and a little pony who is retired. The mare is not old, about 7, and I've only owned her about 3 years having bought her and brought her back into work after not riding for a bit since retiring the pony (who is pretty elderly now).

She was lovely to bring back into work - so straightforward, total dream - but I've never done much with her due to my own nerves with regards to riding, just pootled around the fields and local area.

I haven't ridden at all winter due to a combination of being very busy and the weather.
Nothing has happened really to make me not want to do it: I've just lost interest, having always been a 'nervous rider', and can't seem to just make myself do it. The motivation just isn't there - I had some new year's type horsey resolutions set in the beginning of 2018, just some nice simple tasks like do a fun dressage class at a local RS or do a bit of clear round jumping, but I haven't ridden, and am not bothered about doing them at all.

However I still like doing all the things on the ground; grooming, lunging, mucking out, just being around them.

A fair few people have suggested it is wasteful to have a horse like her who could make such a nice allrounder for somebody, just sitting in a field not doing anything. But I think I am too attached to sell.

Sorry. This is quite rambling, I know, for which I apologise. I'm just not sure what to do. I don't think the horse would mind being a companion for the rest of her life, but because she is a 'riding horse' she's not small, so it's quite a lot of money for a glorified pasture pet. She could perhaps go on loan, though she is quite green because - as aforementioned - I have done very little with her, or I was wondering about putting her out on loan as an embryo transfer recipient mare, then saving up for some riding lessons for myself to see if I can 'fall back in love with riding', as it were. The pony is not going anywhere, being too old to have any value (and I am far too sentimental!)
 
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I am sure the mare would be very happy to do nothing, so I would not worry about her. I am sure she does not sit around her stable/field wishing she was out competing!

As to the money, only you can decide if you want to spend more money on a sportier, larger horse. If not and she is sound and basically sane then I am sure she would sell. If you wanted to do this then I would use a sales livery with a responsible and honest person.

The only thing I would say is that I have seen people who say they are nervous, but when they get the correct horse they just fly! Have a look at Wimbles' post on here. I have seen people buy cobby, old, saggy horses and both horse and rider bond and have a ball.
 
If you'd be happy to keep her as a pet then I'm sure she'd be very happy too. Most would love to be pasture pet. If they have companionship and room to roam it's a great life for them.
 
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OP may I suggest that you get a professional to help you with your confidence issues. After taking on my current horse who was a real Toad when I had him first, my confidence plummetted, and I, like you, just didn't want to ride any more and found myself making every excuse about why I couldn't/didn't want to.

You need someone who can motivate you, and push you just far enough to encourage you, but not beyond your boundaries, and will mentor you and get you and your horse working together. Personally I would recommend someone of the Intelligent Horsemanship mindset, but if you ask around there may well be someone independent in your area. I really feel this would help you to sort out your own feelings as to whether you want to continue riding or not.

Meanwhile, you could consider mebbe some in-hand showing, or some Horse Agility? Horse Agility would be particularly valuable in that it would take the pressure off you "having" to ride, but it would be a valuable learning/bonding experience for you and your horse together.

From what you say, I don't actually think you actually WANT to give up just yet!! As poster above has said, maybe your horse isn't the right one for you at your current confidence-level, and a professional will be able to be brutally honest with you in this regard, and/or suggest confidence-building exercises to help you both.

I got a professional to help me when my confidence was at its lowest ebb: she helped me and my horse to gain confidence together and we then went out and did some Le Trec. Ten years on, I've still got my horse, he's 22 and I am SO glad I kept him, I can look after him now in his dotage and that is so very precious.......

Go get that professional!! Go for it!!
 
I doubt any horse worries about being 'wasted'... horses are a pleasure animal if the horse brings you pleasure then its doing its job.
 
It doesn’t sound like you feel the horse herself is wrong for you- like some people who have ended up with a horse that is too much for them, or sometimes the opposite- a horse with not enough zing for them!

You are simply not bothered. But if you still enjoy keeping them then why worry? I have 3- 1 retired, a 15 yo mare who is a happy hacker but would be capable of much more, and a 7 year old green new forest who I enjoyed backing 3 years ago but since I’ve had a baby and now pregnant again he doesn’t do much except lead reign! I have never been very competitive but shortly before I got pregnant with number 1 I realised I actually quite enjoyed pooteling around the farm and going for a nice hack. At first I wanted to push myself and then I realised why?! They get attention and care, my mare could not care less about competing.

If your confidence is stopping you doing something you want to then get an instructor out to help. But if you simply feel you should compete so they are not being ‘wasted’ then think again- they are born lawn mowers and are normally happy to do just that!
 
How about getting a sharer. You may find that someone else enjoying your horse starts that spark - or you may find that you still don't enjoy riding, but either way the horse has a job, you continue enjoying looking after her, and someone else gets a lovely horse to ride.
 
Bumping....thanks everyone, I'll definitely have a think about everything you have said. It is much appreciated.

And meanwhile, the horse & pony are fat, dumb & happy as ever, completely oblivious to everything. Bless em...
 
blitznbobs said:
I doubt any horse worries about being 'wasted'... horses are a pleasure animal if the horse brings you pleasure then its doing its job.
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^^
this. horses don't have to be ridden at all. you can enjoy grooming and taking them for walks in hand. theres a great facebook group called the Non Ridden Equine. its very encouraging . Just enjoy being with your horse.
 
Downton Dame said:
^^
this. horses don't have to be ridden at all. you can enjoy grooming and taking them for walks in hand. theres a great facebook group called the Non Ridden Equine. its very encouraging . Just enjoy being with your horse.
Click to expand...

Walks in hand are fun. Horses seem to enjoy them a lot. That and groundwork are a great way to bond with them.
 
I'm not sure that I "enjoy" riding as such, but it is part of my work so it has to be done. I'm also not sure that I would continue riding if I didn't have to, although I suspect that I would, for another few years at any rate (I shall be 60 next year). Time will tell on that front, but I am sure that if I didn't ride I most certainly would not keep horses: they are far too much work to just have hanging around and I have never had horses as pets.
 
I doubt very much that your horse is wandering round the field saying to the pony 'I'm wasted in here you know... I could be out doing x, y, z'. If you're happy and she's happy then bash on - it's nobody else's business! And if she was straightforward to bring back into work before then what's to say she wouldn't be again, if the notion takes you to get back on board?
 
Whilst I agree horses are perfectly happy doing nothing, if you don't think you could gel with this mare can you commit to keeping a large, expensive pet for potentially the next 20 years? A green 7 year old is saleable, if you change your mind or circumstances then a green 12 year old isn't.
 
One of the loveliest things about having my non-riding OH around the horses (I have three, one of which he half owns), is seeing the amount of joy he gets out of having them. It doesn't matter a jot to him whether they are useful or have a job, because after a long day at work they neigh when he comes and nuzzle his face, and that's all he needs from them. If your horse makes you happy as a pet then it doesn't matter about riding, just as long as you have a contingency for her future if you couldn't keep her.

Lots of people will take on a green horse to loan though, and if you're careful you could find someone who will enjoy riding her while you just enjoy having her around
 
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