Oh dear, having a shocker with old YM/friend

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minkymoo

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I have gotten myself into a bit of a pickle...

18 months ago, I moved to my friends yard on 5 day PL. All was fine, the odd niggly thing or 2 but nothing serious. So, to cut a long story short, in May my OH proposed and now we have a wedding to pay for along with a longer commute for me soon as the company I work for is relocating an hours drive away.

After a lengthy chat with the OH, we decided it would be sensible to move to a cheaper yard that is near his work, he can do the mornings and I can do the evenings.

I told my friend/YM that I had to leave and explained why and she hit the roof. She basically told me that our friendship 'was dissolved' and that she had expected more from me as a friend. I have tried to explain to her that I simply cannot afford to stay but she is having none of it and is convinced there is an ulterior motive.

To make things worse, I had asked her to be my bridesmaide a few weeks before. I feel quite distraught as I had felt she was a very good and dear friend and we had always managed to separate the client/YM from our friendship, obviously I was mistaken.

What is annoying is that since she has asked me for things such as rolling the fields, borrowing the lawnmower and asking me to redo the leaflets I originally did for her. I did ll these things but now she has asked my OH do fix some stuff for her and it has really pizzed me off now as I feel she is taking advantage.

So, anyone have some good advice or shall I give myself a slap and just deal with it?

Jaffa cakes and a jolly good cup of tea (or coffee) for getting this far.
 
First she disowns you as a friend for no good reason, then asks you to do stuff for her?!

You're better off without her methinks!!
 
I'm presuming that you gave her notice - not just told her you'd be moving the following weekend?

She may be feelinga little jealous about the wedding and you moving on with your life? Perhaps let her sweat for a bit and see if she calms down (if you really care about this friendship - and you obviously do if she's your bridesmaid..)

Could she do the horses in the morning for you - to enable you to stay - can she come up with any solutions to work it out?

Don't let yourself be walked over. If she's not being nice to you, you shouldn't be doing favours!

Its always hard being friends in a business arrangement.

It will work out one way or the other!xx
 
I can't see why she would react like that you having to move yards, it was a very valid reason. Is there some underlyiing problem, for example if she looses you as a livery she will struggle severely financially? This could possibly explain the outburst, however it is not your problem. It seems very bizarre otherwise why she would react so badly. Personally I think there must be more to it, maybe she feels she won't see you enough, will miss you and can't express it properly? God knows just trying to find something to explain it.
 
Stay your notice (if you have to) and leave!!
Its amazing how you find out who your friends are!!

I had something similar. I started a part time grooming business and I used to clip a ladies horse's legs for her. The horse wasn't easy as it would snatch its legs up, so as I clipped the lady would feed carrots etc. We managed to get clipping from 1 and half hrs down to 20 mins! She would pay me about £10.
Anyway, over time we became friends even though she stopped having the legs clipped. She then began texting me saying she wanted them done again, and then last minute change her mind.
Recently, she asked if I would do them again. I really didn't fancy nearly getting my hand broken by the horse kicking out (she had gotten bad again, plus said lady had stopped paying me, and was giving me a numnah, or buying me lunch etc instead!) so I politely said I wasn't going to clip horses anymore etc and told her it was nothing personally.

Well she went mental!! Told me how could I call my self a friend if I wasn't going to help her (I was the one clipping the legs not her - she stood at the safer end!!) and if I ever needed anything NOT to contact her!! I had never asked her for anything anyway!!

Needless to say, I haven't heard from her since!
 
Oh what a difficult situation. I'm guessing the bridemaid idea is out?

Maybe put down in writig, ina friendly way, how you are sorry she has taken it personally but your reasons are as follows a b & c. If she ca;t cope with that then bad luck for her, she will be losing a friend.

I used to keep my ponies at a friends private yard - no other liveries. I got free livery in return for doing the majority of work on the yard - she had anythign between 10 and 17 ponies at one time.

This suited me to start with and indeed for many years as I was young, poor freelance groom etc. However, I grew up (happens sadly) and realised that I would never have a proper job or myown place to live if i didn;t start earning some money. I offered to pay livery and cut down the work - needed the time to be able to fit a proper job in! She said no, she needed the work.

So I explained that i needed to have a full time job and wouldn;t have time to do all her ponies if I got one. She went mental. I left. It took a long time and lots of skirting round the issue and ignoring snipes on my behalf for our friendship to recover.
 
I gave her my months notice and moved Saturday just gone. She has had 2 new liveries since I handed in my notice and left.

My best friend told me at the time that I'm not responsible for her business finances, only my own and I've tried to keep this in mind.

It is just annoying me now, on fb she keeps writing about her 'bessie' (a mutual friend of ours who moved from her yard to my new one 4 months before I did) doing stuff together as if to make a point, is all pretty childish really.

I'm trying really hard to rise above it but I've had alot on my plate really with my grandmothers funeral and all sorts of other bits and pieces going on it makes me feel a bit emo which is annoying as it isn't very 'me'!

They say there is nowt queerer than folk, but there is, Horse Folk are by far the queerest of them all!!
 
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I thought I had a really good friend, then when I got 'dropped' I realised I was a convenience for them. Its took me a long time to come to terms with it but I am fine now.. ish..

It sounds like she has relied on you being there as she is asking you both now to do jobs for her. She is probably really uspset you are leaving, but some people don't know how to deal with emotions.

It is a pity but it seems like your friendship will end. Good luck on your new yard. x
 
I too am finding that some so called "horsey" "friends" are not, and stab you in the back, stuff her and move on and hopefully find a "proper" friend where you move to, I am wondering if it's a jealousy thing.
 
I did write her an email a few days later telling her that I valued her friendship but simply could not afford to stay and it was either get married sell horse or keep horse don't get married. Ok so that was probably a bit dramatic but I was genuinely gobsmacked at her reaction.

I can honestly say I am a good loyal friend and I guess I can be a bit of a people pleaser. The thing is although she did assisted diy, the way the yard runs it would have made things even more difficult for me as they come in at lunch time and there is very little flexibility. And they're on straw there and mucking out 20 hours of pooped straw would have been the death of me! Now he's out at night and only in for 8 on shavings so is easy.

Why are people so mean!
 
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