Oh heck... should I say anything?

[MidnightStar]

As the title suggests, really...

Also, I really hope this doesn't come accross as completely patronising and horrible - that's really not my intent!

So...

I've got a friend (small build, not overly confident in her riding ability or about standing up for herself, 25ish years old and will now be called X) who is a relatively competant rider (walk, trot, canter, jumps up to about 2'3", has done a bit of gentlish (mostly walk, a few trots, possibly one 100 yard canter) hacking and has done a few local showing/clear round/2' jumping competitions) With regards to riding experience, she has ridden a fair few riding school ponies and a friend's quiet cob and an elderly Trakaner (sp?) x welsh cob who is as quiet as a lamb to ride.

Currently, she's loaning a 13.2hh NF who's done a bit of everything but he's going back to his loan home in a couple of weeks and X has decided to take the plunge and buy her own horse.

With the advice of a much older friend (called A) who doubles up as her instructor (not qualified but let's just not even go there...) and helps her with mucking out/looking after the loan pony/ exercising it etc. X has decided to go with A and look at a few horses to see what's around at the moment. Now A has decided that X needs to look at slightly more 'keyed in' horses than her current loan pony and A has found X a 'perfect' horse to move onto - a 6 year old, 16.2 Dutch warmblood that has jumped 1.20m courses at home and, quite frankly, pulls like a train judging by the way the pictures she has of him being ridden by his current owner is with the horse clearly setting his jaw and locking his neck muscles up against his rider's arms!

To me, this WB is a bit of a big step up for a not overly confident rider off riding school ponies, quiet cobs and a 13.2, 16 year old Forester...

Now, A has told X that the horse is a bit more than what she's used to but that she (A) is quite happy to help with exercising and schooling until my friend gets the hang of him.

Perhaps I'm just cynical but A currently doesn't have a horse of her own and likes challenging rides... buying a horse for her or my friend...?

X keeps insisting (over and over again...) that she likes him but she only rode him for about 5 minutes in walk and a tiny trot and seems a bit definite that this WB is 'perfect'. I asked X whether she was going to ride the WB again and she said in a slightly strained voice, "Oh no, he looks fine. I think he'll just take a bit of time to settle down as he was excited today and besides, A rode him and said she liked him. He's just a bit lively, that's all - he can buck when he's jumping though but that won't matter, will it."

No, of course not... except you (X) told me a few days ago all you wanted was a nice horse to have a go at 2'3" riding club classes with...?!

When I found out about this today, huge warning signs came up in my mind but I don't know whether I should say anything to my friend about this horse being too much for her. Am I just being overly cynical and am being unfair and should mind my own buisness or am I right to be worried?

I'm just at a loss now as I really, really don't want to see my friend losing her confidence

Any thoughts? And I'm sorry for such a long post too.

Midnight x

 

[FMM]

Tough one. Perhaps get some sponsored ride schedules and start planning some galloping and jumping for the pair of you with her riding her fantastic new horse. She may bottle out if she really thinks about it. As you know, it is the wrong horse for her. How much of a friend is she? This horse could seriously hurt her and although you may really piss her off by saying it is the wrong horse, it is far better that than visiting her in hospital (or worse). Perhaps noone else has said that it is the wrong horse and if she has only heard people tell her it is the right thing to do, perhaps it is about time for someone to tell her it is the WRONG thing to do.
Good luck - this could be a very important couple of days.
Other thing - perhaps it will fail the vet. Can you damage it is some way!!!

 

[Iestyn]

Tell her your exact worries, and arm yourself with a selection of adverts for horses that will be suitable. My new instructor has been very honest with me about my abilities and my horse's and it has been nice to hear and honest opinion. She's probably looking for something 14'2 - 16', about 8-10 yrs old that is safe, sane and sensible. It doesn't need to be a superstar in terms of competition ability, but something that does have the ability to go further than were she is now just in case she gets the bug and starts enjoying going out and about.

 

[ruscara]

I think what you could do is to play this scenario out in your mind and see what could happen. Thinking about it briefly: X could very soon lose confidence with this horse, think that it is her fault, and leave the riding etc. to A (which may or may not be what A is hoping for). The horse could be schooled by A, X could have lessons, and the horse could settle and be perfect. Though a six year old WB, well, maybe

X could lose confidence and sell the horse on, either giving up altogether or buying something more suitable.
A lot depends upon how much influence A has over X, and whether you are right in your assessment of A's motives.
Personally, I think the choice of this horse for X is a recipe for disaster. But only you will know whether your friend will take notice if you tell her your concerns. I think I would try if it were me. But be prepared that your advice will be ignored, and also that in the near future your help may be sought. How would you handle that?
Tough situation.

 

[MidnightStar]

[ QUOTE ]
Other thing - perhaps it will fail the vet. Can you damage it is some way!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

For goodness sake, FMM - don't tempt me!!!

As for your idea about the schedules, I hadn't thought of it... could be a way to give her something to think about without making my own thoughts too obvious.

She is a good friend to me but we've never got on fantastically well and X does have a bit of a tendancy to do the opposite of what I say just to prove me wrong!

Grrrrr, her damn 'instructor' just keeps telling her this WB is suitable for her - never defining who 'her' is, of course...

 

[MidnightStar]

marius_mum - everyway I seem to look at this, it's going to end in disaster

I may be wrong about A but she seems very, very keen for this warmblood and her last horse was a pure TB (not an exracer though) that she sold on for some reason and she actually told me that she likes the sport horse/warmblood types as they're more laid back and sensible than a TB nutcase.

I've asked my friend whether she'll look at other horses before she buys this WB but she went a bit cool towards me and asked what it had to do with me. She also keeps saying that A thinks the horse is fine so 'it must be'?!

If it came down to me trying to pick up the pieces (hopefully not literally...) I haven't a clue what I'd do. Not sure I even want to think about it...

 

[JessPickle]

Yes say something, ending up over horsed would be a terrible mistake, it would ruin the horse and trash riders confidence. Why not find a horse you think would be right for her and just find something a bit interesting like a coloured (no one can resist a coloured!) then say you will come with her. Then take her and spend the whole time in persuation mode!

 

[allijudd]

talk to her and tell her your concerns..im sure if she thinks about it she may start to think more rationally...ask if you can view the horse with her,...tell her that 3 sets of eyes are better than two and a fresh perspective would be good...

i would suggest she visits the horse herself again anyway as i dont think anyone should buy a horse on spec...

 

[Hanz]

You didnt even need to explain what this horse is like...a 6year old WB? WTF?! How experienced is the instructor? not the rider.

Definately tell her, you can say something like "do you REALLY want this horse? and maybe arrange for her to go and see something quieter? She will realise that the WB is maybe a bit too much once she has ridden a well mannered horse?"

 

[Lobelia_Overhill]

Sounds like A wants a horse and is getting X to buy it for her...
Have a quiet word in X's ear saying"is she helping you buy a horse, or buying a horse for herself?" point out something more suitable for X and say something along the lines of "that one would be more your sort... the one A's going on about is more her sort"

Oh and raise one eyebrow if you can...

 

[MidnightStar]

lol!

Thanks so much for your help everyone and I'll see both of them tonight and let you know how it goes...