Pearlsacarolsinger
Up in the clouds
And the hard of hearing!
Old, nackered and past it riding club
- Thread starter eahotson
- Start date
Red-1
I used to be decisive, now I'm not so sure...
Private collecting rings. I hate collecting rings.
Big flashing lights to tell me how long I have before I go.
Big flashing lights to tell me how long I have before I go.
SEL
Well-Known Member
I'd go hunting if that was how my local pack operated instead of leaping huge hedges. I'm more into trip hazards these days. I'm very much into wine and gin.
Can the oldies club please have valet parking at competitions? And can the valet pull down and put up ramp for me because I'm getting more feeble the older I get. Also zip up my boots.
SilverLinings
Well-Known Member
SilverLinings
Well-Known Member
Can there be a grey horse wash? I demand somewhere you park up your grey and within say, 10 minutes, they come out immaculately white and completely dry, with a silky mane and tail. I don't care whether this is facilitated by a magical machine or child slaves (as per the offer further up thread), as long as it doesn't mean me continuing to slave away for two hours and ending up with a horse that is just a lighter shade of beige 
And when we arrive we should each be assigned a valet in a golf buggy, who will drive us anywhere on site that we need to go, help us with tying numbers, putting jackets on, wrangling horses, and anything else we require.
And when we arrive we should each be assigned a valet in a golf buggy, who will drive us anywhere on site that we need to go, help us with tying numbers, putting jackets on, wrangling horses, and anything else we require.
Glitter's fun
Well-Known Member
You can request other information on your number bibs, in case anyone forgets what day it is, or you can have your name on it, or "did I turn the grill off?" , "is my car locked".Can there be a grey horse wash? I demand somewhere you park up your grey and within say, 10 minutes, they come out immaculately white and completely dry, with a silky mane and tail. I don't care whether this is facilitated by a magical machine or child slaves (as per the offer further up thread), as long as it doesn't mean me continuing to slave away for two hours and ending up with a horse that is just a lighter shade of beige
And when we arrive we should each be assigned a valet in a golf buggy, who will drive us anywhere on site that we need to go, help us with tying numbers, putting jackets on, wrangling horses, and anything else we require.
And there'll be a car park valet to watch everyone drive away at the end. He gives you the thumbs up to reassure you that you definitely didn't leave anything on the floor behind the trailer, so you don't have to get out and look seven times.
TinseLeneHorse
Well-Known Member
No water jumps as they might provoke the need to pee
SilverLinings
Well-Known Member
But maybe a water feature outside the ring to encourage the horse to pee there, rather in the middle of a dressage test, individual show, or SJ round. It might help the riders to empty their bladders at a more appropriate time too
TinseLeneHorse
Well-Known Member
Grey horses should be exempted from all grooming and washing activity and be allowed to compete 'au naturale'Can there be a grey horse wash? I demand somewhere you park up your grey and within say, 10 minutes, they come out immaculately white and completely dry, with a silky mane and tail. I don't care whether this is facilitated by a magical machine or child slaves (as per the offer further up thread), as long as it doesn't mean me continuing to slave away for two hours and ending up with a horse that is just a lighter shade of beige
And when we arrive we should each be assigned a valet in a golf buggy, who will drive us anywhere on site that we need to go, help us with tying numbers, putting jackets on, wrangling horses, and anything else we require.
humblepie
Well-Known Member
And someone at home to unload the lorry, do horse for the evening, clean the lorry out, do stable, put all your stuff away, clean the tack, and then to also be at home before you to sort out all the stuff you take home, put the clothes in the washing, cook dinner and have a drink ready for you …….I love competing but it does make me feel my age.
SilverLinings
Well-Known Member
Please can they be clean when photos are being taken though? I see enough off their dirty grey coats every day, so I need photos to remind me of how lovely they can actually look
Elf On A Shelf
...
Please can they be clean when photos are being taken though? I see enough off their dirty grey coats every day, so I need photos to remind me of how lovely they can actually look
There will be a resident photoshop genius to to all that.
SilverLinings
Well-Known Member
We may need more than one as there will be a lot of work to do on the rider before they even start on the horse...
J&S
Well-Known Member
Oh my oh my! What a wonderful thread! I have had a rubbish day taking my now paraplegic partner to physio, trying to persuade him to buy a WAV (wheel chair accessible vehicle) so I don't have to drag him in and out of the car. Now waiting for dinner to cook, much needed wine in hand and having a really good giggle. Thank you all so much!!
p.s. Pony who can still manage to carry me, combined age is 92. Other retired pony plus me is 103!! Do I win???
I can well remember having a large brandy before a WH class........ highly recommend it.
Definitely would like a valet to help me into dressage kit.
I think each show entrant also gets a person to stay at their home, tidy up after panicky late start, rearrange stable and house, get dinner ready and keep any one left at home entertained. ( and safe!)
p.s. Pony who can still manage to carry me, combined age is 92. Other retired pony plus me is 103!! Do I win???
I can well remember having a large brandy before a WH class........ highly recommend it.
Definitely would like a valet to help me into dressage kit.
I think each show entrant also gets a person to stay at their home, tidy up after panicky late start, rearrange stable and house, get dinner ready and keep any one left at home entertained. ( and safe!)
Gloi
Too little time, too much to read.
Can I hire a trailer slave to check the lights and tyres and hook it to the car please.
Elf On A Shelf
...
Of course and if the venue does not allow a drive in, drive out parking situation there will be people there to get your truck/trailer in and out for you.
SEL
Well-Known Member
Not just greys. I have a dust coloured cob with buttercup yellow feathers I need a slave to clean please.Can there be a grey horse wash? I demand somewhere you park up your grey and within say, 10 minutes, they come out immaculately white and completely dry, with a silky mane and tail. I don't care whether this is facilitated by a magical machine or child slaves (as per the offer further up thread), as long as it doesn't mean me continuing to slave away for two hours and ending up with a horse that is just a lighter shade of beige
And when we arrive we should each be assigned a valet in a golf buggy, who will drive us anywhere on site that we need to go, help us with tying numbers, putting jackets on, wrangling horses, and anything else we require.
Oh and tack cleaning. I don't have the right eyesight for tack cleaning now
suebou
Well-Known Member
Jez and I are 96, even my young horse adds to 87!
Cowpony
Well-Known Member
You've just reminded me of another one - they need to add an extra pole into our photos so when we're jumping 1ft 6 it looks a more respectable height
Merry neddy man
Well-Known Member
73 + 18 = 91
eahotson
Well-Known Member
So glad you have had a giggle.
Lurfy
Well-Known Member
I would really appreciate a waiter to come around hourly with coffee and chocolatey snacks and then collect the rubbish.
Definitely no joddies. In fact it's very cold here at the moment, so would like to ride in an Oodie onsie with heated ugg boots. I know it's dangerous but that lifting up with wires thing when I fall would allow me to float to the ground like a massive angel.
combined ages 59+23=? (a person to do the math for me)
Definitely no joddies. In fact it's very cold here at the moment, so would like to ride in an Oodie onsie with heated ugg boots. I know it's dangerous but that lifting up with wires thing when I fall would allow me to float to the ground like a massive angel.
combined ages 59+23=? (a person to do the math for me)
ycbm
Einstein would be proud of my Insanity...
Winner winner chicken dinner!
Glitter's fun
Well-Known Member
Definitely the winner!
ycbm
Einstein would be proud of my Insanity...
How about if we add some dog classes to the show?
Owner and dog who have the most wrinkles.
Owner dog combination that does most wees.
.
Owner and dog who have the most wrinkles.
Owner dog combination that does most wees.
.
Glitter's fun
Well-Known Member
Results of the jumping classes
Open Combined age -1) J&S, 2)Neddy man,
Tea-Total (previously know as cross poles) - no qualifying candidates
2 Gins (previously 1m)- (not to be mistaken for 'Two Chins" , which will take place at 2pm in silence please, out of respect for those having a nap)- 1)ycbm 2)eahotson
4 Gins - No one who qualified managed to mount.
Open Combined age -1) J&S, 2)Neddy man,
Tea-Total (previously know as cross poles) - no qualifying candidates
2 Gins (previously 1m)- (not to be mistaken for 'Two Chins" , which will take place at 2pm in silence please, out of respect for those having a nap)- 1)ycbm 2)eahotson
4 Gins - No one who qualified managed to mount.
Skib
Well-Known Member
Ice cream van is essential. But I cant top your numbers. Honey horse and I currently add up to 97. Another 2 years to our century.
nagblagger
Well-Known Member
And no early morning classes scheduled, or mid afternoon when we take our naps.
eahotson
Well-Known Member
vhf
Well-Known Member
Oh yes!! of course. All measurements in 'old format' i.e. 2'6, 15.2hh, none of this modern 80cm 158cm stuff.You've just reminded me of another one - they need to add an extra pole into our photos so when we're jumping 1ft 6 it looks a more respectable height