Over horsed update.

[Sallyfinn]

As many of you so kindly offered advice on my previous thread I thought I would post a little update today.
The mare and I have been getting on better and better recently and I was feeling very positive until.....
I was informed last week by a local instructor that the "friend" who sold me the mare had moved her on as she couldn't ride her. She is a much better rider than me and events. Mare had apparently also been to 4 different professionals for reschooling with little success.The local instructor advised me to "sell her before she kills you, she's too sharp and belongs in the hands of a professional".
I was crushed, no one is more honest about their ability than me, and I was very open about what I was looking for, something to teach nervous novice me to do something other than hunt my cob.
Sadly now I am attached to her, and she to me. We always come home from dressage with a ribbon and today we managed some tiny jumps in my lesson.
My regular instructor thinks the mare is happy with me and we will be fine together. She thinks the mare was just very anxious and stressy in a competitive home / professional yard and is really calm now. I desperately want to keep her, I think we are a good team. Am I being silly?

 

[cundlegreen]

If you and the mare have bonded, and mares do like to be a one person horse, then keep with her. If you are competing successfully, don't worry about what other people say. Different home, different behaviour, although I haven't read your previous post. Mares are the best if you get them onside!

 

[Echo Bravo]

just because other people didn't get on with her doesn't mean that you won't. I was always taught that horse and rider take a year to get use to each other different style of riding and such if you are both happy keep her the proffessionals aren't always right you know

 

[crabbymare]

keep an open mind and if she does end up too sharp you can always sell her later. right now you are happy with her and she appears to be thriving in a less stressful atmosphere where she has individual attention rather than being one of many in a yard full of horses. treat her as you have been and see how you get on together which is all you can do with any horse

 

[paddi22]

you sound like a good team. if you click and feel happy with her, then ignore everyone else. Some horses just need calmer, gentler homes to settle. If your instructor thinks you are fine, then you are! The mare is lucky to have found you

 

[Sallyfinn]

Thank you both. I'm just dreading another nasty fall and having to deal with the "I told you so"s.
Well, dreading another fall at all really!

 

[Spanny]

I'd say go with your gut and your regular instructor who knows you as a partnership. We've all know horses who behave differently in different environments/with different handlers - maybe you mare really is just more settled with her new lifestyle Just be sensible and don't try to do too much too quickly. If she starts to worry you in any way at all get straight on to your instructor hopefully they'll be able to help you work through any niggles. I hope you have lots of fun together!

 

[pippixox]

I agree that mares really can bond with one person. My mare had been mishandled by a loaner before I bought her off the original owner. she would spook just walking out of the field and rear up, try to bolt when lead, night mare for farrier.... ect! the yard the loaner had her at, before they abandoned her at my yard, said she was nasty and wanted to kill people. they were so wrong, she had been treated harshly and not respected. it took me 9 months of ground work to gain her trust and get on her. but all her difficult behavior was through fear.
yes she can be a stubborn mare! but we have mutual respect for each other and the past nearly 6 years of having her have been brilliant. but although she is much better now with other people, for the first 3 years that I had her she would not always let other people catch her. I have never had a problem, even when there is lush spring grass she is the first to come over in her herd to me.

ultimately you have having great success with her she has clearly improved massively thanks to your bond

 

[Sallyfinn]

That's really heartening pippixox. I couldn't catch her the first week she was at mine but she's quite happy to come over in the field for a scratch now. I will continue with the baby steps. It's only been 8 months so far and today we jumped 8 inches! I hope I get to where you are now eventually.

 

[rachk89]

I think you'll find the majority of people here who own their own horse have fallen off it, and if they havent they have been lucky so far (I am one of the lucky ones, but I've only had my horse 7 months).

It is very rare that you will get a horse and have it for many years and never fall off it, especially if you do regular riding and competing. She probably was too nervous for a competition home and was acting up because she was pushed so much. I know if I sold my horse to a guy who teaches me jumping that he would have the guy on the ground fairly regularly because he doesnt like him. That coach though is a brilliant rider and jumps professionally, so its not him thats the problem, its the horse. Your mare is similar, she doesnt want to be pushed by someone to event, she wants to relax and just take things slowly, so you're doing well with her.

If you arent out of control on a regular basis and you're having fun, whats the problem? You're doing great, ignore the local instructor, they have probably got the old owner talking to them, a bit miffed that you are managing with her and they didnt. I bet my horses old owner would be the same if she saw him now as apparently he wouldnt do anything for her, but he'll do anything at all for me.

 

[Celtic Fringe]

I agree with cundlegreen. If you have bonded then keep her.

My son's gelding is funny about who rides him - a result of 'unsympathetic' handling (I'm being polite here) when he was a youngster. At least two extremely well known professionals have sat on him and got off fairly soon after as they felt unsafe. He really did not appreciate the pressure they put him under, even for a few minutes. I'm a total passenger but he will happily hack with me, I've taken him to TREC camp and competitions and he willingly shows off his party piece - a perfect piaffe. He has evented to BE Intermediate with my son so he is not a 'ploddy' beast at all. Horses are much happier and safer with someone they trust. They don't care if you are a professional or not if they feel secure!

 

[laura_nash]

My old YO had a lovely quiet gelding, she often hacked out with people who were having trouble as his brakes were so well established and he was brilliant at doing tricky gates. She'd taken him hunting and all sorts, he really gave her, her confidence back after a bad experience with her previous horse. A couple of years after she got him she discovered that he was a "known rearer" in the area he came from and had been through several owners all of which he had reared badly with before she bought him. He never once reared with her.

I think you have to judge the horse as it behaves with you. Some horses are massively affected even by small things like the kind of grass they graze, never mind different handling, lifestyle etc. A history of something truly dangerous (like sudden bolting) is one thing, but if they are just saying she is very sharp, well you can judge that for yourself. I didn't see your OP, but in this one you sound like you are getting along very well.

 

[9tails]

Judge the horse you have, not the one other people think you have.

 

[Dubsie]

^^

Daughter's horse is a prime example. Previous owner thought I was mad considering buying her for my then 14 year old, she wouldn't have put a 14 year old on her.

 

[atropa]

Honestly I would put what the instructor said out of your mind completely.
From your previous posts, the mare hasn't done anything nasty or particularly dangerous, she just has a big bold movement which you spent some time adjusting to, you obviously seem to be getting the hang of it now as you're coming home in the ribbons and even doing a bit of jumping. She sounds a completely different type of animal to your gelding so it's inevitable you would have had some teething problems getting used to her. I would keep taking it slowly and moving at your own pace, it would be a real shame for you to start second guessing your horse based on what someone else has said to you. Trust her, give her the benefit of the doubt and continue to build that bond with her.

 

[luckyoldme]

Its a shame you cant unhear that comment!
It might be that you have clicked with her and her old owner didnt.
I would be sitting there thinking to myslef how great i was for being able to get a tune out of the horse when someone else couldn t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

I am another whose mare was very unhappy in her previous home. I was told that she bit and had run away with the rider. She is a big strong girl and very opinionated, although she can be nervous in the stable but we think that she is fabulous and she seems to be very happy here. If you and the horse are happy together, there is no problem, surely. Some professionals just don't like to be proved wrong!

 

[Sallyfinn]

Thank you all. I'm feeling much more positive now!

 

[poiuytrewq]

OP have you actually had issues with her? Sorry i haven't read your previous post either (but will go find it!)
I honestly agree with the others here. If you have a horse you like and are confident enough to go do little competitions with then your doing well together. Try not to think of the what if's, I had my worst ever fall off my much trusted "super safe" horse, I stayed on my very sharp TB for years (somehow!) . I'm a strong believer in horses just bonding and getting on with a person and in that situation a possibly sharp horse can have a completely different attitude. Give her a chance

 

[poiuytrewq]

Another story! A friend was given a dangerous horse, A known broncer who had broken the back of his previous owner. He had the worst reputation and we all thought she was nuts.
He was just the best, loveliest horse (for certain people!!) I used to ride him for her when she was busy with work and loved him, He felt safe to me and was to this day one of the best horses I've ever ridden.

 

[Sallyfinn]

Thank you poiuytrewq. No issues over the last couple of months. Few very nasty falls in the autumn with some hospital visits. All of them my fault. She's a kind horse but a stressy and anxious ex eventer and is just a very big step up from my cob. I'm over horsed, no question. I asked the forum for advice a while back and the answer was basically "sell her or learn to ride". I decided to learn to ride and now this!

 

[southerncomfort]

Kudos to you Sallyfinn! Deciding to persevere with her is obviously paying dividends now. Perhaps no-one gave her a chance in the past to prove what a fantastic little mare she is.

Mare's in particular can be very picky about their humans. She clearly thinks you are one of the good ones and her behaviour has improved enormously. Any problems anyone else had with her are irrelevant so try and forget about what was said and just enjoy her.

 

[poiuytrewq]

Thank you poiuytrewq. No issues over the last couple of months. Few very nasty falls in the autumn with some hospital visits. All of them my fault. She's a kind horse but a stressy and anxious ex eventer and is just a very big step up from my cob. I'm over horsed, no question. I asked the forum for advice a while back and the answer was basically "sell her or learn to ride". I decided to learn to ride and now this!

I really admire you for this! Well done and the best of luck

 

[Hannahgb]

Thank you poiuytrewq. No issues over the last couple of months. Few very nasty falls in the autumn with some hospital visits. All of them my fault. She's a kind horse but a stressy and anxious ex eventer and is just a very big step up from my cob. I'm over horsed, no question. I asked the forum for advice a while back and the answer was basically "sell her or learn to ride". I decided to learn to ride and now this!

I really admire you and wish you all the best with her

 

[Stockers]

Thank you poiuytrewq. No issues over the last couple of months. Few very nasty falls in the autumn with some hospital visits. All of them my fault. She's a kind horse but a stressy and anxious ex eventer and is just a very big step up from my cob. I'm over horsed, no question. I asked the forum for advice a while back and the answer was basically "sell her or learn to ride". I decided to learn to ride and now this!

You stepped up to plate, got on with it and now look. Put that particularly instructor's coments out of your mind and don;t change anything. Soemtimes these thoughts can linger but just look ahead to all the fun you will have this spring and summer.

 

[I.M.N.]

I haven't read your last thread but it sounds like you've really stepped up to the mark so congrats. If you and your current instructor think you are getting there then don't listen to anyone else as the last thing you need it doubts in your head. I know a lot of people think difficult horses need professionals but for some they actually need the opposite as they are difficult because they can't handle the pressure. I know of a couple of 'nightmare' horses that have ended up in the hands of complete novices and after a slight shaky start it's now all going swimmingly as the horses know they are never going to be pushed out of their comfort zones so have completely settled down. Best of luck to you and your horse, horses are about fun, people tend to forget that (and worse get resentful of others fun).

 

[gothdolly]

Well done that's great news. Try not to let what you heard knock your confidence because it sounds like you are doing so well.

 

[Merrymoles]

As others have said, maybe you just suit her better than other homes she has had. Full marks for biting the bullet and getting some lessons. Just think, there will be certain people who will be jealous that you are getting a tune out of a horse that they couldn't ride one side of

 

[PeterNatt]

Clearly you are a far more sympathetic owner and rider than the previous owner and you have bonded well with your horse. You have a good instructor who is getting the best out of both of you. You are doing well in dressage so to me it sounds like that you will be a good long term team and have many happy times together. Have lots of fun.

 

[ozpoz]

There are professionals and professionals...

My daughter's horse hated being on a big yard, and behaved horribly when there.

You and your mare are getting on well and she is obviously happy with you. Stick with your own instructor's opinion. You are all clearly doing it right.