Overzealous teens?

WishfulThinker

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There is a local girl coming down to try out my horse so that she can ride him and do stuff on him - not a loan, more like a share as I still want to use him and he is staying at mine in own field.

But, I am now reminded why I am not keen on dealing with teenagers. She has been telling all and sundry that she has him on loan. I know its not a big diff really as she is allowed to use him for comps and PC etc, but I just hope that her parents get the message that I still am maintaining 100% control over my neddie. Mainly as the girl is just 15, an I refuse to loan him fully to anyone under 18 unless parents are horsey - these aren't.

I have made it clear every time I have spoken to her that it is NOT a loan as such, but a share/ride, but she is free to compete him.

And I have no idea why it is bugging me. Maybe because tonight I had the same questions from about 4 diff teens on FB - as her mates all added me and bombarded me with questions........................ UGH.
 

YorksG

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Tell her she either makes the situation clear to her parents and her friends, or she will not be riding your horse at all. That is what I would do, as she needs to know from the start that you will stand no nonsense from her. I would also tell her friends on FB what the situation is, clip her wings a bit. :) Having worked with teenagers over the years, I find it helps to draw a line where you will NOT budge from and then draw another a bit in front of it, that way any infringements don't actually break your boundaries, but the teens don't know that :D
 

fitzaud2

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She's only an over grown child, probably overly excited about your horse. I'd tread gently, what with hormones and all, she probably admires you and your horse. Can understand the annoyance though, you feel like it's your horse. Probably have to bite your tongue on more than a few occasions, but unless she's screwing up the horse, let her off and take deep breaths!!!!
 

WishfulThinker

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yorksG - Already done the clipping the wings bit, so hope it works a bit. I just want clear boundries - as I have said she can use horse for comps etc - I will of course want to know where and when and what they are, just so I know where he is.

She does seem to have a mini obsession already, but I know what I was like at that age. Didn't help that her and all her mates appeared as we were unloading him, and of course he sis his showing off prancy **** he does - which makes him look a lot nicer than he is. lol.

I dont think she will screw him up. All will prob be fine as long as she doesnt trim or clip or cut anything. haha. Its just weird having him back and sharing him, I seem a LOT more protective as its at parents house. At a yard I prob wouldn't be bothered, but then I would have spies ;)
 

YorksG

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Agree she is a child, and as such imo needs to learn about manners and telling the truth! If she is already upsetting the owner, before the arrangement starts, then what will she be like if she is not given a 'scarborough warning' now. Children need boundaries and need adults to enforce them. While tact can be used in some situations, not too keen on the idea of trading gently when the child has started off on the wrong foot. She is after all the one giving out incorrect information, just needs a reminder I think. :)
 

Mike007

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Share/loan not a lot of difference really.Itsjust a word. Relax a bit . Never mind overzelous teens. Dont you fall into the classic trap. Owner who feels guilty getting a sharer in because they cant be there for the horse every day,then starts finding fault with everything. Sorry but I have seen it often,and some good caring kids hurt for no good reason when jealous owner takes horse back.Loaning/shareing your horse is a very personal thing and hits at many concious and unconcious levels.
 

fitzaud2

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YorksG, i stand corrected. Even though she is a child, you are right, she needs boundaries, from the beginning. All i was saying is that you dont want to lessen her love for it by too many rules. we all know what we were like at that age
 

Jake10

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I'm not sure I understand... I used to share/part loan a horse when I was 15 and owner didn't care what I called it or who I told as long as friends didn't ride the horse and I did my share of mucking out, poo picking, bathing etc as well as ride. Parents are non horsey so I relied on other liveries to answer my Q's as they were all more than willing to share their knowledge whether it was how to set up a grid and how many paces I had to walk or how to fasten a curb chain correctly.

It's probs her first time with such a big responsibility let her enjoy the moment :)
 

Sirreal

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If these friends aren't horsey, why should it matter anyway? They'll still realize she doesn't OWN the horse...and like some other people have said, she's probably been dreaming about having her own pony for years, and this is the closest she's ever come and is excited so wants to feel a bit more emotional attachment to it. I think you're being very picky...how do you even know she told them this? If she's mentioned to someone she's having him to share/ride, when they go on to tell someone else it can very easily be translated to loan.

Having said that, I used to let a 12 year old ride my pony at my yard, and I soon noticed on her Facebook page there were pictures of "my new pony" ....

However, this girl was a lot younger than your sharer, and at 15, she's not an "overgrown child" she's just very excited at having this opportunity and sharing it with her friends, exactly as I would have been at that age. I'm sure she'll turn out a fabulous sharer for your horse, and if it bothers you that much (though I'm not really sure why it would) then just have a quiet word with her. It doesn't need to be made into a big over-reaction.
 

Benji1

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Having been one of those over excited girls myself, I have more than likely been guilty of using the wrong terminology to describe the situation, but i was - still am - very excited and in awe of horses.
 

WishfulThinker

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I know I sound like I am worrying a lot. I have never worried before when loaning him or sharing him out - I have only had him to myself 100% for about 8 months out of the 5.5 years I have owned him.

Its more that I know a lot of folk locally, and I didn't want it going round that horse came back from one WL and went straight to another loan - especially as he has started to headshake. And it is more for her mates, as what may be acceptable to do to a friends horses you cant do to a loan/share - like take their tack to clean it, pulling manes and silly stuff like that.

It's not like I will ever sell him so its not like his name can be marred. He is a fat hairy yobby cob and that seems to put folk off straight away.

I doubt that I will start finding fault in what she does, if I was that way minded I would neverhave been ok with him being a working livery. Just want to make sure she sticks to the guidelines, as I know from the last pony she had (friends of friends) that she was very lax with paying her share and her parents didnt get that horses needed seen to daily (not that she will have to do that bit).
 

Kezza

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I loaned horses all my childhood, usually full loans though, the nutty ponies noone else would ride and I never behaved like that. Some adults do this too would you believe, lead people to believe they own a horse they loan but then on the other hand, what's the problem with that really?

I loaned a pony to a 14yr old and she never behaved like this, she ended up buying the pony.
 

Sarah Sum1

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Having been one of those over excited girls myself, I have more than likely been guilty of using the wrong terminology to describe the situation, but i was - still am - very excited and in awe of horses.

^^^^ this.
Aww bless her she is just a keen teen and prob is dying to say it's her horse! lol:D I doubt she means any offence and is only young. :D

ETA HAving a 15 year old myself who seems to convieniently forget everything i say 2 mins after, i would write a list of what she can and cannot do, i'd pin a copy in the tack room and give her a copy too. That way it's clear from the out set :D
 
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MontyandZoom

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Agree she is a child, and as such imo needs to learn about manners and telling the truth! If she is already upsetting the owner, before the arrangement starts, then what will she be like if she is not given a 'scarborough warning' now. Children need boundaries and need adults to enforce them.

I actually disagree to a certain extent. At the end of the day, the proof is in the pudding when it comes to horses and teenagers. She is yet to prove whether or not she is responsible and it seems she has boundaries set by the owner which she is yet to overstep.

As long as she isn't doing anything wrong in terms of what you have said she is/isn't allowed to do with the horse then I think you should let it slide. It is bloody annoying.....I hated having Monty's sharer talk about 'her horse' on FB....but that's because I was jealous and didn't want to have a sharer, but that was to do with me and not her.

I doubt anyone on here can say that when they were a pony-mad teenager they didn't exagerate once or twice ;)

It will get easier, just keep an eye on her for the time being as IMO she isn't really doing anything wrong.
 

S14Tobin

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Must admit I KIND of see both sides... Ive just started a part share, someone's riding mine 2 days a week and also every other weekend, and it does rankle when I see loads of facebook comments and pics about 'my' boy, and friends comments saying - ooh your new horse etc... GRR Anyway,he's lame ATM and I'd put on something on mine about I wanted to get him better soon - and would - she stuck a comment on saying WE will.. grr... he is MY boy!!! and I freely admit I'm possessive over him! Onh the good side, I trust her with him, and he likes her, so I'm trying to button it!
 

joosie

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Share, loan, share, loan... not a massive difference in most cases. It's just semantics. If you trust this girl to look after your horse properly and you think she's responsible enough - as I assume you do, having already offered her the use of him! - what does it matter which terminology she uses to describe the situation? If you don't think she's the right person for your horse then end the share, but it sounds like you do, so I'd just brush it off as a horse-mad teenager who's excited about her new ride, and move on from it :)
 

CalllyH

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it could turn out that he ends up the most pampered horse ever if shes that excited. I would however lay down the law that her friends can not ride him otherwise all sorts could be getting on him.

Might be worth drawing up a mini contract so shes well aware of the rules - be firm and the second she steps over the mark let her know.
 

Kat

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I really wouldn't worry about this, lots of people call a share a part loan and vice versa. So I don't think she is doing anything wrong at all.

In fact before I came on here I used to think a share was 50/50 ownership, and what people on here call sharing either part loaning or just helping out. Perhaps that is old fashioned but I have certainly seen things referred to that way in books and magazines. In fact I once read an article about sharing and it was talking about two people going out and buying a horse between them and sharing costs and responsibilities equally. I know two friends who do this.

Part loaning would be somewhere between a full loan where you have full responsibility but not ownership. So what you have arranged with her.

Don't sweat it, as long as she follows the rules it makes no difference what she calls it.

Bless her she's excited and her friends are excited for her. Let her enjoy it and make the most of her enthusiasm by getting her doing lots of jobs!
 

WishfulThinker

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Yeah, it is more that she is riding him for me, but she gets to uise him for anything (except XC!) she wants.

I am happy she likes him, but most folk do. The only ones who dont seem to be those that want a super flashy horse. There isnt much that she could do wrong really as thre is no feed involved, and no riding until I see her ride tomorrow. Even then I have seen vids of her on a mates pony and she did fine.

I think it was the initial shock of being hounded by mad teenage girls! A shock to my system, lol. I have to somehow sort all his stuff and do an inventory of it all tomorrow before she comes down.

As long as she gives me peace when I am down to see him (so I can see him alone as I have always had someone with me since october!) then we should get along fine. And I hope her parents are nice - nothign worse than moody parents

I am actually more worried about my dad trying to ride him and falling off and hurting himself.......haha.
 

luckilotti

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i recall a few years ago letting a local girl who came to my yard to help take my Section D to a show..... on the way there in the box, she told me she had told everyone at school that she owned her... PLUS my shetland pony (who wasnt going to the show) and she asked me to go along with her lies!! I was MADDD as the inner child in me was screaming... But they are mineeeee and i'm not sharing.........!!!
Thankfully none of her friends talked to me... now maybe that was because she was off watching, socialising whilst i was grooming, tacking up etc and running around trying to find her as her class had started!
 

MontyandZoom

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I think it was the initial shock of being hounded by mad teenage girls! A shock to my system, lol.

I totally get that.....my 13yo cousin has a pony and has lots of friends at the stables. They all came to watch us ride as RAF Halton. Zoom and I were full of adrenaline so jumped all the biggies in the last field and they now all think we're the bees knees (shhhh.....don't tell them I'm actually pooing myself all the time :D).

Next thing I know I have lots of very young facebook friends :D
 

WishfulThinker

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now maybe that was because she was off watching, socialising whilst i was grooming, tacking up etc and running around trying to find her as her class had started!

See, now that is what I would be like. In a way, I would be proud of her. I do like seeing folk ride my horse, and I give them credit when they ride him well (I can't ridehim well at all! I jsut survive), but I think I do like to be acknowledged as his owner - especially when he is looking good through my hard work. But this time it will be this girl as I can only do twice a week and 1 weekend day :( boo.
 

Kat

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See, now that is what I would be like. In a way, I would be proud of her. I do like seeing folk ride my horse, and I give them credit when they ride him well (I can't ridehim well at all! I jsut survive), but I think I do like to be acknowledged as his owner - especially when he is looking good through my hard work. But this time it will be this girl as I can only do twice a week and 1 weekend day :( boo.


Well why not have a bit of a chat with her assuming it all works out and say that you are really pleased she is going to be involved with him and love him etc but because you are really proud and protective of him you would like to always be acknowledged as his owner. Say to her that when she does shows etc she would like her to make sure she always gives your name as owner and hers as rider the same as the pros do as it will make you feel better about that fact that you can't ride him and compete him anymore.

Appeal to the side of her that understands desparately wanting a pony and not having one and also the slight show off.

Don't tell her off and rain on her parade.
 

fireflymac

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Well why not have a bit of a chat with her assuming it all works out and say that you are really pleased she is going to be involved with him and love him etc but because you are really proud and protective of him you would like to always be acknowledged as his owner. Say to her that when she does shows etc she would like her to make sure she always gives your name as owner and hers as rider the same as the pros do as it will make you feel better about that fact that you can't ride him and compete him anymore.

Appeal to the side of her that understands desparately wanting a pony and not having one and also the slight show off.

Don't tell her off and rain on her parade.

This seems like a good idea to me. I also think a cheery list of what's expected/ accepted and what's not 'Just so everyone's clear and we don't end up in a muddle' with a copy in the tack room and a copy for her parents keeps things straight without dampening any spirits.
Teenagers are sensitive souls but do need to know where the boundaries lie as they easily get carried away, especially where their chums are involved. Relationships are usually happiest when they know where they stand, then unpleasant situations are less likely to arise.
 

Jayde87

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If these friends aren't horsey, why should it matter anyway? They'll still realize she doesn't OWN the horse...and like some other people have said, she's probably been dreaming about having her own pony for years, and this is the closest she's ever come and is excited so wants to feel a bit more emotional attachment to it. I think you're being very picky...how do you even know she told them this? If she's mentioned to someone she's having him to share/ride, when they go on to tell someone else it can very easily be translated to loan.

Having said that, I used to let a 12 year old ride my pony at my yard, and I soon noticed on her Facebook page there were pictures of "my new pony" ....

However, this girl was a lot younger than your sharer, and at 15, she's not an "overgrown child" she's just very excited at having this opportunity and sharing it with her friends, exactly as I would have been at that age. I'm sure she'll turn out a fabulous sharer for your horse, and if it bothers you that much (though I'm not really sure why it would) then just have a quiet word with her. It doesn't need to be made into a big over-reaction.

^^ This. As long as she know's what she's doing, is a decent rider and responsible, don't make something of nothing :rolleyes:
 

Vixen Van Debz

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It's probably just showing off, as loaning sounds better than sharing: saying she owns it would be too big of a whopper most likely! I know I've never heard any of our yard's teens say they part-loan their pony with the RS for example, just that they loan the horse. As long as she understands the agreement and boundaries, then the rest is just a case of syntax.
 

gonebananas

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I would never loan to a teenager for that reason plus the fact they can not have their heads screwed on sometimes and get silly (I'm still a teenager but older :p) :/ and for my pony that would not be good for her as she gets stressy then hard to handle :rolleyes:.
I used to have a young girl that came down on a saturday to ride and help out, and she put photos of my filly on her facebook and read the flurry of comments from her friends :eek: so I decided I'd lay it down before she said anything by saying awwww isn't MY little girl lovely :D lol just to make it clear haha. had no problems after that :)
 
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