Parents - Child's Horse When Child Goes to Uni? LONG!

[MrsMozart]

Another thread and my recent thinking has prompted the question.

D1 wants to be a vet. So, five years of: a lot of money going out, still having four horses to look after, and one less person to do the looking after loom (plus her dog).

I'll try and keep it short :

D1 helps a lot with the four horses;
D1 will, hopefully for her, be going to Uni for five years as of Oct 2013;
D1 has a showjumper that's a tad hot for most people to be interested in loaning or sharing (not all people, just the sane ones );
We have two retired ponies (LC and LL) that won't be going anywhere, other than to Rainbow Bridge someday;
LC and LL still need attention, plus LL is in day/night and out day/night to ward off laminitis;
I have a horse that I rely on D1 to help with. Dizz has to be kept fit to keep the muscle, otherwise she has health issues;
All out 24/7 as much as possible;
I won't ride D1's horse, though will happily take care and lunge when I can;
All at livery two miles away;
I am away/effectively away a lot of the time;
D and D2 help out - will turn out/bring in, muck out, feed, groom, get feed, etc., but they are wary of exercising both horses, though will lunge in a fashion;
Whilst we earn a reasonable amount and should in theory be able to afford a part-time groom, because of the aforementioned reasonable amount, we will have to pay D1's accommodation, etc.

We will be looking again for a place with our own land when D2 finishes school next year. If we manage to get something, our problems go away as all the neds will be at home and can, with some management, be out 24/7; or we can do somthing with the stabling, etc. I reaslise that the land etc. will need looking after, but D can pootle about and do that comparatively easily (he's handy with a saw lol).

If we don't manage to move, then we will be down to two (then one!) non-horsey people looking after four neds for the majority of the time.

D1 could take GM to Uni with her, which we're told is do-able by the students we've met at visits to vet schools; by the time D1 gets to the rotations (year four I believe), then due to her age GM will probably be just about ready to mooch about a field and chill. Which means she's either back to livery near us, or on our own land, if we have it by then! If D1 doesn't ride/showjump at the weekends, it means we just effectively have three field ornaments, which will be a bobber for GM as she thrives on attention and appears to get 'depressed' and feral if left alone for any length of time.

If D1 can't take GM for any reason, then it gets a bit more interesting. We won't sell her as she's part of the family, although I'd be ok with her having another rider, if we could find the right person. If we don't she won't be fit enough to showjump at the weekends, unless I find someone/get D to learn to lunge properly. She's the only one that needs shoeing, the only one that's interesting to handle (compared to the others), the only one that's sugar intolerant, the only one that needs a particular type of rider

Argh! So sorry. I'm really not making any sense. I should probably just hit delete, but I am interested in what others did/would do in this situation/when their child went to Uni.

Please note: I know we took these animals on and I'm fully aware of my responsiblities to them. I have to admit that Uni seemed a long way off when we got GM, and even longer when we got LC and LL! If I just had the Dizz then it would be easy and affordable to go full livery, but I can't afford full livery for four and to pay for Uni. And, just to add to the fun, D2 will start Uni at the start of D1's third year

 

[noodle_]

mm tough one.


honestly tho - i highly doubt your daughter will have time to do her horse doing vet med

or if she does she will have no life for 5 years (from what ive heard/spoke to people)

I have a horse at uni but im in 12 hours a week - vet med i know is 9.5 daily....i still stuggle.


honestly - sell - by next spring latest so you give youself a chance!

unless they are old/retired - imo horses are not pets ...

good luck

 

[YorksG]

Oooops, bad planning with the ages of D1 and D2
It does all sound bit difficult. The move home would sort out all but keeping The Dizzy one fit. I would suggest that D1 doesn't take GM with her for the first term tbh, she needs to get a feel of the work level etc, without having to worry about twice a day stables etc. Is there an enthusiastic competent teenager around who could take on keeping the Dzzy one fit and maybe if brave work GM a bit? Does seem a bit of a poser. Keep us updated with the views

 

[Kat]

Could you consider a rented field for LL and LC and livery for the two biggies that could include some exercise as and when?

You could consider using a horse walker for the ones needing fitness work

Could you afford to keep all but GM as they are now or at home and pay for GM to go on part livery near uni? Could a sharer be found for GM if D1 is struggling for time? I would have thought at a vet school there would be a decent chance of finding someone capable in the uni riding club. Could GM be loaned to a suitably confident teenager?

There are lots of options, and of course, sad as it is you may not have 4 by then.....

Do remember that there are lots of really horse mad teenagers out there desparate for rides and willing to do anything for them, could be a good way of getting some help.

Otherwise could you afford to pay a freelance person to do a couple of days a week to keep Dizz and GM ticking over and to help out with jobs?

Could you livery at the sort of place where they might be able to use Dizz and/or GM for training working pupils some of the time to keep the cost of livery down?

I don't think you can really decide for sure until it is much nearer the time, you don't know where D1 will end up at uni, if she will get in first time round, or what may change in the meantime.

Also consider making D1 get a job, I know the vet course is really hard work but getting her to earn her own pocket money and some of GM's keep wouldn't do her any harm. She could do a weekend job during term time and more hours in the holidays. I worked throughout my law degree and post grad, and it didn't have a negative effect, in fact it meant I met different people, spent a bit less, had fun, learnt skills, and wasn't on the dole when I graduated and couldn't find a graduate job!

 

[Quantock-cob]

Just a thought to add to the mix - I think that vet students have to spend a lot of their holidays doing practical work - lambing at Easter, etc. You may want to check that, as your daughter may not be able to take her horse with her at these times.

 

[MrsMozart]

Thank you folks

Lots of useful thoughts

I'll have a think on those. I know we're starting the process a tad early, but I'd like to have some sort of plan in mind (open to amendment), that and Time has a habit of passing remarkably quickly!

Must away to do some work. Will pop back in later. Thank you again

 

[dieseldog]

You've forgotton the most important variable which Unis bring. Parties and boys, also slightly less important - coursework.

I think you will find that D1 will give up coming home to ride her horse after the first few months. In the summer she'll want her.

When I was at Uni i got myself a pony which could live out all year and did MGA in the summer. I felt it was fairer on the people who I left to look after her if she was low maintenance.

 

[Jesstickle]

My friend is doing vet at Cambridge and has her horse with her on full livery. Her eventing season starts next weekend so she's busy with the horse, and uni and her life but she seems to be managing just fine And she isn't even a werido with no social life. It can be done it would seem.

 

[firstponyMinto]

My son paid to get himself through Uni by taking out "a Uni loan"! could daughter do that? then there would be money to pay for full livery........

 

[crosby]

I hate to be a wet blanket but have just been through this myself. After lots of discussion we kept my daughter's horse when she went to university but now 6 months on are selling her. My daughter's got so caught up in course work, social life etc that horse became more or a burden than fun when she had time off. I found myself not being able to spend time and enjoy my own horse so much as so busy looking after her horse too! Not helped as both daughters went to university at same time, last September.

 

[smiggy]

we have just taken on loan a mare for my son, owner went to uni in sept and by end of term had realised what a struggle it was having ponies at home
she is quite mad by the way but son loves her so dont dismiss finding a loaner

Thing is vet med course is pretty full on and though it might in theory be possible, it isnt really feasible or enjoyable and imho unless you are top level eventer/jumper etc probably just not worth the struggle

Also you dont know where your daughter will end up at uni, so competitive for places that she might only get one offer and that might be other end of the country.

plus uni is horrifically expensive, have son in first year, if you try and help them out so they dont have massive debts at the end. So less financial outgoings elsewhere can only be good!

 

[EventingMum]

I have been a similar situation a few years ago so here’s our experience. The only place doing the course my son wished to do was 400 miles away from home. At that point he had two horses to event and a two year old. We came to the decision that it wasn’t a good idea for him to take a horse with him forthe following reasons:

We didn’t know how he would handle the work load (he’s severely dyslexic) so any extra pressure on his time was probably not a good thing. Your daughters chosen course is long and tough even for bright students and so I would be wary of adding to her workload.

We wanted him to enjoy the whole student experience – having to get up to do a horse before lectures would mean curtailing his socialising and opportunities to do things with new friends.

The horse he was most likely to take is fairly high maintenance and the thought of not being available to help out/ keep an eye on him worried me. Things like having to go to buy feed, be available for vet/farrier were all points I took into consideration.

The cost of keeping a horse away from home was expensive as you lose the economies of scale when you have one on it’s own.

Admittedly we were in a different situation from you as I did ride and I do work within the equestrian industry however it was still a lot of extra work. Over the winter the eventers were on holiday till my son came home for Christmas. From then on flew home every 3-4 weeks to ride and I kept them going as best I could. Between first and second year we put the mare in foal so that was one less to ride but we backed the then three year old . It was hard going but I did manage to do work the remaining eventer and youngster.

The most stressful time was when his flight home was cancelled one Friday evening and he had a 9.30am dressage the next morning a three hour journey from home We then sold the youngster to one of his uni friends and the mare foaled and so I was back to one horse to exercise which was great.

All in all it was cheaper to keep to keep then horses at home for us even taking into consideration the flights home. Son did keep fit by riding out racehorses three mornings a week and that also help the finances. We are not wealthy so I’m afraid this did mean he did have to take out a student loan but livery for a horse at uni may well have tipped the balance on top of accommodation, fees and a large amount of equipment for his chosen profession.

Looking back it would have been a shame to give up the horses as now he’s finished his education he gets so much pleasure from them although it still falls to me to do them when he’s working away from home. I understand you don’t ride GM and so she won’t be fit to compete but Uni terms aren’t too long so again the holidays that she wasn’t on placements should be good to work GM and a sjer won’t take as much fittening as an eventer. Most horses will take holidays when they are let down and roughed off so could GM handle this a couple of times a year then be picked up when your daughter was home? Alternatively speak to your local Pony Club DC – a good B test level member could well be competent to help out or as already suggested look for a freelance groom who you could employ as and when needed.

This has turned into a long essay but hope it helps a bit

 

[misst]

I have not read the other replies but for what it is worth this was our experience.

Daughter did a law degree and lived at home so she could keep her horses - one retired and one competitive (when sound). I helped a lot. The comp horse was very tricky and had "issues" and was hard to keep sound. Daughter had previously lost a much loved comp horse and was determined to do her best by this one.

Between us we did DIY livery for a year or so and then went to part 5 day livery which worked well. No sharers as he was quirky and she had trust issues with others riding him The old girlie went to grass livery for a few months but daughter missed her so brought her back and kept her with the comp horse again.

The law degree was a lot of work and she was lucky to have 3 reputable uni offers within travelling distance. We had to finance a car and petrol and she had a part time flexible office job to help with horse costs and personal going out monies - but I paid most of it. I do not think she regretted living at home as she has no debts and was able to stay over with friends at uni for parties and nights out. We were reasonably liberal parents and treated her as an adult to come and go as she pleased.

It is a big decision but we could not bear to sell and I love looking after them so, I suspect, like you it was not a terrible chore. I work part time and flexible hours.

Try not to stress over the next year or you will drive yourself mad. I used to get in a state about it all. Try and be flexible and see what happens a little nearer the time. If, like mine, your daughter is determined to keep her horse I bet you will find a way. We managed to sort of "muddle through" and I am sure you will too. I know your daughter may have to live away but again, things work out in the end. Enjoy the moment for now and worry later

 

[Lolo]

From the vids you posted of GM, people would loan her happily. You need to remember that the people who have to loan are generally a lot less fussy about the quirks if the horse is talented in any way (or is that just us?)! We happily put up with a pony who would genuinely go berserk outside indoor SJ rings, who had a unsittable stop and who was very much her way or the high way! Why? Because she'd jump 1.15m courses and knew her job.

I would speak to D1, but I'd look at finding a loan home who'd let D1 share over the summer with the emphasis being that the loaner got first pick of events/ took priority...

ETA- I'm on a time intensive course, and I could not cope with having a horse. If my horse had not been PTS, my sister and mum would have ridden/ competed him for me as he thrived on the attention but I'm lucky that my sister is a far better rider than I will ever be!

 

[dafthoss]

I have taken mine with me Its the best choice I ever made he gets me through the boring quiet times on campus and the weekends when lots of people go home. I would have thought that doing a vet degree that there will be a few people with horses and those that are willing to help her with the work load in return for some riding if she struggles.

 

[Moggy in Manolos]

Blimey MrsM, you have alot to think about there. I have nothing to add, it seems you have some fab responses here already from people who have been there. I hope it all works out well either way, sounds like alot to muddle through, best of british with getting a place with your own land, makes such a difference I think when you have a few, with some of which are retired

 

[madiz123]

Give the loan/share a try. As someone has mentioned above, loaners/sharers are a lot less fussy (I am at Uni and a girl is riding my horse - horse is a total pshyco but fun)

 

[Theocat]

How about paying for full livery for D1 to take horse to uni with her? When she's there, she could get a sharer to help with some of the costs / exercising, especially at busy times for course work, and all she has to find time for is riding, without the ties of daily care.

There are bound to be bags of uni riding club members who would jump at a horse like that, and if they can help out with twenty quid a week and riding two or three times, it might make both costs and time doable for you and your daughter, and take the pressure off the non-horsey ones at home?

 

[Mahoganybay]

I hate to be a wet blanket but have just been through this myself. After lots of discussion we kept my daughter's horse when she went to university but now 6 months on are selling her. My daughter's got so caught up in course work, social life etc that horse became more or a burden than fun when she had time off. I found myself not being able to spend time and enjoy my own horse so much as so busy looking after her horse too! Not helped as both daughters went to university at same time, last September.

Same here i'm afraid, daughter went to Uni in Sept, have spent the last 6 months tiring myself out looking after her horse, my horse, home, husband & juggling a job to end up having terrible rows with her when she does come home & she dosent understand why i get mad because she has a million other things to do rather than spend time with her horse, factor in a boyfriend too.

I wish we had sold well before she started Uni would have saved all the tears and arguments.

 

[Mahoganybay]

Not to mention the cost of funding a child through Uni, we are paying for livery, hay, feed shoes, insurance etc and having to give our daughter a monthly allowance so she can afford to eat....

 

[MrsMozart]

mm tough one.


honestly tho - i highly doubt your daughter will have time to do her horse doing vet med

or if she does she will have no life for 5 years (from what ive heard/spoke to people)

I have a horse at uni but im in 12 hours a week - vet med i know is 9.5 daily....i still stuggle.


honestly - sell - by next spring latest so you give youself a chance!

unless they are old/retired - imo horses are not pets ...

good luck

Aye. Time is going to be interesting. She says she thinks she'd be alright as she's at sixth form taking five A Levels, which is 09:00 - 16:30; she's added on learning the guitar; and she works the horses every day. I have suggested she think further, as in what she might actually want to do - friends, boyfriend, etc.

Oooops, bad planning with the ages of D1 and D2
It does all sound bit difficult. The move home would sort out all but keeping The Dizzy one fit. I would suggest that D1 doesn't take GM with her for the first term tbh, she needs to get a feel of the work level etc, without having to worry about twice a day stables etc. Is there an enthusiastic competent teenager around who could take on keeping the Dzzy one fit and maybe if brave work GM a bit? Does seem a bit of a poser. Keep us updated with the views

Aye lass! Obviously wasn't thinking far enough ahead . Good point re. the first term. I hadn't thought of the teenager bit for the Dizz - good thinking . With GM, it's not just the brave/insured/rider, it's GM herself - she bonds with 'her person' and gets quite stressy when other people enter her life. Not impossible for sure, but just not as easy as say finding someone for Dizz (who, so long as the someone has Polos and doesn't use a stick hard on her - she'd put them in a hedge if they did and the bond would be shot to smithereens - she's fine ).

Could you consider a rented field for LL and LC and livery for the two biggies that could include some exercise as and when?

You could consider using a horse walker for the ones needing fitness work

Could you afford to keep all but GM as they are now or at home and pay for GM to go on part livery near uni? Could a sharer be found for GM if D1 is struggling for time? I would have thought at a vet school there would be a decent chance of finding someone capable in the uni riding club. Could GM be loaned to a suitably confident teenager?

There are lots of options, and of course, sad as it is you may not have 4 by then.....

Do remember that there are lots of really horse mad teenagers out there desparate for rides and willing to do anything for them, could be a good way of getting some help.

Otherwise could you afford to pay a freelance person to do a couple of days a week to keep Dizz and GM ticking over and to help out with jobs?

Could you livery at the sort of place where they might be able to use Dizz and/or GM for training working pupils some of the time to keep the cost of livery down?

I don't think you can really decide for sure until it is much nearer the time, you don't know where D1 will end up at uni, if she will get in first time round, or what may change in the meantime.

Also consider making D1 get a job, I know the vet course is really hard work but getting her to earn her own pocket money and some of GM's keep wouldn't do her any harm. She could do a weekend job during term time and more hours in the holidays. I worked throughout my law degree and post grad, and it didn't have a negative effect, in fact it meant I met different people, spent a bit less, had fun, learnt skills, and wasn't on the dole when I graduated and couldn't find a graduate job!

Field would be a good plan, other than we've just brought them back from a field on their own. They were good in there for about a year, but they seemed to become quite lethargic and switched off, though before that they'd been happy mooching about together - now they're in a big and reasonably settled herd, they seem as happy as Larry . LL has definitely suddenly found a new lease of life in the last month or so . Will investigate freelance groom - I think we need someone who has their own insurance and is experienced, plus very reliable, also good with the YO (he's fine, just very security concious and likes things right, which is fine by me) . If D1 did take GM, I'm thinking part-livery might do the trick and be affordable - as you say, by then we might not have four . As to working, D1 does have a little business that she is setting up, with the idea being, by its nature, that the majority of the hard work will be done in the next year, so, with a bit of help, it will keep ticking over through the coming years . What have I missed... Ah, horse walker - none of the yards round here has one . Maybe I'll look into the cost of buying one and talk to the YO - good thinking, thank you

 

[MrsMozart]

Just a thought to add to the mix - I think that vet students have to spend a lot of their holidays doing practical work - lambing at Easter, etc. You may want to check that, as your daughter may not be able to take her horse with her at these times.

Ah. Hadn't thought of that bit. See, I knew you lot would broaden the thinking . Thank you. Will add that into the mix.

You've forgotton the most important variable which Unis bring. Parties and boys, also slightly less important - coursework.

I think you will find that D1 will give up coming home to ride her horse after the first few months. In the summer she'll want her.

When I was at Uni i got myself a pony which could live out all year and did MGA in the summer. I felt it was fairer on the people who I left to look after her if she was low maintenance.

This is indeed a possibility . Given her nature, I think D1 is likely to keep coming home even when she wants to be elsewhere, which will not be good - she needs to experience the full Uni life, or at least a good part of it. Hm. Adding that one in as well, thank you

My friend is doing vet at Cambridge and has her horse with her on full livery. Her eventing season starts next weekend so she's busy with the horse, and uni and her life but she seems to be managing just fine And she isn't even a werido with no social life. It can be done it would seem.

This is good to know! Thank you . When we've visited the vet schools there have been students who had their horses with them, up 'till year four anyway, which would fit in with GM's age and retirement (which of course brings back where she would retire to, but that is one that I'll worry about later ).

My son paid to get himself through Uni by taking out "a Uni loan"! could daughter do that? then there would be money to pay for full livery........

Sadly not . It's barking mad, as she'll be an adult, but they take our income into account. She can get a loan for fees, which she'll have to pay back when she starts work, but nothing for maintenance (no grant or loan).

I hate to be a wet blanket but have just been through this myself. After lots of discussion we kept my daughter's horse when she went to university but now 6 months on are selling her. My daughter's got so caught up in course work, social life etc that horse became more or a burden than fun when she had time off. I found myself not being able to spend time and enjoy my own horse so much as so busy looking after her horse too! Not helped as both daughters went to university at same time, last September.

Aye. This could be the outcome. The thing is, GM will not be any easy horse to sell. Yes she can jump like a stag and will never run out or stop, but it's like piloting an Exocet missile with fairy dust, one slight move and she's off. She has tantrums and is generally an ar$e. She's definitely not a steady ride, added it to her age and it will not be so easy. I'd have to find someone who I knew for sure would keep her once she was no longer jumpin; I'm not sayign that the person does not exist, but when she was sold to me, I promised I would never sell her on and her previous owner, who bred her, trusted my word otherwise she would not have sold her to me, rather would have kept loaning her (I didn't pay a lot, certainly not her then market value).

we have just taken on loan a mare for my son, owner went to uni in sept and by end of term had realised what a struggle it was having ponies at home
she is quite mad by the way but son loves her so dont dismiss finding a loaner

Thing is vet med course is pretty full on and though it might in theory be possible, it isnt really feasible or enjoyable and imho unless you are top level eventer/jumper etc probably just not worth the struggle

Also you dont know where your daughter will end up at uni, so competitive for places that she might only get one offer and that might be other end of the country.

plus uni is horrifically expensive, have son in first year, if you try and help them out so they dont have massive debts at the end. So less financial outgoings elsewhere can only be good!

We're starting to think part-loan/share type arrangement. She'd have to stay where she is (if we haven't moved, or be at ours if we have). The finances! Yes. Ouch.

I have been a similar situation a few years ago so here’s our experience. The only place doing the course my son wished to do was 400 miles away from home. At that point he had two horses to event and a two year old. We came to the decision that it wasn’t a good idea for him to take a horse with him forthe following reasons:

We didn’t know how he would handle the work load (he’s severely dyslexic) so any extra pressure on his time was probably not a good thing. Your daughters chosen course is long and tough even for bright students and so I would be wary of adding to her workload.

We wanted him to enjoy the whole student experience – having to get up to do a horse before lectures would mean curtailing his socialising and opportunities to do things with new friends.

The horse he was most likely to take is fairly high maintenance and the thought of not being available to help out/ keep an eye on him worried me. Things like having to go to buy feed, be available for vet/farrier were all points I took into consideration.

The cost of keeping a horse away from home was expensive as you lose the economies of scale when you have one on it’s own.

Admittedly we were in a different situation from you as I did ride and I do work within the equestrian industry however it was still a lot of extra work. Over the winter the eventers were on holiday till my son came home for Christmas. From then on flew home every 3-4 weeks to ride and I kept them going as best I could. Between first and second year we put the mare in foal so that was one less to ride but we backed the then three year old . It was hard going but I did manage to do work the remaining eventer and youngster.

The most stressful time was when his flight home was cancelled one Friday evening and he had a 9.30am dressage the next morning a three hour journey from home We then sold the youngster to one of his uni friends and the mare foaled and so I was back to one horse to exercise which was great.

All in all it was cheaper to keep to keep then horses at home for us even taking into consideration the flights home. Son did keep fit by riding out racehorses three mornings a week and that also help the finances. We are not wealthy so I’m afraid this did mean he did have to take out a student loan but livery for a horse at uni may well have tipped the balance on top of accommodation, fees and a large amount of equipment for his chosen profession.

Looking back it would have been a shame to give up the horses as now he’s finished his education he gets so much pleasure from them although it still falls to me to do them when he’s working away from home. I understand you don’t ride GM and so she won’t be fit to compete but Uni terms aren’t too long so again the holidays that she wasn’t on placements should be good to work GM and a sjer won’t take as much fittening as an eventer. Most horses will take holidays when they are let down and roughed off so could GM handle this a couple of times a year then be picked up when your daughter was home? Alternatively speak to your local Pony Club DC – a good B test level member could well be competent to help out or as already suggested look for a freelance groom who you could employ as and when needed.

This has turned into a long essay but hope it helps a bit

That is some commitment! Good point re. the fitness. GM would be fine for a month or so downtime, so long as she is seen and handled to some extent every day, even if it's just the daily check of number of legs/head/tail. She just does not like to be left alone and gets very stressy; it takes a good few weeks to let her know that all is okay and we're not leaving her again

 

[MrsMozart]

I have not read the other replies but for what it is worth this was our experience.

Daughter did a law degree and lived at home so she could keep her horses - one retired and one competitive (when sound). I helped a lot. The comp horse was very tricky and had "issues" and was hard to keep sound. Daughter had previously lost a much loved comp horse and was determined to do her best by this one.

Between us we did DIY livery for a year or so and then went to part 5 day livery which worked well. No sharers as he was quirky and she had trust issues with others riding him The old girlie went to grass livery for a few months but daughter missed her so brought her back and kept her with the comp horse again.

The law degree was a lot of work and she was lucky to have 3 reputable uni offers within travelling distance. We had to finance a car and petrol and she had a part time flexible office job to help with horse costs and personal going out monies - but I paid most of it. I do not think she regretted living at home as she has no debts and was able to stay over with friends at uni for parties and nights out. We were reasonably liberal parents and treated her as an adult to come and go as she pleased.

It is a big decision but we could not bear to sell and I love looking after them so, I suspect, like you it was not a terrible chore. I work part time and flexible hours.

Try not to stress over the next year or you will drive yourself mad. I used to get in a state about it all. Try and be flexible and see what happens a little nearer the time. If, like mine, your daughter is determined to keep her horse I bet you will find a way. We managed to sort of "muddle through" and I am sure you will too. I know your daughter may have to live away but again, things work out in the end. Enjoy the moment for now and worry later

Aye. We have the trust issue and the fact that GM is so sensitive natured. She will work for you, she will have paddy fits, she will have to be worked through them, but lose your temper just a little bit and you'll get nothing out of her other than one very stressed horse. We don't want to sell, and I gave my word that we wouldn't (obviously finances, etc. apart). I have a feeling we'll be muddling through as well . Thank you for the wise words - I'll try not to stress!

From the vids you posted of GM, people would loan her happily. You need to remember that the people who have to loan are generally a lot less fussy about the quirks if the horse is talented in any way (or is that just us?)! We happily put up with a pony who would genuinely go berserk outside indoor SJ rings, who had a unsittable stop and who was very much her way or the high way! Why? Because she'd jump 1.15m courses and knew her job.

I would speak to D1, but I'd look at finding a loan home who'd let D1 share over the summer with the emphasis being that the loaner got first pick of events/ took priority...

ETA- I'm on a time intensive course, and I could not cope with having a horse. If my horse had not been PTS, my sister and mum would have ridden/ competed him for me as he thrived on the attention but I'm lucky that my sister is a far better rider than I will ever be!

Thank you. GM is pretty special, in so many ways... . Sadly I'm not a far better rider than D1, quite the opposite in fact . Ho hum. D1 has waited so long for this that I'd feel I was missing the point if someone else got to compete GM over D1 doing it - completely understand your point. Will give it some more mulling over

 

[MrsMozart]

I have taken mine with me Its the best choice I ever made he gets me through the boring quiet times on campus and the weekends when lots of people go home. I would have thought that doing a vet degree that there will be a few people with horses and those that are willing to help her with the work load in return for some riding if she struggles.

This is what D1 has said. GM is hers and to have her close by would be a great stress manager. Plus you're right, there's bound to be others around who are horsey and horseless. Good point. Will add that to the pondering

Blimey MrsM, you have alot to think about there. I have nothing to add, it seems you have some fab responses here already from people who have been there. I hope it all works out well either way, sounds like alot to muddle through, best of british with getting a place with your own land, makes such a difference I think when you have a few, with some of which are retired

Ta hunny . I've found that I'm focusing on D1 and GM, which shows that I somehow think the rest of the herd will be fine . Good old D

Give the loan/share a try. As someone has mentioned above, loaners/sharers are a lot less fussy (I am at Uni and a girl is riding my horse - horse is a total pshyco but fun)

Thank you . Your post made me smile . Love the description of your horse! GM is, um, interesting, but she's also a sensitive soul, not at all like the Dizz who will be fine with anyone with Polos lol, so that has to be taken into account. Definitely not ruling out the loaner/sharer option

How about paying for full livery for D1 to take horse to uni with her? When she's there, she could get a sharer to help with some of the costs / exercising, especially at busy times for course work, and all she has to find time for is riding, without the ties of daily care.

There are bound to be bags of uni riding club members who would jump at a horse like that, and if they can help out with twenty quid a week and riding two or three times, it might make both costs and time doable for you and your daughter, and take the pressure off the non-horsey ones at home?

Full livery would be an option, if finances allow. Maybe a sharer from Uni that D1 was happy with and who is the right rider for GM would be a plan. If the person contributed financially then full, or at least part-livery could be an option . Thank you

Same here i'm afraid, daughter went to Uni in Sept, have spent the last 6 months tiring myself out looking after her horse, my horse, home, husband & juggling a job to end up having terrible rows with her when she does come home & she dosent understand why i get mad because she has a million other things to do rather than spend time with her horse, factor in a boyfriend too.

I wish we had sold well before she started Uni would have saved all the tears and arguments.

Yikes. Sounds like you're having a time of it! Great joy, not Hope it all improves very quickly lass. Selling is an issue, in more ways than one, but I'm thinking outside help of some sort is a plan.

Not to mention the cost of funding a child through Uni, we are paying for livery, hay, feed shoes, insurance etc and having to give our daughter a monthly allowance so she can afford to eat....

This is factored into our thinking. Great timing - we stop paying school fees for D2, just in time to start paying accommodation, etc. for D1


Update: Thank you for all your thoughts folks! All very, very much appreciated. Made us think about things we hadn't covered before

Timing/thinking: starting it now as that's just the way my mind works and I don't want this to 'sneak up' on us

Dizzy: I'll get a sharer or groom/rider and/or D says he'll learn to lunge and Pessoa properly . D2 says she will do it as well, so long as someone else is around (she's done it a fair number of times before, but isn't really horsey any more). Also, as LL was bought for her, she will help out more with him while she's at home (the next two and a bit years). She's good at spotting lameness, so that is very useful when dealing with the Dizz

The ponies: D says they're here 'till Rainbow Bridge calls them and he'll look after them 'till then. I love that man. He's also said he'll learn to long-rein and take LC for walks!

GM: (see the bit below re. finances). If we can afford it, she will go to Uni with D1, but be on at least part-livery. D1 will have the trailer with her and we could leave a towing car as well (or D or I will collect, depending on where in the country I'm working at the time/where the Uni is), so she can bring her home at weekends, so long as either a) we have our own place, or b) the YO agrees to me having a corner of a field for GM to go in, with Dizz for company; same for holidays. If the right person is around, D1 will have a sharer/part-loaner at Uni.

Finances: a) we are setting up other things that, whilst they won't bring in a lot, should bring in enough to pay part-livery (maybe full). D1 is working hard at getting her wee business up and running, which will be hard work this year, but should then tick over with a little help (either us or paid for help). D1 has also just mooted taking a gap year, to work and build up funds. She's good at not spending money , so this is definitely a good plan, it that's what she wants to do. It also means she could have a year of competing and chilling, which would be good for her. If she doesn't take GM with her, she will have a sharer/part-loan and GM will stay where she is/on our land.

Livery/Land: we will push all out this year to get the house in a fit state for selling (we've just started re-modelling it! ) and aim to get our own place next summer.

I know there's ifs and buts and maybes in Life, and it doesn't always go quite to plan, so the above isn't fixed in stone (as it can't be!), but at least we have an idea of what we'll be doing and how we'll be doing it

So, thanks to you good folks, we have ways forward. Many, many thanks for your input

 

[Clannad48]

My daughter is currently doing the first year of Uni - more by chance than design she lives at home (uni is only 6 miles away) so we do not have to pay any residential fees - however she does live at home for free and we pay for her car for her to enable her to concentrate on her studies. So her horse is still looked after by her, luckily we have moved to a yard that is very reasonable for 'extras', such as putting to bed - which means than when my daughter has late lectures she doesn't have to fret too much.

Given that your wishes to do vet science it will depend on where she goes, but from what another friends has said, whose son is half way through this, I think that loaning out will possible be the best way to go - yes I know that there are many horrific stories about the perils of loaning but my experience has been brilliant - one of ours is on permanent loan to the best home ever, so don't discard the idea.

Also I am surprised by this quote :

Originally Posted by firstponyMinto View Post
My son paid to get himself through Uni by taking out "a Uni loan"! could daughter do that? then there would be money to pay for full livery........
Sadly not . It's barking mad, as she'll be an adult, but they take our income into account. She can get a loan for fees, which she'll have to pay back when she starts work, but nothing for maintenance (no grant or loan).

My daughter is an adult (for medical reasons she did an extra year of sixth form) but is still able to have the non-income based maintenance loan of £2750 per year - although she has to pay it back when she earns over 21k a year - perhaps you should look into that in depth - there are often possibilities that are not always clearly advertised - bursaries are another example - just make sure to apply well before the closing date - actually we weren't aware of the closing date for my daughter so missed out on a couple of big ones - I always follow what my late father used to say - if you don't apply you never know if you will get it - so apply for absolutely everything - you never know, quite a lot of the bursaries are not parental income based.


Look at the options now (oops just realised she won't be going til 2013)- I know that applications for the loans for this year really need to be in now - so if in doubt apply as soon as possible - you don't actually get anything until your daughter has registered and started the course so if things don't work out or you don't need any of what you have applied for it will cost you nothing.

 

[ihatework]

Uni is amazing, but you sort of have to embrace the whole thing. i.e. new lifestyle with new friends etc. With a full on course like vet med I really think she will miss out on so much life experience if she is tied in to a horse as well.

My parents were tough, it was never an option to have a horse through uni, but they were right IMO.

My view is you should sell the horse and let D1 concentrate on Uni life.

 

[Lolo]

I would also insist she gets a job now if she doesn't already. I didn't pay rent in my first year, but I do now and I can only afford it by working full time in my holidays. I'm assuming D1 is only going to get the basic maintenance grant as your income seems quite high- that won't cover her accommodation, let alone her food/ going out/ general necessities.

I think if she does take the horse, you should ask for some financial commitment from her as well as it's a huge burden on you otherwise. You may be able to easily afford it or whatever, but I don't think that once you've hit adulthood you should be having your way paid for you to any large extent- help, yes, but just paying isn't so good.

 

[Honey08]

Uni is amazing, but you sort of have to embrace the whole thing. i.e. new lifestyle with new friends etc. With a full on course like vet med I really think she will miss out on so much life experience if she is tied in to a horse as well.

My parents were tough, it was never an option to have a horse through uni, but they were right IMO.

My view is you should sell the horse and let D1 concentrate on Uni life.

Sorry Mrs M, I have to say that I agree with that. If you read your original post, everything sensible screams out sell. I think you're thinking with your heart not your head.xx GM may jump well, but she doesn't look easy, and you sound like you have a set idea of the type of sharer that you want. As you know I couldn't ride due to injury for the past two season. We tried finding teenagers to ride my mare - again not an easy mare, but won everything locally and wins affiliated in eventing and SJ - it was not good. You constantly get let down, or things aren't done properly - they all want to jump them but won't do the fittening before they can.. In the end the horse ended up roughed off..

Wasn't the previous owner of GM an instructor? Could you have a discussion with her and see what she thinks - she may have another youngster that she teaches that could buy/loan/share GM. Its a pity that you didn't just keep her on loan really, rather than buying her.

I also think that the time when they go to uni is a life change and they have to grow up. This also means that they have to start planning financially and budgeting their money. If you keep funding their hobbies and lifestyle they end up always having to live at home as they don't learn the lesson that you have to sacrifice things in life and work for things that you want.

I hope this post isn't offensive to anyone and that it all works out. D1 will have a whale of a time at uni with or without GM.

 

[MrsMozart]

My daughter is currently doing the first year of Uni - more by chance than design she lives at home (uni is only 6 miles away) so we do not have to pay any residential fees - however she does live at home for free and we pay for her car for her to enable her to concentrate on her studies. So her horse is still looked after by her, luckily we have moved to a yard that is very reasonable for 'extras', such as putting to bed - which means than when my daughter has late lectures she doesn't have to fret too much.

Given that your wishes to do vet science it will depend on where she goes, but from what another friends has said, whose son is half way through this, I think that loaning out will possible be the best way to go - yes I know that there are many horrific stories about the perils of loaning but my experience has been brilliant - one of ours is on permanent loan to the best home ever, so don't discard the idea.

Also I am surprised by this quote :

Originally Posted by firstponyMinto View Post
My son paid to get himself through Uni by taking out "a Uni loan"! could daughter do that? then there would be money to pay for full livery........
Sadly not . It's barking mad, as she'll be an adult, but they take our income into account. She can get a loan for fees, which she'll have to pay back when she starts work, but nothing for maintenance (no grant or loan).

My daughter is an adult (for medical reasons she did an extra year of sixth form) but is still able to have the non-income based maintenance loan of £2750 per year - although she has to pay it back when she earns over 21k a year - perhaps you should look into that in depth - there are often possibilities that are not always clearly advertised - bursaries are another example - just make sure to apply well before the closing date - actually we weren't aware of the closing date for my daughter so missed out on a couple of big ones - I always follow what my late father used to say - if you don't apply you never know if you will get it - so apply for absolutely everything - you never know, quite a lot of the bursaries are not parental income based.


Look at the options now (oops just realised she won't be going til 2013)- I know that applications for the loans for this year really need to be in now - so if in doubt apply as soon as possible - you don't actually get anything until your daughter has registered and started the course so if things don't work out or you don't need any of what you have applied for it will cost you nothing.

Thank you . Loaning/part-share is definitely an option . The info. regarding the non-income based maintenance loan is usfeul . We'll definitely look into it again

Uni is amazing, but you sort of have to embrace the whole thing. i.e. new lifestyle with new friends etc. With a full on course like vet med I really think she will miss out on so much life experience if she is tied in to a horse as well.

My parents were tough, it was never an option to have a horse through uni, but they were right IMO.

My view is you should sell the horse and let D1 concentrate on Uni life.

Thank you . Good to get all viewpoints . Definitely want her to enjoy Uni life (or at least most of it lol - I'm remembering my days ). That's where the part-livery idea comes into play if she does take her

I would also insist she gets a job now if she doesn't already. I didn't pay rent in my first year, but I do now and I can only afford it by working full time in my holidays. I'm assuming D1 is only going to get the basic maintenance grant as your income seems quite high- that won't cover her accommodation, let alone her food/ going out/ general necessities.

I think if she does take the horse, you should ask for some financial commitment from her as well as it's a huge burden on you otherwise. You may be able to easily afford it or whatever, but I don't think that once you've hit adulthood you should be having your way paid for you to any large extent- help, yes, but just paying isn't so good.

Aye, good point re. being an adult and paying one's own way . She does her bit that she can from what money she gets, which is grand . She has a budget plan and knows when the incomings and outgoings are due, which she's developed (with a bit of guidance as to what is nice to think and what is probably reality ). She's started a business off her own bat, so that should make the money needed for livery and we won't have to cover it, though we will make sure that we have enough should it be needed. We work on the basis that we had the child, our choice, and we bought the horse, our choice, so we are responsible until D1 is able to support all herself . Not to say that is the right or the wrong view, it's our view . D1 can't wait to get out there and have it all herself - no more dependent on Ma and Pa who could, if we were so inclined, pull the rug at any time . Due to the nature of my work and due to seeing the businesses we run, she has her head screwed on when it comes to money, as in what one needs to do to get it and how to handle it. No doubt mistakes will be made, but we take it as our perogative to help out to an extent (no idea where we'll draw the line - that's definitely something to leave for another day! ). I asked her a couple of months ago what she would do if we won the Lottery (as in a big win lol), thinking she'd say event or showjump, but she said she'd still want to work and to be a vet. Me? I'd say event, or at least give it a go

Sorry Mrs M, I have to say that I agree with that. If you read your original post, everything sensible screams out sell. I think you're thinking with your heart not your head.xx GM may jump well, but she doesn't look easy, and you sound like you have a set idea of the type of sharer that you want. As you know I couldn't ride due to injury for the past two season. We tried finding teenagers to ride my mare - again not an easy mare, but won everything locally and wins affiliated in eventing and SJ - it was not good. You constantly get let down, or things aren't done properly - they all want to jump them but won't do the fittening before they can.. In the end the horse ended up roughed off..

Wasn't the previous owner of GM an instructor? Could you have a discussion with her and see what she thinks - she may have another youngster that she teaches that could buy/loan/share GM. Its a pity that you didn't just keep her on loan really, rather than buying her.

I also think that the time when they go to uni is a life change and they have to grow up. This also means that they have to start planning financially and budgeting their money. If you keep funding their hobbies and lifestyle they end up always having to live at home as they don't learn the lesson that you have to sacrifice things in life and work for things that you want.

I hope this post isn't offensive to anyone and that it all works out. D1 will have a whale of a time at uni with or without GM.

Aye lass, you're right . D1 is already setting her budget and knows what it costs to run a house and a horse (we started in earnest some months ago). She pays what she can towards GM and has done for a while now. She helps in our start-up businesses and has started her own . She gets an allowance for now, but there is a six month sliding scale to the point where she won't be getting anything from us (talking allowance here, rather than the accommodation type costs that she'd have at Uni), so she has to make a go of her business . Good thought re. asking previous owner if she knows of anyone to ride GM . After much thought and discussion, including D's input(!), we won't be selling GM. Part loan/share are definitely on the cards

Thank you again for all input . It really is good to get a cross-section of views and what other people have done/wished they'd done

 

[dafthoss]

Having read that she is doing 5 alevels and looking after more than one horse I would have thought that having her horse at uni with her would be some what easier especally in the first year. I couldnt have looked after a horse when doing my alevels as I had a 2 hour commute each way to college and it wasnt far away its just public transport round here, so I had 12 hour days without a horse and it really did me no good. But at uni my horse is a 5 min drive or 20 min walk away from where I live and my lectures are all right round me so travelling time is hardly any thing and in that time I would have been traveling I can do my horse completly.

I left him at home for the first week so I could settle in and go out socialising but by the end of the first week I was desperate to have him with me. I honestly dont think I could do it without him. Drop me a PM if you want any more info .