Parents - ideas, advice, moral support?

[tootsietoo]

I've got two daughters, aged 7 & 8. When they were born, I promised I wouldn't get ponies until they were at least 7 and could appreciate it a bit. But whaddya know, a friend offered us a Shetland when the older child was 2, and it's been a slippery slope ever since! They've now got two fabulous ponies, and they do lots of PC and hunting. They are great, they ride well, and they love the hunting - we've been out nearly every week this season. And I am so delighted to be able to share my passion with them. But it's is such hard work for me getting all three of us out every Saturday and of course they take it for granted - how could they not, they've never known any different! Whilst I show them how to do everything, day to day they don't do anything with the horses - they haven't been physically capable of doing much, they just get on and ride! I know that the 8 year old now is probably able to help me, and I have made it clear to her that next season she needs to be out mucking out with me in the morning and cleaning her tack whenever she goes to PC, hunting etc. But I am really worried that they won't want to do the work and that they'll choose not to ride rather than ride and do the work! I know that it is the only way, and that I will be doing them no favours by being their horsey slave for years and years, but it is going to be a hard transition. I would really like to hear other people's stories about how much horsey work their children do and how you manage the discussions about who does what!

 

[Honey08]

It gets easier as they get older! Definitely start them with jobs and make it part of the deal. Be firm. It's a good lesson for them to learn. If they're keen they will keep at it.

Keep at the PC stuff, the more stable management and camp type things they can do, the more they will learn skills that are useful. We made it a weekend job for pocket money for my stepson to do the yard as he hit 14. He's pretty good now. He learned to plait at PC camp, but would love to hog his hunter! I still do all the turnout bits as I'm a perfectionist!

 

[SadKen]

Good Lord when I was 7 I worked for my auntie at her riding stables. if I didn't work I didn't ride! Your two are very lucky!

Mucking out- get them a small shavings fork and set to! You may have to push the barrow (I had to, but I think I was overworked and I got massive shoulders, I may have got them anyway but I don't like them!) Get them gloves if you have shavings beds, and they can shift poo manually if the fork is no good. They can fill haynets and fill water buckets for you to pick up. They can clean tack and groom. They can get the muck heap in order.

Kids usually love this stuff, you just have to accept that it takes longer for kids, so you have to let them do it and not step in due to time issues. Show them what to do then let them enjoy doing it. Kids like to feel grown up so if you have a break and a cup of tea half way through your jobs let them join in with that too.

I think kids are more likely to quit if they feel those in charge aren't happy with what they are doing, and they aren't feeling encouraged. They like responsibility, so suggest that you are allowing them to be responsible for their own pony rather than making them, and you'll probably get better results! Good luck!

 

[Spotsrock]

Doing the jobs is very grown up and at 8 you want to be grown up, she may surprise you and be keen to demonstrate her maturity as she is now a big girl and so nearly a grown up 😉

 

[Peregrine Falcon]

My son is 7 and knows that looking after them is as important as the riding. He's great at helping with the feeding, poo picking, sweeps up the barn,rakes the leaves etc. It is difficult at times though, I don't want to force issues but it is a lot of time and money that I invest into his "pleasure" time. I've had to take a back step with showing my ponies in order that he can do his at times. That's what being a parent is all about isn't it? I do take great pride in seeing him enjoy himself and the relationship that he has with his pony.

 

[Thriller]

When i was that age i was dropped off at the school at about 9am and not picked up until about 3 or 4pm. It was every saturday, and most of my friends were the same. You go in, muckout, tack up and then help out in the beginner rides. When you had your ride you were responsible for taking your horse/pony back to its stable and untacking, brushing and feeding if needed. At the end of the day they were walked to the field or boxed. If there was free time you cleaned the tack or stables and yard and someone was always in charge of the poo in the arena.

I wouldn't have had it any other way! The ride was the least favourite part of my day

 

[OldNag]

My 9 year old often comes with me (very early) to muck out, and every day she goes with my non horsey OH to bring in the ponies so she makes up feeds too and changes rugs (her older sister has a longer school day so isn't around) .

She knows full well how much work is involved. I used to do absolutely everything for them but now I do less. I did buy them mini shavings forks and skipping out gloves.They do clean their own tack now though 11 year old moans!!

When I have been away for work, 9 year old has had to do everything (with adult present) and never complains.

At weekends they come with me and we share the jobs.

I do wonder sometimes if my 11 year old would give up if she had to do everything. Tough! I never had a pony and would have given everything to have the opportunity to muck out every day, just to be near a horse!

We will see what happens in the next few years....


.

 

[FfionWinnie]

If you pitch it in the chore tone then that's how they will see it.

My nearly 6yr old loves poo picking and anything I ask her to do. Ok she does it fairly badly but she's been doing it fairly badly since she was 2 and she's a lot better now than she was then!

She is greatly excited to do any job herself.

 

[Jericho]

Definitely gets easier as they get older and I found my 8 yr old struggled strength wise but could poo pick, clean tack, make feeds. Gradually as she has got older (now 11yr) she can do virtually do both my 16.2 and her 13.3 on her own (although she can't get a rug on the 16.2hh!) or carry heavy water buckets or hang up very heavy haynets. I definitely think they need to learn to do jobs - we have a rule that on days she isn't at school she mucks out and she always helps poo picks at weekends. As she got older she loved the responsibility of 'looking after' her own pony and does get up nearly every morning to feed and turnout.

 

[Hayjay]

I bought a shetland as a companion and for my first child when he was 1.....but he never showed any interest. Three children later, my middle child, age 8, has started to show a real interest. She wanted the shetland to be just hers so the agreement was she would have to look after him.....within reason. She doesn't do much during the week at the moment due to the dark nights so I tend to do the horses when they are at school. But on a weekend she does have to help with mucking out, grooming etc. She is very eager to please and tries so hard, bless her. She absolutely loves the praise for how well she has mucked out the stable and loves being a grown up with me. After a certain amount of time she will ask if she can go and play with her sister in the mud which I say yes to as long as she's not leaving a job half done. I find lots of praise is really important - The stable or grooming may not be of the standard I would do but the amount of effort she puts in makes my heart swell 😍 I try and remain patient when things go wrong....tack room flooded when she walked away from water bucket filling up and misjudged the time it would take to fill, trying to push heavy barrow of muck and tipping it over on yard..... I do have to bite my tongue sometimes and say 'never mind' and we rectify the problem together. But as long as she is helping willingly I am happy and tell her so. If she was not prepared to help then she would not get to ride either.

 

[scewal]

My 7 year old comes with me every single morning to help me muck out and has done for for the last 2 years. He'll clean tack and poo pick the field also! He says he enjoys looking after them as much as riding.

 

[Clannad48]

My daughter was brought up with 'no work, no ride', at home the toys rule was 'if you're old enough to get it out of the toybox then you are old enough to put it away'. I was considered 'hard' by some of her friends but funnily enough at 23 her horse's stable and tack room are always immaculate, but her bedroom is a total tip. Responsibility, especially when it concerns the welfare of an animal is best learned at an early age. As previously said by other posters, it is the effort that matters, whether or not up to 'our' standards, it stands them in good stead for other things later in life.

 

[Firefly9410]

Whilst I agree with everything posted so far, I want to add parents dreams should not be forced on a child. I have met a few children now where on seeing them moping around and asking why they look sad, they have said they do not like coming to the stables every weekend to do yard duties. On explaining that ponies need looking after as well as riding, these poor souls have said they are not very bothered about riding and would prefer not to have a pony so they do not need to do yard duties. I do think if a child feels that way it should be respected and they should be allowed to give up horses. Not saying you are trying to force horsey life on your children OP just something to consider because you mentioned fearing if they gave up.

 

[tootsietoo]

Absolutely Firefly, I guess that is why I am worried, because I feel very much that they need to have the freedom to find their own enthusiasms. The problem with horses is that it is difficult to pick up and put down because of the commitment of the pony. I suppose that if it does get to the stage where they are not keen when I insist on the work then I just need to bite the bullet and sell the ponies. They might go for a few years without riding and then decide that they want to take it up again, and that wouldn't be such a big problem. A friend of mine with university age children said that when her daughter was about 12 she gave her the choice of a cheap hairy pony who would live out all winter and she could hop on for a hack every so often, or a good one she could hunt and compete, on the condition she did the necessary work. I think that is quite a good way forward for horsey parents.

A few people have mentioned the time thing. That IS a big issue, because I am just not prepared to spend an hour every morning mucking out! I can do all 4 of them in half an hour, and there is no way I would hang around for a 5 year old to do half a job in twice the time!! Weekends perhaps, but not weekdays! However, I'm sure with a few weeks practice the 8 year old could manage a reasonable job in a reasonable time now.

Thanks all, good encouragement for me!

 

[nianya]

At 9 the place I was taking lessons at spent more time teaching us about basic care than actual riding. Which is all to the good because they were terrible at the riding bit. But I learned to care for my horses very well because if things weren't done right, they didn't let you get on the horse (even if it frustrated me to tears sometimes). Later my mother took the same stand, I had to groom, pick hooves, and tack up myself. Because we didn't have stalls to muck out I couldn't ride if my chores weren't done at home though. First thing I teach any of my young riders is how to take care of the horse (and I mean as young as 5). Even my 3 year old niece "brushed" the horse before getting in the saddle

You mention being worried that they'll give it up if it's too much work. The truth is, if they don't want to do the work now the horse love won't last into their pre-teen/teen years. They may keep riding as long as someone else does all the work for them, but it won't really matter to them. It's a great thing to encourage if they like it, but the only way it'll keep them out of trouble is if they have the responsibility too

 

[Firefly9410]

If you do end up selling the ponies they can still keep riding with no chores, the money you would have spent on ponies can be spent at a riding school or a half share on a pony that is on full livery. It might mean they ride less often but they need not miss out totally if you still want them to have the opportunity. It is almost seen as somehow bad if you dislike horse chores but it is not for everyone, plenty only get involved with horses for the riding and as long as the horse is cared for by somebody, what does it matter who?

 

[Dubsie]

I'm surprised you#'ve not delegated any of the jobs!

 

[Pearlsasinger]

These children should have been encouraged to do the things that they could do safely right from the beginning!
Give them the things that they can do relatively easily to start with, so putting beds down, filling water buckets with a hose-pipe, mixing feeds, brushing the horse, picking out feet, saddle-cleaning. Praise and reward effort and a good job done, rather than worrying about sanctions for things undone and bear in mind that the work involved in keeping horses is hard, physical work. Some people may have memories of 'working' at a RS from a young age but I bet that the RI's memories are very different!

 

[FfionWinnie]

The 5yr old doesn't need to do the whole stable... Just let them make a start while you are doing something else.

I got my nearly 6 year old a little muck bucket and rake. You would think it was the Crown Jewels. She is delighted to be cleaning up after them while I am doing something else. It's all fun to her and that's because I haven't made it seem like it's a chore. She loves any job she's given and tackles it with enthusiasm. Ok often I have to do it again after her but she is getting a lot more useful now.

 

[southerncomfort]

It is very hard. Middle daughter is as horse obsessed as me and has always helped out with chores.

Youngest daughter is now 8 years old and although she does like to ride, she really hates doing any of the associated work. I gave her the whole 'no work, no ride' thing and she doesn't ride very often now. It's a shame but we've come to an understanding that she ride occasionally if she does a job for me afterwards and she is happy with that. She just doesn't want to either ride or do the work on a regular basis.

 

[Smogul]

It is almost seen as somehow bad if you dislike horse chores but it is not for everyone, plenty only get involved with horses for the riding and as long as the horse is cared for by somebody, what does it matter who?

I agree with this. Too much emphasis seems to be placed on owner doing the chores which could be done as well, if not better, by a professional. How many people service their own cars these days and who cares?

 

[Annagain]

I'm not a parent so maybe not qualified to answer, but of all the kids I was in pony club with, my best friend and I were the only two not to have horsey / supportive parents and had to do it all ourselves. I was a litle older, 12 when I got my first pony on loan but had been helping at the local riding school at weekends for 2 years before that. 20 years on, other than one girl who still has mummy doing everything for her (seriously, she's 30!) we're the only ones still riding.

If they're going to stop when they have to do the jobs, they'll do that whether they're 8 or 18. You may as well save yourself 10 years of work and make that transition now.

 

[Sukistokes2]

I have a livery on my yard, she lives over the road. She can fall out of bed practically and be in the yard. She rarely turns up in daylight, her mum lets the horse out mid morning, even when the girl is at home. The stable is a mess, the yard in front is never swept, she has ridden three times in ten weeks. Her mother claims she(the child) loves the pony and it would break her heart to sell the lad. I can not see this at all, how can she really want this animal if she so rarely sees it. She does not groom, barely spends any time with the poor lad. I was called disrespectful and rude for asking them not to leave the horse in the stable unseen, to until the early afternoon. The record is 1.30 , but on that occasion I had given hay and water. This is what happens if children are not taught right, unlike it seems most of the kids on here! Or this could be a case of the mother forcing a child or not listening to the child. In the end it's the horse that suffers!

 

[Theocat]

I agree with this. Too much emphasis seems to be placed on owner doing the chores which could be done as well, if not better, by a professional. How many people service their own cars these days and who cares?

I do agree with this, but less so for children because they can learn too many valuable and transferable lessons from the care - not least just how much their parents are doing for them! It's different once you're making the choice yourself to do their care or pay someone else to do it, but at this stage the children can't have that choice, so it's help with care or potentially be spoiled!

 

[nianya]

I agree with this. Too much emphasis seems to be placed on owner doing the chores which could be done as well, if not better, by a professional. How many people service their own cars these days and who cares?

On the flip side, if you don't understand what is required to care for a horse (or a car) how can you ask that professional to do something, not do something or find out if they've done something massively wrong? I have no problem paying someone to do some of the chores required for caring for my horse now that I can afford it, but I also have the experience to know what I'm asking, and how I expect it to be done and just as importantly when to listen because I don't know. If you've never had to do that how can you even know what questions to ask?

Like Sukistokes2 I've known too many young girls whose parents bought them a horse that they never took care of. And it was the first thing they gave up anyhow when they were on their own. If you don't work for it at some point you're not going to understand or value the work that goes into it.

 

[marmalade88]

As I child who grew up hunting every Saturday with my mum I can tell you we do grow into responsible individuals! Most of my childhood my mum would drop me at school go and do the 6 or 7 we had in over the winter and then pick me up at 3.30 before we went down for evening feeds. We hunted every Saturday and she also on a Wednesday and I absolutely loved it! I was an only child though so it was probably easier. I look back on this time I got to spend outdoors growing up with immense fondness and it has a given me a bond with my mum I don't see in many other peoples parent/child relationships. Horses always bring us together and now I have my own horse we're even closer.

I did help around the yard growing up, there's pictures of me in nappies bathing my Shetland! , given my mums incredibly high standards I did A LOT of raking the yard to pick up hay/straw and poo picked twice a day. As well as wiping tack every time I got off and cleaning two sets after hunting. Start with things that directly impact them, I still wipe my tack down every time I get off now, and I'm 26!

 

[Fruitcake]

In all honesty, I think that if children have ridden since the age of 2 and reached 7 and 8 without having to do any horsey 'chores', things have possibly gone too long. The way I see it, it goes much further than riding and horse care, it's all about life skills of responsibility and independence. At 7 and 8, I'd assume children were expected to take some sort of responsibility in lots of areas of life. (Tidying bedrooms, clearing away toys, remembering school items etc). At school, they'll be expected to do lots of things themselves. Doing everything for children honestly does them no favours.

When I was a child, the phrase, "See to your pony first" was drummed into me. No matter how tired or cold or hungry I was, my mother always made sure I saw to my pony after riding. Looking back, it probably would've been much easier and quicker for her to send me up to the house and to sort my pony herself but she didn't. I had to clean my own tack (outside in the backyard!) and was involved in all aspects of care and now, as an adult, I understand the responsibilities of horse ownership. (Although, as an act of rebellion, I do now clean tack in the living room watching telly!)

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if I was you, OP, I'd be taking the opportunity of half term to start getting them both involved with the chores. If they decide they don't like that side and want to give up, fair enough but they might surprise you and enjoy the responsibility. Even more importantly, they'll be so much better prepared for life in the future.