parents teaching their children you can't always win at shows, my experience yesterda

[Britestar]

I feel you pain. Having organised our RC Showing Show for many years, I have now slunk away from it - very subtley - as I just can stand it! For my sins I still organise many dressage, SJ and Hunter Paces, plus the odd RC qualifier.

I have been reduced to tears before, but I always make myself scarce for 5 minutes, have my little 'moment' and then reappear all composed

 

[Lolo]

Also, I never understand why people think the organiser has anything to do with how the scores are allocated. Sure, you had a 20 dressage the previous week. This week, just wasn't as good/ different judge. Sorry but that's all we can say.

And timing- parents on XC time penalties. Agh! Yes, you get time penalties. It's all in the rules. Yes, here's the 2011 rulebook open at the relevant page- see? And they got time penalties because they went too slowly. Not because we hate them and want them to lose.

 

[DarkHorseB]

This is what worries me most about getting involved with Pony Club again - the Mums!! Been to a couple of (what I consider) very low key events with my girls and their ponies and already come across some horror Mums
However I do have to say there were some awful pushy parents when I was in pony club myself many moons ago - so it is nothing new Something I absolutely hate to see though and in the long run it is nearly always the kids with the over pushy parents that end up giving up as soon as they can! I have sworn not to become one and very much leave it that the girls have to push me to let them ride rather than vice versa.

As for the rosette thing - my just turned 4 year old could definitely cope with not getting one as it has been drummed into them from day one you cannot always get one

 

[ClobellsandBaubles]

remember my first show i was doing young handler with a little very naughty shetland but had forgotten to put my gloves on so was placed last behind a girl who dragged her pony round so i was a bit miffed until i saw i got a yellow and purple 'special' rosette which i still have today i was very proud of pony as he had done a very nice wee show and not dragged me out of the arena and now i always wear gloves not that i ever do much showing these days and have never taken my mother from the age of 9 upwards

 

[Hanno Verian]

I went to a dressage competition yesterday and I have to say i often think the parents are worse than the children. One girl (about 12) performed a very reasonable novice test on a pony im fairly sure new the test better than the child. They won the class but the father was walking around complaing that they only scored 68% and the judge obviously wasnt very good.... err hello?? 68%?? won the class?? ... they were still moaning all the way to the lorry park and as they loaded the pony to go home... the poor child actually was quite happy with how she'd done after the test and looked thoroughly miserable by the time they left!!

Doesn't that rather smack of utterly non horsy parents not having a clue...they probably expected her to get 100%!

 

[dafthoss]

Doesn't that rather smack of utterly non horsy parents not having a clue...they probably expected her to get 100%!

Nope my non horsey parents are completly the opposite, when I got 9 faults show jumping they were still positive and said well done and when I got 55% in dressage they still said well done several times. The ones like this round my way are the very competative ones who have had horses for their whole life and are never satisfied with what the child has done.

 

[Rachntabby]

Doesn't that rather smack of utterly non horsy parents not having a clue...they probably expected her to get 100%!

Nope, my mum who is totally non horsey was thrilled when I was placed 3/4th in my local shows on tabby.

I do remember taking Tabby in a veteran class when I was about 13/14 and we did a nice little individual show, tabs got a little excited during the canter and it wasn't perfect, she does get awfully strong in the ring.
We came second behind a gorgeous ex racer and I was absolutely chuffed to have done so well
The girls who came third and fourth were in there mid twenties and we all said well done to each other all smiles etc. I was then walking tabby around outside the ring and heard the two girls slagging me off something terrible to the steward and saying how naughty my mare was and that I had probably lied about her age! Real sore losers :/

Its that sort of behaviour that puts me off showing classes. It was only a local show for goodness sake.

 

[TheoryX1]

Interesting thread and I do agree with those who consider its the parents fault most of the time. After all, we are supposed to set our children a good example, and in my opinion that includes learning how to take failure and handle it well. I have to be honest and I think some of the worst behaviour I have seen is not at shows (I did a fair old bit of showing with my cob), nor at PC events (as a PC Secretary I do see a bit), but at BE! Some of the parents are atrocious. If you walk through the lorry park afterwards you can hear some pretty choice words being said. One of my daugthers friends used to event and her mother was terrible - we used to travel and park together and it got embarrassing. Even at a ONu18 at Portman I stood next to a father who was chatting away to another adut about my daughter's sj round - while she was jumping. His exact words were 'Thats the one which is in the lead now, I hope she gets elminated'. She got 4 down, not the best of rounds and he stood there and went 'Yesssss' He didnt know who I was, and I walked away.

However, in any avenue of life where there is a competitive element with children and parents, it will always be there. Doesnt make it right though.

 

[JustMe22]

I agree, it's normally the parents. And normally the ones who pump loads of money, time and so on into their kids' ponies/horses - whether it be for the kids or parents, I'm not entirely sure. You can't always win, and the sooner you learn that the better. One of the joys of having an ex-racer prone to jumping around at shows means I learnt that very quickly

My sister once threw a temper tantrum when she was I dunno, 12 or 13..she was riding my other sister's pony at a show (showing), and just before the last class she said 'You don't know what it feels like to lose everything!' and got off the pony, chucked the reins down and stormed off, didn't do the class.
My parents were absolutely livid. She got such a tirade from them, I couldn't believe how she'd acted...I think she was embarrassed at how shocked the whole family was at her behaviour (I must admit, we didn't hold back in telling her she was acting like a complete spoilt little brat), that and the enforced ban from riding and a grounding/removal of privileges - never seen her do it again.

 

[Piglet]

What an ungrateful bunch of people, do they not realise that it is the taking part that counts and not the winning? When they grow up (that includes the parents) they will realise that it is not always possible to win every time and the sooner they brats learn to lose graciously then the better. I can't stand ill mannered children, but then at the end of the day the kids learn off the parents!!

To all helpers at events - majority of us are very grateful and really appreciate all the brilliant work you guys do.

 

[gugglebum]

I generaly ask the Judge why I have been placed where I have after the class if I can (want to know what was good and what was bad so i can improve) and 'I didn't like your pony as much' would probably irritate me to be honest. I would expect an explination in terms of conformation, colour (if relevant), way of going, riding, whatever....

Can you imagine if the owner of every pony & horse judged that day did what you do and asked for an explanation? The judge doesn't owe anyone justification, and if I had been asked this for the 20th time I would probably have responded similarly.

Having the ability & discipline to accept a judges decision and take yourself off to reflect on what happened and return optimistically the next time is just as much a part of showing as the animal itself.

 

[MissSBird]

I generaly ask the Judge why I have been placed where I have after the class if I can (want to know what was good and what was bad so i can improve) and 'I didn't like your pony as much' would probably irritate me to be honest. I would expect an explination in terms of conformation, colour (if relevant), way of going, riding, whatever.... However I do not feel that it would be acceptable to respond by laying into the judge ever - perhaps ask for clarification.

I hope I don't offend, but usually that phrase is used by judges as a polite way of saying 'your pony has poor conformation'; basically when the error is something that cannot be improved upon.

I have to say from experience I've got much more grief from adults than children. One time, when I was judging, I got shouted at from the ringside by a man who considers himself to be a producer. His child rider was on a clearly young/novice pony, and in the tack and turnout class. The walk from the trailer parking to the arena was quite muddy, but if you stabled at the yard the walk was different and mud-free. When he noticed this he kicked off, as if this was the HOYS best groom award, and started shouting at me that there better not be anyone from the yard in the class and that the mud was disgraceful, as if I could magic it away.

Coincidently, I happen to stable at this place so I simply said that there was no one from the yard in the class, that I was taking the mud into account, and walked away. In the end, his jockey did win the class. But it was a sour taste in my mouth to give the first place rosette knowing it was going to such a rude man. I did it of course, but being completely honest, the human in me did not want to.

My sister has also had the responsibility of running the gate at the working hunter pony at a county level show. She had not been provided with a board to write declarations on for everyone to see, but was making the order in her head. Every child who came over accepted the system and joined the queue. It was the 'adults' who tried to push their pony up the order.

Just two examples, but I cannot actually think of a child being rude to me. Once, and I felt so bad, a girl did cry because of the placing I gave. It was a young handler class, and she had a lovely lovely pony. Sadly the pony was extremely wound up and I couldn't place her anything but last, as the pony simply wasn't giving her the option to prove her skills at showing in-hand. But even though she was upset, she didn't say anything rude or show any anger at her pony.

I actually think a good sportsmanship roset would be a good idea. That little girl deserved something for her mature acceptance of my decision and control of her emotions.

From personal experience, I've found that rude children have learnt that behaviour. For every rude child, their are at least 2 rude adults.

 

[dad_io]

Lots of valid points in previous posts. We havent been back to show since we took entered a "Piebald,skewbald and spotted class" with a blue and white complete with blanket spots. The judge placed the horse last, came upto me and said "sorry that horse isnt eligible for the class" cue me thinking "WTF- its got spots AND stripes and he's NOT eligible and shouldnt have entered???" so i smiled said "thankyou" and left the ring. NOW if she had said "thats the fugliest horse that ever fell out the ugly tree" that wouldnt have bothered me as thats showing..."

I feel OP's pain as we have just returned from a long,hard day running a "fun" family horse show today..

 

[Dotilas]

Charlie76 - I was at the particular show in question with a young horse at her first ever "party". I was particularly embarrassed (have to say a little bit chuffed though...) to be placed first above all the small children, but the young girl pulled in second who must have been about seven did not hesitate before saying 'well done, i really like your horse', and was clearly delighted with herself (also her first show!). It's a shame when a few choice people ruin the day.

In the end we all do it because we love it - what would be the point if we didn't?