teapot
Well-Known Member
The groom / rider is a tiny but dangerous step up the career ladder from paying slave. This job generally entails all of the drudgery expected of the working pupil except that you start to envy that miserable amoeba as she/he safely rakes, paints and hoses while you are ordered to take " that new three year old" out for a quiet hack down the local bypass. You gulp and ask tentatively:
"Are you sure it's broken?"
The Almighty grins maliciously and replies " Well Mr O' Reilly assured me it was - still, we'll soon find out won't we?"
This means that if you are not in casualty within the hour the horse is broken. If you are lucky the popeyed, snorting beast will dump you quickly before you make it down the driveway and you will be allowed to rodeo in the safe confines of the arena. Then, a few weeks down the line when you are just starting to enjoy riding that new three year old and feel a lovely sense of achievement, the Almighty will ask you to tack it up for them and tell you to go lunge that new gelding that came in last night.
Icy fear grips your heart. The gelding arrived in his new accommodation by having the box backed up the door of the stable and the ramp let down. It tried to trample you to death when you went in with breakfast in its desperation to escape back to the wide-open spaces that are all it has ever known.
You arrive cautiously at the monsters' box laden down with bridle, roller, side reins and cavesson. You stare hopelessly at the creature that is banging, crashing, screaming for its mother and tossing its' head whilst doing a fine impression of a Grand Prix racing car round and round the box. This is when you wish heartily that you were allowed to try a bit of Monty Roberts technique, or you wish you were in fact, Monty Roberts, because he is in California.
An hour later you have teeth marks on your arm, hoof marks on your legs and rope burns across your bum from wrapping the lunge line round it and throwing all your weight against it as you try to control half a ton of previously untouched, oated up, newly castrated Irish half bred. Your heels have dug a hole two feet deep in the arena. You also suspect a dislocated shoulder. The Almighty thinks you should try the horse over a pole tomorrow and be riding it the day after.
Take everything that is told you by the Almighty with a bucket of salt. They rarely ride anything until they have seen what it does to you first. "See what he is like on the road" means "I've heard he is a treacherous napp/bolter/rearer/spook and I'd much rather you fractured your skull because you are dispensable but I am not".
Apart from bronc riding the job of the Groom / Rider involves tacking up and warming up horses for the Almighty. Generally this means that by the time the animal has either woken up or calmed down you have to get off it.
As a groom you will be expected to travel to shows with the Almighty. You will be up at dawn plaiting, teasing tails, rubbing, washing white socks you know will be crapped on in the lorry, bandaging, rugging, cleaning the Almightys' boots etc. When you have loaded the twelve horses on the list into the lorry, plus tack and endless stuff not to be overlooked on point of death, the Almighty will emerge from the house drinking tea and munching toast to inform you that he/she does not want three of the horses that are plaited and loaded. Loaded first.
Do not expect to indulge in any spectating at the show, or any eating for that matter; just expect to be frazzled, screamed at and have fresh horses exchanged for sweaty ones all day long. Expect to have the wrong boots/numnah/bit/hoof oil/martingale/studs/horse at some point in each hour you are there. Expect to be asked to warm up the really fresh ones in a churning collecting ring full of kamikaze show jumpers. Or lunge them and have everyone really hate you.
Required characteristics
Fearlessness bordering on insanity, rubber skeleton, fifteen hands on each arm, fast healing musculature and a huge life insurance policy.
Scales of Remuneration
Payment (if you are such an asset that you actually receive any) varies from about ten pence an hour to £1.40 an hour, but at that price you are definitely expected to be Supergroom. Accommodation might be one rung up the ladder, maybe a cottage shared with many forms of wild life. In all likelihood you will still envy the horses their comfortable stables and warm plateau of excrement. Remember to smile and be grateful.
"Are you sure it's broken?"
The Almighty grins maliciously and replies " Well Mr O' Reilly assured me it was - still, we'll soon find out won't we?"
This means that if you are not in casualty within the hour the horse is broken. If you are lucky the popeyed, snorting beast will dump you quickly before you make it down the driveway and you will be allowed to rodeo in the safe confines of the arena. Then, a few weeks down the line when you are just starting to enjoy riding that new three year old and feel a lovely sense of achievement, the Almighty will ask you to tack it up for them and tell you to go lunge that new gelding that came in last night.
Icy fear grips your heart. The gelding arrived in his new accommodation by having the box backed up the door of the stable and the ramp let down. It tried to trample you to death when you went in with breakfast in its desperation to escape back to the wide-open spaces that are all it has ever known.
You arrive cautiously at the monsters' box laden down with bridle, roller, side reins and cavesson. You stare hopelessly at the creature that is banging, crashing, screaming for its mother and tossing its' head whilst doing a fine impression of a Grand Prix racing car round and round the box. This is when you wish heartily that you were allowed to try a bit of Monty Roberts technique, or you wish you were in fact, Monty Roberts, because he is in California.
An hour later you have teeth marks on your arm, hoof marks on your legs and rope burns across your bum from wrapping the lunge line round it and throwing all your weight against it as you try to control half a ton of previously untouched, oated up, newly castrated Irish half bred. Your heels have dug a hole two feet deep in the arena. You also suspect a dislocated shoulder. The Almighty thinks you should try the horse over a pole tomorrow and be riding it the day after.
Take everything that is told you by the Almighty with a bucket of salt. They rarely ride anything until they have seen what it does to you first. "See what he is like on the road" means "I've heard he is a treacherous napp/bolter/rearer/spook and I'd much rather you fractured your skull because you are dispensable but I am not".
Apart from bronc riding the job of the Groom / Rider involves tacking up and warming up horses for the Almighty. Generally this means that by the time the animal has either woken up or calmed down you have to get off it.
As a groom you will be expected to travel to shows with the Almighty. You will be up at dawn plaiting, teasing tails, rubbing, washing white socks you know will be crapped on in the lorry, bandaging, rugging, cleaning the Almightys' boots etc. When you have loaded the twelve horses on the list into the lorry, plus tack and endless stuff not to be overlooked on point of death, the Almighty will emerge from the house drinking tea and munching toast to inform you that he/she does not want three of the horses that are plaited and loaded. Loaded first.
Do not expect to indulge in any spectating at the show, or any eating for that matter; just expect to be frazzled, screamed at and have fresh horses exchanged for sweaty ones all day long. Expect to have the wrong boots/numnah/bit/hoof oil/martingale/studs/horse at some point in each hour you are there. Expect to be asked to warm up the really fresh ones in a churning collecting ring full of kamikaze show jumpers. Or lunge them and have everyone really hate you.
Required characteristics
Fearlessness bordering on insanity, rubber skeleton, fifteen hands on each arm, fast healing musculature and a huge life insurance policy.
Scales of Remuneration
Payment (if you are such an asset that you actually receive any) varies from about ten pence an hour to £1.40 an hour, but at that price you are definitely expected to be Supergroom. Accommodation might be one rung up the ladder, maybe a cottage shared with many forms of wild life. In all likelihood you will still envy the horses their comfortable stables and warm plateau of excrement. Remember to smile and be grateful.
