Personal Space?

[YoLaTango]

I recently bought a young cob (4). Was looking for been there, done that…. Didn’t happen.

Nearly didn’t go to see this fella. Then offered a loan to buy as I was concerned about buying a youngster (my riding is okish, and I’m definitely a novice). But after 4 months loaning, I took the plunge. He is completely and utterly super. And he’s staying in the sellers yard, they are bringing him on for me, as well as supporting me to learn how to bring him on.

Im hoping to use this forum to ask the questions I’m too embarrassed to ask the YO.

My first one - how much should you allow a horse into your personal space. I don’t allow nipping or grooming type behaviour. I have been bitten in the past by a nippy horse. But this cob is a total love bug. He LOVES being groomed and scratched. His favourite is to have both cheeks scratched simultaneously. He then puts his head on my shoulder and chills out (eyes half closed, breathing deep) for a few minutes.

I love this. It feels like bonding. But do you allow this sort of thing? Could I come to regret it? Is it allowing him into my personal space too much?

 

[Fieldlife]

I think it depends. Heads and shoulders are heavy weapons if horses are careless.

I allow my horse to touch me with his mouth, many people dont.

I tell off if bump into me with shoulders or body / barge or crowd. But okay when I invite them in for cuddles etc.

 

[AmyMay]

What you describe sounds just lovely. And I would embrace it.

 

[Redcow-hat]

He sounds like a sweetheart and the behaviour you describe wouldn't concern me. Regarding where the line is- I think the key is, will he back off if you ask? Mine is a total cuddle bug and likes to be all over me but if I ask him to step back then he will get out of my space and stay out. A youngster could easily become bolshy if allowed so he does need to know that he can't push you around for cuddles anytime he wants.

 

[YoLaTango]

I think it depends. Heads and shoulders are heavy weapons if horses are careless.

I allow my horse to touch me with his mouth, many people dont.

I tell off if bump into me with shoulders or body / barge or crowd. But okay when I invite them in for cuddles etc.

I know what you mean. And he does have a heavy head!

 

[YoLaTango]

What you describe sounds just lovely. And I would embrace it.

It really is. He is a special creature. I feel very lucky to have him. Jst don’t want to teach him bad habits. Thx.

 

[YoLaTango]

He sounds like a sweetheart and the behaviour you describe wouldn't concern me. Regarding where the line is- I think the key is, will he back off if you ask? Mine is a total cuddle bug and likes to be all over me but if I ask him to step back then he will get out of my space and stay out. A youngster could easily become bolshy if allowed so he does need to know that he can't push you around for cuddles anytime he wants.

Yes. This is a good point. And yes, backing up is one thing I taught him (by myself). I do the trt method with him. He has become v responsive to my body language. If I make a pushing motion (without pushing) and ask him to go back he does it. I ask him like this every time I enter the stable.

I never knew horses could actually like cuddles rather than just tolerate them. It’s blowing my mind.

 

[Redcow-hat]

Yes. This is a good point. And yes, backing up is one thing I taught him (by myself). I do the trt method with him. He has become v responsive to my body language. If I make a pushing motion (without pushing) and ask him to go back he does it. I ask him like this every time I enter the stable.

I never knew horses could actually like cuddles rather than just tolerate them. It’s blowing my mind.

Haha, some definitely do. I swear mine would come home and curl up on the sofa every evening if he could, he's like a big dog.

It sounds like you're doing just fine with him

 

[alibali]

Invited behaviour = ok, uninvited invasion of your personal space = not ok.

I will allow a gentle (no teeth!) reciprocation/mutual groom if I'm scratching them, I do not allow head rubbing on me at any time. Basically they can come into my personal space but only when I allow it. I expect them to move out of my way with a look or at most a gentle touch/click. I do not tolerate them trying to move my feet, if I'm between them and what they want I expect them to walk around me. The more respectful they are of me the more I allow, trusted and reliably respectful horses get to do all sorts of things they probably 'shouldn't' ? but it doesn't seem to cause them to become less respectful. Several have been allowed to steal the beanie from my head, none ever pulled a single hair while doing it they were so careful.... Invariably they then just as carefully dropped it in the muddiest puddle available!

Respect doesn't need to mean a lack of cuddles or bonding it just means keeping control of your boundaries.

 

[AntiPuck]

I would only allow this sort of behaviour if I move into the horse's space and invite it, not if the horse moves into my space, as otherwise there is no clear boundary in place, and the horse can unintentionally hurt you in trying to get close.

I wouldn't ever allow "mutual grooming" or "kisses" etc, though, as just too much potential for accidental injury, either for you or for others handling the horse who don't know him as well as you do.

 

[milliepops]

as with many, i'm happy to invite horses into my space and i also don't mind if they initiate it *politely*, i have some that will pull a bit of a "cuddle me" face and I'm usually happy to go along with that.

All of them will exit when told, easily ad immediately. I don't let them rub or push into or mug me ever and so even if being a bit cheeky they know where my hard boundaries are.

I do grooming with most of them and have some on both ends of the spectrum, one is ultra safe and I enjoy her scratching me back, the 2yo gets a bit gleeful and needs reminding that it's lips only and no teeth I don't mind teaching that lesson as it's pretty easy if you are consistent.

 

[Peglo]

I absolutely allow grooming (my girls usually just accept the scratch rather than groom back) but I won’t allow them to move my feet. And usually ask them to move away before they get what they want. If I’m going to ask them to carry me, get in a box, leave their friends, jump over stuff etc the least I can do is give her a wee scratch now and again.

 

[EllenJay]

I think this is an individual choice. If you like him putting his head on you - great, he can do that. But if he starts pushing you over for food, and you don’t want him to, then you need to tell him.

Horse manners are very individual, and you need to know where you are drawing the line - but it has to be a sensible line.

Your boy sounds like a dude - enjoy him x

 

[YoLaTango]

Thanks all! Good advice. It seems like it’s a balancing act.

Those who said “large dog” and “dude” - that’s exactly it. He’s a cool dude and like a really calm affectionate dog (reminds me of a greyhound I know temperament wise).

I’m loving it!

I’m ridiculously poor…. But so so so happily so!

 

[Lois Lame]

Your horse sounds absolutely wonderful.

 

[Annagain]

It sounds to me like you've got it just right. As long as you can do what you want to do with him with no fuss and he backs off when you ask him to, cuddles and scratches are very acceptable.

 

[Spotherisk]

Deleted - wrong thread!

 

[Brockles77]

What a treat - enjoy it! And congrats finding a lovely lad. x

 

[Birker2020]

I recently bought a young cob (4). Was looking for been there, done that…. Didn’t happen.

Nearly didn’t go to see this fella. Then offered a loan to buy as I was concerned about buying a youngster (my riding is okish, and I’m definitely a novice). But after 4 months loaning, I took the plunge. He is completely and utterly super. And he’s staying in the sellers yard, they are bringing him on for me, as well as supporting me to learn how to bring him on.

Im hoping to use this forum to ask the questions I’m too embarrassed to ask the YO.

My first one - how much should you allow a horse into your personal space. I don’t allow nipping or grooming type behaviour. I have been bitten in the past by a nippy horse. But this cob is a total love bug. He LOVES being groomed and scratched. His favourite is to have both cheeks scratched simultaneously. He then puts his head on my shoulder and chills out (eyes half closed, breathing deep) for a few minutes.

I love this. It feels like bonding. But do you allow this sort of thing? Could I come to regret it? Is it allowing him into my personal space too much?

My horse will lean his chin on my shoulder and push down. Sometimes I can feel his teeth (closed mouth) pushing down as he slightly opens his mouth when he does it (but doesn't bite).

I have had people say he is trying to dominate me, which is what I think but others saying he is showing affection.

I don't mind my horse in my space as long as he is respectful. A previous horse would stop eating his tea off the floor on my command 'wait' and lift his head up so I could do up the front of his rug and neck on his fly sheet, now that is what I call very good behaviour.

Present horse started to become very food orientated and would constantly pull on sleeves and hems of clothing and also slightly nip. In the end my friend suggested holding a hoofpick with the bristles of the hoofpick face up so he would push his nose into the bristles when nipping or pulling. After only two incidences of getting pricked by the brush he stopped. However, I could have gone on forever telling him off, or tapping him on the shoulder or nose as a reprimand.

 

[windand rain]

Mine stay out until given permission to come close but I tend to go to them rather than them come to me for fuss and cuddling. It very much is a balancing act