please don't let me loose him (sorry, long)

[azouria]

My share pony is owned by a lady who has another 3, he was 'acquired' by her a few years back now in a very poor condition. He's been brought on another girl a few years younger than me, and he's now a incredible little pony.

I started riding him in June this year when the other girl was busy with her own horse, and he's saved my life, to be perfectly honest. I haven't been in a good place the past few years, but he gives me a reason to get up in the morning.

BUT he is pretty much entirely paid for by the lady's boyfriend, and as there isn't a reason as such to keep him he's pressuring her into offering him out on loan. I haven't been able to pay much towards him so far because my parents are as non horsey as they come, and the pay from my last job was appalling. I just got a job in Tescos, so i'm going to be paid much more now, meaning I can pay for him. But it means twice as many hours as I was doing. I can only ride 3 times a week at the moment (i'd be down there every day if I could), an it looks like it might have to come down to two. But he needs riding 6 times a week. The other girl will do 3, but I need to do the other 3, and if I can't then her boyfriends argument is stronger about loaning him out.

So either I do less hours on the other job and can't afford to contribute, or I can't ride the number of days I need to. And I am terrified that i'm going to loose him, because I honestly don't know how i'll cope without him. Sad, I know, but he is the world to me. So now it's a waiting game, i'm just waiting to hear her verdict, and it's not looking good either way.

Oh god, if I loose him...

 

[brighteyes]

Sorry to hear this bad news. I hope things don't go the wrong way as it sounds like this pony is very important to you. I wonder if they realise this? It's a real shame you don't live near me - I have four here I need help with and they aren't going anywhere...

 

[Brandy]

ok, this is quite hard to respond to not knowing your full details. You mention your parents, so presumably quite young? Maybe you have to rely on others for your involvement in horses. I had to do this as a teenager and made a promise to myself that i would make it so i could have my own horses. I have two jobs, one of which is full time, and two horses. I keep them at diy livery, and do them myself twice a day every day. It can be done. I don't get to ride much in the winter only at weekends. Keep at it, you'll find a way if you really want to

 

[Angelbones]

Oh dear, you can hear how desperately worried and upset you are from your post. Why does the pony have to be ridden 6 times a week? Could you organise your work shifts so that you have the same hours but more time off during the daylight hours to ride? could you get a third person to share him for one day per week? What does the girl who owns the pony have to say about it? Sorry to fire questions off at you but really want to see if you can sort it out. Hope it works out for you, don't give up, keep trying.

 

[azouria]

I din't explain it too well.
I'm 17. I'd been looking for a pony share, as I just son't have the time or the funds for my own, for about 4 years. There is nothing for share in my area really, and those that are want £40ish a week, which I just can't afford, and my parents are really non horsey and not that supportive of it really. They always tell me that i'm trying to fit too much in with school and they don't particularly like to give me lifts to the yard. So it was really difficult to find a pony that was close enough that I could persuade them to give me lifts and that I could afford.

Why does the pony have to be ridden 6 times a week? Could you organise your work shifts so that you have the same hours but more time off during the daylight hours to ride? could you get a third person to share him for one day per week? What does the girl who owns the pony have to say about it?

I heard about Red through a friend - her next door neighbour (i'll call her X) needed someone to ride Red because the girl that was riding him at the time (Y) didn't really have time for him as well as her own horse, who she was competing. Red needs exercising 6 times a week really because he has so much energy, and X doesn't really have time to lunge him after the other 3. So Y and I share the days between us.

There's not really much negotiation I can do hours wise, because again I have to get lifts there and back, which parents aren't too pleased about, and also I talked to my manager and he said that there wasn't really any changes that could be made, those are the hours for the position (at the moment it's wenesday evening, thursday evening and all day saturday).

X doesn't really want to get a third involved because it's already complicated enough as it is. She's really under pressure to get rid of him because he doesn't have much of a purpose, and there's not a great amount that she can do about it.

I'm busy every moment that I have really (tonight is one of the few nights when I don't have mountains of homework to do). I'm finding the work load for 6th from really tough along with everything else. I really want to save money up int he new job so that after uni hopefully I can afford my own (although with the fees it'll be a wonder if i'm not drowning in debt), but it's been difficult because i've waited so long for it, and all around me friends have been getting their own and competing etc. and I have worked damn hard for everything that I have. To loose it all now would be heartbreaking.

 

[Tinypony]

Ah, that's bad! Apart from everything everyone above has said - what's he being fed? That sounds like a heck of a lot of energy!

 

[azouria]

what's he being fed? That sounds like a heck of a lot of energy!

i'm not 100% sure, happy hoof, along with supplements and some other stuff - she does amazingly complicated feeds.
I don't know if it's true though, it's just what she's told me about him being ridden 6 times a week. He's happy and healthy that way, and it seems to suit him. He's only a 6yo too, so he does have a fair bit of energy, it's just how she likes to keep him I guess.

 

[Sarah W]

At 17 you could get a moped and be more independent - is that an option?

 

[azouria]

I'd love to, but parents would never allow it, it's not safe enough etc etc

I'm having friving lessons at the moment, an it is looking like they might go halves on a car, fingers crossed. But I won't be ready to take my test until feb at the earliest, and it might be too late by then.

 

[diggerbez]

oh no could you ride to the farm on a bike maybe??

obviously don't know your situation at home but if i were you i would sit down with parents and explain how you feel to them/ how important pony is to you etc etc- perhaps you could offer to help around the house or something for money and then do less hours at tesco? or could you get a job waiting tables and work more in the evening and not in the day?

 

[azouria]

could you ride to the farm on a bike maybe??

the yard is up a dual carriageway - it just gets better, doesn't it? So no biking up there either. And buses are non existent around here anyway, so no chance of that either.

I've tried. There's no way that they'd pay me for house work, my dad thinks that I should do more to generally as it is (despite the fact that I don't really have time, and I try as much as I can).
Although I should just clarify, i've made them sound really horrible, and they're not, honestly. They're just not very supportive of me being horsey, which makes life difficult because I can't even begin to imagine being any other way.

X said that she's going to try and arrange things so that I can still ride 3 times a week, it should work if she changes all their days off. So i'll just have to see how it goes, at least I can help with costs much more now though, so hopefully she will be able to change her boyfriends mind.

 

[Tackytoe]

Not sure I can suggest anything more than has already been said, but I do really hope that you can hang on to your little chap - Best of luck! Thinking of you xx

 

[honetpot]

A good commited sharer is very hard to come by and you must be commited to have lasted so long with your problems so she needs you as much as you need to ride. Also its hard to sell anything at this time of year so even if the boyfriend made her sell its not going to happen overnight.
Over the years I have had quite a few people share my daughters horses and ponies, perhaps because I am a parent I would understand the pressures that you may be going through at the moment. You do school work, work and I hope a bit of house work and then there's the horse. Your Mum and Dad my only see it as a distraction from the main objective of 'doing well' and something you will grow out of. Some hope.
As I have said even if they want to sell its not going to happen straight away but even if it does , it's not over. This is just one pony in a lifetime of horses. You take what you have learnt and use it on the next one.
Like you my parents were never interested, and my Mum who died last year never saw me ride, ever and I am over 50. For years I rode other peoples cast off's, usually because they had a problems and then I rode for a small dealer. You learn from all of these experiences good and bad. It gives you far more more experience than having one horse so then when you have 'done well' you can get on as use the knowledge on your own horse.
I now have 8, but I didn't own my own till I was 20. I know its seems despirate but beleave me if they sell this pony I am sure you will be snapped up by someone like me who now has so many and no one to ride. Also there seems to be more and more people advertising for sharers, so if the worst happens try and look at it as a time to look for something better. Cup half full rather than half empty. OMG I sound old!

 

[JadeyyAndLadyy]

Sounds like a horrible situation to be in

where do you live? Come work at Whizzkidz But its crappy pay seeing as youre under 18 you'll get about £4 an hour lol but you get to choose when you work as the hours are casual
Really hope you get this sorted, this pony obviously means the world to you x

 

[azouria]

A good commited sharer is very hard to come by and you must be commited to have lasted so long with your problems

I've always tried to be a good sharer because it's just s important for me. She doesn't ask for help with yard duties and stuff but the majority of the days i'll stay and help her do feeds/poopick/muck out, anything that will help her because i'm just so appreciative hat she lets me ride him. And I try and pay as much towards him as possible - half for shoeing/dentist/vaccs, although i'm going to try and pay even more than that now. And i've been told that I ride him well by Clive Milkins, who trains the GBR paralympic team - we make a good partnership.

if the worst happens try and look at it as a time to look for something better.

I'm trying to think like that, and it's hard, but you're right. Hopefully something will turn up, even if this doesn't work out I suppose, every cloud has a silver lining and all that.

Come work at Whizzkidz But its crappy pay seeing as youre under 18 you'll get about £4 an hour lol but you get to choose when you work as the hours are casual

That's pretty much what my old job was like - 6 hours a week (because I couldn't get any more than that), at £3.75 an hour. The job at tescos pays double that, and I can't say that i'm not looking forward a little bit to not being skint all the time, as well as being able to subsidise her more for Red. It's just that it's not as flexible. Hopefully, i'll work out something though, just keeping my fingers crossed and trying to think positively.


Thanks for all your thought though, i'm feeling a bit better about the whole situation now, and i'm sure that something will work out.

 

[Jayde87]

Sorry for the late response. I know right now it probably seems like no other horse could ever come close, but believe me, there are other horses out there. Before I was lucky enough to get my own horse, I shared horses. The first horse I shared was a 15.3hh chestnut Irish hunter mare. I fell in love with her, and swore down she taught me everything I knew. My parents like yours weren't horsey, and it was often a battle to get them to take me to the yard. I did 5 days a week, but could only ride at the weekends, as they'd be clock-watching in the car in the week. I must say, towards the end of having her, they did get involved more - helping fill haynets, waters, even mucking out. I used to get the train sometimes (5min journey) - I was that desperate to see her.

Anyway, after a year and a half, it ended for many reasons, and I was devastated. I must've cried myself to sleep most nights for about 2 months. In the meantime, I rode other peoples horses, and of course they never came close. I had one other share, who I did eventually bond with and learn to love, but it was never quite the same. Finally, my parents gave in from all the heart-ache, and bought me my first horse (age 15). It will be a year that I have had him this January, and honestly, he is the best thing that has ever happened to me, which is exactly what I said with my first horse. He's on part-livery, so I only have to go up and ride, and am now at a yard with amazing facilities and a fantastic instructor.

I never thought I'd see the day when I said given the choice, I wouldn't go back to my first share. Yes, she was the first horse I ever loved, was an escape from reality, and did teach me an awful lot, but she has also helped me to move onwards and upwards, and now, I would never go back.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, although he may seem the only horse you will ever love, it is not always the case. Please feel free to PM me x

 

[babymare]

sweetheart i really hope that it works out for you and red BUT im a believer that fate happens for a reason - extreme maybe but 2 yrs ago sat in womans refugee police everything now im with the most caring kind man that was fate - i have been around orses for 41 yrs and i have loved many but only 4 yrs ago did i find my special horse my rock my beautiful baby - if the passion for the horse is there you will always be with them. many will come and go through your life but you will always have that passion and horses will always be there. if the worst happens and you lose Red do not give up - get your name out there in feed merchants tack shops etc. just never give up - hold on to the the passion in your heart and look forwards . just a big big hug. life seems so cruel sometimes but its cruel for a reason and one day you will see that sweetheart xxxx

 

[Lippyx]

QR - Sorry you are going through this tough time. I totally understand when you say you "need", as I really do think horses are a great medication for many ailments!!

Have you told the lady how you really feel and the situation you are in? Maybe see if you can all come to a compramise (sp)?
I wish you all the best, and hope you have many more years with this sweet little pony!!

 

[TheEquineOak]

Hi hun

You've been given some really great advice/solutions here

I used to think the same as above - my first proper loan horse was a Shire x, he was the love of my life and taught me a lot. Then there was Lady, fabulous little TB but we just didn't click - making me miss the big hairy fella even more.
Then, on a freak trip, I came across Arnie and that was that. I don't love the hairy fella any less, but I do love Arnie more

With loaning/sharing horses you must always be prepared to give them up. The owner can ultimately do whatever they want.

Can you not work Sunday's at the supermarket for double time? (If this still happens?!) there is always overtime too.
Why don't you speak to the owner and see if there is anything you can come up with? If you can do 3 days a week, offer £20, then another sharer can offer another £20 for the other 3 days.

My parents aren't horsey either, so I can sympathise with that!!

The MOST IMPORTANT THING is your school work. Get that right and you can have a whole menage of horses

 

[LaurenM]

I cried alot when I had to end my first share. It only spurred me on to getting myself in a position where I could buy my own. Ever since I could talk I've wanted to be around horses and bought mine as a 21st birthday present for myself. Despite it feeling like an eternity, there are others out there that have waited a lot longer.

I'm sure the owner understands how much you care about him and it sounds like she is doing everything that she can to make it possible for you. Just hang on in there

 

[jhoward]

you sound like a very mature, responsible person, i never had the same issue with my parents but can i suggest a way to make them see sence...

sit them down, and explain how much the horse meens to you and what you get out of it.. about now is also a good time to mention that it is teaching you to be responsible and that it encourages you to work more.

if that fails.. ask in a very nice... non teenager way, would they rather be dropping you into town, or to friends? the horse makes you responsible, encourages you to get a job, stick at it and keeps you off the streets. what would they prefure??

I have to say here.. i presume you do well at school, and are a balanced kid.

it can be hard I appreciate that, I grew up with up horses, I didnt have the latest fashion, or toys and didnt go into town with friends. But honestly I do not begrude my parents, im 33 now and every time when life becomes tough its the horse that stays.

At your age its not ment to be easy, but id think good grades, lots of dishes, cleaning of the bathroom and a tidy room would get you very long way. Prove that for a while then approach the subject of a proper loan. in the meen time explaine things again to owner of the horse. you can but ask.