Please help! found out i'm pregant!?! what should i do

[amanda1788]

Hi

In a bit of a situation, I'm 21 and have been with my partner for a year, we are long term and plan to get engaged soon. I found out saturday that I am pregant, this was a huge shock. I will be finishing uni this year and have planned to start teacher training next sept. My partner is in the middle of his degree, he is 23.
We have discussed it a lot and are really undecided about what to do. We feel we are really young to start a family and haven;t had much time togehter to be a couple and go on holiday together and have fun as a couple. And we have our whole lives to have children. Also it isn't the ideal time in terms of our education, although I could just defer my training for a year. And that thought of having a baby scares me to death.
We were leaning towards having an abortion based on the above. But today I've had doubts as the reasons for having an abortion seem really selfish. And for me the main reasons are i'm really scared at the thought of this huge commitment and I want to have time being a couple and get married first, although that isnt a big issue, just would be nice.
Just wondered what peoples opinions were on what i've said, obviously its up to me and my partner to decide but would appreciate some feedback or people in a similar situation who have either had a baby or an abortion, PM me if you would prefer.
Thanks in advance xx

 

[the watcher]

I think you might get more responses in Soapbox

 

[cellie]

How would you feel if in 5 years time and you were still together you were unable to concieve.Im anti abortion ,depending on circumstances of course.Its not babies fault parents arent ready to bring up child and I think you could regret this type of decision for the rest of your life. Think very carefully it could alter your outlook on your relationship for the rest of your life.Hope things work out for you.

 

[wildpoppywild]

oh love tricky situation, i have my thoughts on abortions etc, but not from experience. so dont think they would be much help

congrats (kind of

) and i hope everything works out ok

 

[Blue-bear]

^^^^ I agree with cellie, im anti abortion as much as i understand accidents happen but its not that little persons fault. Its now down to the two of you to deal with that its happened and just manage and cope like alot of couples do.

 

[Katie__Connie]

I don't really have any good advice.... but ***HUGS**** and ***VIBES*** and hope everything works out ok for you xxx

 

[AmyMay]

Time for a chat with your folks. Life is precious - but that includes your life too.

However, think long and hard before you make any decisions. Because once made, you have very little time to change them.........

 

[gails]

I dont think you are ever really ready, unless you an absolute earth mother

.

I am really ashamed to admit that I was absoulutly disgusted at finding out I was pregnant, and even got hidiously drunk the night I found out, not proud of that fact at all.

It is 4 years on nearly, and I have to say, I think I would never have forggiven myself, if I had had an abortion ( which is what I said I would do).

Daisy is the funniest, happy go lucky, moody cow

, but she is reslly good company, and to be honest, she has not been any where near as difficult as I thought.

You can still do your education, I retrained as a teacher.

It is really scarey, and your life will change, but not for the better or worse, just different.

I chose not to go out anymore, just because I am a control freek

, but as long as you have a good support network, then there is no reason why you should still not do the things that people your age do.

Good luck, if you want to chat please feel free to pm me, trust me, I know excatly what you are ging through

(((( hugs ))))))

 

[ester]

I am not anti abortion even if you think it is 'selfish' reasons, I am v pro but do agree with cellie that you maybe need to think you have to consider whether you would be gutted if you couldnt have another later on for whatever reason.

I know that wouldnt bother me.

only you can make the decision in the end though.

ETS blue-bear not sure that couples that manage and cope necessarily then make the best parents so.....

 

[wildpoppywild]

oh cellie tht my view kinda too didnt kno if i should post it tho :S

 

[Colleen_Miss_Tom]

Having a baby is not all bad .... I had my son who is now 9 at the age of 19 , I am happily married to my husband for the past 8 years .

Just means you are going to put things on hold for awhile , Studying and having a baby is possible, Hardwork yes , but it is possible .
If you have a supportive partner obviously that will make things easier .
You need to think about what you both want .

Its a scary situation and life changing one at that .
I can't imagine life without my boys .

Do what you feel is right .

For me personally I could never have an abortion .
I would never hold it against anyone that did have one for the right reasons .

Please do bear in mind ..... not everyone can decide to turn their fertility clock on and off, Friend of mine had abortion a few years ago and is now having problems with concieving , I am not for one minute saying that the abortion caused fertility problems but what I will say is ....... Don't think that having fertility problems can not happen as there is hunderds of people out there having problems .

Anyhoos sorry for the rambling .

Good luck in whatever you decide to do .

Col x

 

[Sarah Sum1]

I had my daughter very young, i love her with all my heart and wouldn't be without her. But it is very hard and i did miss out on an awful lot. I was on my own though. Not at the time mind, he left me whilst i was pregnant. I sometimes feel that had i of been older then i would of made a better mum. Hard to explain but having not lived (a lot) myself, it was hard being a young mum.

 

[hellspells]

[ QUOTE ]
^^^^ I agree with cellie, im anti abortion as much as i understand accidents happen but its not that little persons fault. Its now down to the two of you to deal with that its happened and just manage and cope like alot of couples do.

[/ QUOTE ]

Just to put the otherside accross but not trying to cause any arguements. I completely agree its not the babies fault but surely it would be better to have a termination than bring a child into the world that could well be resented for 'taking away' the parents life. There are enough **** ups in this world without adding more.

What ever choice you make there is no right or wrong, no one has the right to judge or moralise what you do. At the end of the day it is your lives and you have to do as you see fit.
XXX

 

[Bowen4Horses]

i think this is a decision that only you can make.

i had a child at 18. being a mum made life much harder... but it is do-able.

i put myself through a-levels, university and work with a young child. and i coped. it was hard and i had to work twice as hard as everyone else. but in a sense i had more to work for.

i've since had two more kids (in my 30s) and my god, it is soooooo much easier!

good luck. x

 

[tasteofchristmaschaos]

What a difficult situation for both you and your partner. I think you both need to talk a LOT and discuss all the possible options and how you think you would feel, say a year down the line, about each one should you do it. Also, include your friends, they will support you.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me.
*hugs* hunni.

 

[alsxx]

Can't really offer much advice I'm afraid, but hugs and hope it all works out for you.

Also, don't listen to what the anti abortion people have to say and don't let them sway your decision. Yes I am pro on the subject, but its YOUR decision to make and I don't think it helps people posting on here their views which (to me) look like an attempt at guilt tripping you into not having an abortion.

****Alsxx now ducks for cover....****

 

[Nosey]

Well said hellspells!!
Horsey mad - good luck and good vibes for whatever you choose to do. Only you and your loved ones can make the decision thats right for you!

 

[traceyann]

Im forty never wanted kids never had them only you know what to do. i agree mistakes happen. but if the times not right its not right im not against or for abortion. only you can decide. and whatever you do dont feel guilty you did what is right for you.

 

[soph21]

I personally dont agree with abortions unless theres complications etc, you had the fun now you deal with it!
I fell pregnant aged 17 had her when I was 18, I had been with my BF for 2 years, 5 years on my beautiful little girl is the best thing that ever happened to me.
Me and OH have been together 8 years this month, hopefully have another one in next couple of years

I lived with my OH when I fell pregnant, all of my family were fuming, but when she arrived, they were all besotted

Everything changes when you bring a little person in to the world, its not just you to think about, you come 2nd. But its all worth it!

Its totally up to you what you do, good luck with whatever you decide.

Just think of all the people out there that would kill for a baby but can never have them

 

[rubyrumba]

This is a tough one, i had a son when i was 22. I wouldn't change him for the world but you have to realise that you would not number 1 anymore, the child would be. You need to talk it through with the people that are close to you and i think deep down you will know what to decide.

 

[the watcher]

I personally dont agree with abortions unless theres complications etc, you had the fun now you deal with it!

So pregnancy and a baby are the price you pay for having sex? How Victorian - having a baby, no matter what the personal cost to you, or the impact on your life because This Is The Price You Must Pay

 

[Liesel]

I agree with tracyann.

I do have a 14 yr old but was 27 at the time in a long term relationship (11yrs), although we have amicably split since hes a great dad and spends time with Mum and Dad 50/50.

I not for or against abortion, although with contraception these days it pregnancy can be prevented but I know you probably dont need a lecture now

It all depends on personal circumstances. Only you can decided what is best for you.

Lots of hugs.

 

[alsxx]

I don't know if this will help as having not been in the situation personally, but why dont you go and have a chat with your GP, you could then talk through your concerns about keeping and getting rid of and maybe get some hopefully un-biased answers to any questions you may have. If you are still at Uni you may also have some kind of counselling service available to you that you could use to get things off your chest - even if its just someone listening to you talk that may help you put your thoughts in order.

 

[muffinino]

[ QUOTE ]
Can't really offer much advice I'm afraid, but hugs and hope it all works out for you.

Also, don't listen to what the anti abortion people have to say and don't let them sway your decision. Yes I am pro on the subject, but its YOUR decision to make and I don't think it helps people posting on here their views which (to me) look like an attempt at guilt tripping you into not having an abortion.

****Alsxx now ducks for cover....****

[/ QUOTE ]

This.

You must do what is right for you. Do not let people influence you by saying that others are naturally infertile and desperate for kids so you should have one; other people's fertility woes are not your concern. Obviously, you will need to speak to a doctor regarding problems conceiving in the future and get all the facts on the health risks that come with abortion before you make your decision.

It is not a selfish thing to do - what could be worse than bringing a child into the world, knowing it is unwanted? I would have a termination if I fell pregnant because I dislike children & babies and do not want them, though to be honest, between the PCOS, the pill and condoms I would be very unlucky! I have a friend who had one because she does not think she will want children and it is definately not the right time for her if she ever does. She is not selfish; she is using contreceptive and was unlucky, so has been sensible and chosen what is best for her and the cells that would have been an unwanted child. That may sound harsh, but it is the truth.

 

[gails]

[ QUOTE ]
I had my daughter very young, i love her with all my heart and wouldn't be without her. But it is very hard and i did miss out on an awful lot. I was on my own though. Not at the time mind, he left me whilst i was pregnant. I sometimes feel that had i of been older then i would of made a better mum. Hard to explain but having not lived (a lot) myself, it was hard being a young mum.

[/ QUOTE ]

Bless you, dont worry though, I was 30, and I KNOW I have not done much right, but Daisy is happy and healthy, says p[lease and thankyou, I think all any of us can do is do our best, regsrless of age.

I was and still am completly out of my depth

, I swore I would nver have a child, and now swear I will never have another.

I still feel too young to be called muumy, I suppose that is why most people think it is strange that I dont mind her calling me Gail

 

[soph21]

[ QUOTE ]
I personally dont agree with abortions unless theres complications etc, you had the fun now you deal with it!

So pregnancy and a baby are the price you pay for having sex? How Victorian - having a baby, no matter what the personal cost to you, or the impact on your life because This Is The Price You Must Pay

[/ QUOTE ]

Im certainly not in the victorian ages


So you think ah f**k it, had a bit of fun...oops pregnant.... Attitude is OK

Oh well f**k it i'll get it aborted??

Yeah great! Thats why theres so many adopted kids and f**ked up kids on the streets!
Its not the way to think!!

Im prob half your age

 

[gails]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I personally dont agree with abortions unless theres complications etc, you had the fun now you deal with it!

So pregnancy and a baby are the price you pay for having sex? How Victorian - having a baby, no matter what the personal cost to you, or the impact on your life because This Is The Price You Must Pay

[/ QUOTE ]

Im certainly not in the victorian ages


That is a little harsh.

I had my fun and always said I would have an abortion , but I had taken no precautions as the chances of me ever getting preganant was nil.

Found out I was preganant quite late on, 12 weeks and went to say I was ' getting rid', but heard the heart beat and coukld not do it, I never thought that would happen, as I was a no to kids ever, girl.

Still was determind would have a c-section, as I knew I would hate he/she if had to do it naturally. Got my c-section, after much pleeding.

I love my girl to the end of the world, but have no desire to have another, so those old feelings are still there.

For some babies are not the be all and end all, I miss having baby Daisy but not having nanother baby.

It is only up to the OP, she wants advice not attacking, whatever she decides I hope is right for her, and whatever she decides, she does not regret, be that keep or not.

As has already been said if she does it early it is just cells, that will become a person.

Again hugs, that feeling is stil all too raw for me, but have not regreted keeping her, but that clearly was right for me

So you think ah f**k it, had a bit of fun...oops pregnant.... Attitude is OK

Oh well f**k it i'll get it aborted??

Yeah great! Thats why theres so many adopted kids and f**ked up kids on the streets!
Its not the way to think!!

Im prob half your age

[/ QUOTE ]

 

[gails]

the end of that post is not mine

 

[hellybelly6]

I am 37 and have had the morning after pill twice with my fiance just to be on the safe side. I am not a children person at all and I think if you do not want one now, dont. I wasnt taking any chances in my case.

Having a child now because 'you may not have one in the future' is not a reason to have one and is selfish!

It is better a pregnancy is terminated than an unwanted child is brought into the world.

Talk to each other, talk to your families and think carefully.

 

[AmyMay]

[ QUOTE ]
So you think ah f**k it, had a bit of fun...oops pregnant.... Attitude is OK


[/ QUOTE ]

It's attitudes like this that really do nothing to help what is a hugely emotive debate and subject.

I defend any womans right to abort. Whether it's something I would do or not is irrelevant.

When someone can put forward a good and reasoned debate against abortion I will listen to them. But in over 50 years of debate, none has been forthcomming.......