Pony Club-don't know if I can face another season!

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peaceandquiet1

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Family are in BIG TALKS as shortly we need to decide if we are committing to another season of PC games. Elder child -it's her last season. BUT-she also has a youngster bought 2 years ago for showing etc. and she made no progress really as we were always away at games-or so it felt. Younger child-was a high achiever in games last season but has discovered she is also good at regular riding and wants to spend time on her non-games pony. We kind of got into games by accident and didn't really realise how much it would take over!

It's also expensive-mainly the travelling costs but the entries add up too. And I am knackered all the time and stressed because there is so much in the way of politics. The bickering amongst the adults and the unpleasantness of the trainers etc. was quite unbelievable.

I have suggested giving up but I feel so guilty as elder child really wants to continue.

Bit of a pointless post but I feel better for writing it down anyway!
 
Well if she only has one season left maybe ask her to choose. If she chooses games then maybe the youngster has to go? I think as a parent of a teenager, you make a rod for your own back if you make a decision like that yourself. My mum sold one of my favourite ponies behind my back when I was 15 to make me focus on a bigger, more able youngster and I went on and on about it for years. Given a choice I would have sold the youngster and continued having fun on the smaller, older one.
 
That makes sense only she doesn't want to part with the youngster, she is quite special. I have suggested that many times. We have our own place so we can manage to hang on to her but she will be six next year and really needs to be getting on with things. But I agree-I think she may hold it against me if we don't do next season.
 
I don't have children, but i'm only 21, and can well remember parents having to say no to me wanting to do things because of similar reasons to you, time, expense, other peoples parents, and yes i was upset at the time but i got over it, it didn't ruin my life, and i completely understand that they are human beings who aren't drones put on this earth to devote their whole lives to their offspring.

If you really can't face it, then I wouldn't, seeing as she has two ponies she's obviously not hard done by already! IMO IMO IMO
 
That's interesting, yep my parents certainly didn't spoil me the way she has been spoiled, she has two adorable ponies. The games one doubles up as a fab show pony (he is a Welsh B). I got really stressed last season, it's so intense, and you are expected to make every practice and competition. The younger one missed a few practices for medical reasons and got left in the collecting ring at the next comp, she didn't know she wasn't getting to ride and neither did I, and we drove for two hours for her to sit there feeling silly. She even got sunburn through her shirt that day. It was ridiculous.
 
I agree with the others, think you need to sit her down and ask for a compromise.

She is a very lucky girl to have the opportunities she does. Some people never get those
 
I feel very guilty about suggesting we leave. But-I work really hard all winter caring for the ponies-they are corralled in winter with shelter so endless haynets and poo picking, and I have practically given up competing my own horse because I can only go in winter and it's so hard to get away, and the weather is an issue too. I am worried about funding it all again, you are expected to drive wherever they say, and we had no holiday either. But guilt is a terrible thing!
 
you're not asking her to give up her ponies altogether, but you are a human being and sitting her down and saying you can do one or the other but not both isn't an unreasonable thing to do at all.
 
Well when you put it like that.......they both enjoyed games last season but it knocked the stuffing out of me, it all starts up again in January when we are expected to attend training every weekend. It's quite a long journey and a rotten road.
 
I think it depends on the pony club. If you're not enjoying it, it sounds as though your daughter has enough to be getting on with without carrying on with MG. I loved doing MG with my daughter. We found our elderly 23 year old companion pony was actually rather a wizzy pony, our PC has a keen instructor and very competitive teams, but I think you must be in the wrong PC! Ours is fun and a great laugh, super friendly families all muck in together. Training is week day evenings - one in Jan/Feb, once the PC field is open can be 2 x a week once in strict training for Area, this year 2 x senior and 1 x junior teams qualified for zones. Luckily, we live the furthest away at 23 minutes away (on a good traffic day), so isn't very onerous, training is a hoot, and really fun. Half the rest of the club turn out to cheer them on, older ones who are now too old to compete come and help, so all in all a nice time is had by everyone. However my daughter has decided she didn't enjoy it enough to carry on beyond where they got to (which for her team was Zones, the other senior team went on to the finals), she wanted to focus on her jumping, so that was that!
 
OP i thinl as othets have said a good long grow up talk is required :) your daughtet is very lucky to have 2 ponies and a mother to support her BUT you also come into this given you care and pay for everything and you as human being can only do so much. My daughter had 2 ponies but there was only so much i could do. X
Emmy - can i just say what a lovely refreshing attitude you have for a young adult (im aged). A credit to your parents x
 
Thank you so much for all the replies. Dubsie-youngerchild got to Championships this year, I do love the games, tbh it's not the discipline which is the problem it's all the stress attached to it-yes I think our Branch is probably the issue.
 
Don't know if this may help you and your daughters sort this out:
when my brother and I wanted to pursue different sports our parents sat us down and suggested that they would give us each a 'bank' of time/ferrying us about/etc - what we decided to do was up to us but neither of us could have more than the other.

Is it possible to also have a full and frank discussion with the team organiser - yes, training is important but so is life-balance.
 
Sadly from my own experience games seem to bring out the worst in some parents. A long, long time ago I did games and had a blast but our branch was a new branch and not established in anything so there was little pressure compared with what we saw in other more established, successful branches. We trained hard from Christmas onwards but it was always fun.

My own son belonged to a branch that doesn't have a games team so I haven't experienced things from a parent's point of view however reading your posts OP I get the impression that you are feeling the strain more than your daughters. As you have suggested you need to sit down and have a chat with both children being able to put across their point of view. If the elder wishes to continue is there a compromise available? If the team doesn't qualify for the zones she gives up after the areas? Does the younger one have to accompany you to training? Could she stay home with someone and do the poo picking, haynets etc in return for a non games related outing with her pony and the elder child does the same when younger one is away with her pony? Obviously this still requires a big commitment on your part but it would only be for one season. Otherwise will the chance of a nice family holiday be more appealing than games? The chances are one child will be disappointed but discussing everyone's point of view and letting everyone's voice be heard in a calm manner may help. If that doesn't help then sadly as the adult you have to make the decision you feel is best overall.

I do know how difficult these things are as even with only one horsey child I ended up giving up competing myself when he got to the stage of being out with his ponies. Fortunately in our branch we didn't experience the unpleasantness you have described but the behaviour of games team parents I witnessed at Sansaw a few years back was horrific. Good luck!
 
Is there any way you can get more involved with PC to change the attitudes? (Probably not what you wanted though!) Maybe get her to focus on the younger pony as much as you can for now and go out and about with this one over Christmas - a bit more input might encourage her to carry on with the youngster and drop the games when you suggest it in January...?
 
I like the idea of a Bank of Time but with games-it's all or nothing. You are either completely in-or you are ignored. You cannot question anything and sadly a frank discussion with our trainer ain't going to happen. There is a strong clique and the outsiders just tag along. We go because the kids love the riding freedom, when we joined in at practice a few years ago we had no idea of the commitment required.
 
OP, you sound exhausted and completely fed up with the whole thing. Remember you have rights here too! Kids can'talways have what they want and the sooner they learn that the better they will cope with real life. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but by the sound of it you have given up several years of your life giving your kids exatly what they want, and maybe now they need to be a bit more grown up and acknowledge that you need a rest. Perhaps when you have a had a break for a season you'll be in better shape to do it again. It sounds physically and emotionally draining, and you can't stay in that situation for years on end without a break.
 
My lads never rode seriously so I did not have the problems you have. However, they were both keen cricketers (one was a county player) and we ferried them to and from practices, training and matches. It can get very tiring.

You are not letting either of your children down by just sitting down with them and working out what you are reasonably able to do with them competition wise. Your PC branch's games clique sounds dreadful (and my Mum was a PC secretary, that sort of behaviour would not have happened on her watch!)

It is all supposed to be fun!
 
Tiddlypom said:
My lads never rode seriously so I did not have the problems you have. However, they were both keen cricketers (one was a county player) and we ferried them to and from practices, training and matches. It can get very tiring.

You are not letting either of your children down by just sitting down with them and working out what you are reasonably able to do with them competition wise. Your PC branch's games clique sounds dreadful (and my Mum was a PC secretary, that sort of behaviour would not have happened on her watch!)

It is all supposed to be fun!
Click to expand...

Second that! If OP was socialising with the other parents while the kids were training she would at least be getting something out of it, but it sound miserable.
 
I feel for you OP; I often felt like this and our PC was much easier-going.

MG - For

Both girls enjoy and excel at it
It's one of the most fun things with ponies at this age
Children generally don't pick up on the PC politics etc that bug us Mothers
It would be tough on them going to PC and hearing MG teams news but not being a part of it
You may feel your MG ponies are being 'wasted' if they are not all rounders and time is spent on the other ponies instead.

Against
You would be more in control of time and money spent
You would have more time for the youngster and improving ridden work
Family life less pressured?

It's a difficult one. I suspect you will still be very busy whatever you decide.
It does get easier as the children get older and more efficient with their horsey jobs.
I was just a pony taxi at the end, enjoying watching, drinking coffee and chatting to good friends I made.
 
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As another who doesn't have children but remember competing in games a few years ago i would have a talk with the trainer (but be prepared for it too not go too well). When i started games as a junior our PC was only just getting back into it after years out and everything was great, we came last at area (back when only 8 teams went) but we progressed and it was fun, towards my later senior years not so much, i couldn't vault and still cant and there was too much competitiveness between parents and the other girls. However now my PC has got to champs and other good competitions a lot its now a lot stricter like you say attend all practices or your out sort of thing, i don't know as i could cope with being on the top teams now.

Do your pony club have two or more teams? Could they downgrade to the b team? Therefore possibly less pressure, explain you cannot make all competitions and try and get a date list early and decide which ones you do and don't want to do then liaise with your trainer. Therefore letting her do her last year but just not as competitively also speak to the younger daughter too would she consider this compromise. I know in my current PC i would probably rather downgrade than be under that much pressure.

Also just a final thought if it is that competitive does your daughter really enjoy it or does she also feel that she needs to but doesn't tell you. I used to love going but there are times too when i would have liked to walk away, but at the time my pony although she could jump and stuff but we weren't ever going to go out an BE or anything and i wouldn't sell her to get one that would so i kept going. At the end its not the be all and end all as my mum says, she loves it now but in a couple of years she will probably love showing and may wish she had spent more time doing it.
 
Oh hells bells, I have two daughters a bit younger than yours and will be taking them along to games in Jan for the second season.

I understand completely how you feel, and all I can think of is the total relief that you will feel if you make the decision, stop the games, perhaps even sell the games/show pony and they just have one pony each. To be fair, I possibly wouldn't be brave enough to do that, worrying about what they could be missing out on, but I bet it would be fine. You would start enjoying the ponies a bit more and they could concentrate on practicing other things, dressage, or jumping or whatever they are good at, and you would be free from the tyranny of the team and you could go to whichever competitions you liked when you liked.
 
Would you feel differently if they helped you more with the ponies over the winter? It is supposed to be fun. I didn't have the opportunity to ride at all when I was younger as it was too expensive. So I guess in that respect they are already very fortunate. Maybe sit down as a family and write down all the things you all enjoy doing with the ponies and reasons they like having them. Encourage them to write down what they really want to achieve next season (you should do the same for yours). Then work out what is possible. She may see there is more to enjoy than the games side, and that you all compromise as a family to help each other achieve their goals.
 
TBH I would think you quite unkind to stop your eldest in her last season whens he isp resumeably at the peak of her abilities. MG is such good fun for kids, most of us who did it as kids wish we could continue for longer-if she enjoys it I would keep doing it for one more season-I'd probably tell youngest this was the last season if I was very annoyed by it all.
However-the kids who attend all the practices will be the ones who run -how were the trainers nasty?
 
TBH I would think you quite unkind to stop your eldest in her last season whens he isp resumeably at the peak of her abilities. MG is such good fun for kids, most of us who did it as kids wish we could continue for longer-if she enjoys it I would keep doing it for one more season-I'd probably tell youngest this was the last season if I was very annoyed by it all.
However-the kids who attend all the practices will be the ones who run -how were the trainers nasty?
 
However-they would also have to be insisting that they'd only be going if they did the work! If they are unable to do the maintenance for the ponies then they haven't time to do all the fun riding too.
 
Mine have both done the games route. My daughter is in her last year and is doing very well. the politics from some parents are frustrating but they are the ones whose kids dont do any thing else. My daughter is a lot more serious now but her final year chance at getting through area has been destroyed so she will be doing some MGA this year instead . She has found a good pair and will enjoy that .
I am glad mine have always done other things aswell so they can actually ride properly . There is no doubt though that they ride quite well due to doing games and learning balance and having fun. My daughter was a very nervous rider before but it has gien her so much confidence. I will be glad when this season is over to be honest but I cant deny her doing it. Area is over by May and then they can do other stuff but I will do my best to afford this last season . I am very glad that our PC dont put the kids under that sort of pressure. We dont get to every single practice .
I hope you can sort something out to keep everybody happy including you !!
 
Thank you all again for replying, I have found your input helpful. Nasty trainers-oh I could write a book! It's not the other parents, they are ok and I am friendly with some, I am not totally isolated! I can't help feeling we are going to do this one last season-but younger child-who is the more talented one-has lost interest because she feels she is missing out on other riding opportunities. Our whole Branch treats parents like naughty schoolchildren.
 
MG is a sociable sport but eldest forgets there was a girl on her team last season who used to kick her hard on the ankle when making passes. The rivalry is breathtaking! The trainers eat/breathe/sleep MG and don't understand why anyone would do anything else. But I have a son too and he doesn't ride and he is sick of it all. The trainers either ignore you totally or snap at you. They forget us parents have to fund it all and are expected to work all day at each comp helping to run it. It's knackering but it could be so much more fun. The eldest is not in a pressurised team, in fact her team often gets forgotten about and no one tells them where to be and when at comps. It's a strange Branch.
 
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