Potential sharer for my horse - being a bit bossy already

Serephin

Well-Known Member
Joined
5 April 2007
Messages
2,153
I am thinking of getting a sharer for my horse as he is not doing much at the moment and I have lost my confidence as he was a bit nappy when I first bought him. Its a girl I know and she is very keen, but its freaking me out a bit as I feel like she is rushing me and I want to take it slowly.

He is a typical opinionated cob and needs a firm but fair rider and handler as he can be bolshy and rude on the ground. I am very fond of him and am having a bit of a hard time with the thought of relinquishing control, despite not having much time myself due to a toddler.

I was going to ask for £60 a month for a couple of days a week. She's hoping for 3/4 days, but that seems like too much to me.

Do shares generally work out? I used to share myself many years ago (and ended up buying the horse) but I feel like this needs careful managing as she is very keen, which is good, but also young and is being a bit pushy already. Even questioned if I was intending to sell the horse after she had got it fit. Have no plan to, but thats no business of hers anyway!

I think my feet are getting a little bit cold......
 

FfionWinnie

Well-Known Member
Joined
20 July 2012
Messages
17,010
Location
Scotland
I think it is of course her business if you plan to sell. Why should she pay to get your horse fit then you sell it? Quite simple to say you have no plans to do so.

Personally her attitude would probably annoy me, however step back from the emotions of this, you've got a horse you don't want to or can't ride and someone desperate to ride it for you and pay for the privilege. If she is going to improve your horse therefore make it more likely you can ride it a few times a week and enjoy it, then you can't lose. You'll just have to suck up the feelings of irritation and focus on the positives.
 

PaddyMonty

Well-Known Member
Joined
11 October 2006
Messages
8,349
Location
Northampton
Do shares generally work out? I used to share myself many years ago (and ended up buying the horse) but I feel like this needs careful managing as she is very keen, which is good, but also young and is being a bit pushy already. Even questioned if I was intending to sell the horse after she had got it fit. Have no plan to, but thats no business of hers anyway!
Yes shares do generally work out.
Asking your future plans is perfectly reasonable. I asked the same question of an owner on saturday before taking on the horse and I'm not even making a financial contribution.
If you aren't doing much with the horse and you only let her have 2 days a week then what will the horse be doing the rest of the time.
Reading between the lines i guess you need a sharer but don't really want one. Until you decide you do WANT a sharer then it maynot workout.
 

ester

Not slacking-multitasking
Joined
31 December 2008
Messages
53,322
Location
Cambridge
And if she wants to get the horse fit so she can do more that is going to be tricky if she is only allowed 2 days a week and it isn't doing anything on the others.
I can perfectly understand checking that she isn't paying to put work into a horse that you can then sell particularly if you have other things going on in your life that are likely to last as a situation for a long time.
I have a sharer who doesn't pay because it gives me a couple of days off and Frank needs riding. She only hacks him out, she isn't going to improve him in anyway but keeps him ticking over in the week summer and winter.
 

tallyho!

Wearing a headscarf intriguingly....
Joined
8 July 2010
Messages
14,370
Blimey! You lucky cow to find a sharer that is so keen!!! :D

I say let her get the horse fit and make the most of the time with your toddler. I also have a toddler and good sharers are like unicorn poo. I have to manage it all myself but coping fairly well thanks to good friends and husband.

Years ago I had a young sharer (before child) and she was keen. Best thing ever really. She did all the jumping and fast stuff then I did all the stressage as I was over sj by this point but had a lovely fit lithe dressage horse. I did object to a few things but all in all we had a good relationship and we came home from shows with bundles of rosettes with her doing the jumping stuff and me doing all the sitting around poncing. He should have evented in all honesty but my sharer moved away :(

p.s. I never took a penny off her. I saw it that she was doing me a favour.
 

epeters91

Well-Known Member
Joined
14 May 2015
Messages
450
Location
North Wales
I would say listen to your gut, if your worrying/stressing over the thought that she's trying to take over now then let her know it isn't going to work out. Your horse won't mind some extra time off until you find someone you get on with. I would say if the sharer was the right person for you then you possible wouldn't mind how much time they wanted to spend with the horse, it should leave you able to relax not worrying about what she's doing now.

I'd be a little worried that if she's being pushy and not listening to you now is she going to follow instructions going forwards or is she going to do what she wants instead? I know friends who have been in this position the sharer hasn't listened to feeding instructions/sweet itch instructions etc because they thought they knew better.

I would say she's right to ask if your going to sell the horse, I wouldn't want to get attached to a horse I was sharing just to find the owner was waiting for them to get fit so she could sell.
 

Serephin

Well-Known Member
Joined
5 April 2007
Messages
2,153
I don't intend to sell him, no. Which I have told her.

I hope to have more time once my little girl is a bit older. I suppose I just need to get used to the idea, I am feeling a bit rushed, so just need to put the brakes on a bit. I am going to try and focus on the positives. I got on him again for the first time in 9 months yesterday and he was as good as gold.

Will I need a contract? I'd also prefer that she had rider insurance which I mentioned as well.
 

Deltic Blue

Well-Known Member
Joined
24 March 2013
Messages
337
I think it's very reasonable to ask if the horse will be sold once fit, as she would have put all that work into him, for you to benefit the reward of selling him for a nice amount.

I personally would be happy for someone to ride my horse 3-4 times a week if I wasn't riding at all. It'll do your horse good, and also don't forget, you can be down there when she is, if it doesn't clash with work, just to keep an eye on how they're getting on. Just because you have a sharer doesn't mean you can't go to the yard when they're there. I'd just let them know you might be popping up, so she doesn't think you're watching her all the time.

I'm in a similar situation as I advertised my mare for share before she injured herself 8 weeks ago. I have people keen to come see her, but I'm considering selling her this year now rather than next, like I was originally planning. So I'm holding off on anyone coming to see her until she's back in work. As I will most likely be sending her away to be bought back into work properly then selling, so I don't want a sharer to start, form a bond with her, then I sell her a couple of months later.
 

annagain

Well-Known Member
Joined
10 December 2008
Messages
11,237
I am both a sharer and a sharee. My horse hasn't been able to jump for 9 years. I share my best friend's as she has young kids so that I can jump and compete and have a sharer for my boy to help with getting him ridden.

Shares can work my sharers were with me for 1 year, 6 years and 2 years respectively and all three only ended when the sharers moved away (2 to Wiltshire and 1 to Australia) so I'd like to think I've done it pretty well. My golden rules are:
1. Have a proper agreement so everybody knows where they stand including set days so there's no confusion.
2. Be flexible (now and again). Swap days if one of you has to work late, or is going away for a few days etc. Make it clear this is an exception rather than the norm.
3. Be relaxed - show them how you do things but don't insist they do them the same way.
4 .Be clear - I tell my sharers there are 3 rules - they have 3rd party insurance, they wear hi-viz on the roads and the don't do anything stupid. Other than that they can do what they want (as long as horse is physically up to it, but I consider that part of don't do anything stupid)
5. Be supportive - if they're struggling to get to grips with the horse, give a hand, watch them ride and give tips etc. Investing a bit of time early on makes for a more successful share later on.

These have worked for me. Hope that helps.
 
Last edited:

ester

Not slacking-multitasking
Joined
31 December 2008
Messages
53,322
Location
Cambridge
I would certainly have a contract but also perhaps she is just enthusiastic and excited, rather than pushy? Especially as you say it is someone you know?

Part of the reason I don't have any money paid is because I maintain complete control then and if I want him on a sharer day to go hunting then :p
 

Serephin

Well-Known Member
Joined
5 April 2007
Messages
2,153
I would say listen to your gut, if your worrying/stressing over the thought that she's trying to take over now then let her know it isn't going to work out. Your horse won't mind some extra time off until you find someone you get on with. I would say if the sharer was the right person for you then you possible wouldn't mind how much time they wanted to spend with the horse, it should leave you able to relax not worrying about what she's doing now.

I'd be a little worried that if she's being pushy and not listening to you now is she going to follow instructions going forwards or is she going to do what she wants instead? I know friends who have been in this position the sharer hasn't listened to feeding instructions/sweet itch instructions etc because they thought they knew better.

I would say she's right to ask if your going to sell the horse, I wouldn't want to get attached to a horse I was sharing just to find the owner was waiting for them to get fit so she could sell.
I am trying to figure out if its my gut or my reluctance to relinquish control. And maybe a bit of jealousy as she is braver than me and is planning all the things she wants to do with my horse.
 

ester

Not slacking-multitasking
Joined
31 December 2008
Messages
53,322
Location
Cambridge
the thing with the latter is to remember that it will likely be good for the horse and he will enjoy it.
 

Serephin

Well-Known Member
Joined
5 April 2007
Messages
2,153
I am both a sharer and a sharee. My horse hasn't been able to jump for 9 years. I share my best friend's as she has young kids so that I can jump and compete and have a sharer for my boy to help with getting him ridden.

Shares can work my sharers were with me for 1 year, 6 years and 2 years respectively and all three only ended when the sharers moved away (2 to Wiltshire and 1 to Australia) so I'd like to think I've done it pretty well. My golden rules are:
1. Have a proper agreement so everybody knows where they stand including set days so there's no confusion.
2. Be flexible (now and again). Swap days if one of you has to work late, or is going away for a few days etc. Make it clear this is an exception rather than the norm.
3. Be relaxed - show them how you do things but don't insist they do them the same way.
4 .Be clear - I tell my sharers there are 3 rules - they have 3rd party insurance, they wear hi-viz on the roads and the don't do anything stupid. Other than that they can do what they want (as long as horse is physically up to it, but I consider that part of don't do anything stupid)
5. Be supportive - if they're struggling to get to grips with the horse, give a hand, watch them ride and give tips etc. Investing a bit of time early on makes for a more successful share later on.

These have worked for me. Hope that helps.
That is helpful, thanks. I would feel better with a proper agreement, then everything is down in black and white and we know where we stand. Did you write your own agreement?
 

ihatework

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 September 2004
Messages
17,363
I think you just need to be honest with her! Maybe offer a free trial period for a month and assess after that?
 

annagain

Well-Known Member
Joined
10 December 2008
Messages
11,237
That is helpful, thanks. I would feel better with a proper agreement, then everything is down in black and white and we know where we stand. Did you write your own agreement?
Now you've caught me out. I didn't have a written agreement.*blushes*. The first sharer was a friend so didn't feel I needed one. The 2nd one, I intended to but never got round to it (I only had 6 years to do it :rolleyes:. After the first 6 months I knew I didn't need a written agreement, we got on so well). The third was only ever meant to be short term as she didn't have a car so could only come to ride when I was going up to the yard anyway. It suited us both at the time to go from week to week. She proved to be absolutely amazing though so after about 6 weeks I stopped looking for someone more permanent and we carried on for 2 years! By proper agreement I meant agree who is doing what and when so you know where you stand rather than making airy fairy arrangements where you might ride one Tuesday but not the next etc.

If you want a written agreement you could easily write your own or you could use the BHS loan template and alter it to suit. I did this for the horse I share as his owner has never insured him but I wanted to as I couldn't bear the thought of breaking him and not being able to put it right. The insurance company would only let me do this if I provided them with a written share agreement.
 
Last edited:

wingedhorse

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 November 2005
Messages
806
I would say listen to your gut, if your worrying/stressing over the thought that she's trying to take over now then let her know it isn't going to work out. Your horse won't mind some extra time off until you find someone you get on with. I would say if the sharer was the right person for you then you possible wouldn't mind how much time they wanted to spend with the horse, it should leave you able to relax not worrying about what she's doing now.

I'd be a little worried that if she's being pushy and not listening to you now is she going to follow instructions going forwards or is she going to do what she wants instead? I know friends who have been in this position the sharer hasn't listened to feeding instructions/sweet itch instructions etc because they thought they knew better.

I would say she's right to ask if your going to sell the horse, I wouldn't want to get attached to a horse I was sharing just to find the owner was waiting for them to get fit so she could sell.
It is hard though - I you want someone capable enough to ride and handle a horse that can need firmer reminding, that makes you nervous, you would expect to find a fairly assertive independent sharer, and they will come across this way, but that sounds like the person you need.

If you have a schoolmaster horse, suitable for novices, and are very happy riding, you can look for a totally different sharer, and expect a different relationship.

If the sharer is the right fit to ride a more challenging horse, that scares you, you will need to cut the sharer a bit of slack, and take a bit of step back.
 

wingedhorse

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 November 2005
Messages
806
I am both a sharer and a sharee. My horse hasn't been able to jump for 9 years. I share my best friend's as she has young kids so that I can jump and compete and have a sharer for my boy to help with getting him ridden.

Shares can work my sharers were with me for 1 year, 6 years and 2 years respectively and all three only ended when the sharers moved away (2 to Wiltshire and 1 to Australia) so I'd like to think I've done it pretty well. My golden rules are:
1. Have a proper agreement so everybody knows where they stand including set days so there's no confusion.
2. Be flexible (now and again). Swap days if one of you has to work late, or is going away for a few days etc. Make it clear this is an exception rather than the norm.
3. Be relaxed - show them how you do things but don't insist they do them the same way.
4 .Be clear - I tell my sharers there are 3 rules - they have 3rd party insurance, they wear hi-viz on the roads and the don't do anything stupid. Other than that they can do what they want (as long as horse is physically up to it, but I consider that part of don't do anything stupid)
5. Be supportive - if they're struggling to get to grips with the horse, give a hand, watch them ride and give tips etc. Investing a bit of time early on makes for a more successful share later on.

These have worked for me. Hope that helps.
Agree with this. Though I am more of a control freak re types of work and when schooling and hacking to keep a balanced workload, but I reflect this in types of sharers I have e.g. one only wants to hack etc.

My sharers have to really care about the horses - so if loses a shoe or is injured or unable to work - they care about the horse, not the lost ride. And mine have all been great, really supportive with helping cover vet / farrier visits in times of injury etc. I wouldn't have someone that didn't care about the horses, I try and rejig so all get to do lots of riding and fun stuff, and keep it fair (I've two horses so easy to move around a bit). But sharing is risks and rewards of the ups and downs of horses IMO.
 

applecart14

Well-Known Member
Joined
12 March 2010
Messages
6,270
Location
Solihull, West Mids
I was thinking about sharing my horse a few years ago but to be honest I didn't want him taken out competing and I didn't want him hacked out so realistically it wasn't the right thing for me to do and I didn't bother proceeding.

I think relinquishing control is very difficult, especially if you have always had your horse on a DIY basis - the only time I have ever been separated from my horse is for holidays and when I was ill, I expect having nearly had him for 12 years I would have been there catering to his needs for a good 11 years and eight months during that period of ownership! Guess I am a control freak, but I like to turn out my horse at night myself, or see that he is settled for the night in the winter.

That said I used to let my friend come once a week whilst she was looking for a horse to buy, and I used to help her mount and then leave her to get on with it for the most part just watching for the last ten minutes when I'd done all the yard jobs, I hate people watching me ride their horse so I expect she would have felt the same.
 
Last edited:

wingedhorse

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 November 2005
Messages
806
I also think that working your horse 3-4 or more times a week, will help get him fit from scratch before summer ends. Whether is you or sharer riding. By your description he is unfit and would benefit from a 6-8 week standard fittning programme.

Also any sharer willing to bring a new share unfit horse slowly back into work (which is pretty boring for most) and pay for the privilege sounds fairly AMAZING to me. You'd normally expect to at least not charge them until horse has done the 6 weeks fittening programme and is up to cantering. (Different if you are a long term sharer, and horse needs rehabbing).
 

annagain

Well-Known Member
Joined
10 December 2008
Messages
11,237
My sharers have to really care about the horses - so if loses a shoe or is injured or unable to work - they care about the horse, not the lost ride. And mine have all been great, really supportive with helping cover vet / farrier visits in times of injury etc. I wouldn't have someone that didn't care about the horses, I try and rejig so all get to do lots of riding and fun stuff, and keep it fair (I've two horses so easy to move around a bit). But sharing is risks and rewards of the ups and downs of horses IMO.
Totally agree with this. My 6 year sharer stuck with us even when my boy couldn't be ridden for 8 months. She tried to keep paying me too but I kept putting it back in her car so she wouldn't find it until she was on her way home. When she started doing the same to me - in riding boots etc I saved it and bought her a nice riding coat as she was always complaining she didn't have a nice one.
 

wingedhorse

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 November 2005
Messages
806
I was thinking about sharing my horse a few years ago but to be honest I didn't want him taken out competing and I didn't want him hacked out so realistically it wasn't the right thing for me to do and I didn't bother proceeding.
Think that sounds like a good decision for you. I have two sharers at the moment, and two horses. I am the only competing rider (dressage). But one of my sharers has regular flatwork lessons on one of my horses, but has no interest in competing. Other sharer only hacks, and drives my lorry, and does lots of hacking (and helps supervise first sharer on joint hacks).

I massively benefit from the sharers because they have all year round daytime mid week availability for hacking and riding. Both are in their forties, and are sensible, reliable, and fond of the horses. I offer a chance to have lessons on a quality schoolmaster.

I am experienced enough to be competent with both my horses, and to set boundaries with my sharers, and to support them in enjoying my horses. One pays, and one does two days of chores instead. I hope it is a beneficial agreement all round.
 

wingedhorse

Well-Known Member
Joined
7 November 2005
Messages
806
Totally agree with this. My 6 year sharer stuck with us even when my boy couldn't be ridden for 8 months. She tried to keep paying me too but I kept putting it back in her car so she wouldn't find it until she was on her way home. When she started doing the same to me - in riding boots etc I saved it and bought her a nice riding coat as she was always complaining she didn't have a nice one.
That's lovely.
 

Louby-Jay

Well-Known Member
Joined
23 June 2016
Messages
53
We have had all sorts of sharers for my mums mare (my mum is a nervous rider and the horse, too good a family horse to sell).

First one- Stuck with us for about 18 months but only cared about the riding. She's a HW cob and not a jumper and all she wanted to do was gallop about. Didn't listen and was quite spoilt. Didn't obey our rules about hat wearing etc.

Second one- Older lady but again, only cared about the ride.

Current one- 15 year old girl but really level headed. Absolutely loves the horse and just enjoys the fact of being around them. Always polite and always asks if it's ok if she can do things even though we've said she can.

I do think it's ok to ask about the plans of the horse, especially when there is money exchanged. I wouldn't want to spend the time and money on bonding with a horse for the owner to sell it from under me. I would be gutted.
 

Queenbee

Well-Known Member
Joined
20 August 2007
Messages
11,912
Location
Cumbria
I think it is of course her business if you plan to sell. Why should she pay to get your horse fit then you sell it? Quite simple to say you have no plans to do so.
I would agree with the above, I would not run a mile at the moment tbh, she is young and probably very excited - it may well simmer down a bit! How about going for a compromise of three days? Offer two days a week for £60 or 3 days a week for £80.

be very clear of your expectations and rules and ensure she understands them before you agree to anything.

A slightly over enthusiastic sharer is better than an unenthusiastic one IMO
 

Equine_Dream

Well-Known Member
Joined
2 February 2015
Messages
749
I have been a sharer myself before I bought my own horse. We had a really good relationship and helped each other out. It ended because the mare in question wasn't the quiet sensible ride we both believed (owner only had her a few weeks before she advertised for a sharer).
Having said that I would never have a sharer for any of my horses. I am very fussy about how they are handled and ridden. My gelding has had a bit of a rough time before he came to me. Unfortunately he was hammered around by whip happy kids and is a sensitive little chap now. My mare is only 5. She is a full Welsh sec D and can be a little madam at times especially on the ground. However she needs a sensitive quiet rider. Giving her too much tough love simple winds her up more.
Basically I don't think I could trust anyone else to ride them the way I do. I realise how much of a control freak I sound though :p
 

Micropony

Well-Known Member
Joined
31 May 2015
Messages
1,292
Location
NW London
Sounds as though you aren't really sure you want a sharer at all? I can understand that completely. From your initial post it sounds as though you'd like to be doing it yourself but can't due to a combination of life/time pressures and the fact that he's done a bit of napping.

If you don't want to share the horse won't mind having some time turned away.

If you want him to be ridden etc. then I don't think you should be too put off by what sounds like a very keen and enthusiastic person!

I have been on both sides of the sharing relationship before now, and it has worked really well. I would say the most important thing is to be clear about the setup, e.g. what the sharer can and can't do, how you expect things to work. When it seems to go wrong is when goalposts move and people make different assumptions.

Best of luck finding an arrangement that works for all three of you!
 

Serephin

Well-Known Member
Joined
5 April 2007
Messages
2,153
Sounds as though you aren't really sure you want a sharer at all? I can understand that completely. From your initial post it sounds as though you'd like to be doing it yourself but can't due to a combination of life/time pressures and the fact that he's done a bit of napping.

If you don't want to share the horse won't mind having some time turned away.

If you want him to be ridden etc. then I don't think you should be too put off by what sounds like a very keen and enthusiastic person!

I have been on both sides of the sharing relationship before now, and it has worked really well. I would say the most important thing is to be clear about the setup, e.g. what the sharer can and can't do, how you expect things to work. When it seems to go wrong is when goalposts move and people make different assumptions.

Best of luck finding an arrangement that works for all three of you!
Yes! Thats totally it. I would prefer to be doing it myself. ��

I am going to have a good long think. I realise I am lucky to potentially have someone so enthusiastic. I am pretty good at sticking to a routine, and prefer things that way, something too flexible would stress me out too much. I think a trial month is a good plan, we'll see how things go.

Thanks for all the help and advice everyone that has posted, its helped me calm down a bit more, still got a niggly feeling of doubt though, so am going to take it slow and make sure it feels right for all parties.
 
Top