Potential sharer for my horse - being a bit bossy already

Sugar_and_Spice

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I'm going to reply about the bit where you say she's pushing you. It's July. Everyone wants to ride through summer. She's going to be looking for a share horse ASAP and isn't going to want to wait around a month whilst you have a good long think about whether you want a sharer or not. She's most likely coming across pushy because in her eyes, you've had a conversation about sharing the horse and if you want a sharer then she just wants to get on with it. If you're not sure about sharing full stop, I'd tell her so, then she'll stop being "pushy" about starting the arrangement and can also choose to look elsewhere if she wants to, which will do more for your friendship than if you keep stringing her along then decide not to go through with it after all.
 

Bens_Mum

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Yes! Thats totally it. I would prefer to be doing it myself. ��

I am going to have a good long think. I realise I am lucky to potentially have someone so enthusiastic. I am pretty good at sticking to a routine, and prefer things that way, something too flexible would stress me out too much. I think a trial month is a good plan, we'll see how things go.

Thanks for all the help and advice everyone that has posted, its helped me calm down a bit more, still got a niggly feeling of doubt though, so am going to take it slow and make sure it feels right for all parties.
I wrote your post about 20 months ago and did I regret letting it go ahead yes it was a nightmare for many reasons the girl was pushy and didn't listen, I got really annoyed with it because I was still paying the lions share and dealing with someone who drove me nuts and in the end the horse was injured because of things being done too fast (not very fit). Boots were left on in the stable and headcollars we even had one night with no hay given. I felt like it was expensive and stressful.
If you have managed to get back on well done you ether turn away or just do what you can. At three they all will get the 30 hours free nursery now you can't be far away I would just bide my time .
I'm not saying all sharers are like mine but she was pushy from the off and I was reluctant as you are gut feeling shouldn't be ignored. Horses have no ambitions remember that!
 

Serephin

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I'm going to reply about the bit where you say she's pushing you. It's July. Everyone wants to ride through summer. She's going to be looking for a share horse ASAP and isn't going to want to wait around a month whilst you have a good long think about whether you want a sharer or not. She's most likely coming across pushy because in her eyes, you've had a conversation about sharing the horse and if you want a sharer then she just wants to get on with it. If you're not sure about sharing full stop, I'd tell her so, then she'll stop being "pushy" about starting the arrangement and can also choose to look elsewhere if she wants to, which will do more for your friendship than if you keep stringing her along then decide not to go through with it after all.
You are making some big assumptions there. Hardly stringing her along, only mentioned it a few days ago! She wasn't looking either.

Nasty post.
 

Serephin

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I wrote your post about 20 months ago and did I regret letting it go ahead yes it was a nightmare for many reasons the girl was pushy and didn't listen, I got really annoyed with it because I was still paying the lions share and dealing with someone who drove me nuts and in the end the horse was injured because of things being done too fast (not very fit). Boots were left on in the stable and headcollars we even had one night with no hay given. I felt like it was expensive and stressful.
If you have managed to get back on well done you ether turn away or just do what you can. At three they all will get the 30 hours free nursery now you can't be far away I would just bide my time .
I'm not saying all sharers are like mine but she was pushy from the off and I was reluctant as you are gut feeling shouldn't be ignored. Horses have no ambitions remember that!
Sorry it didn't work out. Thats what I am afraid of. Extra stress is something I really want to avoid at all costs. I am too tired!
 

Bens_Mum

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Sorry it didn't work out. Thats what I am afraid of. Extra stress is something I really want to avoid at all costs. I am too tired!
Me too and sadly the little treasure still doesn't sleep either! I was too emotionally drained and tired to deal with it huge stress and agrivation followed. It sounds like you have enough on I would leave it alone
 

wingedhorse

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Me too and sadly the little treasure still doesn't sleep either! I was too emotionally drained and tired to deal with it huge stress and agrivation followed. It sounds like you have enough on I would leave it alone
I remember your posts. And the stress. Benefit of hindsight though it sounds like the girl in your experience was never that mature / considerate / experienced / reliable / concerned about the horse's welfare. And the warning signs were there. And she was a child which is a higher chance of sharing related problems IME. Speaking as someone who has had many sharers, and has learnt to spot the ones to avoid a long way off.
 

GirlFriday

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You are making some big assumptions there. Hardly stringing her along, only mentioned it a few days ago! She wasn't looking either.

Nasty post.
Hard to read maybe but you do come across as being a bit of a time waster. I would have expected someone to know they wanted a sharer before offering it to me really...
So, whilst I appreciate it isn't intentional you could be seen to be messing this potential sharer around a bit...
 

Maesto's Girl

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As someone who currently shares a lovely (but green & unfit) Welsh D I just wanted to chip in to give my side...

I would want to know your plans as I would hate to get attached and then have to deal with losing them, and also, as I am training and getting her fit, I really would want to benefit from the hard work I put in.

The lady I share with is lovely and just wants what is best for her and she really didn't have the time to give her the training and exercise she needs so I help her out 3 times a week - 2 evenings and a Sunday. If she needs me to do something as she ran out of time, I will step in and it is in no way about the riding! Sometimes i can just go and groom her, make sure she is fit and well and just generally have some bonding time. When I am with her, I treat her like she is mine and she has definitely come to trust me...which is a lovely feeling. I also help out by buying things that are (and sometimes are just for fun) are needed. I've bought new stirrup leathers as the original ones were horrible, a couple of new items for the grooming kit and new fly spray as the old one was running low.

I definitely think you need some time to decide if you are comfortable having a sharer, and I agree that if you are unsure, a trial period would be a good idea for you to a) get used to giving yourself a rest and b) getting to know your sharer. You will know quite quickly if it's going to work out and as long as you are upfront with this, the sharer should be fine.
 

hairycob

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To be blunt if you aren't emotionally ready for a sharer it won't work even if it was Carl Hester prepared to do whatever you wanted in return for £50 per week & all chores.
 

abbijay

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I've previously been a sharer and since getting pregnant (4 years ago) I have had a steady stream of sharers, generally lasting 1 -2 years each and all only moving on for their own reasons. It did take a bit of adapting to shared horse life, learning to accept that things will be done just perhaps not exactly how I would, but it has reaped huge benefits.
I know nothing of your personal situation but will having a sharer actually free up time for you to ride? I have a deal with my husband that I can go out several evenings a week to ride and in exchange he gets to go bike riding on the sharers' nights. If you are just doing this for your horse's benefit I can see why you are reluctant.

I am trying to figure out if its my gut or my reluctance to relinquish control. And maybe a bit of jealousy as she is braver than me and is planning all the things she wants to do with my horse.
A share where you are jealous of the sharer will not work out but there are ways to counteract this. Firstly you need to be clear that he's your horse and always will be - I very quickly identify them as "aunties/uncles" and would get upset if they referred to them as anything more than their share horse or friends' horse or part loan. I suspect I would be very jealous even now if I saw/heard them refer to him as theirs. Secondly, if there are specific things you would be jealous of make it explicitly clear that they're off limits activities and as an owner you are well within your rights to define the boundaries without needing to justify them. Don't be unreasonable but if you can't bear the idea of someone else competing him then say it's not an option or if you don't want them jumping then that's ok too. Finally if there is money involved definitely get an agreement signed as it's harder to say no to things when someone feels they are "buying a sharer" rather than just helping out. Plus it explicitly states that the money is only towards up keep and you can stipulate your conditions. I amended the BHS loan contract to suit and I have no idea how well it would stand up in a court of law but it does at least give both parties a vague framework. If you wanted I'd happily email my version over.
 

MagicMelon

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I think it is of course her business if you plan to sell. Why should she pay to get your horse fit then you sell it? Quite simple to say you have no plans to do so.

Personally her attitude would probably annoy me, however step back from the emotions of this, you've got a horse you don't want to or can't ride and someone desperate to ride it for you and pay for the privilege. If she is going to improve your horse therefore make it more likely you can ride it a few times a week and enjoy it, then you can't lose. You'll just have to suck up the feelings of irritation and focus on the positives.
This. But to be fair, I dont really see why she should have to pay to possibly sort out your horse... it'd be different if the horse was a dream to ride as people would obviously pay for the privelidge but this almost sounds like you want her to sort the horse out for you but rather than paying her, you're asking her to pay you! I'm sure that's not how you mean it intended but that's how I'd think of it personally. I think if she wanted 3 / 4 days that'd be better for the horse since its going to be long slow progress for her to improve the horse if she can only work on it 2 days a week.
 
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