Problems with Sharer

telerimist

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Thankfully now ex-sharer. I advertised my mare to part share (due to uni exams) 3 days a week with a long trial due to her being sensitive and very sharp and NOT a novice ride but very safe and not silly and I also made clear she needed a confident rider who could school to a good level as my mare enjoys being challenged with opportunities to regularly compete.
Very lovely lady came and tried and seemed fine, to be fair she said she was a bit nervous as not ridden a horse for a few months. But had all BHS stages and worked on a yard and used to compete RC dressage up to novice so to me seemed a good thing!
Offered a 2 month trial to allow lady to get to grips with her, my instructor was at my yard every Wednesday if she needed a hand/advice.
The first month went fine, she was mainly hacking to get a feel for her and told me she was schooling once a week and had been fine and was enjoying her.
Toward the end of my second month my horse went very backward in her work, initially I thought it was me as had not been riding much as concentrating on my uni revision so I brushed it off as lady said she had been fine with her. Exams came and went so I started riding more, instantly felt my horse was completely not herself (I've had her 6 years since she was backed!) and found out from another livery she had in fact not schooled once and had only done some short hacks but had been so nervous she had her O/H walk with her. At the stage, still on trial and no money had been exchanged or permanent sharer agreement signed, only a trial agreement.
In the end I confronted this and asked to see her school her to my amazement she couldn't stop her in trot or canter and was so tense and heavy handed I knew this was what had caused my mare to be so odd, yet my YO 13yo daughter can happily ride in all paces and pop fences happily on a big mare!
Sharer politely ditched and had a Physiotherapist and an McTimoney Specialist out, to which they both agreed it appears her heavy handedness and tense seat has caused my mare to twist her pelvis and become blocked behind the saddle area due to all the built up tension.
I am now 2 months later and £300 down on physio and massage treatments and my mare is only starting to work softly and in an outline again after previously being competed up to elementary level unaff, but to top it all off my ex-sharer has started riding another horse at my yard (which was my friends, not so much anymore) after bulls***ing about what experience she really has and her intentions where just having a pretty horse to hack. Now leaving the time I spend with my horse very awkward having the last person I want round my horse on the yard. We have to book the school where we are and she always seems to appear every time I book it to ride, which is almost on a daily basis!

What can or should I do? Politely tell her to sod off and leave my horse and I alone to get on. Or should I just ignore and bite my tongue?
I've never been in this kind of situation before and I love the yard I'm at but I want to enjoy my horse without having that every day and the last thing I want to do is move :(
Any advice would be much appreciated!
 

crabbymare

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I would ignore her and let her get bored arranging her time to nose and also make sure when you ride you let her see how well your mare is going and how "easy" she is to ride :D
 

GlamourPuss86

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Id be tempted to stick ear phones in and pretend you can't hear her ;) just tuck the end down your top... not that I've EVER done that of course.... :D

Failing that just tell her that it's cost you a lot of money to get her right as SOMETHING happened whilst you weren't riding her and wait for this woman to scuttle off.
 

tessybear

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I'd just ignore her, nod and be polite if you have to ( avoid tension) but just pretend she isn't there. As long as she isn't going near your horse i don't see a huge issue with it apart from it maybe being awkward for the pair of you.
 

telerimist

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Id be tempted to stick ear phones in and pretend you can't hear her ;) just tuck the end down your top... not that I've EVER done that of course.... :D

Failing that just tell her that it's cost you a lot of money to get her right as SOMETHING happened whilst you weren't riding her and wait for this woman to scuttle off.
I already ride in headphones so people don't bother me to talk whilst I'm trying to concentrate lol!

I would but I don't want to cause the yard to be more awkward than it already is! We have a lovely set of liveries and my YO is to die for so wouldn't want to go upsetting anybody.
May leave it if it gets worse and try that!
 

telerimist

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I would ignore her and let her get bored arranging her time to nose and also make sure when you ride you let her see how well your mare is going and how "easy" she is to ride :D
I would try to ignore her and hopefully she will get bored and it will all blow over in a couple of weeks .

Finding a good sharer is a nightmare though:(
I'd just ignore her, nod and be polite if you have to ( avoid tension) but just pretend she isn't there. As long as she isn't going near your horse i don't see a huge issue with it apart from it maybe being awkward for the pair of you.
Thank you all, will just get on with it. I'm not a confrontational person and I wouldn't want to make anything worse. My YO did ask if I was ok with it all as I'm actually a paying livery but I quickly said yes it's fine without thinking about it as I didn't wan to cause any problems!
 

paddi22

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I think you were mad to take on a sharer without seeing her ride your horse. I'd just be friendly and carry on my business, she has every right to be there as much as you do.
 

telerimist

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I think you were mad to take on a sharer without seeing her ride your horse. I'd just be friendly and carry on my business, she has every right to be there as much as you do.
I did watch her ride my horse and she was fine at first so this is why I was amazed when she had the problems. And I'm a paying livery and have been there years whereas she is not, she only rides the new horse.
 

Twinkley Lights

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I would ignore her it was a time limited problem and in a couple of months she will have shared the new one longer than yours. I would just be busy as others have suggested if she is trying to make small talk and isn't your sort. Sounds like she is struggling to be honest with herself re: lack of riding experience or ability.
 

telerimist

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I would ignore her it was a time limited problem and in a couple of months she will have shared the new one longer than yours. I would just be busy as others have suggested if she is trying to make small talk and isn't your sort. Sounds like she is struggling to be honest with herself re: lack of riding experience or ability.
That's very true, thank you. Will follow your advice.
 

Natch

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"Sharer politely ditched and had a Physiotherapist and an McTimoney Specialist out, to which they both agreed it appears her heavy handedness and tense seat has caused my mare to twist her pelvis and become blocked behind the saddle area due to all the built up tension."

I'm surprised that such heavy handedness and tense seat wasn't obvious from the word go, did you see her ride oseveral times, hacking and school? Did you see her w/t/c?

I'm also unclear as to what the problem is with her riding someone else on your yard's horse. Is she being bitchy? :confused:
 

Spring Feather

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I'm struggling to see the big problem here. You have your horse back and can enjoy riding again. Ex-sharer has a new, and hopefully more suitable, horse to ride. So what if she comes to watch you ride or is around when you are there? :confused: Just get on and enjoy your horse and stop being so preoccupied with what others do surely?
 

cobalobM

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I did watch her ride my horse and she was fine at first so this is why I was amazed when she had the problems. And I'm a paying livery and have been there years whereas she is not, she only rides the new horse.
she told you she was nervous and hadn't ridden for a few months- not like she made out she was a top rider or anything! so you knew she was nervous and saw her ride, and agreed to a trial, when it sounds like this women was the only one regularly riding your horse- okay she shouldn't have lied to you about schooling etc at the end of the day you are the one letting her ride your horse! It's not her fault she isn't up to your standard.

she also has every right to be on the yard if she is sharing another horse, as long as she is not being bitchy or causing arguments then I don't see the problem-
 

telerimist

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"Sharer politely ditched and had a Physiotherapist and an McTimoney Specialist out, to which they both agreed it appears her heavy handedness and tense seat has caused my mare to twist her pelvis and become blocked behind the saddle area due to all the built up tension."

I'm surprised that such heavy handedness and tense seat wasn't obvious from the word go, did you see her ride oseveral times, hacking and school? Did you see her w/t/c?

I'm also unclear as to what the problem is with her riding someone else on your yard's horse. Is she being bitchy? :confused:
I've had my horse since she was backed and for 6 years now, she's only ever had myself as a rider and being only 9stone and always using light aids both physicians agreed that due to the sharer being heavier than myself and riding a lot heavier and being tense would have caused these problems.

I saw her ride her 3 times, I also accompanied her twice on a hack on another horse to which my horse was completely safe and well behaved with no issues, maybe because I was watching and she felt she knew best when I wasn't around.

Not necessarily 'bitchy' but definitely saying things in attempt to get at me, for example after she came back into work after all the physio she was still being v. hollow and dead to my aids and ex-sharer would say things like 'she's not looking right is she' or 'I think you need to seek more help, riding her like that won't help'. It's just not needed when I'm having to deal with issues she's caused when I never had a problem with this horse in the whole time I've owned her.
I suppose it's not her riding someone else's horse, she's just the last person I want around my horse let alone on the same yard everyday. I don't know if I'm being petty and silly but it's but for someone who put my poor horse in pain I don't want to see everyday :(
 

telerimist

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I'm struggling to see the big problem here. You have your horse back and can enjoy riding again. Ex-sharer has a new, and hopefully more suitable, horse to ride. So what if she comes to watch you ride or is around when you are there? :confused: Just get on and enjoy your horse and stop being so preoccupied with what others do surely?
she told you she was nervous and hadn't ridden for a few months- not like she made out she was a top rider or anything! so you knew she was nervous and saw her ride, and agreed to a trial, when it sounds like this women was the only one regularly riding your horse- okay she shouldn't have lied to you about schooling etc at the end of the day you are the one letting her ride your horse! It's not her fault she isn't up to your standard.

she also has every right to be on the yard if she is sharing another horse, as long as she is not being bitchy or causing arguments then I don't see the problem-

Well apologies! I was only asking for advice on whether to ignore her being there or to get her to leave me alone concerning other issues following the trial.
The problem with my horse has been resolved and she's improving so that is not what I'm asking.
It's got nothing to do with her being up to my standard, she initially said she wanted to school and enjoyed it and low level competing she would be interesting. Not lying to get onto a nice yard to wiggle onto trying to ride other horses.

As said above if you'd read you'd see she's giving me unnecessary comments to get at me for no reason when I've been nothing but polite. So back to my initial question, of do I continue to ignore and just get on or should I just be honest and say please could I be left alone.
 

Amymay

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she had in fact not schooled once and had only done some short hacks but had been so nervous she had her O/H walk with her.
Then how can this person possibly have damaged your horse?

Sorry, I can't really see how this person is in any way to blame for your horses 'twisted' pelvis.

As for ignoring her - why on earth would you?
 
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cobalobM

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As said above if you'd read you'd see she's giving me unnecessary comments to get at me for no reason when I've been nothing but polite.
there is 2 sides to every story- she may have not taken you as 'polite' when you told her you didn't want her riding your horse anymore- but obv I don't know what was said.

I don't see what you can do to be honest, can't exactly get her kicked of the yard because you didn't like the way she was riding your horse! she has obviously found a more suitable horse with an owner that is happy.
 

Twinkley Lights

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I think some folks are judging here. The op was very clear that the horses way of going was very different before and after the share. Seems like something happened but she may never know what - given that she nicely brought the arrangement to an end. The op was also clear that prev sharer has been making digs and seems better to ignore someone who is having a dig until they get bored than to stoop to be unpleasant in return:confused:.
 

Perfect_Pirouette

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Your horse may have suffered a slight lack in confidence due to sharer's lack of confidence. However, if she was only hacking her out very shortly a few times a week for a number of weeks I really, honestly doubt it has caused a twisted pelvis.

Not sure what the big deal is with her still being on the yard? Just smile politely and say hello and leave it at that. In another few weeks it'll be a distant memory for you both.

ETA- Sorry, missed the bit where you say she is making digs. My advice would still be the same, just smile and say hello and go on about your daily business. She will soon get bored if she is being bitchy.
 

Juni141

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I do feel for OP as your time at the yard with your horse is meant to be your relaxing, enjoyable time...

And I do think the catty comments on here are unnecessary, especially when people blatantly haven't read the whole thread!!

Ignore her, she will soon pale into insignificance... And flip it on its head and think of it that your horse obviously was out in its pelvis etc and for whatever reason (be it her riding or something completely different) you've now had it treated and she is feeling better and getting back to how she was!

:)
 

WelshD

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If she is as bad a rider as you say then perhaps the next share wont last long either so in the meantime chin up and ignore her
 

Natch

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Ah okay thanks for clarifying, it wasn't clear before that she was making digs, which I think is your main problem now?

I would deal with it the same way I would deal with any other livery sticking their oar in, and say a polite "thanks, I've got all the advice and help I need" and a "I'm sorry I find it really offputting when people watch me ride, would you mind just leaving me to it? "

I think it is unreasonable to mind her just being on your yard, but not unreasonable to expect her to mind her own business :)
 

Loulou2002

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Just how badly does someone need to ride in such a short space of time to put a horses pelvis out?
Agree, perhaps she doesn't ride the same as you but i think maybe she is taking the blame for a lot more than she should be. As far as what you should do, just carry on as you are and put it down to experience. You have your horse back, just be polite and ignore any comments from her. It'll all blow over.
 

Natch

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*quietly combusts in the corner over the expression "his/her pelvis is 'out'"* :eek:
 

WandaMare

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My advice is to avoid her as best you can even if that means changing your riding times to when she's not there. You can't really object to her being on the yard but if she speaks to you just say something like 'sorry, don't feel too sociable, I'm a bit short on time' and leave it at that. It sounds like she's got well under your skin, so keeping your distance until you feel less irritated by her is probably the best way forward.
 

Spring Feather

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Then how can this person possibly have damaged your horse?

Sorry, I can't really see how this person is in any way to blame for your horses 'twisted' pelvis.
I have to say, this was exactly my first thoughts when I read the OP. Actually it's quite unbelievable to me that this person could possibly be the reason for this horse twisting it's pelvis given the amount of riding and the type of riding she's been doing :confused:
 
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