PTS - being there with the horse or not?

[Pegasus5531]

I've posted on here before as I very sadly lost my mare to a severe tendon injury last year which resulted in PTS. I put off buying a new horse for a while but earlier this year took the plunge and bought a horse I knew well from a friend. We have had an amazing summer together but unfortunately after a bout of symptoms but no obvious cause, an ultrasound has detected tumours that are too advanced and too wide spread to treat.

I'm devastated to be in this position so soon and really dreading facing the whole procedure of putting another horse to sleep. My last horse was not already at the vets we had to transport her there so then I wanted to stay with her as I was worried she would be unsettled.

My gelding this time is already at the vets and has been there a week now with regular visits from me. Now that the decision has been made to pts I'm finding visiting him distressing and I'm undecided about whether to drive over when he is pts in next few days or whether to leave my last memory of him as I saw him at the weekend when I took a picnic to have with him in the hand grazing paddock and he was still quite happy and relaxed.

I suppose what I'm asking is has anyone had any regrets about not being there when their horse was pts?

 

[eggs]

I am very sorry to hear that you are in this position.

There is no right or wrong answer and in the end you just have to do what feels right. I have been there when my horses have been pts at home (all bar one was a planned pts) and not when they were already at the vet hospital although in all of those cases it was BEVA guidelines due to their condition and so wasn't planned. I very much regret that they could not be saved but don't regret that I wasn't there.

 

[rabatsa]

Keep your last memory a good one, you know that he is being well looked after at the vets, he has been there a while so should not miss you.

 

[Prancerpoos]

So sorry to hear that you have so much bad luck.

I do not think the horse will notice if you come and see him or don’t, so it will be entirely down to how it would make you feel. I have always absented myself when I have had my horses pts as I have assumed that my distress would somehow be transmitted to my horse.

 

[Pearlsacarolsinger]

I'm so sorry that you are in this position again, so soon after the last time. I think you have to do whatever is best for you, the horse is settled at the vets, used to the routine and won't know that the last injection is the final one.
I have always been present for horses' pts (at home) but have had smaller animals pts at the vets e.g., not brought round from an exploratory operation which I have found upsetting because I couldn't be there. But I am not you.

 

[ILuvCowparsely]

I've posted on here before as I very sadly lost my mare to a severe tendon injury last year which resulted in PTS. I put off buying a new horse for a while but earlier this year took the plunge and bought a horse I knew well from a friend. We have had an amazing summer together but unfortunately after a bout of symptoms but no obvious cause, an ultrasound has detected tumours that are too advanced and too wide spread to treat.

I'm devastated to be in this position so soon and really dreading facing the whole procedure of putting another horse to sleep. My last horse was not already at the vets we had to transport her there so then I wanted to stay with her as I was worried she would be unsettled.

My gelding this time is already at the vets and has been there a week now with regular visits from me. Now that the decision has been made to pts I'm finding visiting him distressing and I'm undecided about whether to drive over when he is pts in next few days or whether to leave my last memory of him as I saw him at the weekend when I took a picnic to have with him in the hand grazing paddock and he was still quite happy and relaxed.

I suppose what I'm asking is has anyone had any regrets about not being there when their horse was pts?

I would never have the gun so would never be there.

All mine injected and all, I was there except two were at RVC and I had to make that call, I would always be there 99 and would not have it any other way.

 

[TPO]

It's a personal thing that no one can answer for you.

I always have been, and plan always to be, there for all of my horses (& pets*). To me it is the least I owe them, to have a familiar presence. but that's me and my opinion, doesn't make that the only way.

*when I had pet rats pts the vet took them away because of how they are pts. They went together and weren't that keen on me anyway!

 

[Sossigpoker]

I wasn't present for any of the three horses I have had to let go ,.simply because mentally I wasn't able to.
They wouldn't have known anything about it though , that's how I console myself.
The day before I spent some nice time with them and told them everything I needed to.
My own vet knows I'm very sensitive so doesn't recommend that I see my horse falling.

If you don't feel able to be there for the event itself, please at least go and say good bye and spend some time together. I still look back at those times with fondness.

 

[babymare]

I’m so sorry you are going through this again. In a situation like this there is no right or wrong. You must go with what you feel is right for you. I’m sure no right minded person would think any less of you if you decide not to be there. Sending big hugs

 

[Alibear]

For various reasons, I've not been there as yet and I have no regrets. My horses were in a routine that they were used to and were not stressed by changes and I'm told they went peacefully.
It was of no benefit to them for me to have been there and would have actually made the situation worse in one case as it would have delayed things.

 

[ycbm]

I have had 7 pts in 45 years. I was there for 5 but for the other 2 I thought I would be so upset that I would upset the horse so I left them with people who knew them.

There is no right answer, you must do what you think feels right.
.

 

[ycbm]

I would never have the gun so would never be there.

There's no connection between the method and whether the owner is present.

 

[littleshetland]

Ive had to say goodbye to a few, and Ive never been there. I just couldn't face it, but my partner who's always known my horses well and has loved them too has always stepped up for me while I've removed myself from the premises ....gone for a walk to a local beauty spot, whatever.
Ive been present whilst other peoples or friends horses have had to be despatched. Its not very nice, but Ive been ok about being there for them. The last words they've heard is that they have been loved.
No one would think badly of you if you decide not to be present.

 

[Pegasus5531]

I would never have the gun so would never be there.

All mine injected and all, I was there except two were at RVC and I had to make that call, I would always be there 99 and would not have it any other way.

Both my previous horses were pts by the vet one at home and one at the vets and I was there for both. Personally PTS by vet is the only method I would choose but I wouldn't want to judge anyone who chose another method.

If I were taking him to the vets or the vets were coming to us I would be there with him regardless of it being upsetting for me but since he is as happily settled as possible and already there I worry I will upset him and myself more by turning up and being visibly upset.

Thank you everyone for your personal experiences so far. At least it's always comforting to know that you are never alone with the grief you feel when losing a beloved horse as all other horse owners have experienced the same.

 

[Bernster]

Very sorry to read that

 

[SEL]

I'm very sorry. I absolutely hate this part of our journey with our horses and it seems very cruel you are having to do it again so soon.

If you are happy that you won't have any regrets by not visiting one more time then you absolutely don't need to be there. Every vet I have met who has to put a horse down has done it with dignity and compassion. They know owners get upset and they know we can upset our sensitive horses so they won't think any less of you if you can't go. Its entirely your choice.

 

[Ceriann]

It’s very much down to you and how you can best cope before, during and after. I have been with mine - one planned and one not. The planned one, I genuinely don’t think it made any difference for the horse as she was poorly but the unplanned one, I feel like I was able to calm my horse and give her reassurance, which then helped me process things later. I am very sorry you are having to go through this again so soon.

 

[Trouper]

None of us can give you the answer. There are so many factors involved and the permutations for each one of us will be so different. It seems very hard to be in this situation so soon - my last two were 18 months apart and only young.

The only advice I can offer is to think of how you are going to feel afterwards if you were there - or not. You are the one who will have to be comfortable with how it all unfolded - and with the memories you take forward.

 

[Goldenstar]

Well , you need to do what’s best for you , because I don’t think he will be thinking where are you .
I am very sorry to hear that you have been unlucky twice in quick succession.
They will treat him with kindness dignity and compassion it’s something they do with great care .

 

[Gloi]

I couldn't face it so said goodbye and left him in the hands of the YO who has been through it many times and sorted it all with the fallen stock people.

 

[Sprout]

With all of mine, I preferred to remember them alive as my last memory.
I am so sorry you are facing this again so soon. xx

 

[sassandbells]

I’m so sorry you’re in this position, it’s never an easy call to make and there’s no right or wrong either way. Sending hugs!

The two where I had the option to be there, I chose to stay away. I spent their last few hours with them giving them fuss & attention and all their favourite foods. My last memory of my heart horse was of how happy she was being supplied with endless treats and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

[pistolpete]

Was there once and not once. Totally personal. Would always be there if possible.

 

[spacefaer]

I held our boy when he went this morning.
Up to you how you feel about it but it never occurred to me not to be there.
A bit different if they're at the vets and you haven't given them their breakfast and mucked them out that morning.
The physicadistance e may give you some emotional distance too, to be able to deal with the loss.

 

[AShetlandBitMeOnce]

I have had 3 PTS, I have been there until the last minute but then handed them to a familiar (to horse) face - all have been dispatched with a gun. I haven't regretted it once and I'm thankful that I remember tham all alive as a lasting final memory.
In your situation, you need to do what is best for you. Like someone up thread has said, horse is settled and in a routine and will have no idea that this needle is the final one. I would also fear that my being upset would upset them. I'm very sorry you're going through this.

 

[ycbm]

Sorry Spacefaer

 

[Time for Tea]

Very sorry to hear of your bad luck with these two horses. If I were you, I would leave it to the vets, who will do the task well. I might visit my horse though, a day or two before, and take him treats and read him a poem.
I have had four put to sleep.

 

[spacefaer]

@ycbm thank you. Being planned doesn't make it any easier

 

[IrishMilo]

I've had three PTS by gun - one I stayed for the whole thing, watched the horse go down etc. I wasn't that attached to him so I found it easier. I will say it was much much less traumatic that most think it will be. The other two I loved to bits - I was there except for the act itself. Once it was done I went back to them and lay with them for a few minutes to say goodbye. It's definitely not for everyone but I felt I needed to.

 

[southerncomfort]

I have no useful advice, but I'm so sorry that you are going through this again so soon.

I've been there for mine, but I can't pretend it didn't leave me traumatised every time.

I can't tell you what to do, but neither (being there or not) is wrong in my opinion.