Pushy Mums

[rockinghorse]

My daughter attended local competition this weekend and I was horrified to see a "Pushy Mum" Young child hysterical in tears not wanting to enter showring on her pony. Mum very loud and threatening all sorts of punishments unless said child entered showring to take part in SJ competition. Child clearly distressed and wanting to get off pony, Mum angry & shouting abuse. I was waiting with my daughter along with other mums and we felt really uncomfortable. Poor kid obviously nervous / unhappy. I wanted to say for Goodness Sake leave kid alone and go home. Instead I stood silent with embarressment and said nothing. Child entered showring came off pony in the first corner and made quick exit. OMG poor kid and horrid parent. What was enjoyable about that????

 

[hadfos]

Always wise to keep mouth shut in that sort of scenario..likely to get a chavvy mouth full

Sadly it is all to commonplace these days,makes me cringe,poor kids and ponies(as the ponies normally get a sock in the teeth from child because the parents have got hem so exasperated with themselves the pony is the only release they have,as a thick ear more than likely from the parent if they dare say they dont want to do it

 

[indiat]

I don't understand the 'scream at the them until they do it' school of thought. I always let my daughter decide and sometimes she lets her nerves get the bette of her. But she often gets angry at herself and then is more determined to do it the second chance she gets - and she's eight! Unfortunatley, there is nothing you can say, you'll only get showered in abuse yourself. Too many people live through their kids. My OH used to cover the Coca Coala junior football league in Ireland when he was a sports journalist and he said the abuse people used to scream at their own children on the pitch was shocking. He even saw grown men threatening or intimidating other people's children if they thought their own child was getting a tough break!

 

[TGM]

I hate to see pushy mums and it sounds like this was one of the worst ones! However, sometimes children do need a little bit of pushiness occassionally. We took my daughter to her first XC competition a few years back - one that she really, really wanted to do. I walked the course with her and could see that she was nervous and I asked her did she really want to do it and she said that she did. Got her on the pony who started bouncing about with excitement and she suddenly started to cry and say she didn't want to do it. Dad said she had to and with tears streaming down her face she went through the start and went hesitantly up to the first jump, whilst watching parents were tutting and branding us pushy parents. After a couple of stops, child and pony got into their stride and went flying around the rest of the course and she came through the finish with a huge smile on her face.

So in that case it was right to push, but only because we knew that she really wanted to do it and it was just nerves letting her down. However, if a child really doesn't want to compete it is stupid to try and force them to do it. Likewise, I hate to see a child come out of the ring and the parent immediately grab them and tell them everything they did wrong!

 

[NeilM]

Seen it, seen it, seen it.

Unfortunately it is not just in the equine world. I was told recently that there is a growing shortage of referees for junior football leagues, as the refs are fed up with the verbal and physical abuse handed out by raging parents of young players.

 

[Kat]

To be fair you don't know the full circumstances and while it sounds awful and everyone hates pushy parents sometimes kids need to be pushed to do things.

Heck sometimes adults do too.

I know that sometimes if my instructor didn't get a bit tough and tell me to get on with it I'd never progress. I might not want to do the exercise but when I have done it I'm always glad I did. Happened this time last week, nearly switched horses with a friend, but was told not to be daft, nearly asked her to leave the fences low and let me trot round but didn't dare. Came out on a high having jumped a lovely clear neat round that felt fab.

I sometimes have these arguements outside the showring myself, not with a child (I don't have any) with my husband! He's a bu99er for getting to a show and feeling that things aren't perfect and wanting to back out. So occasionally he gets "you've paid the bloody entry fee now get in there and do it" belowed at him. He will say himself that his parents never pushed him to challenge himself and allowed him to give up on things too easily and it has affected him.

Kids do need to learn not to give up. Maybe it was the child's choice to have a pony and to go to the show but she was trying to give up because the pony was a bit naughty in the warm up. We all know that if you give up with a pony when they are naughty they learn that being naughty gets them out of work and it makes them worse. Perhaps the child just needed telling to get on with it.

Would we be saying the same if the parent had been telling the child off for only doing the first three questions of her maths homework because it was too hard???

 

[katie_and_toto]

I saw the same sort of thing at an unaffiliated sj end of last year, older child was on this very very fast jumping pony, goes round clear, and then mother sticks this titchy kid on the pony, must have been about 6, absolutely petrified of this strong pony, pony refuses in the ring and child falls off, crying and doesn't want to get back on, so mother enters ring, makes child get back on and stays in the ring until child has gone over all the jumps. Makes me sooo glad my mum isn't pushy

 

[PennyJ]

Sometimes there is a lot at stake for the parents.

I heard the other day on the pony club grapevine that one set of parents spent £26,000 on a pony for their child.

If I had that much invested, I think I'd be pushy too.

I don't like seeing this kind of parental ranting at the side of the ring though.

 

[charlimouse]

£26,000 is nothing. I know of somebody who spent £125,000 on an all singing, all dancing pony for their daughter to do Pony Club on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The child and pony never did particularly well...............................

 

[Fairydust]

I do sometimes need to persuade my son to ride his pony, normally done with bribery and playing on the wii.

I only do this because he does actually really enjoy riding and competing his pony, but unfortunately, the wii does not need, grooming, feeding, mucking out etc.

However if he was hysterical (which hopefully I would not ever let him get in that state and if I do please somebody collar me) about not riding and competing then sure I would let him stop and just go home. BUT HE WILL NOT BE ON THE Wii lolxx

 

[NeilM]

[ QUOTE ]
Sometimes there is a lot at stake for the parents.

[/ QUOTE ]
That's the parents choice, not the child's. If the parents are trying to live out their own childhood fantasies through their children, then you have a pretty messed up situation right there.

I have always encouraged my children in whatever past time or hobby they wished to take part in, but I have never forced any of my hobbies on them or chastised them if they did not do well at their own hobbies.

Being tough on a adult is one thing, especially if its an instructor pushing a student. Putting parental pressure on a child to do something they are unhappy about is something different.