RANT - Never offer a place for your friend when she loses the land her horse is on

Alfie&Milo

Alfie&Milo

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I'll try not to be too long but :mad: I'm so annoyed !
My friend has just had a baby, 8mths into her pregnancy she bought a severely untrusting 2yr old and kept him on some land where a lady checked him every day but he wasn't handled. A few months later the lady lost the land and the 2yr old had to be removed within two weeks. I offered a place on our farm along with my lot thinking it would work well as I could see my friend more and we could do things horsey together ! Her horse was in a poor condition and very unhandled, having been moved around a lot of his life.
Obviously having a baby has taken up a lot of time but she's only been down to see him about four times in 3-4mths and when she does come down she tends to flood him with training. Anyway, she's paying £15 a week to the landowner for a large stable, turnout from morning till evening and hay and water, I turn him out and catch him (when he's in a trusting mood enough not to mess around for the first twenty mins) at no extra cost so I am not gaining anything for handling her horse for her and getting him used to people.

He's put on a fair bit of weight and muscled up since first coming and frankly looks a lot better than he did but the vet was still worried he might have digestive problems that stop him from putting weight on quickly and advised tests. My friend can't pay for these tests and couldn't afford for farrier a few weeks ago when he really needed it, now she's selling him and we've fallen out. She wants him in all day until 4.30 when the person comes (because she can't catch him in the field) and I've said no because it's not fair on him and we're so low on hay we really can't have him in eating it. So now she's turned around and flipped at me saying no wonder he's underweight, has bad feet etc and completely taking the P ! I bought a brand new HUGE haynet for my pony which I then gave to hers because he was going through his haynet in an hour but no apparantly I've stood back and watched him starve !!! & she can't afford to have his feet done so thats why they're awful, I can't afford to pay for her horse too especially when I don't get any money for doing everything for her horse!

And now she's got this person coming thats just going to take him away on the day, doesn't sound very nice on him to me, & also she's going to have some trouble because we're having the road tarmacked so she's not going to be able to get him off the farm (which she's also having a hissy about...)

So now I've lost a close friend :/ and totally regret ever helping her out

I apologise, i said I wouldnt be too long :(
 
Agree with above - no "friend" would treat someone like that! A true friend would never have expected you to help so much for free or taken advantage of you. I know it possibly wont feel like that now though..... hopefully horse will go to a nice home and you can get someone else in you dont know (if you want company) who can help you out mutually :)
 
Your friend has taken on more than she can handle, best that she sells horse on to someone who can give horse what it needs.
Time might mend your friendship, just dont put yourself in the same position again.
 
She's no friend of yours, nor is she a horse lover by the sounds of things. Sounds like yet another person who likes the idea of a horse in principle but does knack all to look after the horse properly.
 
To OP I wholly sympathise with your situation but agree with what others have said that she is no friend of yours and to cut her loose. Sadly quite often in the horse world when you offer favours you soon realise who your true friends are. Never ever put yourself in that same situation again. Don't agree to help out at your inconvenience because believe me you tend to find you get **** on!
I hope the youngster finds a good home and that the person who owned it takes a step back and realises their mistakes and learns from them. If not just for the mistakes made with a friend but also so that they won't repeat them with another horse.
Personally I think you were very understanding of the situation and your friend should not have taken you for granted.
But heh ho we live and learn and sadly all too often it is the people who have compassion for both people and animals who get their kindness taken advantage of :(
 
Cazee34 said:
But heh ho we live and learn and sadly all too often it is the people who have compassion for both people and animals who get their kindness taken advantage of :(
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Very true :( Unfortunately it seems most people in this world (not just in horses) only take, they never give. You can walk away from this situation knowing you have done your best for the youngster and your (using) friend. Why on earth did this person take on an unhandled youngster, who we all know are hard work and need a lot of time at the best of times, when 8 months pregnant?

She will miss your friendship in the long term much more than you will, trouble is, people like that will never admit responsibility for their actions do they :(
 
Thank you everyone, feels so much better getting it off my chest and having people not think I'm the horrible person she's making me out to be !

I will miss the friendship but quite frankly I don't need her in my life and I'll get over it ! Just hope the pony goes to a nice home, he really does deserve a permanent loving home without people messing him about !
 
OP, sadly it seems the more you do for some people the more they take advantage and when for once you cant do it they will make you out to be the bad person.
This person may of been a friend in the past, but sadly it seems she now just sees you as the person who will pick up any thing she aint got time for.
Maybe it is best the pony goes and you 2 go your seperate ways, time to move to on and makes friends with people who appreciate your and your giving nature, that is not a friend it is an aquantance and a using one at that.
Dont feel bad about it i am sure every person on this forum has met somelike her in their lives more than once i know i have, and never has it ended well
 
For very similar reasons, we have said that we will never have a horse belonging to someone else on our yard. For £10 per week we provided grazing/forage, small bucket feed once per day with Pink Powder because she didn't react well when we had to change haylage supplier, we brought in and turned out every day. The arrangement was that we would not muck out or provide bedding. The owner didn't come near for 8 weeks last winter, except for late night coffee and had to be hassled to bring more shavings for us to put down as deep litter. When the pony was moved (in a very odd manner but then we refused to have it back), apparently it needed the vet for an ear problem and swollen teats. We were very pleased to hear that the vet said that there was nothing wrong with the ears and the swelling was because the poor thing had been standing in for days at its new yard. - we were very cross about the whole thing!
A lesson learned for you, OP, and us!
 
Never invite a "friend" to keep her horse at your place! I tried it and the horse got totally neglected and went down with severe laminitis and I had to tell the owner to get the vet. She hardly saw him on box rest and I ended up feeding mucking out etc because the SSPCA told me if the horse was on my place I was responsible for it!!! All that with three 5 and under children and my own animals to see to. She just totally took advantage and our friendship bit the dust.
 
Oh yeah and I fed him once a day and bought things for him when she couldnt afford to that she wanted him to have and then wait till she paid me back. I spent hours sitting with him getting used to people a bit more and now he's being carted off to a new home to go through it all again.

Not only did she buy this 2yr old but she then went and got a puppy a couple of months ago and is planning on buying more animals, i think she just likes "having" them!!

Horsemadmum - that sounds awful!! Poor pony, that person sounds horrible.
 
Friend could easily be feeling guilty, and believe me, if someone feels like that they can turn on the wronged person - i.e. you.

(For instance, try lending someone some money, then when you want it back, you get the blame for wanting it - see what I mean).

Sounds like a very good thing that hte 2 year old will go, he could well be going to a reasonable home, and truthfully your friend obviously hasn't the money, time or inclination to look after it.

Give everything time to settle down, for a few weeks and then contact friend again, ask to see her baby, coo over it, say it is the nicest baby you have ever seen, how clever she is and what a good mother (don't mention horse) and remember to take a present for the baby and I bet you will become friends again - not that she will have much time with a baby to care for.
 
I've been through similar with so called friend leaving me with her half of field rent & hay & feed to pay. Didn't help that she lived in a house my oh owned then she stopped paying rent too. Realised she wasn't a friend & kicked her out. It's really horrible & I feel for you but from experience ive come to think people like that were never real friends in the first place xxx
 
She may very well be behaving as she is because she is totally stressed out not being able to afford the horse and it's care.

I know I've been going through hell the past three months when I lost my job, my flatmate of 10 years went to Australia and Benefit doesn't cover mortgage, bills and to top it all my grazing was sold and I've had to move from 5 acres at $70 a week to 2 acres at $100 a week. I was very cranky with worrying about managing all the payments. It can really get to you.

Maybe see life from her side at the moment - and help out your friend.
 
Evelyn - I get it when you say to understand from her side but she didn't have the money when she bought him yet she got a puppy and is planning on getting another pony when this one is gone. I've helped her with him since he first came here, I even bought feed and told her not to worry about paying me back when she was particularly skint but it's got to the point where now I cannot keep paying for her horse and be insulted about how much I don't care for him when she does nothing!
 
Why should the OP be offering out the olive branch when she has done nothing wrong?
In fact she has been more than helpful to her friend already.
It was foolhardy of the woman to buy an unhandled 2 year old in the first place when 8 months pregnant. Not least of which of the risk of potential harm to either herself or the baby. Not to mention the financial implications that any child brings into the world.
OP has also stated that the woman has also recently bought a puppy as well.
So if she couldn't afford a farrier or vet tests that the horse may need why go out and buy yet another animal that will cost to keep?
Sorry but I have no sympathy for these type of people. They live in la la land.
If it was me there is no way I would be visiting and cooing over the baby and taking presents. The woman should be happy that this good friend helped her out of a pickle in the first place.
I actually agree about the hay and stable situation as well.
I hate seeing horses being kept in un-necessarily. Horses should be outdoors and grazing unless dietary needs or illness/injury prevents them.
Have seen too many horses cooped up and not being horses the last six months to last me a lifetime. No wonder so many develop vices. Oh the life of youngsters, pregnant mares and competition horses.... but that is another matter.....
Getting back to OP though. It is her decision to make and if she wants to let the dust settle and then speak to friend again it is up to her, but she should not be made to feel as though that she should be grovelling to said friend.
Good luck OP whatever you decide to do in the end and I hope young un finds itself in a good home x
 
Alfie&Milo I see your point, makes a bit of a difference.

I see you have a MIlo - so do I. Show name Serenade but Milo at home for his colour, his coat in summer is the same colour as the drink called 'Milo' - not sure if it is sold in UK, it's like Bournvita.

This is him - what colour is yours?
WishawSerenadeOctober2007-1-1.jpg
 
Well you live & learn as they said, it could be worse though i had a friend who took total advantage of me, i used to do all her dogs body work, make all her phone calls, test drive any horses she wanted to see because she wouldnt ride them, look after her horses when she couldnt be bothered to see them, she used & abused me & then if all that wasnt enough she went off with my otherhalf......mind you looking back she did me a favour lol! But no, never mix friends & horses, it doesnt work!
 
Your friend sounds like she struggling to cope with a baby & young horse and is obviously finding financing everything almost impossible.

If she's a 'real' friend she'll realise she's being unreasonable and that she couldn't have coped without you. In the meantime, I think she's doing the right thing in selling him providing it's not just to the first person who comes along. He needs an experienced, quiet handler who can educate him.
 
I did the same last year, but the deal was that i'd bring her horse on for cut of the price. tried to give me 200 quid (including livery) for having her horse for 4/5 months (she visited it twice!) through some really difficult personal times! haven't spoken to her since and certainly don't miss her!

I just don't think that people who are so blind and screw you over aren't worth the bother and your much better off without them! Sorry :(
 
Lets hope your stupid friend never gets another one then but no doubt she will. Dont help her again and always remind her that she couldnt cope and is not capable
 
I think she's doing the right thing in selling him providing it's not just to the first person who comes along. He needs an experienced, quiet handler who can educate him.
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Tiffany - He is being sold to the first woman she spoke to! She is literally coming to view and bringing her trailer and has already said she'll pick him up without even seeing him handled or anything yet. This woman apparantly "rescues" newfies, so I don't think he's going to go for much if anything because he's not got good breeding, handling or anything and my friend wanted 400 for him! You can buy new forests for pittance at sales !
 
Evelyn - I can't seem to be able to upload a pic of my milo but he's a minimally marked bay skewbald :) absolutely sweetest temperament for a 2yr old :)
 
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