RANT! Was I out of order? *livery yard people advice please*

Jackson

Jackson

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Okay, I'm a bit of a wimp when it comes to people and generally stay out of the way and 'hide' in my stable (much like my horse..) but I think I snapped today, when someone from the riding school where I have my horse on livery asked if he could be used for a two week pony camp, then after I (politely) refused due to some issues my horse and I have been working through, she kept pushing and I say I think I snapped because arguing isn't really something I do often and I can't remember a single word I said:eek::confused:...

All I remember is her laughing mid way through my 'reasons why the answer's no' speach, and thinking 'why the hell do people never take me seriously?!'

I think that I was taken seriously by the end though :o

But I mean I didn't mean to be offensive... I think I was just so pee'd off that people think that asking me a question a couple of times means that the answer will change to what they want it to be.. People don't see me as that much of a pushover do they? :(:(

And now I feel like part of the bitchy livery yard crew that seems to be discussed on here so often :rolleyes: I don't even remember what I said to her.. :( I didn't mean to be harsh..

And why wasn't I believed when I said that my horse had a 'naughty' problem (cantering on the wrong leg, was pain related, now a habit that is almost broken, but he takes a strong rider -which I wasn't until I was forced in to dealing with this- I can understand where the said woman gets the impression that he is an easy ride, I wasn't exactly the most confident of all people to start with. He can buck/run off with you in canter if you're not 'all there' with your riding, and I don't want him going back to going on the wrong leg continuously, especially if he was being ridden by someone with not so much experience who could let him slip back in to his old ways..) Do people really see me as hopeless? :confused::mad: I'm not a great rider, but :(

Sorry, Just so stressed.
I can offer some water and asprin if any one is interested?....
 
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No i think thats fine some people just don't know when to back off!
Don't feel guilty sounds like you needed to stand up for yourself, once you said no she shouldn't have still gone on at you! Regardless of his issues, even if he didnt have any you still shouldn't be made to feel like you have to let them use him! Well done for standing up for yourself :) oh and welcome to the bitchy livery crew ;) kidding!!
 
You don't have to give a reason / excuse. he's your horse. You (presumably) pay the livery bill. Why should you let him be used to make money for someone else. Just say NO - reason = because he's my horse & I don't want him to be used.
 
Don't feel like you have to justify yourself! He's your horse, not a RS horse. If you say no, the answer is NO! Period!

Don't feel like you have to make up excuses. Next time just say no. I don't do confrontation either, but in this scenario I would have been very blunt!
 
I'm afraid that when you say no to some people, they don't believe what they hear or think you didn't mean what you said, so good for you, for standing up for yourself, more power to your elbow as they say:):):)
 
I dont see why they would even ask unless horse is normally used in the school by anyone else other than you. He is your horse he is not a riding school horse i presume to tell them to "go away"
 
Thank you for the support :)
I am so glad that you agree :)

Him being used for PC would mean that I would have free livery for those two weeks, but then I would not be riding so that would be of no gain to me would it?.. You are right, I shouldn't have to give my horse to a buisness to make money from him :(

I just feel like a stroppy toddler saying no, I don't want to share him... even with his 'problems', especially to people I know and see every day..
 
Good grief - absolutely NO WAY are you in the wrong here - TBH I think they have a nerve even asking a livery to loan them their horse for 2 weeks. Well done for standing up for yourself - but next time dont feel you need to justify your answer with reasons - the only reason needs to be he is YOUR horse and you dont want him being used by them...Full stop!
 
Actually I think it's out of order for the person who asked not to accept that you had said no and walk away. It was very rude of them to persist and put you in that position.

As others have said, if you don't want to do something just be firm. You don't have to justify your reasons for anything to do with your horse, just say "no", mean "no" and keep repeating it until they get the message. Its a bit like dealing with people trying to see you double glazing! I find the phrase "which bit of no don't you understand" is useful in these situations.
 
He is your horse and no body else has any right to ask to ride him (whatever arrangement they offer)
Stick to your guns - you dont need to give a reason. I make it a habit to never share my horse or my husband! feel the same way about both!
 
Okay, thank you :) I have no intentions of letting him be used either way, but didn't want to be rude..

I just can't believe what a pushover I am... I'm not like it with my horse, so why with a person who is very unlikely to kick me in the face? :(:p
 
If they were that pushy, then it might be wise to go in unannounced and check they aren't using him for this camp anyway. I am afraid it wouldn't be the first time something like that had happened...

No you weren't out of order at all. No is No.
 
Your horse, your decision what he does or doesn't do and you dont have to make up or find excuses why you don't want him used.

Some people think it's their right to have whatever they want, but it isn't so don't feel guilty you were perfectly within your rights to say no!
 
I'd do what PennyJ says as you never know. Happened to me many years ago, found out they were using my horse for lessons, when a young girl told me, I was out of there within the week and told a lot of people what they had done.
 
I have always been wary of people handling/riding my horse without permission, but these are people that I can trust.. That's why I was uncomfortable saying no I think :) I will be down there either way, to ride myself and make sure that all is well :)

eta, it must have been hell to find out some one had been riding your horse!! I would have gone insane!
 
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You don't have to justify your decision to say "No" to the person asking - "No" means "No". They shouldn't have pushed. Don't get down on yourself and stop worrying that you have offended the person concerned. Maybe they'll think twice before asking again!
 
Bottom line is its YOUR horse, YOU pay the livery fees, and so YOU decide whether someone else uses him or not.

I think you were wise to say "no" actually; if you're still working through some issues then letting someone else ride him for a period would probably have been the worse thing you could do coz other people might have let him get away with stuff and/or ridden him in a different way to what you would, and during a fortnight away from you he'd have plenty of time to develop bad habits!!

With mine, if someone does think they "can ride", he very quickly sums them up and is very capable of depositing his cargo very unceremoniously if he doesn't like who's on top; so I have to be very careful who I let have him as he'll very easily get the idea that he can dump someone if he doesn't like what he's being asked to do and YOU as owner then have to sort the problem out not the person who lets the horse get away with it!

So IMO you were quite right and I don't think you should in any way be beating yourself up about this; incidentally, maybe you'd be advised to look for another yard where you're not put under this sort of pressure? After all, its a huge ask for someone to want to borrow your horse for a fortnight, not like a small favour exactly!
 
Thank you, you're all making me more and more glad that I said no. Piebaldperil, that is exactly why I did not want to do this, it has taken so much time and effort to get him to be a 'behaved' in canter as he is, and someone who didn't know better may let him fall back in to his old ways. Actually, even my qualified instructor ex-jockey mother struggles to canter him nicely. You have to know him well for it to work.
 
Totally justified. Fair enough to ask but no is no. They are rude to push.
Surely if you were happy for kiddies to ride your horse you would of negotiated an agreement for all year round -including the snowy times rather that just lose the use of your horse for one of the nicest times of your year.
 
Ive had people ask to ride mine a few times over the years. I don't give reasons, just politely say "no, I'm afraid I don't give rides on him", if they then push they get asked "what part of no don't you understand?". Seems to stop most people in their tracks!
 
Hmmm you rant, i tend to get sarcastic if folks dont listen.and try to push me to change my mind.

"Oops sorry i wasnt aware of youre hearing problem "
"oh you dont have one, strange im pretty sure i answered no, so please dont ask again"
Mabe they just pushed your buttons, dont worry about it, they wont try to brow beat you into submission again :-)
 
Dear Jackson, If you punched this person more than once in the mouth ,then perhaps you might have been slightly carried away!Otherwise ,think nothing of it ,you have merely helped in the education of a moron.I confess to being a truely bad person ,I would have shoved their head up their A.....
 
No way was you out of order, your horse at the end of the day, they were out of order to keep pushing you to use him. If your working through issues with him why an earth would you want that all undone by someone wanting to borrow him. I'd have done the same thing.
 
The reason you're not taken seriously is probably because you explain why when no explanation is necessary... Explanations are a way to pursuade someone to do what you want or justify a wrong decision... In this case no reason was needed. They asked for your permission to do something they have no right to do. If the answer is no then ' no ' is the only word you need. If they'd argued with me I'd probably have said . So which was it you didn't understand - the n or the o?' usually ends the discussion pretty quickly. Arguments only happen if you let them ...
 
Well, this is exactly why my lovely, quirky boy is on FULL livery at the RS . . . we have worked far too hard on getting him to balance and carry himself, canter properly on the left, NOT rear when he is feeling stressed/frustated, go out of the gate without throwing a wobbly, NOT spin and rear in the road because he's feeling nappy/insecure, that corners (in the school) do NOT contain dragons . . . not to mention the fact that he takes a while to trust the rider.

No - you were not out of order - at all. He is your horse. If he isn't on working livery then why on earth would anyone assume that he can/should be used for camp? If you won't want him to be used then that's your decision. End of conversation.

P
 
Your horse, if you don't want him used you are entitled to say no, without having to justify yourself. That someone pushed you, doesn't make you a nasty person, just shows they weren't listening.

Next time you say no & they push, just say 'I have already said no', & leave it at that, change the conversation. Don't get drawn into a discussion which will lead to the same situation. You are being assertive but not rude.
 
Definitely not in the wrong! He's yours end of. You decide who rides or doesn't ride him.

I wouldn't dream of asking to ride anyones horse unless I was offered.
 
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