Re-adjusting my expectations as a horse owner

[MuddyMonster]

OP I'm really sorry to hear about your horse. You've been given lots of practical advice so I won't add to it, but you have my empathy.

There's been more and more track type retirement livery yards popping up around here. Useless for me with my very poor doer TB gelding approaching retirement, but useful for the cob type you describe!

However, i'd be thinking along the lines of getting back into full work and loaning to a home that wants to do less - with a track retirement livery perhaps as a next resort in the background.

I wouldn't discount a track system just because you have a poor doer TB. I know a couple of TBs and WBs that are living out on track systems and doing well with appropriate rugging.

 

[Birker2020]

I've not heard great things re shock wave treatment but would probably try it just incase we got lucky.

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Shock wave didn't work for my horse either with a suspensory injury.

 

[Lady2021]

Could you sell her as happy hacker. So you can get another horse .

 

[Ranyhyn]

In the last 5 years I've gone from having a great all rounder cob who could turn his hoof to anything and having ample time to ride/compete etc to having a new, young, slightly broken cob who is going through rehab for chronic suspensory issues. Throw in having 2 kids and I've gone from being a proper horsey person to a parent who has a horse that she sees 3 times a week (4 if I'm really, really lucky!).

Normally at this time of year, when the days get longer and weather improves I'd be looking forward to hunter trials, riding club activities, nice long hacks etc - now I'm at the start of a slow rehab program with a high chance of pony, at only 10 years old, not staying sound or never being up to much more than a short, gentle hack.

I'm really struggling with this prospect - especially as I see other people getting out and about and starting to make plans. Unfortunately, I'm not really in the position to afford 2 horses on full livery (2 children and full time job necessitate the full livery) and I feel really selfish when I think about all the things I won't be able to do - certainly as long as I have my current horse.

I'd never pass on an injured horse - she's so good natured and stoic that I can easily see people taking advantage so she's with me for life but the thought of 10+ years of not being able to properly ride is gut wrenching. She's also not a candidate for just chucking out on grass livery as she gets very, very fat in the summer if her weight isn't managed - costs me more to keep her in summer than in winter.

Before the suspensory issue became apparent I was already starting to contemplate whether she was the right horse for me long term - although ultimately I'm glad I did buy her as god knows what would have happened to her otherwise.

Looking for solidarity from others who have been in this situation - how did you manage? Did you simply accept that you had effectively retired from riding? Or did you manage to buy another or perhaps share someone elses horse? We've not reached the point yet where my mare has to retire but there were some signs this week that the treatment she'd had was perhaps not successful longer term so I'm having to consider that a possibility

I bought a lovely horse in 2011. Shortly after I thought something wasn't right but I never could put my finger on what it was. Various vet visits after and after she went to a fellow HHOer to loan, it became apparent they was a huge amount wrong with her.

An 8YO irish sports horse, who should have had many years ahead of her had only one working leg and a 50% chance of coming back into any ridden work if operated on.

I had her put to sleep straight away.

There was no question to me that I would have her home to graze for possibly 12 years, though the vet helpfully told me i could retire her to pasture. She hadn't earnt that, she'd barely done a seasons work for me.

Plenty of people do keep horses who are not able to be ridden and power to them. But if you may be of the mind in the future that you would rather spend your valuable time and money on a horse that can be ridden, I'm fairly sure you can consider the possibility of putting her down and going forward with a horse that is able to give you what you would like. There's no shame in that.

 

[Michen]

I bought a lovely horse in 2011. Shortly after I thought something wasn't right but I never could put my finger on what it was. Various vet visits after and after she went to a fellow HHOer to loan, it became apparent they was a huge amount wrong with her.

An 8YO irish sports horse, who should have had many years ahead of her had only one working leg and a 50% chance of coming back into any ridden work if operated on.

I had her put to sleep straight away.

There was no question to me that I would have her home to graze for possibly 12 years, though the vet helpfully told me i could retire her to pasture. She hadn't earnt that, she'd barely done a seasons work for me.

Plenty of people do keep horses who are not able to be ridden and power to them. But if you may be of the mind in the future that you would rather spend your valuable time and money on a horse that can be ridden, I'm fairly sure you can consider the possibility of putting her down and going forward with a horse that is able to give you what you would like. There's no shame in that.

It's sad though isn't it. My "main" horse will be retired, at whatever cost, if and when it's needed for as long as required. Even if that means I can't have another to ride. To put him down because of the expense of keeping him as a pet is absolutely incomprehensible, I simply wouldn't do it even if I couldn't put my foot in a stirrup again until he his time had naturally come.

My second horse, who I love very much, hasn't "earned" that right either and he would be PTS if he couldn't work. That seems to unfair, to say one would get something the other wouldn't and maybe in a years time I'd feel the same about the second one (though I intend to mostly loan him out to my friend to avoid that happening frankly!).

They shouldn't really have to "earn" their retirement but, of course, they do. They have to win us over emotionally for us to want to potentially compromise having (unless you can afford multiple horses) what most of us really want- a horse they are able to ride.

 

[Annagain]

You could almost be describing my situation 13 years ago. Minus the kids for me but my old boy had foot problems which meant hacking was really his only option - he could have done dressage but he hated it and his jumping days were over. I had bought him 3 years earlier with the intention of doing a bit of eventing and riding club. He was the most rock solid hacking horse you could get so I could have sold him on to hacking home and bought another but I couldn't bring myself to do it. He's such a sweetheart I'm sure someone would have tried to take advantage of him and jumped him again.

I was really lucky in that at the exact same time, my best friend had young kids and had a sharer for her horse. The sharer wanted to buy him but my friend didn't want to sell so the sharer bought another horse. This meant I could start sharing Monty. I then found a sharer myself for my boy, Archie. Monty has been an absolute superstar for the pair of us that whole time and allowed me to do all I had planned to do with Archie . My share arrangement with my friend lasted officially until summer 2019 (unofficially it's still going) when her then 13 year old son started doing more and more with Monty. He was 23 by this point and we didn't want him to be out doing something every weekend - he needed to be doing less not more so we decided between us that me stopping was best for him. At this point Archie was also slowing down even more and was approaching complete retirement so I started looking for a new horse. I eventually found Charlie last August.

Over the years I've had a few sharers for Archie - we had one who was with us for 5 years before having a baby and moving away, one for nearly two before she moved back to New Zealand and the current one has been with us for 3 or 4 years. Arch has lived the life of Reilly, strutting his stuff around the local area, doing fun rides (popping the odd little log) going to the beach and on riding holidays and, since last spring, getting fat and muddy in the field. Even though I don't officially share Monty any more, we still share jobs. My friend does mornings and I do evenings and I'm taking him to the vet tomorrow for his jabs as my friend can't get time off work. Archie's current sharer now rides (and pays towards) Monty as my friend's son has lost interest over lockdown (he only really wants to go to do the pony club stuff) so he can cope with the amount of work the two of them need from him - only 3-4 hacks a week. The longer term plan is for friend to get a new one for her and her son to share and Archie's (ex)sharer will hack Monty in his semi-retirement. Between the 3 of us we'll manage the four horses. The irony is I now have Charlie, I'm getting no financial help with Archie, but I'm in a much better place money wise and (sadly) know it won't be for long.

As I said, I was incredibly lucky that this fell into my lap and it was my best friend I was sharing with. We already helped each other out when we needed to and knew we could sort out any problems - there was the odd day when we both wanted to do something but we'd find a compromise or take it in turns to have first dibs but this sort of arrangement can work for anyone with good communication and compromise. You do need them to be in the same place ideally or it gets far too complicated so I'd look to see if there's a horse already at your yard looking for a sharer and then find a sharer for yourself or, if you find the right horse and owner consider moving yours to their yard.

I got the best of both worlds - I got to keep Archie and do right by him and I still did all I wanted with Monty for minimal extra cost. The agreement I had with my friend was different from the ones I had with sharers. I paid M's ridden costs so shoes, saddle checks, back checks, extra feed etc while I charged my sharers a flat fee - it just seemed simpler with people I didn't know so well - but it worked out at roughly the same amount.

 

[bouncing_ball]

It's sad though isn't it. My "main" horse will be retired, at whatever cost, if and when it's needed for as long as required. Even if that means I can't have another to ride. To put him down because of the expense of keeping him as a pet is absolutely incomprehensible, I simply wouldn't do it even if I couldn't put my foot in a stirrup again until he his time had naturally come.

My second horse, who I love very much, hasn't "earned" that right either and he would be PTS if he couldn't work. That seems to unfair, to say one would get something the other wouldn't and maybe in a years time I'd feel the same about the second one (though I intend to mostly loan him out to my friend to avoid that happening frankly!).

They shouldn't really have to "earn" their retirement but, of course, they do. They have to win us over emotionally for us to want to potentially compromise having (unless you can afford multiple horses) what most of us really want- a horse they are able to ride.

This is my take too.

 

[Ranyhyn]

I dont know if I think its sad, but I'm a hardened farmer now and everything here has to have earned a retirement, otherwise they leave this place. In one way or another.

My current horse who I've had for 5 years, has earned her retirement, and at 20 next month, it wont be too long. She's transcended that line now between livestock and pet. Other peoples lines are in different places and that's fine but I do think where possible we should free people from guilt should they choose to put down animals not fit for the purpose they were bought for.

 

[Mahoganybay]

I’ve come to the conclusion that owning horses is an entirely different thing to riding horses. It’s lovely when then match up but sometimes it can really be a struggle.

I had my daughters horse when she went off to University, having previously had happy hackers and enjoyed just pottering around. He was a loveable naughty boy who knocked my confidence and rather than doing all the things ‘I’ wanted to do, we managed to do most of the things ‘he’ wanted to do. It kind of worked if I didn’t push it.

When he was diagnosed with aggressive ringbone I took the opportunity to source and buy myself the perfect horse, I was going to learn to ride properly (having spent my money on my daughter having lessons), we were going to do dressage, go to camps etc etc.

I bought the most beautiful Holstein mare with perfect manners that had been well brought up and seem some of life. I was thrilled, until I wasn't thrilled as it seems she is explosive when shes in pain.

Ive now had her coming up to 3 years and it’s just been one thing after another, I’ve spent thousands in vet bills and had everything that can be xrayed/scanned/checked done. The right diet, every care going, saddles, physio, treatments etc etc. We are now at the end of the road for ulcer treatment, without really managing to completely heal the pyloric ulcers ?

During summer last year I managed to get to the dizzying heights of a Prelim test gaining good marks and some clinics including polework. Until October where she told me she was hurting again.

I won’t sell her, I’m moving her from full livery/competition yard to one close to home with all year turnout and my expectations are to keep her sound and happy and I will feel incredibly lucky if I get a nice gentle hack up and down the lane a couple of times a week and some light schooling. ??

 

[Michen]

I dont know if I think its sad, but I'm a hardened farmer now and everything here has to have earned a retirement, otherwise they leave this place. In one way or another.

My current horse who I've had for 5 years, has earned her retirement, and at 20 next month, it wont be too long. She's transcended that line now between livestock and pet. Other peoples lines are in different places and that's fine but I do think where possible we should free people from guilt should they choose to put down animals not fit for the purpose they were bought for.

But why should the horse have to "earn" anything? It's not their fault if they don't get the opportunity to cart us around XC courses or whatnot in order for us to fall in love with them and want to look after them until the end of their days no matter what. Those that don't I'm sure would have happily done so if it wasn't for pain/soundness issues.

And what/when do they cross the line of being something you are willing to PTS because they no longer serve a useful purpose vs not because you've done enough with them/had them long enough/love them enough to not consider that an option (unless it's in the horses best interest of course which is a completely different matter).

I don't know the exact moment Bog became a horse that stays with me forever, it just sort of happened. For owners on the cusp of that it must be very, very hard.

I find it quite brutal to have to admit I would do that for one of my horses and not the other. It also makes me question whether he doesn't deserve to be someone's "Boggle", aka the horse that someone would keep and look after no matter what.

 

[Scotsbadboy]

I won’t sell her, I’m moving her from full livery/competition yard to one close to home with all year turnout and my expectations are to keep her sound and happy and I will feel incredibly lucky if I get a nice gentle hack up and down the lane a couple of times a week and some light schooling. ??

She might surprise you being away from that environment to a more chilled one, fingers crossed for you

 

[Ranyhyn]

But why should the horse have to "earn" anything? It's not their fault if they don't get the opportunity to cart us around XC courses or whatnot in order for us to fall in love with them and want to look after them until the end of their days no matter what. Those that don't I'm sure would have happily done so if it wasn't for pain/soundness issues.

Well that's because for me, I didn't buy a horse because I loved horses. I love riding horses. During the course of riding my horse I started to love the horse itself and now that's why its different for her. I guess everyone buys horses for different reasons hence why its different for everyone.

 

[milliepops]

Well that's because for me, I didn't buy a horse because I loved horses. I love riding horses. During the course of riding my horse I started to love the horse itself and now that's why its different for her. I guess everyone buys horses for different reasons hence why its different for everyone.

it is different for everyone, and ultimately the horse won't know the difference so I don't think it needs agonising over really.

I have some that I have and will retire, and one that is temporarily retired but waiting for the right moment to pts, the timing is dependent on external circumstances. he doesn't fit into what I can offer now. While I'd have offered him a long term home if he had stayed in work, unfortunately I can't do that for him in retirement.
Others have a home for life as they are easy to have around and I had always planned to do so. in the meantime every one of them gets the same quality of care and attention (well, some get more cuddles but there's no material difference day to day and to me, that's all that matters)

 

[Mahoganybay]

She might surprise you being away from that environment to a more chilled one, fingers crossed for you

I am really hoping so, and thank you. ?

 

[Daniel_Jack]

Thanks for all of the additional comments.

I don't think I could ever sell but there are definitely more options than I'd first thought.

We'll see how we go got now with rehab. I actually think I'm going to invest in some lessons to a) improve my riding as I'm a bit rusty and b) hopefully get to do some of the riding I enjoy but have missed out on. Hopefully that will benefit both of us!

 

[Nudibranch]

I had to readjust my expectations after having a baby and then finding myself with a 7yo with chronic and irreparable issues (arthritis all over the place and possibly a wobbler too). I could have spent thousands rehabbing him and trying to make it work but after a long conversation with my vet, who I have known for years, I had him pts. It was a tough decision as I'd had him from a weanling, and he had a lovely nature. But a 17.3 field pet wasn't practical, and in terms of available time it would have stopped me having another to ride. I already have a small ride and drive/companion/lead rein pony.

I don't regret it, although I do miss him. I bought a 3yo, which was not something I had planned but ready made Dales do not come on the market. She's now rising 6 and she's amazing. We have had to take it slowly because of having a small child, and then Covid stopping all the fun rides and shows.

Sometimes I miss having a big, athletic horse as I've always had TBs and WBs. And the odd horsey local likes to make a snarky comment now and again about her size (she's 15.1 and built like the proverbial so not exactly tiny). But she's the best replacement I would have wished for.

 

[spotty_pony]

I've just had my 17 year old (who I have owned for 13 years) put to sleep. He had Navicular and DDFT tears in both feet. I tried everything to get him right but he took a turn for the worse. He loved his work and I know he wouldn't have coped retired for another 10 years. I owed it to him to make the right decision - although obviously a very difficult one. I did it for him though; not me. If he could have coped with a very steady lifestyle of hacking I would have been happy as long as he was happy. My other two are 29 and 21 so not getting any younger and my 21 year old is currently lame after being silly in the field. Vet is coming this week and I am praying it is nothing serious. As for riding, I ride my friend's Friesian for her which I am grateful for as she is not currently riding and I am bringing him on, it's like having another horse of my own. He isn't the type I would choose myself but he is filling my need to get out and about exploring for the moment.

My advice would be to see how the rehab goes with your boy - you never know you may be surprised. You will know what the right decision is for him in time. Also, if you miss riding, maybe look for a share or a loan, or go to a riding school for a ride once they reopen.

 

[Annagain]

I don't know the exact moment Bog became a horse that stays with me forever, it just sort of happened.

I know the exact moment Archie became the horse that stays with me forever - it was the moment I was told I'd never be able to do with him what I wanted to do. Before that, when I was struggling particularly with his jumping, I was on the verge of selling him so many times but all of a sudden, he was more important than doing all that. I was lucky that sharing Monty meant I didn't have to make that decision, but had it come to a choice between Archie and competing, Archie would have won every time. 13 years later, he's still here!

 

[Birker2020]

It's sad though isn't it. My "main" horse will be retired, at whatever cost, if and when it's needed for as long as required. Even if that means I can't have another to ride. To put him down because of the expense of keeping him as a pet is absolutely incomprehensible, I simply wouldn't do it even if I couldn't put my foot in a stirrup again until he his time had naturally come.

My second horse, who I love very much, hasn't "earned" that right either and he would be PTS if he couldn't work. That seems to unfair, to say one would get something the other wouldn't and maybe in a years time I'd feel the same about the second one (though I intend to mostly loan him out to my friend to avoid that happening frankly!).

They shouldn't really have to "earn" their retirement but, of course, they do. They have to win us over emotionally for us to want to potentially compromise having (unless you can afford multiple horses) what most of us really want- a horse they are able to ride.

Fully agree, my horse is in the first camp, I don't care if I can't ride her again, although I will do everything in my power to try. But I wouldn't have her pts because I couldn't ride. But it's so hard, this weekend they had a SJ clinic at our yard, I tried to avoid it as it really 'hurts' that I can't take part in things anymore but had to pass it on the way out to the paddock to get my old crock. After a lovely whinny from her, I know I wouldn't be without her. Stuff the clinic is what I said!