return of confidence after death of family member

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ellis9905

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bit of back ground to hopefully make sense!

as a child I rode lots, reasonable rider, would ride most things, had horses of my own as a young adult. once I had children the horses had to go ( not enough money for both!) fast forward 10 yrs - my daughter now has a pony and is doing great- I however lost my confidence in the time away from horses- had no bad accident or anything- but just began to fear falling or being run away with etc..
I had a few lessons , took on what should of been an ideal loan horse ( that was totally mis described!) and further lost my confidence to the point I had accepted I was happy to watch my daughter, ferry her to shows and groom for her but would never ride again.


on Saturday my grandfather died, and something inside of me seems to have changed, I watched him for three weeks in hospital deteroriate until his passing was a relief when it finally came.
now I had been very fortunate to get to my age in life and never have lost a loved one- so losing my grandfather has really made me think about life... and I seem to have lost my fear to ride, to the point I have arranged to ride a friends horse tomorrow night, I want to canter along our bridleway and I want to enjoy hacking again.

now its not in a crazy kinda I wanna gallop to the ends of the earth / jump the moon in grief kinda way, more just now ive seen death and lost something so precious, ive realised time is short and I no longer fear a tumble, and dontt want fear to hold me back ...


has anyone else ever experienced anything similar?
 
I am sorry for your loss, but I am glad it has brought you back your confidence.

Not the same situation, but I had a fall when my pony bolted a few months back. I completely lost my confidence and was terrified to get back on. I rode once or twice with the help of a good friend but my fear was too much to enjoy it.

Then my friends horse broke its leg in the field and he was put to sleep. It changed my way of thinking and I got back on the very next day. That was about a month ago and my fear is completely gone and I have been riding 4 or 5 times a week. My pony is still a wally to ride but I am not scared anymore. I'm even attempting clear round jumping and a ridden show next Sunday!

Good luck getting back on and enjoy yourself x
 
I'm so sorry for your loss, but your grandfather's passing has left you a wonderful legacy.

Not quite the same, but once I had grieved after my husband's death, I realised just what a gift life and health is. I decided that I would not waste one day and that I would choose to be happy.
I used to ride my mare to his grave in the village and we'd stand under the trees and think how blessed we were to be enjoying the day. Then we'd go galloping across the meadows by a river, whooping and generally behaving disgracefully.:D

So, yes, I understand how you're feeling a little bit. If you find the right horse (the tricky bit), make sure you go whooping across the meadows, watch the sun set and think of your grandfather's gift.
 
My condolences for the loss of your grandfather. Thoughts are with you all, but agree that he has left you a great legacy.

Confidence is a state of mind...it can come and go instantly or take ages to get back. I truly hope you can find yourself a great horse to enjoy. Maybe speak to local or even national rescue centres like Blue Cross to see if they have anything that can help you at the same time as you helping it?
 
Totally agree with _GG_ and look forward to reading your positive posts in the future. Your grandfathers passing has given you a wake up call, life isn't a dress rehearsal, if there's something you want to do, go for it. Have you got a bucket list ( of things to do before you die)? I'm starting one now of places to visit, not sure of things no want to achieve yet...
 
Horserider that made me tear up.

OP I'm sorry for your loss. Not easy to go through.

I had 4 young friends die in a 6 month span that did my head in if I'm honest. All worked with racehorses but that's not how they died. 2 were on they way to the track and the driver took her eyes off the road for a second. That was enough for her to go off the road and the truck to flip killing both instantly. Another jump jockey was playing on a tire swing, fell off awkwardly, got up and said that was stupid and then dropped dead. The last was a hit and run as she was crossing the road. It wasn't til 3 months later when I had an easy fall off a horse that my heck began. I had sprained my neck but I also started suffering debilitating panic attacks. It was a whole big thing but riding was also my job so I had to find away through. Those deaths of my friends really affected me in that we weren't invincible. That life is so short. Once I got over that and realised that I was still here and life was for living my riding was back. But it was tough at the time.

I wish you nothing but the best OP and glad you want to ride again.

Terri
 
I'm so sorry for your loss, my Grandfathers death was my first experience of death too :( *hugs*

RE horses - Almost the same, but not quite, similar to HaffiesRock.
I have been riding Ned for a while now, about 5-6 years. I used to ride another called Archie, who was like my rock. If Ned was too much, I'd ride Archie instead. Then, when Archie got sick and died, I realised Ned was now pretty much my only ride, so it was him or nothing. I HAD to be confident with him, if I wanted to ride at all. That's when I started training him and doing more with him and I've not looked back :) Not only that, but like HaffiesRock, I realised how quickly they can be taken. Archie was not old and previously had been in perfect health. One day he just said "I don't want to gallop today" and we knew that was the beginning of the end. He LIVED to gallop. So, Archie's death gave me the boost I needed, though I do wish it didn't have to happen.
 
So sorry to hear of your loss. I think when something like this happens it reminds us that we have to live our lives. I have been through a rough couple of years and I am constantly counting my blessing and really hope now that things are on the up. With my old lad I enjoyed a little dressage, hacking, enjoyable but nothing too scary. Now I have an urge to get a new pony and try EVERYTHING, fun rides, beach rides, a little eventing, trecking, horse camp, bigger shows - I think it's human nature.
 
That's a lovely post op (and others who have replied), and yes I completely understand. Myself and my oh have lost an awful lot of family members - so much so that he jokingly refers to us as an endangered species. And they were all good, honest, hard working people who lived healthy lives, and that has certainly given me a different perspective on living life.

Here's to you getting back in the saddle :)
 
I too am sorry for yor loss - my grandad was the first major family loss for me too, and it does hit hard.
WRT those returns to riding... due to life's ways I had pretty much stopped, having been a serious competitor all my life. I kept saying "when I have more time, when I have more money, when I am in the position to do it properly again...". Then the year of my 30th birthday, a good friend was diagnosed with Leukemia, and I suddenly thought "what am I waiting for?".
So I am now once again owned by a horse. She's not the top competition horse I'd dreamed of owning again, but she is a horse in a million and perfect for my less than ideal situation. If I ever win the lottery I'll still be able to relive my dream, and in the more likely scenario that I don't, at least I haven't wasted the last of my youth waiting.
 
Whilst a post full of sadness it is also a very uplifting post. All i will say to you all I appluade you for what you all have achieved . hugs to you all x x
 
I know what you mean. My daughter died at the beginning of June and riding has been a form of therapy for me. Whilst I have always been confident on my pony I have found myself wanting to do jumps that previously I would have wimped out at. Nothing huge but previously outside my comfort zone.
 
So Sorry for your loss OP.

My sister died 10 years ago, she was my best friend and I suddenly felt incredibly lonely in the world.

A few months after, I woke up one morning and had an urge to learn to scuba dive (in November!!) I went down to the local centre, where they all thought I was completely mad for wanting to learn at that time of year but I was adamant.

They called on one of their (braver) instructors to teach me, we got on so well, ended up dating and 10 years later we are still together.

I met my soulmate that day :)

These things have a way of giving us a wake up call to start living.

Good luck with the riding OP, I wish you all the best :)
 
What an inspiring post! So sorry for your loss OP, losing someone is truly horrid and releases a huge mix of emotions. I'm so pleased for you though that it has led you back to riding - good for you! Choose your next mount carefully and fingers crossed you can enjoy riding and doing something for you in the months to come.

My OH and I have hardly any family left - the majority of which we lost far too young. It makes you value every day and want to make the most of life.

Wishing you all the best :-)
xx
 
Thanks for all the responses, some lovely inspiring stories.

So I did it I rode, only in the school in walk and a few trots :) it felt great- oddly enough I wasn't nervous, I'm riding again tomorrow and then can't wait to hack out!!
 
Superhot said:
Totally agree with _GG_ and look forward to reading your positive posts in the future. Your grandfathers passing has given you a wake up call, life isn't a dress rehearsal, if there's something you want to do, go for it. Have you got a bucket list ( of things to do before you die)? I'm starting one now of places to visit, not sure of things no want to achieve yet...
Click to expand...

^^^This. After my father died suddenly in his early 60s a few years back, it made me change and really live life. We relocated, found our dream house with land to have the horses at home and left behind a lot of things that weren't great about our life. I haven't regretted it for a moment. Sending my condolences at this sad time, make sure you take time to grieve in your own way and space, but take life by the horns and enjoy it. Good luck. xx
 
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