Right a "what am i doing wrong" for you guys!

[pigsmight:)]

Right Im stumped

(she is advertised with Horse and hound so please no button pushers!)

This horse belongs to my dads wife they have owned her for the past four years and have used her for hacking and local dressage/ inhand showing classes, fun shows etc. They have decided to sell her as they would like something that they could both share and for my dad, who is a total novice to learn how to ride on. She came up for me to ride and sell as they were struggling for time and I was bored so i wanted to help them out

We advertised her on horsequest and had one phone call. She is now advertised on horse and hound and we have had one email and no calls at all! So i am clearly doing something wrong. I just wonderd if any of you could highlight any problems with the ad etc, My dads wife has done the add etc because she wanted to deal with that side of things.

heres a link to the add:

http://www.horseandhound.co.uk/clas...fieds/horses-and-ponies-for-sale.xhtml&cc=2.2

And here are a couple of pics and hopefully a soppy you tube vid that i made for my dads wife but it will give you some idea

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1O9b3a1r5U

It has been a really hard decision for them to decide to sell, I am by no means a pro at this but I cant understand why were having no luck. I know the market isnt very good but she is advertised for less than she was purchased for as a 4yr old

She is a lovely horse. I suppose the down side to her is that she is a bit of a fairy over fences, she is quite happy to go with a lead but does get abit worried about it if not, she has done very little tho and im sure with abit of work this would improve as she has a very genuine nature.

So hit me with the truth H and H gurus! I need your help

 

[BeckyD]

My only thought is that she looks a nice horse for a cheap amount. I'd read the ad and assume there's something wrong with her. That's probably just my wonky thinking though.

She looks lovely!

 

[shark1]

to me the sentence.... 'she is an intelligent mare and needs to be doing a proper job' reads as........... 'shes a bit sharp and needs her brain to very busy in order to behave' !


as thats at the beginning it might stop people reading on

 

[PonyIAmNotFood]

The pictures on the ad don't show her off as well as they could, the main one has oil drums in the background which (no offence) reminds me of something id see on dragon driving site even though the horse is of a far nicer type than those. The ridden ones arent the most flattering either, if you're gonna put a canter one up id say it should be of the most uphill part of the stride to show her off more. A picture of her trotting in an outline against a very plain background with the rider dressed very plainly would be better so all the focus is on her. Beautiful horse and i just don't think the photos do her justice.

 

[now_loves_mares]

Just a quick phone post. She looks nice but I'd have a ridden photo as the main one. Otherwise I'd skim past I think, assuming she's a broodmare or something! Also it's says twice in the advert she "needs" to do more which implies she is a problem when not working/competing.

Sorry for brief response, I hate phone posting!

 

[Leg_end]

You need some far better photos to really show her off. I would have a Confo shot like the one you've posted but without shade so it's clear where her limbs are and then some better flatwork shots and one of her over a pole.

Good luck.

 

[pigsmight:)]

Thankyou everyone I will write all these points down and change the add!. She really isn't sharp you can ride her every day or once a week but she is still abit green for her age really so not suitable for a total novice, but I see what you mean about the wording so I will look into changing that Thankyou again

 

[zoon]

I'd skim past that because of the photos - I'd want to see a ridden pic as the main one and then a confo pic where she is standing square and it is taken side on. Then hopefully another ridden pic so there is one in trot and in canter and one of her jumping, even if it is a very small.

 

[Booboos]

I have to agree the photos are not the best they could be. Also if she is an allrounder the advert could give a much better idea of what she has achieved so far, e.g. jumping, what height, x-country experience, dressage tests to what level, etc.

 

[WandaMare]

I really can't see anything wrong with your ad, she sounds a lovely mare who would make a nice alrounder. If I was really looking hard to find something off-putting I maybe wouldn't say she is such a good doer! Only because I have one and know how hard it is to keep the weight off them...I want a skinny one next time! However I know this wouldn't be a no-no to a lot of other people so can't believe its putting many people off....

I wonder if you had a close-up ridden picture of her, perhaps at a show or something, as your main photo, it might stand out more? The one you have is lovely but doesn't say anything about what she can do...I like to see a competition photo of them as it proves that they have been out and about and have some useful experience.

It might just be that you have been unlucky so far and no-one has spotted her.....she really does look nice though so I'm sure the right person will turn up soon enough, good luck finding her a good home

 

[pigsmight:)]

Yes the pictures aren't great!. She has done very little comp wise so there wasn't much to put and her jumping experience is 0! I have just started playing about with some poles and small fences. So fingers crossed the arena isn't flooded at the weekend and we can revamp the pics! Thankyou for all your replys x

 

[be positive]

Photos as already mentioned do her no favours.

The wording waffles on yet does not really sell her, it says she wins rosettes but at what level and %s do the judges make favourable comments, use one if they do.

Happy to live out but can be stabled, reads that it could be an issue most people need them to live in at night in winter.

Hacking is only briefly described, nothing about traffic, so important to many.
Is she 8 or 9, it says owned for 4 years yet purchased at 5, any discrepancies of this type can put people off.

I would cut a fair amount out and add points that are really going to sell her plus a better photo.

 

[Saratoga]

IME it's the photos that get the interest. Get a couple of fab photos, and it will catch people's eye and make them read the ad.

 

[pigsmight:)]

Thankyou be positive some good points there. She is totally fine stabled so I will change that to. Really good advice from you all, I have only sold one horse throug advertising so am very green at it! X

 

[ihatework]

to me the sentence.... 'she is an intelligent mare and needs to be doing a proper job' reads as........... 'shes a bit sharp and needs her brain to very busy in order to behave' !


as thats at the beginning it might stop people reading on

Agree with that!!

Okay this might sound harsh, but hopefully constructive.

From watching the video it is quite clear to me that she really hasn't been schooled much. Add to that she doesn't jump (yet!), hasn't really competed and what are you left with? An 8yo that is in reality a 4yo.

Now that said she has some very good points - that being she is a nice type, attractive and from the sounds of it hacks very well. So play to her strong points.

First up the pictures are very poor - get some good ones - one like the confo shot above without the shadowing and a decent ridden one.

My gut feeling is that if you have time/budget then you should keep her a couple of months and polish up her schooling and get her out to some RC stuff, I think you will then be able to pitch her as a RC horse.

 

[Firewell]

There is waaaay too much waffle i'm afraid. You just want to catch peoples attention and get them to see her, you can explain the in's and outs later if they are interested.

First I would use the 2 photos in this thread they are much nicer (although I do like the field one, I would leave that out for advertisment puposes), or I would dress her up in white and take some really good dressagey type pics with a decent camera.

Then I would put:-

Attractive Allrounder
16HH, 8yr old Grey Mare with Darco and Gort Boy lines.
Successfully competed in dressage and showing. Always placed with scores of up to .... in dressage, has won x y z showing (basically a couple of lines bigging up what she has done even if its local stuff). Also happy to pop small fences with potential for more.
Responsive, snaffle mouthed ride who hacks alone and in company. Good doer who will live in or out and is 100% clip, box, shoe, traffic, dentist, farrier.
Would suit a competant amature rider for dressage, showing, RC activites.
Sad sale

That would be the most you can put. It's best to be as objective as possible and not too emotional, you will be able to tell on the phone any numptys who wont suit. Also she is a bit of a mixture of everything in her breeding, she is as much WB, ID as she is Pre, you can go into her breeding more if somebody likes her but tbh I just put the names people would recognise in the advert.

 

[pigsmight:)]

Fair point ihatework. She is fairly green on the flat but is keen to learn and I am by no means the best rider on the flat so probably don't show her off to her best ability!
I shall find some local comps and get her out and about
She is lovely and not at all sharp so I really will have to change that bit! We were just trying to be really honest x

 

[pigsmight:)]

Thankyou firewell! I might just steal your add there! Really helpfull Thankyou again

 

[Countrychic]

If it was me I think I'd try and send her somewhere for a couple of months so she has some sort of record. The main problems are the photos, I wouldn't keep any of those. For a horse of her age and quality I'd want a flashy confo shot, nice background and very clean horse. A striking ridden shot either trot or canter, a good jumping picture, not necessarily a huge jump but good technique and if you want to use a hacking pic I'd use one of her on a road.
Wording is waffly. Needs to be cut down and needs to say what she's done and what she will do with work.
Nice horse though

 

[Firewell]

No probs, sure you can use it!
I used to work in recuritment and I was always the one who wrote the adverts . Last time I advertised a horse my phone rang off the hook, you just need to get people in the door so to speak.
If you could get her out to a show or something in the mean time that would only help. People always like it when the horse is currently competing and you can add an *Update!! Won dressage this weekend!* tag to her ad if need be .

 

[seabsicuit2]

Like firewells advert but would take out the 'needs a competent rider' at the end- makes her sound sharp and dodgy.

Also I would add to the advert and emphasise on her being a safe ride and not sharp .

Original advert makes me think she is a loony project horse !

 

[Gamebird]

WeBuyAnyHorse.com???

 

[Worried1]

My initial thoughts are attractive mare but the ad reads like she's a bit quirky which actually sounds not the case at all . She's also 8 and not done much so I would be wondering why.
Need a ridden pic.
She looks a lively sort, good luck.

 

[Foxglove]

To be honest she is exactly what I'm looking for, and if only you closer (I'm in Devon)

I am depressed looking for horses. I'm finding most are terribly overpriced and I do think you are in the right bracket pricewise.

Sorry can't be more help, but your advert or photos certainly wouldn't put me off

Good luck.