Sad Post, Your advise please. Not Horse

ebonyallen

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Sorry to bother you, but I am in need of a little bit of advise. We are a very small yard only 6 of us, and the latest girl who joined about a year ago has just been told that her partner has only months to live. They have been together for 19 years but never got married, and now to make things easier they are getting married in a registry office very small no fuss, but the problem we face or I face is what to do should I get them a card or not. My thinking was perhaps a blank card where I can write a few words, just thought a wedding day card wishing them all the best in their lives together long and happy etc, is not really the right thing to do,so what would you do in this situation. Sorry to ask but just to get other peoples views who are not involved would give me an idea if I am doing the right thing and if not what would be the best thing to do for them, many thanks for taking the time to read.
 

Red30563

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Oh gosh, how dreadfully sad. I can understand your dilemma. I agree that a blank card, with a beautiful image on it and a few words wishing them a happy day might be appropriate. I think that is what I would do.
 

longdog

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How very sad. I understand your thoughts about the wedding cards probably having inappropriate wording. I think I would also try & find a blank weddingy style card for them as the one left behind will then have some mementos of the wedding as a lovely keepsake.
HTH
Longdog x
 

Holly Hocks

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How completely devastating for her. I dont know how I would cope in her situation. I think the idea of a blank card is a fantastic idea. x
 

MochaDun

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Yes I think a card is a nice thought, for their very special day and yes a blank card with your own words will be a good way to go. How terribly sad, but I'm glad they've had 19 years together though that doesn't make the future any easier to bear. Puts my problems into perspective. I'm sure being a small yard she will really appreciate the time with the horses and the other horse owners support over the coming months.
 

Pearlsasinger

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Yes, that is what I would do.
Even though the circumstances are sad, the day will be a celebration of their love, so a card will acknowledge that. And as someone else said, it will become part of her memories of the day, later on.
 

HollyB66

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Totally agree a card will be really appreciated I'm sure. You may find a wedding card that has fewer words in it that is more appropriate, something like "best wishes on your special day" for example.

In the future the yard will also probably be a place where she wants to spend time, horses are a blessing for getting us through hard times. It sounds like you have a lovely caring yard :)
 

amage

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How very sad for them. are you a close bunch at the yard? While its a very american thing to do why not throw her a horsy bridal shower? could even be just go out for a nice meal but make sure she gets the full bridal fun in spite of the tragic circumstances...a wedding is after all a happy occasion! A nice present for the occasion could be bring her horse along for pics all done up and plaited etc. would be a nice touch if you think she would like it
 

ThePony

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Poor soul, what an awful thing to face. I think your idea of a non weddingy card or note is a lovely idea, it will allow you to express your wishes that they have a wonderful day, and there will come a day when she will want to look back on things like that as a reminder of times shared with her partner.
 

ebonyallen

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Thank you all so very much for taking the time to reply, its is so hard to know what to do for the best. We are a very small yard and everyone will help anyone if they have a problem, we have already taken on most of the duties with her horse so that she only comes up once a day to see her and does not have to worry about the day to day routine of looking after her and this we will continue to do untill she asks us not to. That is the one thing that we can do is to take the worry out of looking after her horse, as she now has to spend alot of time at home or at the hospital. Life can be very cruel at times and as we all know when times are hard we really do need our horses, and we will make sure that this is done, so when she feels the time is right her horse will be waiting for her. Thank you again for your kind words.
 

Pidgeon

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I would go out and buy a lovely wedding card and think about what to write in it, whatever you write in do it from the heart and you won't go far wrong. Take it from me who has been there it will be very much appreciated and treasured x
I got married a week before losing my husband to cancer
ETA: have read replies and please do not buy a blank card, get a proper wedding card
 

HappyNeds

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I would go out and buy a lovely wedding card and think about what to write in it, whatever you write in do it from the heart and you won't go far wrong. Take it from me who has been there it will be very much appreciated and treasured x
I got married a week before losing my husband to cancer
ETA: have read replies and please do not buy a blank card, get a proper wedding card
OP it sounds like you couldn't get a view closer to what your friends feelings are likely to be than Pidgeons post.
A proper wedding card acknowledges their wedding day is to be enjoyed and celebrated, no matter what is likely to follow in the coming weeks or months, and I'm sure your thoughtful words inside the card will show how much you care - the fact you've posted this thread shows how much you care. I'm quite touched by this thread x
 

ebonyallen

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I would go out and buy a lovely wedding card and think about what to write in it, whatever you write in do it from the heart and you won't go far wrong. Take it from me who has been there it will be very much appreciated and treasured x
I got married a week before losing my husband to cancer
ETA: have read replies and please do not buy a blank card, get a proper wedding card
Thank you, I am so sorry to hear about your husband, and you taking the tine to reply to this thread, and I have taken what you have said on board and will try now to find something that will be suitable for them, many thanks.
 

Pidgeon

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Thanks for the thoughts, appreciated. It's coming up for 9 years now but I still have all my wedding cards and associated bits, plus a proper wedding album with photos in, even though we got married in the hospital chapel and it was a bit unorthodox to say the least.
I think a lovely wedding card with something from the heart will be appreciated and you and your liveries are doing a brilliant job with taking the pressure off by doing what you can to look after her horse for her. I wish more people were as thoughtful as you x
 

Ibblebibble

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my MIL got married under similar circumstances, the cards obviously have to be carefully picked but there are plenty out there that don't mention longevity:) I think if you can find a proper wedding card that suits it will be much appreciated:)
 

Ladydragon

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Another vote for a wedding card... They are getting married because it is important to them both because of and despite the terribly difficult circumstances they are muddling through... They are celebrating their lives together... And a 'proper' wedding card will probably be a very treasured memory of a very special day... And you can write a lovely, heartfelt message in it...

Slightly different circumstances as it involved a teenager... But I wanted abject celebration at every opportunity once we knew time could be measured...

I hope they have a truly wonderful day with you, their family and other friends.. x
 

dafthoss

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Yep deffo get a lovely card and is there any possibility that you could group together as a yard and get them some thing nice like a photo session and some prints if he is well enough.
 

ebonyallen

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Yep deffo get a lovely card and is there any possibility that you could group together as a yard and get them some thing nice like a photo session and some prints if he is well enough.
Thank you, had not thought of that. He always has done her horse when she works so we did see alot of him, so not really like an OH that you do not see that often, he was there every week looking after her horse, so we do know him very well.
 

Ladydragon

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Dafthoss' suggestion is lovely... I'm not suggesting it's for everyone, but I had a bodycaster take a mould of us 'holding hands'... A bit like some new parents do with a baby's hands and feet... The hand clasp was poured in fine marble and set on a plinth... It's the most important thing I have - perhaps because I can still see and touch the contours and texture...
 

Vodkagirly

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Unfortunately similar happened to a friend of mine. We celebrated as you would any other wedding eg cards and presents and a party where everyone helped out. He beat the odds and they had 2 more years together.
Sorry to hear about your friend and hope they have time to have a few more good memories.
 

RoobyDoobs

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Hi OP... I'd just like to say what a lovely, kind, considerate lady you are.... And if ever I find myself in a pickle I hope that my friends turn out to be just like you xxx
 

kildalton

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Thanks for the thoughts, appreciated. It's coming up for 9 years now but I still have all my wedding cards and associated bits, plus a proper wedding album with photos in, even though we got married in the hospital chapel and it was a bit unorthodox to say the least.
I think a lovely wedding card with something from the heart will be appreciated and you and your liveries are doing a brilliant job with taking the pressure off by doing what you can to look after her horse for her. I wish more people were as thoughtful as you x
Like Pidgeon , I lost my husband 4 days after we were married. I treasure all the wedding cards and mementos people sent us.you are doing a wonderful thing by caring for her horse .X
 

Lexie81

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Had a similar scenario, a very close friend found out her partner had an inoperable brain tumour, they had a baby son. They too got married after they found out. I found some lovely blank cards in paperchase and chose one of those to write a message in for them. He died a year later when their son was 18 months old, so so sad I really feel for your friend....
 

MochaDun

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Dafthoss' suggestion is lovely... I'm not suggesting it's for everyone, but I had a bodycaster take a mould of us 'holding hands'... A bit like some new parents do with a baby's hands and feet... The hand clasp was poured in fine marble and set on a plinth... It's the most important thing I have - perhaps because I can still see and touch the contours and texture...
Gosh I'd not heard of that before, just knew about the moulds of children's feet etc but what a wonderful thing that hand clasp sounds as a memory of something between two people, has made me shed a few tears at the thought and poignancy of it.
 

mulledwhine

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So so sad, I wish them much happiness, I really do not think that they will find offence in a wedding card, after all I am guessing they will want their day to be a wedding day, and have their worries forgotten for 1 day xxx
 
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