Scared of my youngster.. help

katey4cobs

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Hi guys.
I’ve come on here for some advice. I have had my youngster since he was 12 months old. We’ve had our ups and downs (like usual with youngsters) he’s had his colt moments and he’s been, well, difficult.
He is now 3. I had an accident with him In the field about a month ago.. I was putting him out in the field, and my friend was putting her horse out at the same time. Her phone went off out of nowhere playing music, and my pony spooked, went up in the air, and his legs caught my back, and I was on the floor. It’s massively knocked my confidence, and I am constantly beating myself up about it. I took things back to basics, and did some bonding with him in the field etc. I’ve led him round the school and worked on manners and respect, but I always have that scared feeling in my stomach and I can’t shift it off. Am I wrong for this? Today when we were lunging him, I was in the middle, with the lunge line and he charged towards me.. and I stupidly ran out of the way, and he went up in the air again, Which I shouldn’t have, but it was instinct, and now I feel even more stupid and useless for it! Does anybody have any tips on how to get over this fear? I point blank refuse to give up on him as we have an unbreakable bond but people are now saying “just get rid of him you can’t be scared of your own horse”. I know things will be different when he’s old enough to be broken in and he is sent off, but I really want to stop feeling so useless and get back to how I was.. sorry for rambling it’s been one of those days!
 

sherry90

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You say he’s ‘had his colt moments’ is he still entire?
If you are scared at the moment and lack confidence, I’d recommend turning him away until such time as you can have someone on hand to help you. This is a difficult thing to deal with in the current climate due to social distancing. If you can, turn him away and in the meantime look around for well recommended and experience people local to you to help when able to.
 

SaddlePsych'D

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I have neither the knowledge or experience to offer any practical suggestions (there will be plenty on here who do though), but I did just want to say not to beat yourself up! Firstly you've acknowledged there's a problem, and that you need help to resolve it. Secondly, you're seeking that help! I think lots of people wouldn't even get this far. Also the two situations you describe sound pretty frightening to me so perhaps not surprising you are not feeling so confident. Best of luck getting through it :)
 

be positive

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Firstly I hope he is now a gelding and not still a colt.
Then forget about having a bond, that is a much used term that is not really appropriate to be aiming for with a young, possibly slightly bossy equine, they do not need to bond with people in order to lead a useful, happy life, they are not humans or dogs and are just as happy with their own kind while being able to work with people in a constructive way, respect is what you need, it works both ways you need to respect him and he needs to respect you and have the desire to work with you without a bond being an essential requirement.

I have had numerous horses, started more than I can remember and any 'bond' comes once they learn respect, you treat them fairly, they then know the ground rules, you need some experienced help to get you back on track, not someone giving unwanted advice but a proper professional that will train you to train him before he becomes too unruly and you lose your nerve completely.
 

TPO

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I don't mean this to sound harsh but you do not have an "unbreakable bond" with your horse.

Yes you undoubtedly care for him and love him but that doesnt equate to such a thing.

You have to remember that he is a horse. He needs boundaries and training to respect those boundaries and install manners.

As you've had him from when he was very young it is easy to see him as a "baby". Its also normal to be "nice" because you want him to "like" you. This isnt how horses think.

From your post the initial field incident sounds like an accident. To help rebuild your confidence when turning him out or catching wear a hat and gloves. Ensure that you are in a safe position where you can control him but also are in striking/jumping into position or range.

However from what you've posted thevlungung incident was not an accident if he did genuinely turn in and specifically run AT you. This is very dangerous behaviour and needs stopping because if he was of a mind to do it once, and it worked as you yielded, he will more than likely try it again.

Lockdown makes things difficult but you do need to engage with an experienced trainer who can teach your horse the basics and train you how to handle him.

Is he still entire? If so I'd be contacting the vet to get him cut as soon as possible.

Meanwhile there are plenty of lesening resources out there. Richard Maxwell books are a good starting point as well as video learning online from the likes of Richard Maxwell, Warwick Schiller, TRT method, Joe Midgely and Guy Robertson to name a few.
 

Upthecreek

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Absolutely agree with everything said above. I would forget lunging and go back to basics because it sounds like you’ve missed a step in his training. Focus on the basics on handling and leading safely to instill basic manners. Unfortunately it doesn’t sound as though he respects you and you are going to have to be firm and consistent in all of your interactions with him to turn this around. He needs to understand and be respectful of your space or you are putting yourself in a very dangerous position. Definitely get some help from someone knowledgeable with youngsters as soon as you can.
 

Bellaboo18

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So, you don't have an unbreakable bond, that's not a thing.

This is a large, potentially dangerous animal who needs other horses to play with in his field and firm boundaries from you when it's time to 'work'.

I'd get an experienced instructor to come and help you with groundwork asap.

A few questions...
Hopefully he's been gelded?
Has he got company in his field?
Can he live out 24/7?
 
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katey4cobs

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Why are you lunging a 3 yr old? Do you want to damage his joints? Please don't lunge him any more. Have you had him gelded yet? If not get that done quickly!

If you have already decided to send him away to be backed, I would turn him away for now.

I try all sorts of different exercises with him to engage his brain, lunging being one of them. I don’t ask him to trot or canter round, just a walk on a line. I am very careful given his age, and no I most certainly do not want to damage his joints. He was gelded last year.
Thanks for the advice
 

katey4cobs

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So, you don't have an unbreakable bond, that's not a thing.

This is a large, potentially dangerous animal who needs other horses to play with in his field and firm boundaries from you when it's time to 'work'.

I'd get an experienced instructor to come and help you with groundwork asap.

A few questions...
Hopefully he's been gelded?
Has he got company in his field?
Can he live out 24/7?

Yes sorry I forgot to mention that, he was gelded last year.
He is currently in a field with 3 others.
He now lives out 24/7, I Turned him out for good 2 weeks ago

Thank you
 

katey4cobs

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I have neither the knowledge or experience to offer any practical suggestions (there will be plenty on here who do though), but I did just want to say not to beat yourself up! Firstly you've acknowledged there's a problem, and that you need help to resolve it. Secondly, you're seeking that help! I think lots of people wouldn't even get this far. Also the two situations you describe sound pretty frightening to me so perhaps not surprising you are not feeling so confident. Best of luck getting through it :)

Thank you for your really kind comment. I’m just trying my best but people are really really hard on me. I won’t give up, thanks so much!
 

katey4cobs

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Absolutely agree with everything said above. I would forget lunging and go back to basics because it sounds like you’ve missed a step in his training. Focus on the basics on handling and leading safely to instill basic manners. Unfortunately it doesn’t sound as though he respects you and you are going to have to be firm and consistent in all of your interactions with him to turn this around. He needs to understand and be respectful of your space or you are putting yourself in a very dangerous position. Definitely get some help from someone knowledgeable with youngsters as soon as you can.

Thank you for your help. I have been going back to basics and will continue trying to do that
 

katey4cobs

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Hi, I'd get an instructor in to help you to handle him. I also wouldn't be lunging too much especially if you're sending him away to be broken, it's actually quite hard on the joints of a young horse.

I have messaged a few but difficult at the moment! I’ve had some tips and tricks from local trainers and going to try those in the meantime. I don’t lunge often, it’s just one of the few excecises I Try to engage his brain! I only get him to walk around, no trotting or cantering x
 

Bellaboo18

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Yes sorry I forgot to mention that, he was gelded last year.
He is currently in a field with 3 others.
He now lives out 24/7, I Turned him out for good 2 weeks ago

Thank you

Perfect. I'd look out for an instructor that will come and help you with groundwork then. If you mention your area, people might know of someone :)
 

katey4cobs

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Perfect. I'd look out for an instructor that will come and help you with groundwork then. If you mention your area, people might know of someone :)

I have been messaging a few but many not working at the moment due to lockdown! I have been given a few tips and tricks to try in the meantime. Thank you for your help x
 

SaddlePsych'D

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Thank you for your really kind comment. I’m just trying my best but people are really really hard on me. I won’t give up, thanks so much!

You're welcome. :)

From my very limited knowledge (mostly gleaned from reading threads on here), I would think people can be a bit hard about it because from experience they've seen how things can go wrong if young horses are not given the right start.

I'm in no way qualified to make a judgement about whether you're doing the right/wrong things but do hope you can get some help from someone who is and can get you both back on track.
 

Orangehorse

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I haven't any practical advice to offer as I haven't had to deal with an unruly youngster. But one thing sticks in my mind from one trainer I had - the boss horse moves the other horses' feet. So he has to learn to move away from you.

I know a Kelly Marks trainer, who is also a physio, and she will often be called into an unruly horse, the sort that barges and won't stand still etc. and says that often they are waiting to be told what to do and will change their behaviour a lot within a short time.

I agree with everyone else that you need to get a recommended and experienced person to help you and show you how to handle this lad.
 

Bellaboo18

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I have been messaging a few but many not working at the moment due to lockdown! I have been given a few tips and tricks to try in the meantime. Thank you for your help x
That's understandable, in that case I'd give him some time out chilling in the field until you can get someone to come out and help you.

Just picking up on one of your other replies, saying you won't give up. Sometimes it's ok to say this isnt the right horse for me and find a more suitable home. Hopefully you'll be ok with some help but it's a selfless and brave thing to say I'm out of my depth, I'll find him another home.
Selling him is an option, there are plenty of good homes out there.
 
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Just want to say be gentle with yourself, it's much easier that way and there's also no shame in acknowledging there's things you can't/won't do or horses you don't want to handle anymore, I had a VERY similar thing to you happen to me; now I just focus on doing stuff I and my horse/pony will enjoy now rather than what others think we "should" be doing, I'd have given up ages ago if not. Confidence isn't set in stone and can fluctuate. If I'm having a good confidence day it's great and if I'm not I don't force myself to do things that will be hell, it's easy to forget we actually do this for fun sometimes. A sympathetic instructor/experienced individual on the ground just to walk next to you can be a godsend as well! Can't comment on the suitability of your horse or anything but good luck going forward anyway. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 

Goldenstar

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Handle him minimally for a while .
All this bonding stuff can really bite you on the bum .
Don’t bug your horse in the field that’s his space to be a horse .
Just expect him to behave when he sees you and don’t expect any thing more from him .
Please get him to a professional for backing and riding away when the time comes .
He’s a horse just treat him like one .
Things go wrong ,you have train yourself to move on.
 

Dusty 123

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i don’t want to sound mean but to me you don’t sound to be experienced enough to deal with a young horse . You need a professional to deal with him. If you’re bonding to much a horse will think there the boss .
 

Cinnamontoast

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People are hard because they are reading what you’ve written. They don’t want you hurt, despite not knowing you. They also don’t want a youngster ruined. Stop being so down on yourself, get some professional experienced help before you decide on his future.

When you were lunging, did you have a lunge whip? I don’t care how safe you think he is, never lunge a horse without one.
 

Celtic Fringe

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Just to echo what others on here have said. Please don't be too hard on yourself - it is frustrating and disheartening. My cob is now 9 but I've known him since the day he was born and I was the main person to handle him before I bought him as an unbacked 3 year old. Mine went through a total teenager phase - rude and pushing boundaries. HOWEVER, I knew I did not have the experience to bring on a youngster so had planned for professional help from the beginning. I was SO fortunate in finding someone who took us right through from some immediate issues, preliminary groundwork and then backing my horse when he was four - which turned out to be very straightforward due to everything we'd done before. This is not a cheap or quick option but should set your horse up for life and hopefully lead to a polite, reliable and responsive adult horse.
 

Suechoccy

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Echo Goldenstar, accidents happen. As we get older we tend to dwell more on the what-ifs so which dents our confidence.
He's gelded, he's 3 so he doesn't need to do anything right now. You've turned him away. That tops the ante rising, keeps you both comfy around each other. When lockdown ends and he is mature enough and ready and you are ready, then decide whether to get help in to your yard with you and him, or to send him away for basic education. Either way is possible, both work. Meanwhile cut yourself some slack. We all question ourselves sometimes, it's normal part of being human. You are doing fine and you've done sensible thing with him for time being.
 

fredflop

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Things like the TRT method are goof as they give you a structured lesson plan to go through with your horse.

you could try this... but does depend if you have enough “base” horse knowledge to follow the lessons through.

people will often sound cruel, often not intentionally. Phrases like “unbreakable bond” tend to come from novices and/or people that are unwilling to admit they have a massive problem thug horse
 

HappyHorses:)

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Everyone has a knock in confidence now and again so don’t beat yourself up too much ?
Young horses often try to push their boundaries. It’s difficult if your not used to them but try not to take things personally. Remember they are not born knowing how to behave around us humans so it’s our job to let them know how to behave and yes, that means tough love sometimes.

I would agree it would be good to have someone more experienced to help show you how to get things right, he’s actually better off chilling in the field until you can do this rather than learning bad manners.

If you need to get his brain engaged long reining is much better than lunging as you have more control over his body so stop him spinning in at you. Long reining is a good part of a young horses education and at 3 it’s a great time to get him out seeing the world, get him used to a bit contact, steering installed etc.

Good luck. Stay positive.
 
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