Seller is bad mouthing me - what to do?

[QueenT]

I bought a lovely schoolmistress from a professional rider and took lessons with the seller the first two months before moving my new horse to my local yard (a lovely little place with lots of outdoor time, big stalls etc) I bought her from app. 25 miles away so we share a couple of acquaintances - no shared actual friends, but follows on facebook etc. The thing is, seller's facebook photo is still of - now - my horse, her posts are often "God, miss this horse badly...", "best horse I ever had" etc. She texts me once in a while to ask how things are going, which was fine in the beginning, now it's annoying. She visited a couple of months after I moved her - right at a point where I was changing the farrier due to bad shoeing - at the time we talked about it, musing on how hard it was to find someone good in our area.

Today I found out that the seller is talking about my care of the horse, my riding, my choice of rugs, my choice of farrier/dentist/chiro, the herd etc. (My horse is in excellent condition, according to vet) I also found out that she started riding with the same trainer as I am (I told her months ago who I was training with, thinking she just asked out of general interest). So now there is a direct connection and my arm's length approach is no longer possible, or at least more difficult. I always knew I'd had to swallow the bitter pill of never riding my horse as well as the previous owner, but knowing that people is talking about me both infuriates and embarrasses me. I have been thinking about nothing else all day, and my first impulse was to ring her up and tell her to back the f*** off. Not sure anything good will come out of that, but what to do then?

 

[DabDab]

Not much you can do I don't think, not without you looking a bit nuts and giving her the rise that she's probably after. Can understand how it's a bit rubbish confidence-wise, but think you'll just have to try to find a way to put it out of your mind as much as possible.

 

[cobgoblin]

Put up some posts on Facebook with lots of pictures of your horse, say who you bought her from and how you had lessons with her before bringing the horse home. Say how delighted you are... Lay it on thick. Remark how nice it was that she cared enough to visit after you moved..
In short.. Make her look like an asshole if she disses you.

Eta... If she turns up again, you can have it out with her face to face... But I doubt she will.

 

[PapaverFollis]

I'd stop texting back or just keep it very short and certainly don't offer or accept any more visits. If you have a good relationship with your instructor ask them to be similarly off-hand if they get any questions about you from previous owner (they shouldn't really be discussing you anyway, unprofessional, but people do I suppose). Remove from Facebook etc.

Eventually she'll get bored when she doesn't get a reaction.

 

[claret09]

ignore

 

[Desert_rider]

Don't engage. Don't text back or respond on Facebook. Maybe even block her. She will soon get bored.

 

[Red-1]

I would de-friend on Facebook. TBH, the person I bought my horse from could be dissing me left, right and centre - but I wouldn't know because I have never looked.

They did say they wanted some contact, so I sent a couple of messages on messenger, last one was 6 months ago. I would be horrified if they just turned up without warning, and am not at all sure I would let them in!

TBH your seller doesn't sound very professional for a professional rider.

As far as your trainer goes, if you are uncomfortable with the link, and can't ignore the old owners, then change trainers.

 

[Goldenstar]

Just completely disengage and ignore all of it .
Enjoy your horse .

 

[MiJodsR2BlinkinTite]

This woman actually sounds envious of you OP!! Probably because you're getting more from the horse than she ever did - and jealous little ferrets like this just can't handle that!!

You state that you'd "have to swallow the bitter bill of knowing that you'd never ride the horse like the previous owner". I think this whole scenario is evidence that this statement you have made is not the case! and you ARE actually riding the horse very well, and doing excellently! - and I rather suspect she is envious of this fact! Actually (as an aside), I think you should be blimmin proud of yourself, and I would challenge you to alter your thinking as it is time you stopped running yourself down and comparing yourself to the previous owner! The horse is obviously well and thriving in your care, and you are obviously getting more and more confident and going out and doing stuff successfully! Whereas she sounds like a sad little person who is now envious at your success. Totally pathetic! Also very unprofessional in the extreme.

As others have said, I think you'd be best advised to ignore her; if you "unfriend" her on Facebook then you won't see anything of hers and so it won't have the power to rile you.

Re. the texts that she sends you; again, ditto, delete and ignore without replying.

Re. the shared "Trainer". Mmmm.... difficult one this: understandably you don't want to have to find another trainer if this one is working for you, and I can understand your concerns, but as a professional, your "trainer" should be in the position of being unbiased?? I would be inclined to have a quiet word in their ear and express your concerns, confidentially, to them. Your trainer should understand the dilemma and act professionally in this sort of situation.

IF this woman does visit your yard then I would be inclined to be "busy" and "sorry but you can't spare her any time right now", and/or "sorry gotta dash", and then drive off and leave her to it!. Don't hang around talking to her, i.e. give her no encouragement. But if this does become a problem then it is something you could mention to your YO and say that you're basically unhappy at the previous owner turning up and lurking like a stale F@rt and it might be appropriate for your YO to then have a word with the woman - especially if she has basically no right to be there!!

 

[oldie48]

Ignore, don't feed the situation in any way and it will go away. You have a nice horse, just enjoy it! x

 

[RachaelJC]

Don't do anything. If you feel you must do something, I would agree with another who mentioned putting photos and things up about your horse and the happy times you're having. I wouldn't call her at all, and definitely not to tell her to back off, because she'll most likely deny saying anything and then you've given a reason to speak about you behind your back.

If she genuinely misses the horse and hasn't got anything else going on in her life, or is having difficulty reaching the same level with her existing horses as the one she sold to you, then there probably is a little envy, guilt, jealousy or generally feeling sorry for herself. The best way to deal with that is to rise above it and get on with what you need to do and make sure your horse is happy and well cared for, and you're reaching your goals.

It doesn't matter if she has the same trainer, either. Unless you're sharing a lesson I'd put it out of your mind. If anything, you're trainer will either not be discussing your progress with her, or praising you (which would also feed in to envy, etc.)

So don't do anything. Ignore it and enjoy your horse.

 

[ozpoz]

She does sound envious and not professional at all. I would just erase her from your contacts, enjoy your horse and move on. If you're happy with your current trainer,mention that although you understand that your training sessions would never be discussed with a third party, you'd like to make sure that you don't want to bump into previous owner at the yard accidentally. if you're not comfortable with how she responds, then change trainers too.

 

[QueenT]

Thank you everyone for sanity and reality checks, you're the best!

 

[Summit]

I agree with oldie48....stop all contact. You owe her nothing, no need to be “friends”

 

[Mule]

previous owner turning up and lurking like a stale F@rt!

I've never heard that saying before I'm going to have to steal it!

 

[Talism4n]

Ignore completely. If anyone asks you directly about her or any comments she’s made, stick to the line: “yeah, I’ve heard she’s made a few comments. Shame she misses the horse so much, she seemed happy when I invited her to visit but must be hard moving on from such a nice horse - I’m certainly having fun with them.” Then wax poetic about how well you and the horse are getting on. If she had any real concerns, she’d have spoken to you directly, so this is clearly just jealousy and a sign that you’re doing well. Best remedy is to have fun without her!