Selling a “heart horse”

[J_sarahd]

I have made the decision to put my pony up for sale in the next few days/weeks. I think he would really excel as a BSJA pony and I want to event. It was always going to happen as I would never push him higher than 85cm (as I’m nearing the most he can comfortably carry) but he has the scope to go higher with someone smaller.

I am heartbroken as I thought he’d have a home with me for life and I had it in my head that he’d retire with me. And I keep switching from being okay and then really not wanting to think about selling him.

I know I’m doing the right thing for both of us as I will be able to get a bigger horse that I can do a bit more on without worrying about being too big.

Has anyone else sold a “heart horse” that they thought would be theirs forever and how did you cope? I guess I just want reassurance!!

 

[IrishMilo]

I have twice. The first I've always regretted and the second I did for the longest time. It's only for the fact I know where he is now that I'm over it. Sorry, you probably wanted a different sort of reply but the older I get the more I realise how precious the time we have with our favourites is.

 

[Leandy]

Your post seems somewhat confused to be honest! In the first para you say "it was always going to happen" and then in the second you say you thought you would have him "for life"! Really don't understand the "heart" horse business..... Rather sentimental. Horses are meant to do a job, if that suits you both then that is great, if not then there is no need for guilt or shame in selling on. So if you want to keep him and just do the lower level stuff with him, do. He won't care that he could have been a top BS pony but is doing lower level eventing instead. Horses don't have ambition! If on the other hand you want to do more and he is holding you back because you can't go bigger on him, then that is a perfectly valid reason to sell on and buy the next step for you. We do after all keep horses for our own enjoyment. If he won't do what you now want to do then sell him to a good home and find one that does. This is perfectly ok!

 

[ycbm]

I know I’m doing the right thing for both of us

This is the key to what you've written for me. Hang on to this thought.
.

 

[Goldenstar]

I don’t ever sell my special horses horse I just found them a job they can do and they stay with me .

 

[Michen]

Sorry going to go against the grain and say people don’t sell “heart horses” unless there is no other option (life circumstances/financial). IMO a heart horse is one you love/need enough to keep whatever it can or cannot do for you under saddle or even just retired.

So I would think of this another way, actually this horse isn’t floating your boat emotionally enough either- your desire to event etc is stronger and that’s totally reasonable. Horses are expensive enough to keep! It may make it easier to accept selling him and also give you the chance to find a horse who really captures you in every way.

 

[ihatework]

Well I hate the term ‘heart horse’ and I do think those truly special ones just don’t get sold because they aren’t quite doing their job - the job gets changed to keep them!

It’s fine to say the horse isn’t quite what you want and you think he would be better suited to a different home. No need to wrap it up as anything else.

Over the years, I’ve had a couple that were bought as seller ons that have really burrowed their way into my affection. Both were sold, it was quite an emotional wrench, but I did as much as I could to make sure the partnership was perfect. I actually took great pleasure in seeing both those horses doing a grand job in their new homes.

 

[J_sarahd]

Your post seems somewhat confused to be honestn! In the first para you say "it was always going to happen" and then in the second you say you thought you would have him "for life"! Really don't understand the "heart" horse business..... Rather sentimental. Horses are meant to do a job, if that suits you both then that is great, if not then there is no need for guilt or shame in selling on. So if you want to keep him and just do the lower level stuff with him, do. He won't care that he could have been a top BS pony but is doing lower level eventing instead. Horses don't have ambition! If on the other hand you want to do more and he is holding you back because you can't go bigger on him, then that is a perfectly valid reason to sell on and buy the next step for you. We do after all keep horses for our own enjoyment. If he won't do what you now want to do then sell him to a good home and find one that does.

Sorry I should’ve been more clear! I bought him in 2019 with the plan of always having him - I didn’t really have much ambition and was happy enough pootling around low level shows. My confidence was quite low but he’s built it up and now we’ve reached about 80/85cm and I won’t push him any further with me but I have grown in confidence that now I have the ambition to push myself more.

 

[J_sarahd]

Well I hate the term ‘heart horse’ and I do think those truly special ones just don’t get sold because they aren’t quite doing their job - the job gets changed to keep them!

It’s fine to say the horse isn’t quite what you want and you think he would be better suited to a different home. No need to wrap it up as anything else.

Over the years, I’ve had a couple that were bought as seller ons that have really burrowed their way into my affection. Both were sold, it was quite an emotional wrench, but I did as much as I could to make sure the partnership was perfect. I actually took great pleasure in seeing both those horses doing a grand job in their new homes.

If I had the money to keep him and get another, I would, even if that meant part loaning/full loaning him out. In fact, that was an option at one point until I realised just how much money getting a new one would cost me. I have gone round in circles a thousand times over the last few weeks.

 

[tristar]

yes, and still have the hole in heart to prove it

25 years ago

 

[Annagain]

I'm in a similar boat. I bought Charlie 18 months ago with the intention of him being my last horse and seeing me through the next 20 years. I've never sold a horse before and never wanted to to but it just hasn't worked out. I've cried more about him in the last 18 months than I have in 30 years of horse ownership before him - and that includes two of my others dying.

Most of my crying though, has been in the last month since deciding we're not right for each other and it's time to let him go. Despite all our ridden issues, I love him dearly and feel terrible that I'm not seeing it through with him. I feel like I've let him down but I know keeping him will let him down even more.

He's on schooling livery at the moment (soon to be sales) and they keep sending me videos of him. Every time I see one, I'm torn between being really pleased that he's doing so well and desperate to go and pick him up and bring him home.

 

[ycbm]

I look at it another way. A horse deserves to be with somebody who is completely fulfilled by what they can do, not by somebody who, totally fairly, feels they are being held back in their sporting ambitions by them, however much they love them.

For me a heart horse is a horse who no matter what, I would not sell. I've never had one, though my current one is close.

He can be someone else's heart horse and all three of you will be better off.
.

 

[I'm Dun]

I have. I sold a very special little mare. Everyone told me I was being absolutely ridiculous and I should keep her. I did for a year then decided enough, sold her and bought my current one. Shes very happy in her new life. It suits her better. Like you my ambitions and confidence/competence changed dramatically and I just outgrew her. She was always on the small side for me as well. I wish Id done it the first time I wanted to and saved us both a year of it not being quite right.

I love seeing photos of her and knowing shes happy and well, but I am also very glad shes not mine anymore. The hardest part was making the decision. Once that was done the rest was just logistics.

 

[TPO]

I don't understand "I want to "event" " as a reason to sell a "heart horse". Selling a "heart horse" in exchange for a few low level BEs doesn't really make sense.

Neither does marketing him as a BS horse when he's not jumped over 85cm with you. BS ponies are a niche market and they need proven records.

From what you've posted he hasn't had that much exposure to XC, certainly not in competitive situations when the rider's blood/nerves are up, and most of that can be resolved with schooling and exposure. You're relatively new to competing too so would make sense to build and establish your own confidence and ability on a horse that you know before buying something else. By all means sell him but with fragile confidence trying and buying bigger and more "sporty" models can be daunting so make sure you are very careful with yourself.

Not just OP but I don't get this calling everything that's done a 80/90 an "eventer" or needing something that is an "eventer" to do low level BE. Most horses are capable of 80/90/100 and that's just being an RC all rounder type of horse. Be careful you're not cutting your nose off just to look the part when there is lots of fun to be had on a genuine sort.

If your hearts not in it with him fine, sell but don't use the whole "heart horse" thing to beat yourself up with. It's ok to sell horses because you want something different. If nobody sold their horses none of us would have ours!

 

[Bernster]

You’ll never truly know which is the right decision until it crystallises one way or the other ie you sell or you decide you re scope what you want to do and keep him ‘forever’.

In my case, I sold an amazing confidence giver who was the most fantastic horse. One of those very special ones that could do so much and took me from nervous novice owner to sj, dressage, xc, showing, hunting, horse holidays. It took me a long time to decide to sell him for that reason but I wanted something a bit fizzier, and more xc focussed (that wasn’t his favourite). I loaned him first then sold him to his loaner when I bought a 2nd more comp focussed horse. (Took me a while to find the right alternative horse though, it’s not an easy step up to make!)

My OH finally made me realise, as he said that the horse deserved to be someone’s 1st horse, and do for them what he did for me. It was best for us both. That’s how I got comfortable with it. I also knew the home ofc and he stayed at the yard for a long time afterwards. I didn’t regret it once I’d decided as I knew it was the right thing to do, however sad it was to get to that point.

 

[LEC]

if you are trying to put a square peg into a round hole with what you want to do then it’s never going to work. You can either make the peg round (you changing your ambitions) or you buy a new peg. I don’t think there needs to be any guilt about your ambitions being more. It sounds like the horse will have a home for life as a solid citizen and for me watching them be loved and have a great life is just as fulfilling for me than wishing I could be out doing more but keeping the horse.
I don’t believe in heart horses, but some you love just a bit more and they are usually the ones who you never run out of learning and challenge on.

 

[milliepops]

i have had a couple of "heart" horses, and i would agree that if it's the horse itself that you are attached to beyond reason then it's no hardship to adjust ambitions to suit them. When Millie topped out at Novice BE we swapped to dressage. When Kira found her way into my affections I gave up attempting to do anything other than what she excelled at. So they were obvious keepers and are with me for life.

it does sound like you want something your pony can't give you OP, and that's pretty very common and realistically the main reason why there are always horses on the market. I also think you should hold on to the thought of doing the best thing for both of you, and then throw everything into finding him the ideal new home.

 

[J_sarahd]

Thank you everyone for replying - you’ve given me a lot to think about and consider. You’ve also made me realise that perhaps it’s less about the ambition of eventing and more about his height. If he was bigger, but exactly the same personality etc, I would change my plans to fit him. I’m not sure if that makes it easier or harder.

 

[milliepops]

it should make it easier i think neither you nor he can change that, it is what it is...

 

[I'm Dun]

Thank you everyone for replying - you’ve given me a lot to think about and consider. You’ve also made me realise that perhaps it’s less about the ambition of eventing and more about his height. If he was bigger, but exactly the same personality etc, I would change my plans to fit him. I’m not sure if that makes it easier or harder.

This was where I was. I did change what I wanted to do to suit my pony, but that didn't change the fact she felt too small to me and that didn't go away.

 

[Leandy]

Sorry I should’ve been more clear! I bought him in 2019 with the plan of always having him - I didn’t really have much ambition and was happy enough pootling around low level shows. My confidence was quite low but he’s built it up and now we’ve reached about 80/85cm and I won’t push him any further with me but I have grown in confidence that now I have the ambition to push myself more.

You have outgrown this pony. He has done a grand job to get you to the position that you now want something more. That is fine and this is what horses are meant to do. You could, if you wanted and had the means, keep him alongside another, or loan him out to another suitable rider to do what you have done with him, or to take him on but it seems you can't keep two. This is fine, you don't need to find excuses to sell on to progress. It is what most people do. You love him for what he has done for you and secure his future by finding him another lovely home where he can continue to do his thing and be the centre of attention. This is what I would do.

 

[Ali27]

How big is your pony? I have a 14.2 mare who we had as a 6 year old for my daughter and I’ve inherited her! She’s nearly 20 now and now I’m so conscious of her age and not pushing her too much! She loves her jumping but I now stick at 80-90 and am super careful of the ground! She’s not been the easiest pony but now is pretty perfect and my total pony of a lifetime ? I would love to jump bigger but I will have to wait a few years for that! I absolutely love her to bits and would never part with her for all the money in the world!
So I would say that yours isn’t your “heart” pony as otherwise you wouldn’t be considering selling him! Just be careful about selling him as you may struggle to get your perfect horse and may regret what you had!
I’m looking for a 2/3 year old as a replacement in the next year to take over from my pony when she eventually retires to munch in the field.

 

[J_sarahd]

How big is your pony? I have a 14.2 mare who we had as a 6 year old for my daughter and I’ve inherited her! She’s nearly 20 now and now I’m so conscious of her age and not pushing her too much! She loves her jumping but I now stick at 80-90 and am super careful of the ground! She’s not been the easiest pony but now is pretty perfect and my total pony of a lifetime ? I would love to jump bigger but I will have to wait a few years for that! I absolutely love her to bits and would never part with her for all the money in the world!
So I would say that yours isn’t your “heart” pony as otherwise you wouldn’t be considering selling him! Just be careful about selling him as you may struggle to get your perfect horse and may regret what you had!
I’m looking for a 2/3 year old as a replacement in the next year to take over from my pony when she eventually retires to munch in the field.

He is 13.2, so pretty small. He is perfect in every way, except his height. It kills me that I am even thinking of selling him.

 

[J_sarahd]

You have outgrown this pony. He has done a grand job to get you to the position that you now want something more. That is fine and this is what horses are meant to do. You could, if you wanted and had the means, keep him alongside another, or loan him out to another suitable rider to do what you have done with him, or to take him on but it seems you can't keep two. This is fine, you don't need to find excuses to sell on to progress. It is what most people do. You love him for what he has done for you and secure his future by finding him another lovely home where he can continue to do his thing and be the centre of attention. This is what I would do.

In an ideal world, I’d get another rider for him on a full loan basis. I would just then struggle to fork out the money to buy another, let alone a vetting, new saddle, rugs etc. It was an option for a very long time.

 

[brighteyes]

I've kept everything until the end, finding other riders, loaning out -have been super lucky and made longterm friends - and retiring a superstar here due to her quirkiness and our ability to do so financially. Nutter Welshie-boy has a new and unterrorisable rider who loves his 'borderline not even second pony' character, and he will go nowhere either. My love for him and conscience towards some else's offspring will prevent that.

13.2 is quite small and would be possibly 'hammered' if a competition pony, sold in to the 'wrong hands'. This is the worry when selling anything, so... could you lease?

 

[J_sarahd]

I've kept everything until the end, finding other riders, loaning out -have been super lucky and made longterm friends - and retiring a superstar here due to her quirkiness and our ability to do so financially. Nutter Welshie-boy has a new and unterrorisable rider who loves his 'borderline not even second pony' character, and he will go nowhere either. My love for him and conscience towards some else's offspring will prevent that.

13.2 is quite small and would be possibly 'hammered' if a competition pony, sold in to the 'wrong hands'. This is the worry when selling anything, so... could you lease?

That’s part of my reluctance to sell - he is the sweetest pony and he does have so much untapped talent but I would hate for someone to hammer him or ruin him. In all honesty, I’m not very familiar with the ins and outs of leasing as opposed to full loaning.

 

[alexomahony]

Well I hate the term ‘heart horse’ and I do think those truly special ones just don’t get sold because they aren’t quite doing their job - the job gets changed to keep them!

It’s fine to say the horse isn’t quite what you want and you think he would be better suited to a different home. No need to wrap it up as anything else.

Over the years, I’ve had a couple that were bought as seller ons that have really burrowed their way into my affection. Both were sold, it was quite an emotional wrench, but I did as much as I could to make sure the partnership was perfect. I actually took great pleasure in seeing both those horses doing a grand job in their new homes.

^^ this 100%

 

[vhf]

I have parted with one or two that totally broke my heart, mostly when I was a teen. Being a teen, I also recovered though... all except one. I still miss him, constantly question whether I should have let him go, know I will never have another like him.

The only consolation is that it was the best decision for him and he had a wonderful life bringing joy to others.

I'm still not sure it was right for me, but I didn't have a great deal of choice. He went in November 1987. I stayed in contact until his death at 29 in 2005. I still tear up about him, and I must have owned dozens in my lifetime and am a pretty pragmatic person. If I believed in the term 'heart horse' he would be the definition.

Fact is if I hadn't parted with him, I'd have missed out on a lot of other experiences, horsey and otherwise, and he wouldn't have touched the lives of those other people.

 

[HashRouge]

Well I hate the term ‘heart horse’ and I do think those truly special ones just don’t get sold because they aren’t quite doing their job - the job gets changed to keep them!

It’s fine to say the horse isn’t quite what you want and you think he would be better suited to a different home. No need to wrap it up as anything else.

Over the years, I’ve had a couple that were bought as seller ons that have really burrowed their way into my affection. Both were sold, it was quite an emotional wrench, but I did as much as I could to make sure the partnership was perfect. I actually took great pleasure in seeing both those horses doing a grand job in their new homes.

I agree with this. If they're special enough, they don't get sold or moved on to make way for another one.

 

[Lucky Snowball]

Agree with many others - if the horse is that special you will never want to swap or sell for a different one. No matter what. Even if you can't ride it. Maybe it's not your true heart horse?