Selling...don't know what to do and feel at wits end

[fine_and_dandy]

This is a desperate plea for help and not advertising admin!

Long story short; I have to sell my mare due to a combination of reasons, but mainly due to a serious lack of time and for financial reasons. Our working relationship together has not been consistent due to the following:-

1) Just after I got her, a lump popped up on my right wrist which got worse and worse until it was operated on last March. Due to the location in my joints and the size, it was 3 months before I could get back in the saddle and for some reason unknown to me, my confidence had vanished and I found myself battling my nerves even though she had never done a thing to scare me. When I bought her, I didn't have a problem at all and was capable of bringing on a horse which needed bringing on, and now I battle just to get on - it sounds so stupid and ridiculous when I think of what I have done before but I am so stuck.

2) My time is so short now. I have changed jobs and now have study commitments which will get worse from September. I am lucky if I am up once every 2 weeks with time to ride. Friends have helped out to a degree to tick her over but it is sporadic and I feel bad having to ask. I can barely afford to survive month to month as it is, and cannot afford to send her away or to pay someone to ride her.

I have had so many timewasters come to see her - either up for the ride or not been honest about their abilities despite telling me otherwise on the phone - or just plain not turning up at all. The only potential is a lady who tried her on the weekend, but she has a problem which arose yesterday which, if the result comes back in the negative next week, will mean she cannot have her for a few months at least - I can't afford to have her for a few more months. I have been extremely honest with people about her and the work she would need - but she isn't a monster! I know the market is bad but am at a dead end now.

I don't really know what to do; I am desperate to find a good home for her but I am now barely able to scrape by month to month. I can't loan her as I need the money from her. She is already advertised at below what I paid for her, and her problem is she is green - the longer I have her, the worse it will get because I am no longer in a position to bring her on through time and confidence. Do I find a reputable dealer and send her there? Do I wait and see if the above situation resolves itself? Do I advertise and keep hoping?

My OH described her as the right horse but at the wrong time and I have to say I agree; if I knew how my time would change and become so so tight, and how I have lost my confidence I would not have bought her when I did. She was going to be a forever horse and I am sad that I am having to sell her on, but I know it is for the best.

Cupcakes and tea to whoever got this far; any opinions, recommendations re any of what I have asked would be appreciated. It would be nice if any negativity isn't expressed on this post as I am finding this difficult enough as it is and already feel low enough without taking any other hits.

Thanks

 

[charmeroo]

I really, really feel for you. What a horrid situation.

You have not said whether you have bonded well with your horse or whether the lack of time/contact/riding have distanced you a little from her. If you could - I think that the only sensible option to take would be for her to go to a good, reputable dealer for sale. At least then your time/money worries would disappear.

Sorry I cannot think of anything else to do.

 

[tangoharvey]

I posted a similar tale about 6 months ago and the advice i got from HHO was not to sell. IF she really is the right horse,just the wrong time, then get a sharer. I know you say you need the money from her but is there any way you could do with out> A sharer can pay some bills, and I bet your horse doesnt mind being ridden every 2 weeks! Dont let her go cheap or for less than she is worth, sit and write a pro and con list and see what other solution come up - I listened to the forum and did all i could to keep my mare, and now 6 months on I am soooooooo glad I did.
Its not easy, and I wish you luck whatever you do, just make sure that you wont have any regrets..............x

 

[fine_and_dandy]

I really, really feel for you. What a horrid situation.

You have not said whether you have bonded well with your horse or whether the lack of time/contact/riding have distanced you a little from her. If you could - I think that the only sensible option to take would be for her to go to a good, reputable dealer for sale. At least then your time/money worries would disappear.

Sorry I cannot think of anything else to do.

We have bonded; she is the sweetest thing and I love her to bits, which is why this is hard.

Tangoharvey - even if the money and time wasn't a problem I still have my erves to deal with now which drives me mental. I never used to be as I am now - it wasn't even like I had a bad fall or something to cause the problem! Unfortunately I can't share or loan her; my circumstances dictate that I need the money from her that I would get from selling If I could loan or share I would definitely do that; I am just stuck at the moment because I have to sell.

Thank you for your thoughts

 

[Rose Folly]

I've read and re-read your post and I'm so sad for you. I agree with what Tangoharvey has said, but you say that you really really need the money that selling your mare would give you. Totally understand that, so if that's the case you've just got to find the right way of doing it. Did you buy her from a dealer? Or a private individual? Would it be worth going back to them and explaining your predicament.
The issue of loss of condfidence is something quite different, and I think you need to kep that and the financial side apart. I too had lost all confidence in my slightly feisty mare after a bad non-horse-related fall damaged my knee,making me feel incredibly insecure in the saddle. Now, thanks to a kind friend who has hacked out endlessly and I'm sure for her boringly with me, I fell 100% better.
Most important of all, keep talking to your friends and contacts. Something may turn up. Hope so much it works out for you and her.

 

[**Vanner**]

enjoying my cupcakes

Tough one this but it seems you have decided on the only course of action. A dealer might be the only way forward if you can't find a private buyer, but I understand if you have bonded with her how much this would sadden you.

Big hugs because I can only begin to imagine how you must feel.

 

[galaxy]

Have you thought about sending her somewhere on selling livery?

Yes the have to pay the livery costs week to week (although you could deduct what you are already paying). But she will also be being brought on and there will be people turning up at the yard all the time looking at horses.

My mare is at selling livery at the moment. (I have a bad back and cannot ride her) I'm paying £80/week + 10% sale price. She has come on a lot since being there.

 

[fine_and_dandy]

I've read and re-read your post and I'm so sad for you. I agree with what Tangoharvey has said, but you say that you really really need the money that selling your mare would give you. Totally understand that, so if that's the case you've just got to find the right way of doing it. Did you buy her from a dealer? Or a private individual? Would it be worth going back to them and explaining your predicament.
The issue of loss of condfidence is something quite different, and I think you need to kep that and the financial side apart. I too had lost all confidence in my slightly feisty mare after a bad non-horse-related fall damaged my knee,making me feel incredibly insecure in the saddle. Now, thanks to a kind friend who has hacked out endlessly and I'm sure for her boringly with me, I fell 100% better.
Most important of all, keep talking to your friends and contacts. Something may turn up. Hope so much it works out for you and her.

Thanks I bought her privately, but I don't think it would be possible to go back to them - I could be wrong!

I have been trying with my loss of confidence. I ride with a friend who is brilliant and sometimes I think I have cracked it and then something happens and I am at the bottom of the barrel again. I just can't seem to get over the last hurdle which would start my confidence building again with the work we have been doing. it is getting to the point where I don't really enjoy riding anymore, I have to psych myself up just to be ready for the one afternoon I'm not on call so I can ride. It is so stupid and incredibly frustrating.

 

[fine_and_dandy]

Have you thought about sending her somewhere on selling livery?

Yes the have to pay the livery costs week to week (although you could deduct what you are already paying). But she will also be being brought on and there will be people turning up at the yard all the time looking at horses.

My mare is at selling livery at the moment. (I have a bad back and cannot ride her) I'm paying £80/week + 10% sale price. She has come on a lot since being there.

I can't afford to. The prices where I am are high because of the area, and with my job she would have to be on part livery as a minimum because I cannot guarantee when I can get to her etc. I would not be able to afford the prices, it is something I have looked into - unless anyone knows of anywhere in South Bucks or Bucks who may be able to assist and prove me wrong with price?

 

[SecretSquirrell379]

Where abouts are you? have you got a link to your advert? A friend of a friend is looking for a horse but it must be able to carry some weight as she's not a little 'un. Could you pm me your details please xx

So so sorry you are in this predicament, must be awful for you

 

[galaxy]

I can't afford to. The prices where I am are high because of the area, and with my job she would have to be on part livery as a minimum because I cannot guarantee when I can get to her etc. I would not be able to afford the prices, it is something I have looked into - unless anyone knows of anywhere in South Bucks or Bucks who may be able to assist and prove me wrong with price?

My area is REALLY expensive too, but I found this place at a good price. My £80 includes all care, feed and being ridden 6 days a week. (so no weed for you to go and do her. I pop up about once a week) She doesn't make a profit on the livery, which is a good thing to me as you hear of places not trying to sell horses so they can sting you on livery.

(place is near Hindhead, Surrey if that's anywhere near you)

 

[fine_and_dandy]

Where abouts are you? have you got a link to your advert? A friend of a friend is looking for a horse but it must be able to carry some weight as she's not a little 'un. Could you pm me your details please xx

So so sorry you are in this predicament, must be awful for you

She is a 14.2; I am 5'6 and 8 stone, so not sure what max she could carry - not more than 9 or 9.5 I guess. She isn't the stockiest! If she does still sound suitable, let me know and I will PM you. I won't post a link to the advert in case admin slap my wrist!

 

[fine_and_dandy]

My area is REALLY expensive too, but I found this place at a good price. My £80 includes all care, feed and being ridden 6 days a week. (so no weed for you to go and do her. I pop up about once a week) She doesn't make a profit on the livery, which is a good thing to me as you hear of places not trying to sell horses so they can sting you on livery.

(place is near Hindhead, Surrey if that's anywhere near you)

We are in South Bucks. Could you PM me the details? how long has your horse been there and what is the anticpated time between arrival and sale? How do you decide on a price etc? Sorry for all the questions, but many thanks for your response

 

[fine_and_dandy]

My area is REALLY expensive too, but I found this place at a good price. My £80 includes all care, feed and being ridden 6 days a week. (so no weed for you to go and do her. I pop up about once a week) She doesn't make a profit on the livery, which is a good thing to me as you hear of places not trying to sell horses so they can sting you on livery.

(place is near Hindhead, Surrey if that's anywhere near you)

Could you PM me the details? How do they get to the orice to sell - do they tell you what is reasonable etc? What is the estimate of how long it takes to sell? We are in South Bucks so not really close.


Thanks for your response

 

[muffinino]

She is a 14.2; I am 5'6 and 8 stone, so not sure what max she could carry - not more than 9 or 9.5 I guess. She isn't the stockiest!

Shite, with those weight estimates I'd better give up riding T then; I'm suprised Minty ever got off the ground with me on him, lol!

Last thing you need is a slapped wrist, that's not going to help the situation at all

Hmmm, could you send her a little further afield to get the costs down? What's happening with your others, do you still have them?

PM me the ad and pics you have up, if you like, you know I'll give you my honest opinion. Where have you advertised her?

 

[fine_and_dandy]

Shite, with those weight estimates I'd better give up riding T then; I'm suprised Minty ever got off the ground with me on him, lol!

Last thing you need is a slapped wrist, that's not going to help the situation at all

Hmmm, could you send her a little further afield to get the costs down? What's happening with your others, do you still have them?

PM me the ad and pics you have up, if you like, you know I'll give you my honest opinion. Where have you advertised her?

LOL I said I didn't know!! I don't know...a slapped wrist may push the new lump away that has come back

Matt pays for Kr and he is kept near his house although because time and money is an issue he will have to b advertised once K has gone - I can't afford to do both at the same time.

I still have B; he doesn't need work until next year so I have the luxury of time with him, although it will have to be reviewed once he is working. Money isn't directly linked to him, so it may be possible to loan him but stay at the yard, or get a sharer or something to help with cost but also riding whilst I try and find wherever my confidence went. I so wish we could go back to the good ol' days of hooning over Clyde etc. It all seems to have gone tits up over the last 2 years.

I'll try and PM them to you by the end of the week; I am in and out of the office and on call in between so it may be difficult to have a moment to sit down and get the links sorted. Computer playing silly atm and keeps logging me out so about to give up until tomorrow!