Sharer problems

[JBM]

Hi I have a sharer for my horse and she’s great but I’ve always had one or two problems here or there but been ignoring them.
I have a bitless bridle for my horse which I use but my sharer doesn’t want to use it as she “prefers” a bit which I have my own problems with (not her choice to ride in a bit but choosing to ride my horse in a bit who prefers and rides perfectly bitless)
And I noticed mold last Saturday on the bridle she uses (with a bit) I pointed this out to her and she said she would clean it but it hasn’t been done so far..I feel very uncomfortable knowing she’s riding my horse in a bridle with literal mould on it. What would you do in this situation? Feel like I’m being dramatic if I end the share over it and I need someone to exercise my Judy 3/4 times a week

 

[Roxylola]

I'd just tell her she's going to have to use the tack you want on your horse tbh. The mould wouldn't concern me hugely, its a bit careless if it's your tack though

 

[smolmaus]

Not unreasonable AT ALL to ask she uses your horse's usual bridle. No need for dramatics, just tell her that is your requirement for your horse. If she kicks up a stink about it then that's on her.

 

[Annagain]

The mould is a minor issue. It won't harm your horse to be ridden in a mouldy bridle. However, it does show a lack of respect to you and your belongings.

The bit is another issue. If she doesn't feel safe riding in the tack you would like your horse ridden in, that's understandable (some people just don't feel safe without something in their mouths) but she needs to have a proper conversation with you about it, not just ride in what she wants to ride in. My old boy's sharer approached me to say she found him strong and he was starting to frighten her, so even though I rode him in a snaffle, she rode him in a waterford and everyone was happy. If it's more just a case of being stubborn about it, I think you're equally entitled to be stubborn too and say 'my horse, my rules'.

If it is a safety / confidence thing, could you come to some sort of compromise e.g could she ride in a bit and the bitless bridle for a while with two sets of reins and just use the bit in an emergency? That might give her the push she needs to go fully bitless once she's got used to it?

 

[katastrophykat]

Just get rid of the bitted bridle? As in, take it home or lock it up? I assume it’s your tack she’s using- if not, I’d write up a new share agreement and have her sign it, stating that the horse is to be ridden in tack as stated.

 

[JBM]

I thought mould would be dangerous to breathe in? If I’m wrong tho I’m very happy about that
It is my bridle yes it’s the one Judy came with. I’ve read that mould can be bad for the leather.
I mean I could be wrong but Judys 21 now and she’s definitely more lazy than a speed monster. I ride her tackless sometimes. She’s bucked I’d say once in the time I’ve had her and it was because she was on a supplement on vets orders that he said would make her excited and took her 10 days on it to even do the little buck ??
She did use the bitless once and said Judy felt the same she just prefers the bit I don’t really understand it if I’m honest but she is a nervous person so I didn’t want to push her too much but I can’t be cleaning two bridles if she’s not going to

 

[poiuytrewq]

If someone was riding my horse they would have no options than to use my tack, with the exception of stirrups or reins if they had strong preference as these don’t effect the horse.
Certainly I’d not want his bit or bridle arrangements swapped.

 

[Roxylola]

I thought mould would be dangerous to breathe in? If I’m wrong tho I’m very happy about that

Different sort of mould

 

[JBM]

Different sort of mould

That makes me feel better at least thank you

 

[JBM]

I do have a question she said that she needs a bit for showing? I show jump at the same establishment bitless but is showing very strict?

 

[IrishMilo]

Is your sharer young? Having been a sharer and had sharers, there is no way I'd ever use anything on the horse the owner explicitly told me not to. And if someone did that to my horses I'd stop the share immediately as the trust would be gone.

 

[IrishMilo]

I do have a question she said that she needs a bit for showing? I show jump at the same establishment bitless but is showing very strict?

That is true. You can't show bitless.

 

[Roxylola]

I think its difficult if you're generally happy with the sharer you do need to keep them on board and happy and if you don't mind her being bitted for your sharer that's fair enough. I think sharing is always a compromise on both parts but you've got to look after people's things

 

[JBM]

Is your sharer young? Having been a sharer and had sharers, there is no way I'd ever use anything on the horse the owner explicitly told me not to. And if someone did that to my horses I'd stop the share immediately as the trust would be gone.

I’m 20 she’s around 17/18

 

[Annagain]

I do have a question she said that she needs a bit for showing? I show jump at the same establishment bitless but is showing very strict?

Showing does have quite strict tack requirements. She would still be able to show bitless but she would be marked down for it not being 'correct'. Having said that, 'correct' is usually a double bridle or a pelham so unless she's riding in one of those, her argument is null and void. She could also just ride in the bitted bridle for shows if Judy is generally accepting of it and doesn't need practice.

 

[JBM]

Okie thank you guys
I’m thinking I should have a sit down with her and discuss better management of my belongings and maybe discuss doing bitless while she’s not practicing for showing. She’s nervous so I’d expect her to still use a bit jumping but she does mostly flatwork
Everyone’s opinions and views were super helpful! Thank you

 

[TPO]

I had a sharer (via here!) and had similar issues.

Far too long to go into all the details but one of the stipulations was that she cleaned bit and girth after every ride and kept my tack in good condition. I had a whole tackshop of tack cleaning products but she wanted her own so I even took her to the tack shop to buy her own soap etc

Long story short after she let me down again I decided screw it and to ride the horse myself. My new bridle was rock hard and covered in mould. No amount of cleaning or conditioning got it anywhere back to good nick. The underside of my saddle was the same condition.

I didn't take money and she got free use of the horse as her own. All I asked was that she looked after horse and tack and I'd hoped that one night a week she would bring all 3 horses in so I could have a night off.

As it was she created more work as she did an awful job of "her" horses stable and took longer doing one than I did doing everything else for 3 horses. Then she would leave and I'd have to redo the stable and put more bedding in.

It was supposed to make my life easier and she made it much harder with her laziness and incompetence.

I guess my point is I'd be very angry at her using the wrong tack (take bitten bridle away?) And leaving stuff dirty/bad condition. It wouldn't be too little a thing for me to be angry because you've already spoken to her about the issues and she's continued to ignore you. A person like that doesn't get around my horses

 

[canteron]

Sharers will always irritate you about something so if that’s all I would go with it and maybe wipe the bridle occasionally myself if it bothered me. Good sharers are hard to find.
I would be more concerned about your overall relationship … maybe suggest you have a review of the agreement as o suspect she has niggles too.

 

[JBM]

I had a sharer (via here!) and had similar issues.

Far too long to go into all the details but one of the stipulations was that she cleaned bit and girth after every ride and kept my tack in good condition. I had a whole tackshop of tack cleaning products but she wanted her own so I even took her to the tack shop to buy her own soap etc

Long story short after she let me down again I decided screw it and to ride the horse myself. My new bridle was rock hard and covered in mould. No amount of cleaning or conditioning got it anywhere back to good nick. The underside of my saddle was the same condition.

I didn't take money and she got free use of the horse as her own. All I asked was that she looked after horse and tack and I'd hoped that one night a week she would bring all 3 horses in so I could have a night off.

As it was she created more work as she did an awful job of "her" horses stable and took longer doing one than I did doing everything else for 3 horses. Then she would leave and I'd have to redo the stable and put more bedding in.

It was supposed to make my life easier and she made it much harder with her laziness and incompetence.

I guess my point is I'd be very angry at her using the wrong tack (take bitten bridle away?) And leaving stuff dirty/bad condition. It wouldn't be too little a thing for me to be angry because you've already spoken to her about the issues and she's continued to ignore you. A person like that doesn't get around my horses

That sounds absolutely awful I’m sorry that you had a person like that around! She’s not bad to that degree so I’m hoping a chat will sort it but yes if it was that bad I would definitely be ending the share!

 

[ester]

Your horse your rules with regards to what they are ridden in.
I use my own stirrups (I have sprengers), and have my reins on the jumping bridle as it didn’t have any but both I asked first.

 

[dorsetladette]

A friend of mine struggles to keep sharers as she expects her tack to be cleaned after every use. A lot of people come once and then don't come again, but she sticks to her guns as its her tack (not cheap) and her rules.

edit to say - friend generally has riders rather than sharers and the only thing asked of them is to clean tack and a nominal fee towards shoes. no other jobs are required.

 

[Leandy]

Not really clear whether this sharer is "great" or not?? Presumably they have good points? You need to weigh up whether they are more trouble than they are worth or not and act accordingly! Whose bridle is it? A mouldy bridle is not going to harm your horse. If it is hers then so long as it is not dangerous (ie liable to break) and it fits the horse then it is up to her. If it is your bridle then I would be insisting that she cleans it, whether that is after ever ride, once a week, once a month or whatever but if you want it done then it needs to be done or the share is off! The same goes for whether or not she is allowed to ride in a bit. It is up to you not her. Given you have so far allowed it then it seems you are not particularly bothered. Just decide what your non-negotiables are and stick to them. Either she shapes up or ships out.

 

[JBM]

Not really clear whether this sharer is "great" or not?? Presumably they have good points? You need to weigh up whether they are more trouble than they are worth or not and act accordingly! Whose bridle is it? A mouldy bridle is not going to harm your horse. If it is hers then so long as it is not dangerous (ie liable to break) and it fits the horse then it is up to her. If it is your bridle then I would be insisting that she cleans it, whether that is after ever ride, once a week, once a month or whatever but if you want it done then it needs to be done or the share is off! The same goes for whether or not she is allowed to ride in a bit. It is up to you not her. Given you have so far allowed it then it seems you are not particularly bothered. Just decide what your non-negotiables are and stick to them. Either she shapes up or ships out.

Unsure myself going to try talk it out and if I’m not happy might have to see about someone else

 

[Snowfilly]

Your horse your rules with regards to what they are ridden in.
I use my own stirrups (I have sprengers), and have my reins on the jumping bridle as it didn’t have any but both I asked first.

Yes, I think the only things that are fair game for sharers to change are reins (I’m so fussy about what reins I use!) stirrups and leathers (they need to fit the rider) and potentially adding a seat saver as that doesn’t affect the horse at all. And possibly adding more hi viz if they don’t feel you’ve got enough.

Bits would be a no go, and as for a mouldy bridle, that’s just laziness.

 

[Roxylola]

As someone who is technically a sharer I'd best not list all the things I've changed tack wise but they have all led to legitimate improvements and been out of my own pocket

 

[flying_high]

I personally would not be happy riding (other than occasionally for fun) in a bitless bridle. I doesn’t give me the control (hacking in open spaces / on road) or subtlety or jaw flexion (for schooling).



I’d do it if there was a decent hackamore or a medical reason could not use a bit, though wouldn’t be the right share horse for me long term.



I want more control out hacking in big public open spaces / on the road.



For schooling, I want a bit to effectively do the school work and in hand work I do.



I’d only be willing to share if I could use a bit.



Not taking decent care of owners tack is just lazy.

 

[J&S]

I also think it depends on how you view your sharer/rider. I was the sole rider of some one else's horse for his last 5 years of ridden work. During that time I cleaned his tack and generally looked after him when his owner was not available, no money exchanged except for fuel to competitions as we went in owner's transport. Horse gently eased into retirement and had some fun along the way.
I now have a Rider for my companion pony, this is of enormous help to me both as company (I am an old lady!) and also for the pony's fitness and weight. No money changes hands. I clean the tack so it is always as I would like to see it. She is happy to help me out if I go away. So rider gets a free pony but I get help and support.
You said in your OP that you need some one to exercise your Judy 3/4 times a week, if this is important you may need to compromise a little and clean your own tack/allow your rider to ride your horse in a suitable bridle/bit that you are both happy with.

 

[Polos Mum]

I think both things are relatively minor in the grand scheme of horse care (assuming there is no medical reason your horse needs to be bitless).

I can see both sided (and have been on both sides)

OP in your circumstances it comes down to who needs who more - if you ask her to stick more rigidly to your rules and she leaves can you pay someone to exercise 3-4 times a week - or find a 100% perfect sharer (rare). Have a quick search through here on some of the insane things bad shares can get up to!

Or do you need her more than she needs you - in which case I would clean the bridle myself occasionally and live with the bitted riding.

 

[JBM]

I don’t have a problem cleaning the bridle and saddle as I’m also using it and I ride Judy to it’s just that she was using my old bridle which had a bit and i gave it to her to use so I was expecting her to look after it as I don’t use it and it wouldn’t be used otherwise so a bit weird of me to clean two bridles and the saddle

 

[Polos Mum]

a bit weird of me to clean two bridles and the saddle

Around here it would cost £20-30 a time to have my horse nicely ridden by a freelance person so £100 a week for 3-4 times - I would definitely wipe a bridle over for 5 mins once a week to avoid having to pay that - IF (a big if) she was a good fit for riding my horse