Sharing a horse/being a sharer

[finefeathers1]

Just want to hear about other peoples experiences, good or bad. I have just had the most horrendous experience with someone who a potential sharer ...... please bear with me!

My horse is on full livery due to my work commitments and is a happy hack/hunter during the season, he is 16 years old and well schooled and bombproof on the roads. One of the other liveries on the yard has got an 18 year old sister who wanted to ride but could not afford a horse and she fell for mine. Being a bit soft I've allowed her to ride him for about 2 times a week an even allowed her to enter a show which I even paid for.

I even went away last week and let her ride him and do what she wanted - which she loved. Unfortunately her and her sister have been putting pressure on me for her to ride him 5 times a week - 3 times schooling, one a gentle hack and one good old canter. We didnt have any share agreement, it was just as and when usually and I dont charge her anything. I asked when was I going to ride him and was told she would ride in the day, I could ride in the evening. HE'S MY HORSE!

I wasnt too happy and confided in a couple of friends at the yard about what they would do and asked the girl in question to chat to me about it. Well, as with most yards, yard gossip reached the sister who took it all out of context, blew things up and accused me of slagging off her sister, which I most certainly did not do. Another livery decided to join in the 'fun' and a lot of upset ensued with me even considering leaving the yard. All because I was concerned over my horse and genuinely wanted to get things sorted out for both parties. All sorted now as totally fabulous YO sorted it out, but how unnecessary - it caused me a lot of stress as well and I wasnt even in the wrong. The moral is that I wont allow him to be shared ever again, I only did it out of mistaken kindness, never again.

Thanks, if you've got this far, but would love to hear how other people have managed.

 

[scrumpygus]

It does seem as though you have been taken advantage of in this instance - but talking to others instead of talking to them 1st i feel was probably the wrong way to go and i can see why they thought you were 'slagging them off' - yard gossip is very difficult to handle and though your intentions were fair you should only have spoken to them - whoever passed on your doubts needs a talking to though!
I have had sharers for a long time and find it works perfectly but i was very definate about what i expected and didnt expect - and i made it clear that if anything happened outside of those boundaries the loan would be terminated - if anything was happening that i didnt like i would only discuss it with them though - also it probably is easier getting a loaner who isnt already at your yard then if it doesnt work out you can terminate the loan without too much hassle.

 

[cmarychapman]

I'm sorry you had a bad experience, however I really think where you went wrong is that you didn't take direct charge of the situation from the start. As the owner you need to be setting down the ground rules. If you had agreed some set days/times from the beginning you'd have possibly had less hassle.

I'm a sharer and I've ridden for several owners. I manage my owners like I would a business client. I rely on having a good reputation and also a decent amount of tact; it doesn't mean I'm not allowed an opinion or to make suggestions but careful wording can make ideas alot more acceptable. Its the difference between suggesting and ordering. This is where your sharer went wrong she lost sight of who's horse it belonged to!

Having said that respect works both ways. I'm an experienced rider and I really care about my rides. I dont expect to be extorted. I am not a money making machine (although I happily make a reasonable financial contribution for HP) or second class citizen deined to be allowed to sit on a horse simply because I can't afford one.

There will always be good share stories, there will always be bad share stories. What makes it work is when both parties know what is expected of the other, hold to it and ultimately do what is best for the horse concerned.

 

[Divasmum]

I think you will have to point out it is your horse.

 

[Perfect_Pirouette]

I think you've had a very bad experience so please dont tarr everyone with the same brush. I am a sharer myself and wouldn't dream of acting the way that that girl did.
She sounds very rude and i too would be annoyed, noone should be telling you when you can ride your horse and pressurising you into letting them ride him more, BUT not all sharers are like that, far from it.

 

[leno289]

i am currently looking for a share for my lad and like you i think i can be at times a tad soft but i am determined that they are going to ride at agreed times/days - if they for whatever reason cant/dont ride then they loose that day.
i on my own place so fortunately dont have to put up with yard banter but i think maybe you should of spoken to those concerned 1st - things to tend to get out of control at times but thankfully it sorted for you now -

 

[diggerbez]

please don't let this bad experience put you off...i have a fabulous sharer...and i couldn't live without her

as i have two horses she rides my TB whenever she wants and i ride him if she hasn't got time to come up. she shares jobs with me (for example put both horses out this morning) and contributes towards feed and shoeing costs. its all about having clear ground rules from the start i think...i did have a complete lunatic share him once. she was bonkers and decided she was going to compete him and everything- even tho i'd said he was for happy hacking and schooling only. i soon fired her off!

 

[Tharg]

Another sharer here.

Sounds to me you had a user and not a sharer.

Have things clearly defined if you choose to go down the sharer route.

 

[Shilasdair]

I had a sharer in the past, when I was away a lot, and couldn't ride my horse regularly.
I think the key is in fully discussing what both parties want, and coming to an agreement, before the share starts.
My sharer was fantastic, she looked after my horse and tack carefully, developed a lovely relationship with my horse, was always polite and considerate, so I would definitely do it again.
I have to say, though, that the sharer and I carefully interviewed each other (and my horse) before proceeding.
S