Sharing - No Communication

[Courbette]

Does anybody else struggle with this? I'm sharing a horse at the moment that I have had for just over 12 months. I adore him and despite him having a few health wobbles I enjoy spending time with riding when we can. The major issue for me is I have barely any communication with his owner.

In theory this sounds ideal as I have the freedom to do whatever I want with him as long as he is safe and happy but I'm finding it a bit of nightmare. Changes of tack, rugs or feed are not communicated and I the first I know of things are when I turn up to the yard and notice things are different. He also takes parts in events and activities with his owner and again I am never told. I appreciate he is not my horse but I'd be interesting in hearing how he did at things and also sometimes he is tired on 'my' days and it would of been helpful to have been told he had a hard weekend so I could adjust his workload accordingly.

I have shared several horses and go on holiday with one of my old owners so this is bit new to me. I know sharers can get a bit of a bad reputation but finding a good owner is just as important. I also find that if I update her on any behavior changes or concerns (e.g he had a change of bit and the new bit was not fitted properly) I get shot down. I'm always sensitive to the fact that he is not mine and believe I am tactful so I get a bit frustrated when a couple of texts here and there would keep the relationship going.

 

[Green Bean]

It sounds like you are being used. Presume you contribute financially so really should know what the owner has/is doing with the horse. It is just rude for her to not keep in contact with you. Not sure on the solution but if it was me I would ask that you need to be kept in the loop or you would need to find another horse. Not ideal, but these things can build up and can affect your enjoyment of going to the stables and interacting with the horse

 

[be positive]

Any changes to his tack, rugs or feed are really not something you need to be told about as long as it is easy enough to get it right when you ride him, any concerns you have about him need to be factual , only let her know if it has any relevance, the owner may not want to be bothered with trivial matters and be happy that you are capable of dealing with him.
I would ask if she can let you know about the competitions, if I were involved with him I would want to go and watch if possible so unless she is against that for some reason that would be my approach, 'when is**** competing next as I would love to come and watch/ help' it may not be welcomed but most people would appreciate a groom for the day and it may get you more in the loop.

 

[Courbette]

Any changes to his tack, rugs or feed are really not something you need to be told about as long as it is easy enough to get it right when you ride him, any concerns you have about him need to be factual , only let her know if it has any relevance, the owner may not want to be bothered with trivial matters and be happy that you are capable of dealing with him.
I would ask if she can let you know about the competitions, if I were involved with him I would want to go and watch if possible so unless she is against that for some reason that would be my approach, 'when is**** competing next as I would love to come and watch/ help' it may not be welcomed but most people would appreciate a groom for the day and it may get you more in the loop.

I disagree over changing tack, rugs and feed as they usually indicate a change in management and have been done for a reason. I wouldn’t need to be told when a rug of one type is replaced for a newer version of the same but when things are added in is useful to know when you are expected to use them and what the concern was that triggered the change.

I don’t think I need to be consulted beforehand as he is not my horse but a quick text saying i’ve changed x because of y is useful to fully understand the animal you are dealing with. I had the dressage swapped for a GP, as far as I was concerned the wrong saddle was on the rack. His feed was also changed due to ulcers at the same time as his feed bins were moved so I had no clue whose feed was whose.

If you don’t know why things have changed you don’t know the owners aims for the horse and everybody keeps them differently.

Good suggestion about the competitions as I’d like to be involved 😊

 

[kc921]

I personally wouldn't be telling my sharer about changes to rugs or tack etc, they would see the next time they went up.

With the events and taking the horse out, no offence intended, but I wouldn't be telling my sharer as it isn't their business what I do with my horse.
However if my sharer asked to come along and watch or asked how we got on, I'd be happy for them to come along or update them.

I would expect my sharer to keep me up to date with what she does with my horse, not the other way round.

Just ask to get more involved with the events etc or if you do want to talk to the owner and be updated more then just ask! 😊

 

[ihatework]

I personally wouldn't be telling my sharer about changes to rugs or tack etc, they would see the next time they went up.

With the events and taking the horse out, no offence intended, but I wouldn't be telling my sharer as it isn't their business what I do with my horse.
However if my sharer asked to come along and watch or asked how we got on, I'd be happy for them to come along or update them.

I would expect my sharer to keep me up to date with what she does with my horse, not the other way round.

Just ask to get more involved with the events etc or if you do want to talk to the owner and be updated more then just ask! 😊

Really?
I probably wouldn’t get into a debate about anything, but if there was a different saddle/bridle on the rack or I’d swapped feeds etc I’d most definitely send a quick ‘btw’ type text.

Sharers aren’t mind readers and we all know what daft things other liveries can do - who is to say someone randomly decided to swap saddle racks etc?

 

[be positive]

I disagree over changing tack, rugs and feed as they usually indicate a change in management and have been done for a reason. I wouldn’t need to be told when a rug of one type is replaced for a newer version of the same but when things are added in is useful to know when you are expected to use them and what the concern was that triggered the change.

I don’t think I need to be consulted beforehand as he is not my horse but a quick text saying i’ve changed x because of y is useful to fully understand the animal you are dealing with. I had the dressage swapped for a GP, as far as I was concerned the wrong saddle was on the rack. His feed was also changed due to ulcers at the same time as his feed bins were moved so I had no clue whose feed was whose.

If you don’t know why things have changed you don’t know the owners aims for the horse and everybody keeps them differently.

Good suggestion about the competitions as I’d like to be involved 😊

A minor change in management really is no concern of yours as long as it is obvious what is to be used, the feed bins being moved may have been an oversight, putting a different saddle on the rack probably should have been mentioned, the changes may just be on a whim and not due to concerns as such and if she is very busy she may feel you are reliable enough to not require telling about every minor thing.

I think you are overthinking and reading too much into it, most sharers would be pleased they are not constantly being checked up on, get on with asking about the competitions and that may put you on more friendly terms although it does sound as if she doesn't really want to hear from you or make contact about every detail.

 

[Courbette]

Really?
I probably wouldn’t get into a debate about anything, but if there was a different saddle/bridle on the rack or I’d swapped feeds etc I’d most definitely send a quick ‘btw’ type text.

Sharers aren’t mind readers and we all know what daft things other liveries can do - who is to say someone randomly decided to swap saddle racks etc?

It is hard as a sharer as well as when, in my case, things aren’t fitted properly you then have the moral decision of do you keep riding the horse.

I can go a month or more with no communication and I find it rude to be told where the horse has been by other liveries. Obviously I know the owner will do what she likes with her horse and I have no issue about that but when you put hours into caring for and schooling a horse a quick text to say he went to his first dressage test and it went well would be appreciated 😊

 

[joosie]

With the events and taking the horse out, no offence intended, but I wouldn't be telling my sharer as it isn't their business what I do with my horse.

Really?? Wow. Sharer is putting time, money and effort into your horse and you don't think it's "their business" to know if it's going out to a competition at the weekend?

 

[Hormonal Filly]

I personally wouldn't be telling my sharer about changes to rugs or tack etc, they would see the next time they went up.

With the events and taking the horse out, no offence intended, but I wouldn't be telling my sharer as it isn't their business what I do with my horse.

Wouldn't want to share a horse from you if thats the attitude! Without being rude, ater reading your recent post about your sharer not paying up KC921 maybe its worth keeping your sharer in the loop?
Isn't the idea of a sharer 'sharing' said horse? They should know about any rug changes, tack etc in advance so they are aware. What if they turn up and feed something wrong, as they weren't told? who's fault is that? Or use the wrong saddle as said horse has a new one but they weren't made aware?
Its surely just common courtesy to pop a text and say you will be doing X, Y or Z tomorrow with said horse so maybe sharer can go steadier on him the next day or know what hes up too out. Madness.

 

[HappyHollyDays]

I see my sharer at least twice a week because we ride out together. I don't tell her of changes I make to my horses on a day to day basis but I do tell her the important things when we meet up just so she knows exactly what is going on. If I'm not about when she rides or has a lesson she lets me know how it's gone which I appreciate. No need to tell her which weekends we are out and about because we plan them and go together taking both horses. I also work in the same way with the trainer who schools my other horse because we talk to each other on the days he rides DP before and after the event. I don't see how partnerships work unless you communicate, seems like common sense to me.

 

[Tarragon]

I do not understand the attitude of anyone who wouldn't want to communicate with the person who shared their horse! I would probably be the opposite and be too interfering if I was in that position.
Surely you would want to know what they are doing with your horse and how the horse is going on their days as much as you want to tell them what you are doing and why on your days?

 

[Fiona]

But surely if OP knew that the horse had been out eventing for example the day before, they could tailor their ride accordingly and hack rather than school for example. I'm not sure why it would be a bad idea to keep her in the loop??

Fiona

 

[Lexi_]

As a sharer, I very definitely want to know about anything that might affect how I care for the horse on my days and I’d be a bit surprised if the owner wasn’t bothered about letting me know about these things.

Thankfully M’s owner is amazing and even though we see each other a lot less frequently now that she’s got two kids under 2, there’s still a very lively WhatsApp chat!

 

[Flamenco]

I've shared lots of different horses and realised that all owners are different. Some want you to send them a detailed update everytime you ride, others just trust you to get on with it. Usually the more they want you to update them, the more they will update you.

The key to making it work is to adapt to their preferred communication style and accept this is probably different to yours!

People who hold senior roles at work generally don't expect you to update them much or update you as much as you'd like because they trust you to make your own decisions and its the same with horses.

Yes it can be frustrating but its easier to accept this than to hope they will change as (in my view at least) the sharer needs to be flexible and adaptable to support the owner.

I would take this as a huge compliment that the owner trusts you and doesn't feel the need to micromanage you. I understand your frustration, yes it would have been nice to be able to plan your workload and to know about the saddle change as you could easily assume the saddle had been put on the wrong peg and spent ages looking for the right one.

 

[Courbette]

I think as others have said the main thing is the extra info enables me to look after the horse properly. I'm experienced enough to figure most things out and I have given mostly minor examples but then the lack of communication spills over into things where communication is definitely needed such as rehabbing after injury. I took the period of rest from the date we began the vets recommended exercises and the owner started from the date of the diagnosis so for 2 weeks I wasn't riding the horse while unbeknown to me he had been on a sponsored ride with his owner.

My best example is probably mucking out after a stable move. I wasn't told the horse was going to be moved so went into 'his' stable and began mucking out (he was already turned out) and his bedding had changed. Again the bedding change is typical of the kind of thing that doesn't get communicated so I carried on mucking out and then noticed the water bucket was new. Checked the storage area and it no longer had his stuff in. He had only moved a few stables up the block, no harm done. It was just a bit frustrating and then the other liveries found it odd I didn't know. I also feed the owners friends horse in a morning and he went on schooling livery with no warning so I went to feed an empty stable. It is just time consuming and frustrating.

So many sharers put so much effort into looking after 'their' horse and are grateful to have a horse to spoil so is nice to celebrate the horses achievements even if they weren't done with us in the saddle. It goes both ways as we experience the bad times too such as when they are lame etc and often provide holiday cover.

 

[Tarragon]

If this is all about communication then perhaps get the ball rolling and ask whether you can meet up to discuss your concerns?

 

[Courbette]

If this is all about communication then perhaps get the ball rolling and ask whether you can meet up to discuss your concerns?

Having started this as a general grumble / what do other people do and then thought about the scale of the issue I think your right. Our paths never cross in person so it would have to be an arranged meeting.

 

[ihatework]

Having started this as a general grumble / what do other people do and then thought about the scale of the issue I think your right. Our paths never cross in person so it would have to be an arranged meeting.

I’d do that to start with.
But in all honesty, unless the horse was super-duper and worth putting up with such crap, I’d have ditched the owner ages ago.

 

[Summit]

I personally wouldn't be telling my sharer about changes to rugs or tack etc, they would see the next time they went up.

With the events and taking the horse out, no offence intended, but I wouldn't be telling my sharer as it isn't their business what I do with my horse.
However if my sharer asked to come along and watch or asked how we got on, I'd be happy for them to come along or update them.

I would expect my sharer to keep me up to date with what she does with my horse, not the other way round.

totally disagree.....the word is share so there should be two way communication, especially with rugs and tacks.... and to say you’re the owner and it’s nothing to do with the sharer is disrespectful

 

[honetpot]

I always explain everything, most times they are fairly inexperienced so you are improving their knowledge and making sure everything gets fitted properly, they get the right type and amount of food etc.
Their are no stupid questions. I do not rug a lot so I often have to explain why. If they are worried about best to find out before it festers.

 

[LaurenBay]

After your most recent post OP, I'd be finding another share.

I am very very lucky with my current share Horse. The owner does update me with important things but pretty much just leaves me to it. We probably exchange texts once a week to check in with one another.

 

[Buckoff901]

I am definitely one of those owners who like a detailed description of what you guys were up to, in the beginning. After a period of time with everything going swimmingly, I do not check as much.

I would always keep in contact with sharer especially when it comes to feed changes etc as that's just basic care. How can you do what I think is best if you don't know. It's also nice to chit chat about her horse with how things have been going. Madness I think. Same with the competitions. Why would you not tell your sharer, XX went here and was great bla bla. I'd be irked just like you are.

 

[twiggy2]

As an owner I did let's sharer know when stuff had changed, I would ping a message and say 'the maroon saddle cloth is on top of the saddle clean to be used, I have changed the girth as she has lost/gained weight' etc a good sharer will notice the changes and hopefully question them if not informed beforehand.
I expected sharer to male feeds so would let them know that it had changed so they could check the feed board-my sharer was young and I felt it would be helpful for her to know why things had changed too.
I would not expect a sharer to reduce workload on their days to accomodate my riding/competing (I expect the horse to be fit enough for the work load to be honest) but I would let them know in case of the horse feeling slightly off/lame or slightly puffy legs, it would just be a heads up in case things were not spot on.

 

[BigPony]

My horse has a sharer who I rarely see as for me, the point of having her is that she does days I don’t. We communicate regularly by text, she will let me know she has ridden (he’s a veteran and she doesn’t ride often) and whether he was well behaved, feeling well etc.

If there are changes in management I will let her know, however minor, cause what is obvious to me may not be obvious to anyone else. It concerns me that anyone would think it wasn’t a sharers “business” or of “any concern” to know when something has changed when they are the person taking care of the horse.

I think it’s perfectly reasonable to text and say “he’s done an event today, so tomorrow a hack would be great” or similar.

Not knowing things had moved, including the horse, would drive me mad!

 

[Mrs. Jingle]

Given that you school this horse as well as general riding and the owner competes the horse I am utterly speechless at their lack of communication with you.

I think the owner is actually being very rude, is she paying you to school and exercise her horse? If this is so then you just have to put up with it I guess as she pays the piper and possibly thinks nothing else is any of your business other than to turn up and exercise/school her horse. I would still think she is being quite rude though, but sadly some ignorant 'entitled' people very often are when they pay someone else to do a job for them.

However, if you are a share in the generally accepted sense and pay a contribution to the horse's upkeep then sorry IMO her attitude is just unforgivably rude and dismissive of you, no respect whatsoever. I would find another share PDQ to be honest.

 

[Myloubylou]

If you are not just riding but caring for horse then any management changes need to be communicated otherwise high likelihood that things won’t be done. I have a sharer who gives quick update on what she’s done riding wise which is lovely. If I need her to do less or more intensity depending on what I have done then I ask her. Ditto if I want different rugs on to last time, I don’t just make her guess. I don’t think OP is suggesting she’d want input or opinion on the changes just the courtesy of being told

 

[JFTDWS]

Blimey. I don't have sharers, and I don't like the idea. But if I did... Of course it's the sharer's business if stuff changes - assuming they're expected to look after the horse on their days too. If the horse is on full livery and the sharer literally just pitches up and rides the horse from the stable, I suppose it's reasonable to expect them to just put whatever rug it is wearing back on or to use whatever tack is left out for it. However, if the sharer needs to bring the horse in, muck out, rug appropriately surely it's in the owner's interests to say "X rug is broken so now he's wearing the red one instead", or "swapped the saddles over, please use the black GP for now" so there's no risk of the horse suffering by the sharer's (understandable) ignorance.

Not telling the OP he's moved stables is bonkers.

 

[Leandy]

I think you are entitled to know, and I would expect proper communication of, things you need to know in the horse's interests so that he gets appropriate and consistent management and work on the days you doing that. Much in the same way that if you were paid to provide those services, you would need to know where things were and if the routine had changed. I don't think you are entitled to know details of what the owner has done with him and how they got on the rest of the time just in the way of general chit chat. He does after all belong to the owner and that is their business and some people are more private than others. Of course I understand you would like to be more involved and consider you have a "share" in the horse such that he is sort of part yours to be interested in all the time and not just on your days. It sounds like a bit of a mismatch of expectations on this though and you will need to let it go. This is why "sharing" is often a misnomer, it is just another way for the owner to get someone else to provide services without having to pay for them. Which isn't to say it can't be a mutually beneficial arrangement if owner and sharer are on the same waive length but the owner may just view it as a business arrangement.

If I were you I would make the effort to communicate myself and see what happens eg a quick call/text whatever works best before your day(s) to say is there anything i need to know this week as X, Y, Z changed last week and I was a bit confused, and/or a quick communication afterwards to say I did A, B, C just wanted to let you know. Perhaps in that way you can train the owner in a bit of regular communication and build a relationship. That said, they do sound somewhat disorganised generally and in your shoes I'd probably be looking for something else. The statement which stood out was this:

I took the period of rest from the date we began the vets recommended exercises and the owner started from the date of the diagnosis so for 2 weeks I wasn't riding the horse while unbeknown to me he had been on a sponsored ride with his owner.

Even without the confusion over dates, who thinks its appropriate to take a horse on a sponsored ride within two weeks of a rest period for injury?? Perhaps I have misunderstood but I wouldn't be sharing a horse with someone with such little idea for its welfare.

 

[OdinsMum]

As an owner if I had a sharer I think it would be best to keep them in the loop about changes I’ve made, while it is my say I think it would be important for them to know why or if they did jobs and had a change in feed the sharer would need to know the amounts to give. Just seems like good practice to me.