Unsure how i should approach this....My friend has recently lost her horse it was quite sudden so it was a major shock to all of us. Well a month down the line she rings me to tell me she has found a lovely filly and would I go and have a look at it with her. So went and had a look, she obviously fell in love with it and wants it. But I feel she is completely bonkers. She wants a yearling so she can bring it up but she has no flipping idea of having a young horse, commitment , patience , being consistent etc etc. She's a good friend but almost laugh at her when she told me. Should I just be totally honest??? And risk losing her friendship???
Should I be totally honest??
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Yes definitely. I have been in a similar situation and if she is a true friend she will value your opinion and not be offended. You just have to find the right way of phrasing it. Whether she chooses to listen or not is a completely different matter. You could still go and see it with her and try and point out all the things she will have to do and how much time it will take etc.
Do you have experience? Would you be willing to share it with her? I would hope that if i had a friend who had lots of experience with youngsters and i was in her shoes, that they would help with advice etc rather than just say it's a stupid idea.
Is it a sensible sort or is it likely to be a bit highly strung?
If you are going to say anything, i would phrase it as a question rather than just telling her you don't think she will be able to deal with it. As long as there is lots of support and she knows when to ask, it's not such a ridiculous idea. Can she afford to get an instructor out to help with groundwork etc?
Is it a sensible sort or is it likely to be a bit highly strung?
If you are going to say anything, i would phrase it as a question rather than just telling her you don't think she will be able to deal with it. As long as there is lots of support and she knows when to ask, it's not such a ridiculous idea. Can she afford to get an instructor out to help with groundwork etc?
Why not buy her a decent book on raising a young horse properly? At least then she will know what to really expect. And if she does go through with the idea, a good, informative book may stop any costly mistakes further down the line...
Perhaps she will enjoy the challenge and rise to it!
Perhaps she will enjoy the challenge and rise to it!
In YOUR opinion she is bonkers and has no idea - what about her opinion? It would be fair to advice caution and list the things she needs to know and point her in the direction of information she'll need.....but otherwise it's her business if she wants to buy a youngster.
Yes agree this is a situation where you need to be honest; and your friend will thank you for it in due season too.
Obviously you will need to choose your words, but you could be diplomatic and say well maybe she needs to wait awhile/see one of two other horses first etc etc; and/or say how nice it would be NOT to have all the work and hassle of a youngster but have something a bit more push-button etc etc.
The main thing, for now, if you can, is to dissuade her from making a silly decision which she might later regret very much.
She's obviously in a state of grieving for her old horse, who wouldn't be, and being in a state of grief is never a good place to be for making a decision about anything, let alone a life-changing thing like a horse.
Perhaps (this is just a thought) she needs a diversion? Maybe you could invite her along to a horsey event near you (dunno where you are or what's on in your area, if anything) but it might be for e.g. that you could maybe suggest you both have a go at an equestrian discipline which is new to both, say western riding/endurance, or go for a lesson together??? This just might lighten things up for her a bit??? Plus give her a bit of an impetus maybe. Or perhaps go as spectators to something?? Just a thought.
OR you could suggest to her that as getting another horse is obviously important to her, the choice needs to be the right one; and if there's a good dealer or agent in your area maybe go along to their yard with her - as a GOOD dealer/agent will help her to make the right choice and will do everything to that end.
But whatever, I do think you need to be as honest as your friendship permits; she's had an awful upset in her life and may not be as prepared to listen as you might hope, as least initially, but I do think you need to be as realistic with her as is possible at the moment because the one thing that would be worse for her than no horse, is the wrong horse.
Obviously you will need to choose your words, but you could be diplomatic and say well maybe she needs to wait awhile/see one of two other horses first etc etc; and/or say how nice it would be NOT to have all the work and hassle of a youngster but have something a bit more push-button etc etc.
The main thing, for now, if you can, is to dissuade her from making a silly decision which she might later regret very much.
She's obviously in a state of grieving for her old horse, who wouldn't be, and being in a state of grief is never a good place to be for making a decision about anything, let alone a life-changing thing like a horse.
Perhaps (this is just a thought) she needs a diversion? Maybe you could invite her along to a horsey event near you (dunno where you are or what's on in your area, if anything) but it might be for e.g. that you could maybe suggest you both have a go at an equestrian discipline which is new to both, say western riding/endurance, or go for a lesson together??? This just might lighten things up for her a bit??? Plus give her a bit of an impetus maybe. Or perhaps go as spectators to something?? Just a thought.
OR you could suggest to her that as getting another horse is obviously important to her, the choice needs to be the right one; and if there's a good dealer or agent in your area maybe go along to their yard with her - as a GOOD dealer/agent will help her to make the right choice and will do everything to that end.
But whatever, I do think you need to be as honest as your friendship permits; she's had an awful upset in her life and may not be as prepared to listen as you might hope, as least initially, but I do think you need to be as realistic with her as is possible at the moment because the one thing that would be worse for her than no horse, is the wrong horse.
A friend of mine who was quite experienced bought a 4 yr old and totally ruined him, to the point where he is not really rideable. She now plays Parelli Games !!!!
Another friend who was quite novicey bought a 3 yr old, 5 years on she is out jumping and having fun.
Another friend who was quite novicey bought a 3 yr old, 5 years on she is out jumping and having fun.
Yes she had her own horse but wasn't committed. I own a horse so I know that they are a great responsibility to me my horse comes first no matter what!! I feel it is too soon and she really only needs to plod, I can count the number of times she has ridden in the last year on my hands!
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I would speak it through with her, but it is surely unfair to say to her don't do it. Everyone has to get their first youngster at some point and if they take help and advice will most likely do a good job.
I hate it when people tell others not to do something. It is like parents telling you you could never have a pony as they are sure you wouldn't want to look after it when you got bored - and so often not true
I hate it when people tell others not to do something. It is like parents telling you you could never have a pony as they are sure you wouldn't want to look after it when you got bored - and so often not true
I'd be honest but also diplomatic. To suggest you know her capabilities better than she does would be arrogant and might justifiably make her cross. But asking her if she really feels she could cope with the job of bringing on a baby can do no harm.
Having said your bit, as a friend I'd support whatever decision she makes. If she goes ahead, could you help her at all? She might surprise you by doing a great job!
I firmly believe in offering advice to friends only when appropriate then accepting the friend will make up their own mind and probably ignore my advice! A good friend never says, "I told you so."
Having said your bit, as a friend I'd support whatever decision she makes. If she goes ahead, could you help her at all? She might surprise you by doing a great job!
I firmly believe in offering advice to friends only when appropriate then accepting the friend will make up their own mind and probably ignore my advice!
A good friend never says, "I told you so."