Sick of my Own Crowd :X

[QueenOfCadence]

Sorry for the rant (again), it seems as if it's all I ever do on this page... buuut...

I'm so tired of my own crowd, the higher grade dressage riders here in South Africa. We're all friends, we spend a lot of time together but there is this constant backstabbing and sneaky bitchiness. Okay, sneaky bitchiness probably doesn't make all that much sense, but is's basically snide remarks disguised as compliments or insults in a non-direct way. It's so competitive that it seems as if all we're trying to do 24/7 is prove that we're better than one another

You'd think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. We spend all our days competing against each other at shows - then going out only to talk about how we deserved higher marks and a rosette, and to down talk whoever did get a rosette

Not only that but I'm tired of my "crowd" excluding people, for instance anyone in Novice and Prelim, who is immediately assumed to not know anything

I'm tired of everything being so superficial, from the horses to the people

Maybe I'm just having a bad day, Have you ever felt that you've had enough with the bitchiness of your crowd? Or am I being full of nonsense

Rant over

 

[Paddy Irish]

It's a shame that your ' crowd ' doesnt have time for the novice and prelim people as i would have thought ( well this only applies to my way of thinking) that those in the levels below you who presumably aspire to being at your level , would be only too pleased to get tips and helpful advice so that they too could progress. It sounds to me though that moving up the ladder into the really competative , bitchy world that you find yourself in , doesn't look that appealing. Maybe you could pal up with someone who's in one of those levels and help to mentor them. FWIW i think that alot of sports tend to have those who can only dog down others to make themselves feel better , so just paddle your own canoe and don't listen to them.

 

[POLLDARK]

It seems that the whole post is just what you are complaining about. You are going behind your friends backs to moan & complain about them doing just what you are doing. Why not try to be more generous to them, everybody is entitled to a good day & deserves genuine praise for it, lead by example, give praise where it's due. People will only bitch to receptive ears not to ones that will stand up for each other. You may turn the situation around by a new attitude of generosity of spirit which could rub off onto others.

 

[Mare Stare]

Sorry for the rant (again), it seems as if it's all I ever do on this page... buuut...

I'm so tired of my own crowd, the higher grade dressage riders here in South Africa. We're all friends, we spend a lot of time together but there is this constant backstabbing and sneaky bitchiness. Okay, sneaky bitchiness probably doesn't make all that much sense, but is's basically snide remarks disguised as compliments or insults in a non-direct way. It's so competitive that it seems as if all we're trying to do 24/7 is prove that we're better than one another

You'd think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. We spend all our days competing against each other at shows - then going out only to talk about how we deserved higher marks and a rosette, and to down talk whoever did get a rosette

Not only that but I'm tired of my "crowd" excluding people, for instance anyone in Novice and Prelim, who is immediately assumed to not know anything

I'm tired of everything being so superficial, from the horses to the people

Maybe I'm just having a bad day, Have you ever felt that you've had enough with the bitchiness of your crowd? Or am I being full of nonsense

Rant over

I fully understand you and I'm not in any competitive horsey circles.

I'm a natural introvert. I am happy to mix with people but they frazzle my nerves and stress me out. People get hung up on little things and have petty arguments. Sometimes it feels like I'm going mad because I just don't "get it". I've always felt like an outsider. I HAVE to spend at least an hour on my own or with the horses every day to get my energy back.

That's why I like horses. They have no hidden agenda. They can't bitch behind my back (well, maybe they can to their horsey friends but I'll never know about it!). They never put on a facade and pretend to like you.

Obviously, my situation is not the same as yours but I can fully empathise with you. Being around a group of competitive women who constsntly analyse and bitch about me would be my worst nightmare.

 

[Shantara]

I know what you mean, it's awful
My two friends are constantly saying how "Not a single person at your yard can ride" ...so, does that mean me too?! They both act so nice around the YO, but are always talking about her behind her back. One of them works full time at a stable and the other has her own horse, so I know they look down on me as 'only a riding school rider'.
They say nice things to my face, but someone else showed me something from an online chat, she was basically slating me and Ned and how I should find a better looking horse

I tend not to see these friends as much anymore, I can't deal with the bitchiness.

Anyway, I hope you can find someway to resolve your problems! It's never fun with people like that.

 

[QueenOfCadence]

It seems that the whole post is just what you are complaining about. You are going behind your friends backs to moan & complain about them doing just what you are doing. Why not try to be more generous to them, everybody is entitled to a good day & deserves genuine praise for it, lead by example, give praise where it's due. People will only bitch to receptive ears not to ones that will stand up for each other. You may turn the situation around by a new attitude of generosity of spirit which could rub off onto others.

Polldark they know very well how I feel about how far they're taking being competitive - it's not behind their backs and I'm not mentioning any names. I do need to vent and would like to (since none of you personally know me) ask if anyone has had a similar experience

The dressage riders at my yard are the same... I'm personally rather a softie and completely over emotional so things like this bug me. It bugs me how people can do this to one another :L

 

[PucciNPoni]

People talk down about others to make themselves feel better about their own lives.

 

[MerrySherryRider]

I think we all come across people like that but my way of dealing with it is to be oblivious to the bitchiness. My brain has a filter which sends all the crap over my head.
One of my daughters is a real softie and unkind remarks would always reduce her to floods of tears. Another daughter was more philosopical and her response was to smile and say' Oh well' before ambling off to carry on with what ever she was doing.
Guess which daughter got the most flack ?
Its no fun being a bitch if your cutting remarks fail to reach the target. Don't let them see they bother you.

 

[Dirtymare]

Its such a shame that the horsey world attracts people like you describe.
I have been on competition yards which are soo bitchy, the atmosphere has been awful. Needless to say I havent stayed there very long.
The yard my horse is at at the moment is not a competition yard, and I have to say the atmosphere is wonderful.
Can I just add that I'm extremely jelous of you as you are living in my most favorite part of the world - whereabouts in South Africa are you?

 

[QueenOfCadence]

Its such a shame that the horsey world attracts people like you describe.
I have been on competition yards which are soo bitchy, the atmosphere has been awful. Needless to say I havent stayed there very long.
The yard my horse is at at the moment is not a competition yard, and I have to say the atmosphere is wonderful.
Can I just add that I'm extremely jelous of you as you are living in my most favorite part of the world - whereabouts in South Africa are you?

I'm in Gauteng Dirtymare (Pretoria to be specific). I'm competitive myself but I don't understand why we have to slaughter each other just to compete

 

[Dirtymare]

Yes, its such a shame. But, its not just in competitions though. There are alot on this forum who have no tolerence of people who they concider of far less intellegence than themselves.
People should live and let live.
I'm told Pretoria is a lovely place. nearly went there to see the Cricket a few years ago (my OH used to play, so enjoys watching) when we were in Capetown.
Try not to let the B*****s get you down. X

 

[QueenOfCadence]

Yes, its such a shame. But, its not just in competitions though. There are alot on this forum who have no tolerence of people who they concider of far less intellegence than themselves.
People should live and let live.
I'm told Pretoria is a lovely place. nearly went there to see the Cricket a few years ago (my OH used to play, so enjoys watching) when we were in Capetown.
Try not to let the B*****s get you down. X

Thanx Dirtymare . Just tired of this constant "holier-than-thou" attitude that people seem to have . Pretoria is lovely - but only at summer, in winter it's cold and the plants look dead

 

[Hobbitpony]

Sorry for the rant (again), it seems as if it's all I ever do on this page... buuut...

I'm so tired of my own crowd, the higher grade dressage riders here in South Africa. We're all friends, we spend a lot of time together but there is this constant backstabbing and sneaky bitchiness. Okay, sneaky bitchiness probably doesn't make all that much sense, but is's basically snide remarks disguised as compliments or insults in a non-direct way. It's so competitive that it seems as if all we're trying to do 24/7 is prove that we're better than one another

You'd think I'm exaggerating but I'm not. We spend all our days competing against each other at shows - then going out only to talk about how we deserved higher marks and a rosette, and to down talk whoever did get a rosette

Not only that but I'm tired of my "crowd" excluding people, for instance anyone in Novice and Prelim, who is immediately assumed to not know anything

QUOTE]

They sound delightful, reminds me of the girls I went to High School with, they did exactly the same. I was the only one with the guts (or stupidity) to pull them up on their behavior especially when they started to put down and belittle other people (which is basically bullying). Unfortunately I was then the one who came under fire, so I cut them all dead. Carried on as normal, made some lovely new friends and was a whole lot happier. Leason learnt.

Funnily enough once I made the cut it didnt take long for them to come along in dribs and drabs saying "oh how awful it was" and "they only did it because they were scared of being bullied themselves" and "how sorry they were". Tough!! I only let one of them back in my life and she had to work bloody hard to prove she'd changed.

In short if you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. Grow a pair and lose the bitches.

Sorry that has turned into a bit of a rant but I really cannot stand people who act like this.

 

[sane_and_sensible]

start by changing the way you behave.

Include the prelim and novice people, say hi in passing and be friendly - lead by example.

If your "friends" start bitching, get up and walk away - don't join in the conversation.

Why hang around with these people if you don't like them or want to be like them? Go out, compete, then don't get further involved.

I made the decision not to get involved in the competitive sphere many years ago (SJ in my case) as i just didn't like the way most of the people treated each other. For me horse time = nice time.

If i want to compete, i go out, do the best i and my horse can, and go home.

Unfortunately with your chosen discipline being very subjective there will always be an element of favouritism - but you just have to accept that.

 

[luckyoldme]

have you ever tried telling it to their face?
This is very much a north eastern trait and it greatly reduces ones christmas card list!