Societal constructs

ycbm

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good old BHS. I had my Saturday job there behind the counters and then as a Saturday supervisor from 14 to 18.

Did yours have the staff canteen? The staff were so well looked after with ours.
Oh yes. Cheese roll at morning break, free meat and 3 veg lunch with a pudding, afternoon tea. I didn't need to eat at night.

1978 in Portsmouth, where were you?
.
 

palo1

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And just to confuse things...I was brought up at home eating breakfast, lunch and dinner with dinner being the main meal in the evening (coherent with 'dinner party') . The very posh school I went to offered us breakfast, lunch, tea and supper with lunch being the main meal and tea as high tea with supper just before bed (a packet of crisps usually!! Grim). Smart or important occasions were always at lunch time. My OH who is very rural/agricultural was brought up eating breakfast, bait, lunch and tea with tea being the main meal but with the ingredients/type of meal probably posher/higher status than anything I ate either at home or school.

I think we now have 'tea' as the main meal with fancy ingredients and wherever possible at High Tea time...I think that is a common agricultural pattern actually. If we are forced into it, very posh meals happen at lunch!! Dinner is not a thing unless we go out but we have forgotten how to do that tbh!!
 

LadyGascoyne

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For us, supper is a casual light meal that we’d have on a weekday evening or if we’ve had a large lunch. We always eat at the table but the meal would be a salad, a soup, a bowl of pasta etc.

Dinner is formal and would usually include a starter and pudding.

The confusion with supper, dinner and tea is an absolute nightmare at the moment with my grandmother’s carers.

They keep offering her “tea” which she declines because she doesn’t feel like a hot drink. And then she starves because she doesn’t realise they were actually offering her supper.
 

Cowrie

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omg, the direction this thread has taken is hilarious!
Now I'm left wondering what on earth I am. We always used to say tea for the last meal of the day (there's 2 or maybe sometimes 3, whoever has more?! though I am aware some of you are being tongue-in-cheek), and it was bought from Sainsbury's, not Waitrose, because that was 'far too expensive for far too little'.
Never would've thought of Sainsbury's being upper class lol - in my head it's on a par with Tesco's, then Aldi and Lidl are below that (and I love Aldi, though I wouldn't admit it to anyone in my family - the food is so cheap but tastes so good lol)....
 
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cobgoblin

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I only eat two meals a day , and have done so since I rejected breakfast as a child. So that's lunch at around 1pm and dinner at around 9pm.
The thought of fitting more meals in is well, busy!
 

Keith_Beef

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My manager made a comment about a saddle bought / sold on the antiques road show for £400. ‘I didn’t realise they were so expensive’.

She about fell off her chair when I revealed one of mine cost £5,500….!!!
Your manager doesn't know the cost of office furniture, either.
 

paddy555

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My manager made a comment about a saddle bought / sold on the antiques road show for £400. ‘I didn’t realise they were so expensive’.

She about fell off her chair when I revealed one of mine cost £5,500….!!!
but to put that into perspective I watched a holiday program recently where the cost of the holiday was 7k for 2 weeks for husband, wife and 2 small kids.
After 2 weeks that 7K is gone although I expect there are a few pictures.

I presume you rode on your saddle for longer than 2 weeks so it is much better value. :D
 

Tarragon

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I always know when I could ring home and get my parents in ...
8am - breakfast (but only in emergencies as phoning before 9am is bad etiquette)
11am - come in from the garden for a coffee break
1pm - lunch (bread and cheese)
4pm - tea (as in pot of tea and either 2 biscuits or one slice of cake)
6pm - supper (only hot meal of the day)
Must never phone after 9pm
:):):)
 

oldie48

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It's not just the words we use and the supermarkets we buy our food from, where we have been to school etc it's also where we come from. I was introduced to the Commodore of my SIL's sailing club, a charming old buffer married to an "honourable" (who is lovely and a little bit batty!). In way of conversation he asked me where I came from and I named an industrial city in the Midlands. With a look of genuine concern he patted my arm and said, "Oh, how dreadful for you". It still makes me smile when I think about it as I don't think for one moment he meant to be rude but he obviously thought coming from such a place was akin to being brought up in the work house!
 

ycbm

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It's not just the words we use and the supermarkets we buy our food from, where we have been to school etc it's also where we come from. I was introduced to the Commodore of my SIL's sailing club, a charming old buffer married to an "honourable" (who is lovely and a little bit batty!). In way of conversation he asked me where I came from and I named an industrial city in the Midlands. With a look of genuine concern he patted my arm and said, "Oh, how dreadful for you". It still makes me smile when I think about it as I don't think for one moment he meant to be rude but he obviously thought coming from such a place was akin to being brought up in the work house!
🤣🤣🤣
 

j1ffy

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It's not just the words we use and the supermarkets we buy our food from, where we have been to school etc it's also where we come from. I was introduced to the Commodore of my SIL's sailing club, a charming old buffer married to an "honourable" (who is lovely and a little bit batty!). In way of conversation he asked me where I came from and I named an industrial city in the Midlands. With a look of genuine concern he patted my arm and said, "Oh, how dreadful for you". It still makes me smile when I think about it as I don't think for one moment he meant to be rude but he obviously thought coming from such a place was akin to being brought up in the work house!
This made me chuckle! I had similar experiences at Uni - I remember chatting over dinner to a charming guy (no sarcasm - he really was) who told me that his great-Uncle's coat of arms was in the stained glass of the beautiful dining hall we were sitting in, and of various other eminent family members. Chat turned to schools (he went to Harrow) and I said I'd been to a state sixth form. He did an excellent goldfish impression for a moment - it was evident that he literally didn't know what to say as he could do his usual "oh you must know my fourth-cousin once removed" or comment on the sporting prowess of abc or xyz from that school. Bless him!
 

scruffyponies

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One of the more endearing traits of the properly upper class is that because everyone knows everyone in their social sphere, they assume that you will too.

Thus my OH (scruffy hippie type, then in his 20s), was picked up hitch hiking many years ago by a lovely chap in a Land Rover. The gentleman assumed casually that my OH would know (name changed because I don't remember) "Dickie". Dickie turned out to be the Duke of ___________.
 

Annagain

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Meal names have only confused my identity further. It's breakfast and lunch for me but tea and dinner are interchangeable. I'd also use "evening meal" now and again in the right context. I never have supper but if I did it would be a bowl of cereal before bed.

In Welsh (I'd say class is less of an issue amongst Welsh speakers) the differences are more geographical than class based. South Walians would call dinner / tea "te" (with a long e so it rhymes with air) whereas North Walians would be more likely to call it "swper". Both are (you may have guessed!) Welshified version of English words. The 'correct' term for an evening meal is literally that, "cinio gyda'r nos" (dinner at night) to differentiate from lunch which is "cinio" (dinner).

I was seen as 'posh' growing up as I went to a Welsh school (in Cardiff) but in the more rural areas / Welsh speaking heartlands the English schools are considered 'posh'. This was something I didn't realise until I started work. I think both are based on a little bit of jealousy / an inferiority complex. In Cardiff, the Welsh language was seen as an extra string to you bow that would help you get a job (particularly at BBC Wales at the time, now also in the Welsh Government - neither is strictly true although BBC Wales was across the road from my school so a lot of the staff's kids went to my school. Their family background was more of a factor than the language) whereas in rural areas the people who were born and bred in those communities, never left, and maybe did the more manual jobs were the Welsh speakers while English speakers tended to be incomers with higher incomes. There was a feeling that going to an English school prepares you for a better life away from that community. The growth of Welsh medium education over the last 30 years (in my day there were 6 Welsh primary schools and one secondary school in my area. There are now over 20 primaries and 4 secondaries) has changed this. It's a lot more 'normal' now and in some rural areas there are only Welsh medium schools.
 
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GreyMane

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It's not just the words we use and the supermarkets we buy our food from, where we have been to school etc it's also where we come from. I was introduced to the Commodore of my SIL's sailing club, a charming old buffer married to an "honourable" (who is lovely and a little bit batty!). In way of conversation he asked me where I came from and I named an industrial city in the Midlands. With a look of genuine concern he patted my arm and said, "Oh, how dreadful for you". It still makes me smile when I think about it as I don't think for one moment he meant to be rude but he obviously thought coming from such a place was akin to being brought up in the work house!
😄

 

tristar

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It's not just the words we use and the supermarkets we buy our food from, where we have been to school etc it's also where we come from. I was introduced to the Commodore of my SIL's sailing club, a charming old buffer married to an "honourable" (who is lovely and a little bit batty!). In way of conversation he asked me where I came from and I named an industrial city in the Midlands. With a look of genuine concern he patted my arm and said, "Oh, how dreadful for you". It still makes me smile when I think about it as I don't think for one moment he meant to be rude but he obviously thought coming from such a place was akin to being brought up in the work house!
coming from one such place myself, you have my deepest sympathy hehe

however must qualify that statement by saying at lot of the best and nicest people i have ever known also have the same misfortune
 

Deltofe2493

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coming from one such place myself, you have my deepest sympathy hehe

however must qualify that statement by saying at lot of the best and nicest people i have ever known also have the same misfortune
I think this comes down to entitlement. Those who have lesser backgrounds or grew up in certain areas are sometimes more down to earth than those who have grown up with a life of privilege / luxury.
 

oldie48

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I think this comes down to entitlement. Those who have lesser backgrounds or grew up in certain areas are sometimes more down to earth than those who have grown up with a life of privilege / luxury.
tbh I think it's less to do with what we have or don't have and more to do with the values that we are given as children both by our parents and by our teachers.
 

Deltofe2493

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tbh I think it's less to do with what we have or don't have and more to do with the values that we are given as children both by our parents and by our teachers.
also true, I am only speaking from experience. Those who may not have had loads growing up or had to work whilst they were studying are probably more likely to be down to earth than those who have a privileged life - because they have had to work for what they had and appreciate the value, or saw how hard their parents worked etc to keep their lives afloat.

There was a woman who used to keep her horse at my yard who would upset if the yard didn't greet her when she came in or offer 'support' to her in regards to asking about how her horse journey is going etc. She took her horse to the beach and was pissed the owner / staff didn't wish her a happy holiday. That's my opinion of entitlement, why does she think people care what she does or where she's up to? These people don't have to care about her daily life, they do their job and go home. She thinks people SHOULD care because she's been brought up in a family that does care and will ask the questions and make her feel a million dollars.

Whereas someone who was left to fend for themselves from a young age doesn't know any different, so assumes nobody cares because nobody did when they were younger, so doesn't expect much. Does that make sense or am I waffling?
 

Gloi

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also true, I am only speaking from experience. Those who may not have had loads growing up or had to work whilst they were studying are probably more likely to be down to earth than those who have a privileged life - because they have had to work for what they had and appreciate the value, or saw how hard their parents worked etc to keep their lives afloat.

There was a woman who used to keep her horse at my yard who would upset if the yard didn't greet her when she came in or offer 'support' to her in regards to asking about how her horse journey is going etc. She took her horse to the beach and was pissed the owner / staff didn't wish her a happy holiday. That's my opinion of entitlement, why does she think people care what she does or where she's up to? These people don't have to care about her daily life, they do their job and go home. She thinks people SHOULD care because she's been brought up in a family that does care and will ask the questions and make her feel a million dollars.

Whereas someone who was left to fend for themselves from a young age doesn't know any different, so assumes nobody cares because nobody did when they were younger, so doesn't expect much. Does that make sense or am I waffling?
That sounds like a yard with no idea of good customer service.
 

Deltofe2493

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That sounds like a yard with no idea of good customer service.
Dealer's yard - only 5 liveries incl me. YO openly admitted she switched from solely livery yard to dealers and breakers because she couldn't deal with needy people.

Depends on personal preference I like to keep myself to myself and I don't have much time on my hands so I go up, spend time with my horse, maybe the occassional chat if someone's around and then leave. & for me, facilities, horse care and price outweigh whether someone takes an interest in my holiday. If I want someone to ask how my holiday was I would just speak to my friend???

Woman in question LOVED the social side of being at the yard and loves talking, gossiping. Would say something to me about don't tell anyone then a few days later she would tell me that she's told them etc. She used to keep ponies on at her parents house whilst she was growing up and she told me repeatedly how her dad would have the ponies mucked out and loaded ready to go for her if they went to shows and would always have something to moan about the yard. Since leaving in September she's moved 3 times now, whereas she was at my yard for 6 months (moved from her parents as Dad is told old now) so it can't have been that bad!
 

bouncing_ball

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also true, I am only speaking from experience. Those who may not have had loads growing up or had to work whilst they were studying are probably more likely to be down to earth than those who have a privileged life - because they have had to work for what they had and appreciate the value, or saw how hard their parents worked etc to keep their lives afloat.

There was a woman who used to keep her horse at my yard who would upset if the yard didn't greet her when she came in or offer 'support' to her in regards to asking about how her horse journey is going etc. She took her horse to the beach and was pissed the owner / staff didn't wish her a happy holiday. That's my opinion of entitlement, why does she think people care what she does or where she's up to? These people don't have to care about her daily life, they do their job and go home. She thinks people SHOULD care because she's been brought up in a family that does care and will ask the questions and make her feel a million dollars.

Whereas someone who was left to fend for themselves from a young age doesn't know any different, so assumes nobody cares because nobody did when they were younger, so doesn't expect much. Does that make sense or am I waffling?
That makes sense. It’s nice when yard care / ask / wish well with liveries activities. But in reality it’s not possible for all liveries all of the time s and it’s not important compared to good day to day care, and support in health issues and rehab.
 

Gloi

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That makes sense. It’s nice when yard care / ask / wish well with liveries activities. But in reality it’s not possible for all liveries all of the time s and it’s not important compared to good day to day care, and support in health issues and rehab.
Especially at the moment, the people at the yard may be the only people the client ever sees on a daily basis. For the hundreds of pounds they pay it should not be too much to ask to exchange a few words with them.
 

Mrs Jingle

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Well I did the quizz and came out as 'Established middle class'' Very odd as I consider the fact that every thing I/we own we have worked damn hard to achieve, nothing handed to us on a golden platter of old family money, so therefore we are working class. Neither of us worked in one of the recognised 'professional' jobs, although we both had parents who were in the supposedly professional class. My husband had his own business but I don't think that is a so called 'professional' 🤷‍♀️

I have to say though, I consider living in Ireland, born Irish in Ireland but educated in the UK, that Ireland is very much more of a classless society by comparison to the UK. You wouldn't want to be giving yourself too many airs and graces around this way no matter what size house you own or how new your car is or where you got your education. You would very soon be brought back down to earth!😂
 
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