Some people have no morals!

Noodles_3

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I feel like I need to vent to get a bit of anger off my chest.

I just feel 'used' by someone close to me who asked to borrow money and pay me back the next week. I said yes, absolutely fine not a problem and gave them the money. Didn't get the money when asked so I gave them the benefit of the doubt and waited longer. Still nothing. So I send a text to them asking 'Hi, just wondering if you'd be able to transfer my money back across please.' The reply 'Yeah sure, just out at the moment i'll do it later if that's ok.' I said yes fine. Later came, nothing. Phone dead. I tried said person the next morning who was a bit miffed when I asked for my money and they said they haven't got it until a week on Friday. I was really annoyed at this because I was relying on this money to get me through my week and I was pretty desperate for it. I also found out that they'd been out the night they said they was going to transfer me it later and obviously spent it all. Anyway having met up with said person we spoke things through and I made a compromise that they could pay me back after our holiday as they would need it more than me. So that's that and that date hasn't come yet.

Anyway, same friend rang me the other day asking me to take them fishing for five pounds petrol money as it was just out of town. I said yes. We ended up getting lost and using quite a lot of my petrol because 'friend' hadn't found out proper directions so we had to guess.
Finally found it and got them there. No fiver on the day, i'll get it tomorrow they said. I didn't worry because I thought oh a fivers nothing to worry about really. Well its 4 days later and I need the five pounds towards my petrol. So I text person to say i'll come and pick them up from where they are and i'll get that fiver off them. 'I haven't got your fiver'. Is the reply. ARGHHH! This isn't just like a random friend either it's someone really close to me and I feel they have proper taken advantage of me :( I admit I've got quite shirty now and the reply is 'why do you need it you got paid last week' and then trying to say things they've done in the past for me. Which is nothing to do with money and I wouldn't dream of doing this to them. This person I take them everywhere in the car too and never charge them a penny. I just feel totally used and said person is making me out to be a horrible person for asking for MY money back.

Obviously I would like my money back but the upsetting thing for me is how this person has treated me. How they can be so selfish? Just really annoys me. I won't be lending my money out again and I feel like putting a sign on my car saying NOT A FREE TAXI! Lol.
 

Noodles_3

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Sorry this is supposed to be in the club house !! Please can admin move it? I'm that annoyed my brains obviously not thinking straight!
 

quirky

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I feel your pain.
I loaned my dad £3k, to be paid back within 6 months.
15 months later, not a bean has been seen. I ask every now and then for it back, justifying why I need it (foreign school trip £900), nothing, not even an answer!

I haven't visited them (though my mum knows nothing) as I just can't face him, he has made me that angry.
 

MyDogIsAnIdiot

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This person is no friend! I bet if you stop lending money/doing lifts/doing things to benefit him/her then you'll not hear from them again. Tell them you expect x amount on y day (do it by text and make sure you have a reply) and then only contact them to get this money back. Otherwise you'll find yourself in this position again and again.

I cut off a similar person - we were sharing round bales of haylage, £30 for 1 or £50 for 2. She claimed to be skint so I said I'd order one as that was all the money I had and she got really arsey, saying 'Why should I pay extra because you can only afford one bale?'. So I had to borrow money off OH to pay for both bales and then went skint the rest of the week. The next day she says 'My OH will pay yours £50 to weld his exhaust'. No please or anything, no apology for not paying me back, nothing. And that's ignoring the fact the exhaust was going to be a £250 job. Funnily enough they have no friends.
 

Noodles_3

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I feel for you both it's horrible. Quirky - that must be worse for you knowing its your dad that owes you. How frustrating :( Realistically it should be you asking to borrow from him to help with your funds!

Mydogisanidiot - She sounds delightful! No wonder she hasn't got any friends. I'm even more fuming now, this person is as we speak, SAT IN A PUB, drinking. Claiming 'they've been bought the drinks'. Yeah right. Even so, just shows them even more as a scrounging bum! Relying on other people again. I just text them saying I've lost all respect for you. They haven't replied. So frustrated, I didn't think this person was like this either. Never shown selfish traits before but all comes out after a while doesn't it...
 

pip6

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I used to be a driving instructor. Some pupils would try having lesson then saying they were skint, would pay double next time. Then they'd cancel load of lessons hoping I'd give up or forget. Always remember, first year I taught would have 1 day a week off, then decided to have xmas day off to be with family. Lady tried to book lesson for xmas day, said sorry, not available, spending day with family as it's xmas, reply was 'but I'm not christian'. Some people are totally selfish and don't give a monkeys about other people, you learn fast.

Keep pestering for money, make it known to others so they don't get scammed as well. If asked for lift in future, dept must be paid plus money up front for new journey. Put time / distance limit on it, so if don't have directions you can call it quits before it starts costing you more in fuel than you have been given. DO NOT lend money, no matter how desperate they are. Their life is their responsibility. If they are suffering that much, there are social services etc they can go to where their need will be independantly assessed. Any work done for them charge full market price, paid in advance, no favours.

Not surprised re drinking. Amazing how many broke people can afford booze and fags.
 

Moomin1

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It sounds just like someone I used to know. Very frustrating, and I found it got worse and worse and this person just didn't seem to care so long as they were happy. Even down to paying for their pony's needs. Final straw came for me when pony was stood in sodden bedding for weeks, with only one visit per day (pony was stabled 24/7 at the time), yet I saw on their FB that they had been out for a meal/night out, bought a new playstation, along with games..Just awful.

I would leave them to it OP and not bother going out of your way for them any longer - people like that only have one interest at heart..themselves.
 

B&J

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I had this too, guilt tripped me that the horses needed it but she doesn't get paid for another week... week later nothing.... 6 months later nothing, various other 'horse needs things' and a year later she ended up owing me in excess of £550, always a different excuse. Came to a head when mine did actually need something and I needed the money, she didn't have the money, threw a wobbly and blocked me on fb, I later found out she had bought another horse!!!!.... needless to say she stills owes me and has no intention of paying me back, totally and utterly used so I know how you're feeling :-(
 

Twinkley Lights

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So rough Noodles. I've just fallen out with someone when she let me down over a grazing I was letting her have. Deal was she would have the field topped and graze hers all at her expense, She only paid for topping and it needed bailing and taking away - she left the problem to me it was excruciatingly embarrassing having to chase her up and ask if she was going to deal with the cuttings. She didn't communicate say sorry or offer to fix things - just complained that my other field that she should not have been using was low on grass and it annoyed me so much I told her to sling her hook. Then she was vile evil and physically abusive blaming me! It pays not to be kind to certain types they see it as a sign of weakness.
It's so sad that this happens noodle but we are not all the same and don't share the same values - I feel like I would rather know who she really was as her normal personal seems sweet and she really was vile. She refused to return a saddle I had loaned her until I paid her the £20 she paid to mess up my field - rich - I only refrained from calling the police as she has a nice 13 year old daughter and I wanted to spare her the shame.
Someone has recently loaned her a horse with no formal agreement .... I feel trouble brewing
 

ROMANY 1959

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I've been there, I am too soft. Last summer I bought something for one of the horses, did not fit, another livery said "I will buy it from you". Ok... So handed the tack over, and to this day I've still not been paid for it and said livery has long gone from the yard!!!
 

Apercrumbie

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Oh I hate money sometimes! I want to say "just don't ever lend anyone anything" but that's not really how life works, when it's a close friend/family member how can you say no without coming across as very rude and suspicious.
 

Kaylum

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I paid for some electric for my friend as she has kids and said she didn't have enough money for food that week never mind electric. Put £40 on her meter card and bought some food for them. She announced this week she is going on holiday with her friend and kids next week. I have never asked for the money back. I got very angry about the situation and how she made me feel guilty.
 

Slightly Foxed

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I baled my sister out a few years ago, cost me £10k, yes £10k! The agreement was she'd pay me back £250 a month, she had quite a good job then. She paid one month then cancelled the direct debit and carried on doing what she was doing, getting into more debt.

Stupidly, I took pity on her again and took out a bloody loan of £5k to help her out again! Have I seen a penny? No. I feel like such an eejit!
 

JCW

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I lent money to a close friend once with the agreement I would be paid back when she got paid at the end of the month. At the same time she ordered clothes from a catalogue I had. I never got the first lot of money back and only a lot of pestering did I get the catalogue money back (in instalments). Ruined our friendship. Said friend is no longer a friend and just someone I know now. My grandma used to say "neither a borrower nor lender be" and she was so right. Reading this thread there are obviously a lot of hard faced people out there taking advantage of kind and genuine friends.
 
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thatsmygirl

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Can't believe people lend so much money to people, I just couldn't do it, but I'm naturally suspicious of people and don't trust very easily
 

thatsmygirl

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Saying that I have been asked for money but I just make out I'm skint so I can't lend anything cause at the end of the day if they are stuggling anyway how the hell will they find that extra money to pay u back, they wont
 

honetpot

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Only lend money if you if you can afford never to get it back. I have only ever loaned small amounts, and never expect it back , then when I do get it repaid I am pleasantly surprised. If anyone ever defaulted they wouldn't get a second chance. I only ever do things for people if I want to, no is such an empowering word, and once you have said it once or twice they stop asking.
 

Orangehorse

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What a sad tale, and an extra lot of sad tales. The odd thing is that people who owe YOU money start to get cross if you ask for it back. Strange isn't it?
 

Goldenstar

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I understand why you're angry and upset it's that you trusted her and now you see she taking p out of you .
I would cut her off without hesitation , that's no friend .
 

Moomin1

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Only lend money if you if you can afford never to get it back. I have only ever loaned small amounts, and never expect it back , then when I do get it repaid I am pleasantly surprised. If anyone ever defaulted they wouldn't get a second chance. I only ever do things for people if I want to, no is such an empowering word, and once you have said it once or twice they stop asking.

The thing is in my case, I really wanted to help this person out, as I really liked them as a friend. It was only as time went on and numerous different things happened where I just started feeling really let down and taken advantage of. And then when the welfare of the pony was affected it was too much for me, so I wiped my hands.
 

maisie06

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Have been in this situation, not nice. Well never again, it wasn't a huge amount but it was the principle, I sold someone I thought was a friend a nice little trailer for £400 to be paid by 4 installments, well got 2 never saw the other 2.....now I just say no, I don't give people lifts to shows, nor do I lend my trailer, no one bothers to ask now as they know the answer!!
 

chocolategirl

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I feel your pain OP as I too have been taken advantage of like this many times. This is why I hate taking people anywhere now as apparently I'm supposed to foot the fuel bill! I never learn though as I have this kind nature where I have the need to please people, but sadly people like us get taken advantage of by others. It's a horrible feeling isn't it when you know somebody has essentially 'ripped you off'! Why do people think this is acceptable behaviour? I would never carry on like that. I would ask for the money and give them a time limit or tell them you will be making sure everyone knows what they did. Good luck hope you get your dues.
 

Cinnamontoast

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Never lend money to mates, it seems to end badly too frequently. I once sold a couple of Numed numnahs to a fellow livery, she never paid me. I saw her months later buying long Ariats in the local posh tack shop. Wish I'd had the guts to demand the money! I'm too English and polite!
 

Noodles_3

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Thanks for all the kind replies. I can't believe how many of us have all trusted and been ripped off by people we thought of as closest to us! Not good.

Well to my surprise my friend text me last night and said they have the money for me (The smallest amount) and could I go pick it up! Well I went anyway and just picked it up. The atmosphere was quite frosty and to be honest I just thought I don't care I just want my money back. It wasn't a lot but like someone above said, it's just the principle of it. I loaned the money not gave! If I could afford to just give I would.

I think I am too soft and I to have the kind of nature were I just want to please and make people happy, I don't like offending anyone or upsetting them. I think it's time I toughened up!

Sorry to hear about other people's misfortunes, a lot of yours are much worse than mine. It ruins your trust in people, a lot.
 

NellRosk

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Noodles I had a friend exactly like this, lent her money, taxied her around, did everything for her! We were best friends for well over 10 years and then one day I asked if I could have something back that I'd lent her and she just flipped. Had a massive argument and she ended up sending me a 4 page text detailing everything she hated about me etc.. I felt like I was being dumped! So my advice would be to gently cut this friend loose, I'm so much happier without mine. Some people are just selfish arses and always will be.
 

skint1

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Noodles glad that your friend got back in touch, but it sounds like she wasn't very nice to you about it. I think you should just gently move away from that one.

I saw my aunt do this borrowing thing to quite a few people during the years we were a family. She was quite charismatic so found it no trouble to hook on a new friend once she'd bled the old one dry. She'd totally take over a person's life, showering them with attention, nothing was too much for them but then came the stinger, the thing she wanted from them, then they quickly became a drain or let her down in some way so she had a "reason" to justify walking away with their money, and that was the least of it- she did some truly astoundingly awful things to people she called friends, I was young and I hung on every word she said but eventually the smoke cleared and I realised it's really best to keep out of the way of people like that.
 

Embo

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Thankfully I've never really been in this position myself. However, my brother owes my mum a lot of money.

My dad sadly passed away in February this year. There was no estate or anything as he had no savings or anything of value, and he lived in a council house with my mum. He did however, have a company pension which went to my mum.

My brother has a good job, and so does his partner. Between them, they earn about 60k I belive. He drives a new Ford Focus ST. She had a new Fiesta on HP, but gave it back when the contract ended after dad died and took his car. Took it, not bought it off my mum.

The same car broke down. Rang mum to pay for AA emergency call out and repairs.

A week later, brother has forgotten that his car tax is due and doesn't get paid for another week. Mum helps them out.

Last year they booked a holiday for themselves and their three kids and have been paying it off bit by bit, as you do. Suddenly, they need an extra £300 on top of their regular payment otherwise they will lose their holiday. Mum to the rescue again.

The most recent is that brother has 'borrowed' £4k - which he plans to pay back at a rate of £100pm - all so he can pay off some debts AND BUY HIMSELF A MOTORBIKE. He doesn't even have a bike license. He plans to do direct access, but that costs £1.5k on it's own, then insurance will be mega, I wonder where he'll get the money for that!!

They live in a council house which is always a tip, they both smoke, only drink redbull and eat takeaway maybe 5 nights a week. They always have the latest consoles and the kids all have expensive handheld games and so much stuff. They brag about how much money they have and all the things they buy, but the have no savings and always rely on others when little things come up, or rather not so little.

I'm constantly telling mum to stop as it's just getting out of hand now but she finds it hard as most parents do, I think.

The latest is that they traded in my dad's car so brother's OH can get a new one. Not even offered to me first, one of the last things we have left of our dad.

Oh, and on Monday my mum was worried about a health problem so rang my brother to come take her to the hosptital. When he was on his way, she got a text from brother's OH basically laying into her saying my brother was having a bad day with troubles in their life and mum's made it worse by burdening him with her problems... when brother turned up, mum was obviously upset, showed him the messages and he said nothing. Mum gave him £10 for the trouble - which he took, then went home!!!

Hopefully that was the last straw for her, but she's too soft.

And off they went on their holiday this morning. What a lovely life they must have!
 

acorn92x

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I used to be a driving instructor. Some pupils would try having lesson then saying they were skint, would pay double next time. Then they'd cancel load of lessons hoping I'd give up or forget. Always remember, first year I taught would have 1 day a week off, then decided to have xmas day off to be with family. Lady tried to book lesson for xmas day, said sorry, not available, spending day with family as it's xmas, reply was 'but I'm not christian'. Some people are totally selfish and don't give a monkeys about other people, you learn fast..

Call me naive but this has horrified me.

She might not be Christian but WHAT ABOUT YOU?!

People never cease to amaze/shock me!
 
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