Sooo Stressed!

[Amys_Babies]

Ok so been breeding horses for a little while now and done quite a good job of it so far for a beginner. Have sold 5 out of 7 so far this year all foals have been between £1000-£1500 which being a new breeder and being part bred appaloosa's hasnt been a bad price with the recession.

When went into the breeding business me and my mum were meant to do it as a joint business. At first she was bit nervous of horses but at the old yard being around them all the time she grew with confidence and would help me out.

Now i dont mind doing the work myself as have contacts to help me for weaning foals off, making them handable etc but now my mum is refusing to help in any way but a financial way. Which is great but if she wants me to run the business its got to be my way of income as i cant work, ride my three and look after the herd. I havent got a job at the moment but i am looking and she wants me to do this for nothing which i really dont think is fair.

I really dont know what she expects me to do it was meant 'to be her interest aswell but shes acting like she dont give a cr@p anymore and it really annoys me. She has three youngsters in a field which she doesnt know what she wants to do with, a foal which she is thinking of keeping but she doesnt want to do any hands on work with any of them. She wants me to do it all but wouldnt i be right in thinking its going to be a full time kind of job bringing up three youngsters two of which she wants breaking next year, along with two of my youngsters to bring on which had set time for. I really wish she would want to help and would spend time with them but every time i go down the field its always me who goes in field and checks them all over and she never moves out the car.

What would you do in this situation? Am sorry for rambling and its bit late hopefully will get some good replies in morning. Its just ive tried just to speak to her about it all and it just turns inton a big argument because she says shes dealing with to much to be bothered with them but i really want this business to carry on doing so well.

 

[tangoharvey]

is she alright? is she depressed? it just sounds strange that you both started off on this wonderful adventure togeher and now she has backed off - is her health ok? If everything is fine, then what about doing a small 'business plan' for 2010 - (end of year is a good time/excuse to do this) and sit her down over a coffee and go through each horse/money and finally ask her what her hopes for 2010 for the venture are - give her option to pull out, as if you dont and carry on like this it could end up souring your relationship, which I am sure you dont want. Do let us know how you get on, and I envy you, breeding wonderful horses you lucky thing!xx

 

[*hic*]

Sorry Amy, you won't like this. I remember reading about your acquisition of the ponies and how you kept buying more and more. IIRC at the time you didn't say you were intending to set up full time as a breeder and you did say that your mum was helping you out financially. To me it sounds like your mum has been rather railroaded into ending up with a large number of ponies and a breeding programme that she may have provided some money for but that she never "bought into".

If you want to run it as a business it's got to be paying its way OR you need to have a job to pay for it. The profit from selling 5 foals is not going to pay for keeping the herd, let alone provide for you. From what you say your mum is helping out other than financially as she is coming to the field with you. I'm assuming she's doing that because you don't drive but I may be wrong.

What would I do in your shoes? Think carefully about how I got my mum involved in the first place. Then work out how many animals I could realistically afford to do justice to by myself whilst working. Then ask mum if she wanted to me to dispose of her youngstock - including the foal - whilst I was trying to get the numbers down to a manageable herd. I'd also be thinking long and hard about how I could sort out the borrowed - or as you seem to see it "partnership" - money. Oh and keep on with the job hunting.

Sorry, I hope you can sort it out and keep a breeding herd without relying too much on input that your mum really doesn't seem to want to make.



ps

I knew there was something else about you that I remembered. You lost your Dad. You have my deepest sympathies, I lost my mum recently too and it does really shake your life up. However, when you lost your Dad your mum lost a huge part of her life. Any decision she made during that time or on the run up to his death will have been made in the most unsettled of circumstances. If she is now beginning to feel differently then that is only to be expected and you need to show great understanding. She needs to come to terms with her new life, for you growing up and away from your parents was an expected part of your life plan, it wouldn't have been part of her life plan to lose your father so soon and it throws the whole of her future into doubt. She needs to take stock of where she is and who she is and tbh if she wants to move forward being tied to part-involvement with a herd of animals she is fairly frightened of isn't going to be helping her any.

So sorry for both your loss.

 

[Amys_Babies]

Thanks for replies. It has been few hard weeks with my mum her mum has been in and out of hospital, first time she went in she hadnt took her tablets and they sorted her and she came out and then last wednesday she had a stroke which led to heart failure and we thought we were going to loose her but she did come along.

It was my mum who decided to start doing the breeding as i was going to have daisy's mums foal again for this year when the breeder offered me her mum in foal and my mum encouraged me to have her. She was then offered more and she took them.

I cant say i have ever pressured her into buying anything. After my dad died she wanted to make a go of it and increase the herd and half the time i had to advice that some the horses she was looking at just werent worth the money.

We have made a profit this year (even if tiny) as managed to have field of friend charges us next to nothing to keep them in there so we only pay for the hay.

I think if i wanted to i could do it myself i just feel bit hurt as when we first made our plans it was a joint partnership and she wanted to help and now she doesnt.

Maybe she is starting to feel the strain without my dad being here i know she isnt coping that well. But when she died she said the horses were her way forward so we both went forward together in that direction.

I think maybe today will need to have sit down together and go through it all and like you have said decide what she wants out of 2010. We have more mares in foal this year and have used our own stallion so as long as they sell then should have a better profit with them having this new field.

 

[Amys_Babies]

Im really sorry for you losing your mum it is hard and it does shake up your life but as ive said she wanted to go the direction of the horses and she decided to buy more mares this year.

 

[Echo Bravo]

Give your Mum a big hug, as it sounds that she's feeling lost and lonely, grief catches up with everyone and if her mum's been unwell as well. We adults aren't always the stiff upper lip you know.

 

[Flibble]

Hi Amy I remember your struggle to find a job and the sad loss of your Dad. I am very sorry you are having a tough time of it but like one of the other posters I dont think your Mum is coping. You have your dream project breeding your Appaloosa's.

Your Mum, well what has she got she had yoiu your hopes and aspirations but she hasnt got her cornerstone to life your Dad.

It sounds to me like you had financial help because she wanted you to be happy but somewhere down the line she has been fogotten about and is pretty lost herself.

I am sorry if this sounds hard but life is hard. I dont mean that you dont care because I know you do but sit down quietly and think about what your mum has coped with.