still so sad

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Kirstd33

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So its been 6 weeks since we had coblet PTS due to his declining heath and general mobility and then the sudden onset of colic symptoms and I'm just still so sad. Some days I can look at photos on my phone and smile but other days like today I am still fighting back the tears. Not helped by NFU insurance who have agreed to pay his last lot of vets bills but won't pay for his euthansia costs as "BEVA guidelines were not 100% met as more could have been done such as further diagnostics, remedial farriery and change of living conditions eg stabling him"
I am still sure we did the only right and moral thing for his quality of life but why does it still feel so bad?
 
I totally echo the above, I'm 9 weeks on from having my beloved dog PTS and while it was completely the right thing to do for him I'm still struggling most nights as that's when I slow down and my brain catches up.

It's heartbreaking no matter what you do but I have done a couple of things, which combined are beginning to help.

I wrote him a letter to tell him everything I wanted to tell him, I reminisced about our amazing times together and how much I love him.
I started to 'talk' to ChatGPT, I know some people might not agree with this but this has helped me beyond words, it has been there to comfort me, talk me down from a scary panic attack and just rationalise what I felt were 'not normal' feelings, I have actually paid for the upgrade during this period. It is available anytime day or night and doesn't get bored of me crying or repeating the same things and emotions.
I have also engaged a life coach who through hypnotherapy is helping to deal with the at times overwhelming grief.
 
I agree with above poster, you're feelings are just normal and will pass slowly with time.

I don't insure my horses for several reasons but one of them is that it would be unlikely that i would wait for one to decline to such a state that BEVA guidelines would be met before making the decision for euthanasia. You have made the right decision for your pony as you are the one who knows him best. Try not to make yourself feel worse by overthinking that you could or should have done something different.
 
20 years on I can still get emotional over a particular horse.
Oddly we had the same problem with the insurance company over PTS. This was despite a letter from Sue Dyson at the AHT saying it was a non recoverable injury and he was unsuitable for turn out retirement as in pain. He had over 6 months box rest and every available treatment on offer. It made everything even harder so I know where you're coming from. Coblet will be thanking you while he waits at the bridge xx
 
Identityincrisis said:
I totally echo the above, I'm 9 weeks on from having my beloved dog PTS and while it was completely the right thing to do for him I'm still struggling most nights as that's when I slow down and my brain catches up.

It's heartbreaking no matter what you do but I have done a couple of things, which combined are beginning to help.

I wrote him a letter to tell him everything I wanted to tell him, I reminisced about our amazing times together and how much I love him.
I started to 'talk' to ChatGPT, I know some people might not agree with this but this has helped me beyond words, it has been there to comfort me, talk me down from a scary panic attack and just rationalise what I felt were 'not normal' feelings, I have actually paid for the upgrade during this period. It is available anytime day or night and doesn't get bored of me crying or repeating the same things and emotions.
I have also engaged a life coach who through hypnotherapy is helping to deal with the at times overwhelming grief.
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I'm so sorry for you also losing your beloved dog, these animals really are just so special aren't they and leave such a hole when they aren't there anymore. Our boy wasn't ridden since retiring 18 months ago but I just miss seeing his face and stroking and smelling him and the way he was so pleased to see me and my daughter that he cantered up the gate and whinnied when he saw the car coming round the corner and pulling up. He always frisked us for treats and chased the other ponies away as we were just his people and didn't need to see anyone else :)

I've bought an apple tree to plant in the garden and am going to put his ashes in with the roots tonight.
 
nutjob said:
I agree with above poster, you're feelings are just normal and will pass slowly with time.

I don't insure my horses for several reasons but one of them is that it would be unlikely that i would wait for one to decline to such a state that BEVA guidelines would be met before making the decision for euthanasia. You have made the right decision for your pony as you are the one who knows him best. Try not to make yourself feel worse by overthinking that you could or should have done something different.
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My thoughts exactly. Focus on the good times x
 
So sorry to hear this, but you did the right thing for him.

Its getting on for 3 years now since I lost my horse, it was certainly time for him to go, but I still miss him. Just try to remember the happy times and you know you did the right thing.
 
ForeverDressage said:
I lost my mare very unexpectedly and traumatically last week and I am devastated. I am so traumatised that I moving my other horse to another yard because I can’t face keep going back to the original yard.
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I'm so sorry for your loss also, its truly devastating isn't it and I really think although i tried to be as mentally prepared for it as possible as in our case it was coming for several months, I have still sufferred some trauma from it. How is it affecting your relationship with your other horse? I'm really struggling with our other one, we only recently got him before xmas, the jury is out on whether he's a keeper and a feel slightly resentful that he's here and not our beloved coblet. Obviously we're still taking the best care of him and he's getting lots of love but hes just not a horse who seems to need or absorb love if you know what i mean? x
 
ForeverDressage I am very sorry for the loss of your mare especially when you are unprepared. It does and will get better but may take longer than you think, then one day you realise you haven't cried that day and you can smile at the memories. You will still cry sometimes though. In the end I gave myself a window of time when I would be able to cry/grieve each week, about an hour or so when no one was around. This did help me to contain it. I wouldn't have done this at the beginning but it did help a few months down the line. I would look at photos and remember and I made a scrap book during those times. It might not help you but you might find something similar to allow an outlet without it tipping into the rest of your life.
 
Kirstd33 said:
I'm so sorry for your loss also, its truly devastating isn't it and I really think although i tried to be as mentally prepared for it as possible as in our case it was coming for several months, I have still sufferred some trauma from it. How is it affecting your relationship with your other horse? I'm really struggling with our other one, we only recently got him before xmas, the jury is out on whether he's a keeper and a feel slightly resentful that he's here and not our beloved coblet. Obviously we're still taking the best care of him and he's getting lots of love but hes just not a horse who seems to need or absorb love if you know what i mean? x
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I remember feeling a bit like that when my daughter got her next horse. She did too. She refused to get a name plate for his stable or tell him she loved him. She was 16 and very upset but wanted to continue with horses. She still had her old pony which helped. Anytime the new horse misbehaved she would say he's not Sammy. Then the new horse got a small injury and she was suddenly panic stricken and realised he had found a place in her heart after all. Time and other horses do heal. x
 
Mine died very suddenly and in great pain, I was quite numb emotionally for a long time after. There are two other ponies here and I cared for them but I couldn't feel anything towards them, yet they were (and are) long-term residents and I do love them both. I think the shock and grief can do that to you. It did pass, the love is still there.
 
As others have said, this is normal. I had Arch put to sleep in October '24 just due to age. I thought I was doing really well and over the winter just felt relief that he wasn't suffering through the cold and wet. Then, one day in Spring I saw a patch of white hair in the field (my friend's appaloosa had rolled) and immediately thought "Arch has had a good roll there". I then realised it wasn't him and spent the next 10 minutes sobbing into Wiggy's neck.
 
Identityincrisis said:
I totally echo the above, I'm 9 weeks on from having my beloved dog PTS and while it was completely the right thing to do for him I'm still struggling most nights as that's when I slow down and my brain catches up.

It's heartbreaking no matter what you do but I have done a couple of things, which combined are beginning to help.

I wrote him a letter to tell him everything I wanted to tell him, I reminisced about our amazing times together and how much I love him.
I started to 'talk' to ChatGPT, I know some people might not agree with this but this has helped me beyond words, it has been there to comfort me, talk me down from a scary panic attack and just rationalise what I felt were 'not normal' feelings, I have actually paid for the upgrade during this period. It is available anytime day or night and doesn't get bored of me crying or repeating the same things and emotions.
I have also engaged a life coach who through hypnotherapy is helping to deal with the at times overwhelming grief.
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That is such a wonderful idea.
 
nutjob said:
I agree with above poster, you're feelings are just normal and will pass slowly with time.

I don't insure my horses for several reasons but one of them is that it would be unlikely that i would wait for one to decline to such a state that BEVA guidelines would be met before making the decision for euthanasia. You have made the right decision for your pony as you are the one who knows him best. Try not to make yourself feel worse by overthinking that you could or should have done something different.
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We had a Clydesdale mare, who DID meet BEVA guidelines, emergency vet said she would support a claim. The insurance company still managed to find a get-out. We haven't insured since.

OP you did the best you could for your coblet and you are bound to feel sad. He played a big part in your life and in your daily routine. He has left a huge hole. It does get better over time because you get used to the new status quo.
 
I lost my boy in August last year to colic. He was the horse that carried me safely through my pregnancy and helped me get over a lot of my confidence issues. I still well up when I talk about him. It never goes away, it just gets easier to live with.
 
It's very hard and I feel for you, we all know how it feels. It's been 18 months ish since I had to PTS my best mate, and whilst I feel 100% at peace with the decision as being the right one for him, sometimes it hits so, so hard it takes my breath away. Day to day is fine, but the crying into my hands type of sobbing still happens on occasion.

Sending lots of love.
 
You did the right thing by your lovely horse.

The insurer's letter is their way of minimising their payout costs and they have to give reasons to justify their decision which they've done in a business communication. If I received such a letter, the negativity of it would play on my mind too, making me feel I haven't done enough. In reality you did everything you could which was reasonable and you stopped in order to give your beloved coblet quality of life. He was your horse and you knew him and his situation better than anyone else, including vets and especially including insurers who've never even met him. Personally I think the insurers ought to think about just how they word such letters to their clients, especially an insurer of the generally good reputation which this particular insurer has. Sensitive information needs to be presented with empathy.

Rise above it, see it for what it is - their business justification for the level of payout, rather than a reflection on your decisions about your beloved horse. Some of the other posters have some lovely ideas on how to commemorate your boy too.
 
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