Struggling to get back into riding...my heart's just not in it.

JadeyB

JadeyB

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i'm feeling really odd... horses are and always have been a massive part of my life but recently i have stopped riding because my heart is just not in it.

Long story short but i had to stop riding in early pregnancy for medical reasons so a very good friend of mine took on my wonderful horse. She has her own fantastic yard and adores my boy so i recently made the decision to give him to her because he has an amazing life with her and i know i would struggle to give him the time and attention he deserves. i was fortunate enough to have friends who offered to let me use their horses but i've just found myself getting frustrated that i can't ride them as well as i used to ride my boy and i find myself making excuses not to ride at all, even though one of these horses is wonderful and belongs to a good friend.

I've realised that i'm just not over my boy, i always said he was my horse of a lifetime, but i know giving him up was the right thing to do for all of us. i do miss my horsey me time and feel like an ungrateful brat for not riding my friend's horses when they are kind enough to offer.

I don't know whether just to take a break from horses or to have some lessons at a riding school to teach me to ride different horses.

Has anyone else experienced this???
 
If your hearts not in it then why do it? I know so many people who feel obligated to have horses just because they always have and do all this mucking out and money spending and can't be bothered (or don't want to) ride their horses. I do not understand it at all. There's a whole world of activities out there for you to try why not go for something that really motivates you to do it? Horseriding is a very expensive hobby with a lot of work involved (and danger) if I didn't LOVE riding my horse I wouldn't bother with it to be honest.
 
I'm going through something similar. I recently had a baby (well almost a year ago now!). Rode until I was 5 months and then was back in the saddle 2 weeks after giving birth. I was fine when the baby was tiny but now she's older and I'm back at work full time I have no time. And when I do have time I want to spend it with my child. I barely have time to check on my horse a couple of times a week (he's on full grass livery so I don't need to check on him). Even that is a chore rather than something I enjoy. I'm even at the stage where I'm thinking about selling but not making any decisions right now in case I suddenly change my mind - right now though, I have no interest. As the poster above says, there are other things you can do - other hobbies you can pursue which require less money and time commitment so maybe look into one of those so you still get some me time?
 
Yes, under different circumstances. I think that anyone with a horse of a lifetime in their past would say similar. When you’ve had a horse you loved to begin with, then spent years tuning him and training him into exactly what you want, there’s no way any horse you ride casually for an hour is going to feel the same.

When I retired my lovely boy I thought I would give up regular riding, and maybe just book the odd holiday hack, and ride a friend’s horse from time-to-time. After a while I missed the day-to-day contact, though, and started looking for a share. That was six years ago and I’ve had several share horses since, and, you know, I’ve come to love all of them. The hot-headed Arab mare who was the sort I dreamed of owning as a child. The beautiful former dressage horse. The unpredictable Connemara, who gave me more anxious moments than the rest together, but who would gallop up the field whinnying when he saw me coming. The elderly lady who I hacked once a week, who was a kindly, gentle soul. The buzzy, opinionated jumping pony who’s the spirit of generosity…on his own terms.

There are so many super horses who, while they won’t be like yours, have lots to offer. And sharing works for me in terms of the level of commitment and flexibility. Maybe it would be worth looking into.

On the other hand: riding is difficult and sometimes dangerous. Perhaps the risk and the effort are no longer balanced out by the pleasure. It’s absolutely okay to make the decision to stop. Don’t put yourself at risk unless it’s something you want very badly to do.
 
I do miss being around horses, it's never been all about the riding for me. i think a lot of my issues are because i had such a strong bond with my horse, we went through a lot together so no matter how much i may like riding another horse my boy always feel like home, if that makes sense... also like jingleballs i work full time so any spare time i do have now is devoted to my little girl.

I'm planning on having some lessons because i don't want to not ride, i do love it but i think this way it will stop me putting myself under pressure to 'feel' something for another horse at the mo and it will also help me learn to ride again, my old boy seemed to read my mind so i think i got a bit spoilt/complacent! :)
 
In the years after losing my pony I had many many offers of rides, and later offers of drives too, I could have ridden or driven every day. I even kind of had a loan pony for a short while, but gave her back as I couldn't get going, it just didn't feel right. I eventually realised that for me, it isn't about the riding or driving, it is about the relationship, and I couldn't build the kind of relationship I need on the occasional ride.
Once I realised this I more or less gave up except for driving with RDA until I was able to get my own ponies again, and hey presto, it's all back and I love spending time with them.
I just find it too frustrating when it's someone else's, however generous they may be in offering me their horses, it isn't fulfilling unless they are mine and we can work together over a long period of time.
Maybe just accept that now isn't the time for you and stop struggling, or if it is possible look for a new one for you. But accepting that now isn't right doesn't mean you have to give up completely. I did have short courses of intensive lessons to keep learning, in my case I wanted to expand on what my girl had taught me and went to learn to drive multiples which has led me to where I am now with a future pair of ponies. So maybe look at having lessons in a different discipline if you want to continue learning but something doesn't feel right.
 
I understand where Jingleballs is coming from - but think carefully about that one. It may well upset you far more - I know it would me. Life has changed for you in so many ways - and you know from the posts you are not alone. This is far too expensive a pastime to do if your heart isn't in it just at the moment. Give yourself a break. I'll bet as soon as you don't "have" to the old mojo will come back. And if it doesn't then it doesn't. At least you'll be looking forwards not back. Good luck!
 
Jingleballs said:
Would your friend not let you ride your old horse on occassion just to give your a horsey fix?
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I wouldn't do this. Someone else has been schooling him now, we each ride a little differently and he possibly won't feel like "yours" any more and that could be worse than sticking with the memories you already have of him.

ETA: I don't like riding horses, I like riding MY horse, turned out how I like, in tack that suits me. Like someone posted above, it's about the relationship I have with them.
 
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Unfortunately distance is the main issue, he's now 2 hours away from me but when i visit I can ride him which is always lovely :)

I know i'll get back into horses once life is a little less manic...plus i want my little girl to be horsey although she's not keen at the mo! :)
 
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