Stuck with the "wrong" horse - what to do?

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Roisiny

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In Jan of this year I aged out of ponies and onto horses. We rushed into buying a beautiful 2010 KWPN mare who'd jumped 1.20 5 year olds with a pro rider, without us trying her properly. Ridiculous on our part, but it's done now.
It took me 2 months to learn how to place her properly to a fence. She's not overly confident and if you placed her wrong back then she had an awful stop. After this phase, I still fell off rather regularly, solely on courses, for perhaps 2 months after because of dirty, now unexplained stops. When we started jumping training shows, in mid March we jumped one 1m track, then 1.10 the same day, both of which she was clear. The next 2 training shows we went to we went straight into 1.10s and I fell off in both because of dirty stops.

Disaster struck and she hurt her leg in the box, needing 3 weeks rest. Because of a lot of hand walking and a very quick recovery, two weeks after she was jumping again - better than ever, and a 1.15m (biggest class we've ever jumped) in which she was clear first round, and clear second round up to last fence. The next show she warmed up well, but because a girl fell off, we were left waiting and got cranky, and I had to retire (1.15) . The next show she was very well behaved, and had 2 stops, but both were my fault - silly mistakes...wrong stride to a triple, no support around a sharp turn. Then the next show (1.15) first time for us on grass, she warmed up fabulously, then went in and it was like a different horse. Backwards, wouldn't move off my spur or whip or ride on to the fence. We retired. This weekend we went to an agri show (1.10). Again warm up, perfect. Took me over the warm up, as my confidence is a bit damaged. Went in, spooked at everything. Wouldn't go near some sand filling in holes infront of second fence. Eliminated. Today, warmed up strangely, slowly, but the conditions were awful. I was panicking like I've never done before. Refused to go over first fence (1.15).

The thing about her is she is so different to my pony, who didnt mind if I got deep or a bit far away and would try. She doesn't pull to a fence at all, and even in a rubber snaffle if you take any sort of holding contact she will almost break to trot before a fence. This horse does take long\shorts at home or in the warm up, but is a completely different horse in the arena, and I turn into a completely different rider. Today my Mum suggested selling her. I feel like it is my fault we are not getting on, and she is not doing well. If she jumps this well at home, at training with instructors or in the warm up, surely it is my fault? I have had very good trainers tell me what I have told you ...I've a good eye...she doesn't like to be placed wrong...she is sensitive in the mouth. She's ridiculously talented and the most wonderful mare on the ground. I feel like I could give an excuse for almost every show that's gone wrong -weather, the waiting around, the ground, my nerves, but after 6 months my Mum feels like I'm just making excuses for her just not being the right horse for me.

Please don't think of me as some spoilt little rich girl, who's realising horses aren't machines. This horse is the first horse I've bought that was already a "something" before me, so I'm not really sure how long it's supposed to take to 'gel'. She is young too. I just need an outsiders, unbiased view on whether or not there seems to be a reason to what is happening. If she doesn't do it when she is not in the arena, then it is probably me? but does that mean there will always be a problem with me and my nerves, even if I am not conscious of them? The extra spooking -she is probably loosing confidence in me? Would going down to 1m's help perhaps? Did we go up to quickly with her and rush her (I have listed all the shows\training shows we've done) My parents seemed to be under the impression that she shouldn't of needed to of gone right back down the heights with me. Or maybe is a stopper always a stopper, and should I just cut my losses and sell her.

I realise this post is an absolute train wreck, but if anyone has had a similar experience, perhaps they could help :)
 
You are a 17? year old rider with a young horse that was pro ridden, she is probably far greener than you or your trainers realise and I think however talented she is and however experienced you were on ponies that you have rushed far too quickly, given yourself little time to gain confidence in each other, then compounded it by going up rather than staying at a level you are reasonably comfortable with until you were really ready to move on, the courses at Agri shows are always tough, the recent rain will making the footing greasy, a big horse with little confidence will be struggling on the ground especially if they are getting to the fences slightly wrong.

Don't give up but take a step back, jump 1m, if you and she are happy there, stay at that level until you are jumping DCs and being placed, then think about starting to move up but even then if you have a bad day go back down next time, get out and have a bit of fun, win a few classes, there is nothing like winning to boost the confidence, keep training and plan for the future rather than next week, aim for this season to be the learning time, next season for the more serious stuff.

About taking on a pro horse, I had a KWPN sent to me many years ago, he had been jumped in BN/ Disc by an olympic rider, the horse came to me to do some dressage and a few jumping classes to get a more rounded, and cheaper, education, he could barely canter when he arrived, my instructor, another top rider got on and found the same, I worked on him and got him going nicely but how the pro rider had ever jumped him I have no idea it must have been pure strength and experience to get him round a course certainly no schooling on the flat had been done in the months he was in that yard, so for you a young rider to take on this horse may be similar, just because she has done it, has the scope does not mean you are both ready together to jump the height courses you are training over, competing is very different to training.
 
You've said yourself that she needs to be placed correctly. No horse jumping big tracks will just be able to put themselves right without some input from the rider. Seems you're jumping too big for both your nerves to handle at the moment and making a few silly mistakes.
 
It sounds like neither of you have much confidence in each other, I would definitely go down in height you have only had her since January I think you need to give her a chance and your being really hard on yourself, it's your first horse after ponies which is a big step I think you both need to work on getting some trust in each other first so your a partnership and working together, that doesn't happen over a few months I would take a step back for now.
 
Thank you so much. I think we were seeing it from a very onesided point of view, that we have done it separately, so therefore we should be able to do it together! I could tell someone else that would be a ridiculous presumption ...but not myself!
This horse sounds very similar to how mine came too! Thanks so much for your comment... really, really helped a lot.
 
I agree with be positive about the way forward and I don't think you are a spoiled little rich girl, but I do think that you have very pushy, unrealistic parents, who are not thinking about your welfare or that of the horse!
 
You can't expect a horse to go off a bad stride at bigger courses, she may not be happy going on grass, did you have studs in? She sounds like a pro's horse sorry not saying ur a bad rider at all, but for your first horse off ponies you need a bit of a school master that is more forgiving. Don't feel bad to say she's not right for you, and it takes up to a year to truly gel with a new ride
 
It sounds like you are not experienced enough to bring this horse on. Sell her and get something ready made.
 
It's a big jump coming from ponies to horses especially regarding jumping.
Most ponies are forgiving or can fix themselves, where as most horses need that bit of assistance! Don't lose your confidence or feel bad about the situation we've all been there one way or another. How about doing as others have suggested and jumping smaller, something you and her are totally confident with and get a good bond going on the smaller tracks and work your way up to the bigger ones in time.
6 months isn't a huge amount of time to "gel" with each other! I'd take a breather, don't let others pressure you- enjoy yourself, how about doing something different or concentrating more on schooling. If things haven't improved by the end of the year I'd be thinking along the lines of selling her and perhaps getting a "been there done that" type of horse that can guide you round the courses.
All the best!
 
equi said:
It sounds like you are not experienced enough to bring this horse on. Sell her and get something ready made.
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Biff&Buzz said:
You can't expect a horse to go off a bad stride at bigger courses, she may not be happy going on grass, did you have studs in? She sounds like a pro's horse sorry not saying ur a bad rider at all, but for your first horse off ponies you need a bit of a school master that is more forgiving. Don't feel bad to say she's not right for you, and it takes up to a year to truly gel with a new ride
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Selling her on may be the answer but getting something ready made to jump big tracks will still mean a period of getting to know it, with help, a more realistic plan and some time they may well start to gel, it is never easy taking on a ride from a pro, it can be just as difficult taking over from an amateur, experience is gained over time by learning as you go along and dealing with difficult times, I think the OP sounds sensible for such a young age and that if she wants to take a step back and bring on this lovely talented horse she needs encouragement to do so, it can take 12 months to really get to know a horse and I would give at least another 6 months before giving up.
 
Pearlsasinger said:
I agree with be positive about the way forward and I don't think you are a spoiled little rich girl, but I do think that you have very pushy, unrealistic parents, who are not thinking about your welfare or that of the horse!
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This.
Take a step down. Stop pressurising yourself and enjoy the fact you have a nice horse. You know you both can do it but you need to build a partnership. It sounds like she is worth putting the effort in and it will pay dividends in the long run. If you rush it now it may never come right.
Buying from a Pro can be difficult especially with a Jong horse as they are capable of carrying the horse round a decent course, even if the horse can't canter a 20m circle !
 
I think you have two choices,

* sell the horse before you totally loose confidence in each other and buy a schoolmaster type

or

* forget about competing at the moment and try to stop putting yourself under pressure. Continue to train at home with a good sympathetic instructor and aim to compete in a few months time at a lower level. Perhaps even going H/C if necessary for the first few times.

I get the impression that you are being very down on yourself and probably trying too hard which in itself is not going to help you, trust me I know, as am guilty of this myself.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
 
OP my daughter is your age - this is her first season out of ponies too. Although she jumped Children on horses for about 3 years.

If you are able to have more than one horse - and assuming A levels and looming university are not a factor for you - then hang on to this one and wait. (And buy something else as well obviously...) It took my daughter almost a year to get things to work with her first "pro" ride and she learned a lot from the experience. Horses generally are very different from ponies (although you do get horse type ponies and pony type horses!). They take a lot more riding usually - and you have both a mare and a youngster. I don't know if you have had experience of either before?

If you are in a position to only have one horse (or your parents are starting to look sideways at your string wondering what on earth is going to happen to them when you go to Uni next year...) then you are going to be better off selling this one - or giving the ride to a pro if you can find one - and getting something with more experience.

Riding is expensive and time consuming. If you are not enjoying it then you need to change what you are doing. In this case changing the horse is the logical step. The step from juniors to seniors in BS is huge and there is often little support. Especially if you have not been really immersed in the academy structure. Realizing you have over horsed yourself is a very difficult decision - even more so if you have parental expectations to worry about as well. It is the brave and mature thing to recognize that, sell the horse to someone for whom they are more suited and get something that suits you better.
 
I'd suggest keep the horse but stop competing for the time being.
I find a lot of SJ produced babies have plenty of scope and a neat jump but their flatwork leaves a lot to be desired and will need work.
So find a good instructor with knowledge about babies and work on your dressage. A horse with good dressage schooling will be better round the course, they'll listen more, be more responsive, balanced and supple so you can take easier corners and change the canter quickly and without fuss.
Work on your flatwork will improve the horse and also help your bond.
Then once that is getting better find a technical jumping instructor. The jumps will be piddly but the exercises will be hard. They'll improve you an awful lot in a short time, but you need the good dressage base to do them well. Then once that instructor feels you're doing well the jumps will go up and you can work on technical courses (probably not as hard as you'll find in comps).
Then when you're doing well with that start going to course clinics at different places with different instructors to simulate going to comps.
Then go to a comp, but pick a small class, go unaffiliated or h/c to take the pressure off. See how it goes. Then work round that level til you get consistent results before moving up a level.

Keep up with the dressage lessons and the technical jumping lessons as they will keep you going in the right direction and eventually you will be working together, confident in each other and at that point you'll do well at comps and enjoy it.
 
OP you have two realistic options, neither of which are wrong.

The first is to cut your losses and sell the mare - she does sound like quite a tricky ride, and as your first horse you might be better off with something that's a bit more of a schoolmaster.

The second is to drop down to 1m classes (even 90s if needs be!) and build confidence together. To be honest I think your parents have done you a real disservice - I would expect any new horse with an amateur rider to spend several shows at a couple of levels down until they've built confidence and a partnership. This horse has only jumped up to 1.20s, so 1.15s are pretty near her limit of experience - couple that with a young, less experienced rider and it's no wonder that she's losing confidence, and you are too. That's not your fault, it's just common sense.

If you want to keep the mare then I would go right back to BN/Discovery - don't move up to 1.05/1.10 until you've got several DCs under your belt, and when you do, do it as a second class after you've jumped a 1m class first. Then rinse and repeat - stay at each level until it feels well within your comfort zone and you're not having any problems with stopping or having to retire.
 
I think it depends what you want to do OP, do you want to compete right now or are you happy to take a step back for a bit, go back to the drawing board on training and get to know each other (mare's can tend to want to trust you ;) ) and how she ticks before then going back out at a lower level to starts. I think you would probably learn a lot through the experience of at least trying to work through your collective Daemons with the right help.
 
I could have written this!! This sounds so much like my experience with my present horse. I had him on the Thursday, on the Friday we hacked out alone for over an hour, the Saturday went to a show for a 'walk around'. The following week we were competing, did our first ever course of fillers in a clear round class and got clear and went straight into a 2ft 6" derby, jumped the bank, the dyke the wall, everything and came 5th without even trying. Next weekend, clear in two classes, the following weekend, clear again!, the fourth outing a couple of weeks after the last one (after clapping my hands together with glee that I had such a brilliant horse) he promptly stopped at a fence, I came off, and all confidence went out of the window!! :( I think when you have a new horse they are an unknown quantity insomuch you do not know their problems, that they can stop at fences, etc as you have no prior experience of this with them. So you ride very differently. Once you have had a fall, or a stop, or its bolted, bucked, or reared with you, you have a very different outlook on life and as a consequence you ride very differently.

Please don't give up with her. Go back to basics, reduce the height drastically, go to as many clear round classes or hire out courses of jumps in an arena with an instructor. Regain your confidence. That is the only way you will go forwards. Don't dwell on the past (easy to say - I have had to have cognitive behavior therapy for my nerves before now!) and replay the 'video tape' of your riding at your best when you first had her. Never end the video in your head on a negative, always see the film in your mind of you going through the timing at the end of the SJ track with a big grin on your face and the crowd clapping, having done a marvelous clear round. In time your riding will change and you will gain the confidence.

Before Baileys present injury which is now recovered (have restarted jumping) I felt confident jumping a 3ft 3" course on my horse, but this has come after lots and lots of hard work. This after being thrown on a number of times, being unseated one, and somersaulting in the air once. Having 2 MRI scans and numerous CT scans and visits to A&E in the back of an ambulance. It can be done but it takes time! I never thought once of giving up despite enormous pressure from my parents. It was all I wanted to do and Bailey loves his jumping anyway. I would never have given up on him, it wasn't a choice to sell him or retire him, no way.

And get out of the mindset that you are 'stuck' with the wrong horse. THis is very negative. You can turn this around. But only YOU can do this with determination and patience and time.
 
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V sensible advice here and from be positive

xspiralx said:
OP you have two realistic options, neither of which are wrong.

The first is to cut your losses and sell the mare - she does sound like quite a tricky ride, and as your first horse you might be better off with something that's a bit more of a schoolmaster.

The second is to drop down to 1m classes (even 90s if needs be!) and build confidence together. To be honest I think your parents have done you a real disservice - I would expect any new horse with an amateur rider to spend several shows at a couple of levels down until they've built confidence and a partnership. This horse has only jumped up to 1.20s, so 1.15s are pretty near her limit of experience - couple that with a young, less experienced rider and it's no wonder that she's losing confidence, and you are too. That's not your fault, it's just common sense.

If you want to keep the mare then I would go right back to BN/Discovery - don't move up to 1.05/1.10 until you've got several DCs under your belt, and when you do, do it as a second class after you've jumped a 1m class first. Then rinse and repeat - stay at each level until it feels well within your comfort zone and you're not having any problems with stopping or having to retire.
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How much time have you got with this horse? Are you planning to sell when you go to uni. Are you wanting to be competing at that height now, or will you be fulfilled by dropping down as far as needs be to get the horse going correctly. Those would the the questions I would be asking myself in regards to trying to sort the problems or sell now.
 
If she is stopping maybe she is being overfaced and I agree with advice to jump smaller fences until you both find your confidence. I would be jumping her over fences way smaller than her ability and only gradually increase them.
 
A horse that has been ridden by a pro will be so used to being told what to do- ie stride adjusted 8-9 strides out, exactly the right spot for take-off etc, that they havent learnt to compensate for a riders error, and just lose confidence, which means they start stopping. And mares are often less forgiving than geldings, horses less adjustable and self sufficient than ponies!
I think you need to develop 'a partnership', hack her out, do a bit of xc, ride in the school over poles, just enjoy her- you will get used to her and her stride doing that.
Then, when you feel ready to start doing shows again, start at 80-90, if that goes well you can gradually move up to higher classes. Good luck :)
 
All very good advice here but just remember...this is meant to be FUN. It's not brain surgery or life changing, it's your hobby. I would look at where you want to be next year with A levels etc, what level you want to compete at and then reconsider your options.
 
I have deliberately not read other responses.

When I bought my current horse 9 years ago, he rapidly began pushing boundaries and turned into a monster!

I think OP what I recommend that you do, is to get an independent professional analysis of you riding and handling this horse; you need someone who can sit back and see the wider picture, and see if there is anything you can salvage. If so, then you may have to be prepared to get stuck in and work at it, in conjunction with a professional who will be able to help you sort out any issues as they go along.

Or, if you and the professional feel that this horse may be best suited to someone else, then you may have to let go and sell the horse and find something else which suits you better; but far better that than to struggle on with a horse that isn't right for you.
 
Lots of really good advice on here.
My main advice is do not beat your self up about this, I have seen this happen quite a few times, usually the parents have bought a very expensive horse from a pro and expected their child to just carry on. It just doesn't work like that, and it's not your fault.
Sit down with your mum and have a conversation of what you really want to do. You will have exams coming up, how much time will you actually have. How much did the horse cost and how much will you get back if it sells? If you sold it and got a more established one how much would it cost and how long would it take you to A ,find it, B,click ?
If the horse is talented and a nice person, perhaps it would be worth taking a month doing 'safe' things so you both succeed and build confidence. At the end of the month reassess. An easy horse will always sell, and in some ways is more saleable than something that jumps 1.20. Work on the positives for both of you. I would even spend money on lessons on a good schoolmaster that been and done it.
The thing is when you are your age everything is changing and there is so little time, when you reach your 20's you can say I can take a year to get the basics and then we will go and play.
 
I've only read your initial post & none of the replies so my thoughts aren't coloured by any other responses.

Our family understands where you're coming from as we've had a similar situation.

You've been successful on ponies & have now moved off them & onto horses. This change is massive, horses & ponies shouldn't be mentioned in the same sentence. They are totally different animals. A pony will help you so much, it will charge on & somehow find a stride & will take you over a jump. It doesn't care where you put him he will shorten or lengthen & somehow get in the right place to take off. Horses are totally different & normally need more help from the rider.

The horse you've bought is young & although has jumped good size tracks with a pro rider the horse will probably be very green. This is something a pro can deal with but you may find quite difficult. Don't be pressed into jumping big tracks just because the horse has done them, you are not ready to do that with this horse yet. Drop down, take a step backwards & school over 90 cm- 1 mtr maximum. You will get a feel for your horse, your horse is less likely to stop & you can build up the lost confidence you both have in each other. This will take a little time, don't be in a hurry to go out & compete again. You can always hire an arena & train in there, again over smaller jumps & do more work to understand your horse & build your confidence.

What you are experiencing is common when moving from ponies to horses. It takes time to move up to horses. The 2 months you've had your horse is no time at all. You mistakenly thought that you could take over the ride from the pro & get some good results but things don't work like that. You don't need to sell the horse yet, get some good training from the right trainer & there is little doubt that given time you'll get the partnership working & have good results a some fantastic fun.
 
Take a step back and jump smaller courses till you are bored with them and confident in the mare and yourself. You aren't going to gel if both are you are unsure of eachother. take the pressure off yourself, even for a few months and just have fun with low pressure stuff. Ponies are amazingly clever and will get themselves and a rider out of trouble, some horses aren't as forgiving. It's a super opportunity for you to learn how to place a horse correctly 8 or 9 strides out working with a good trainer over poles, horses like you have will tell you when you are wrong, but they also tell you when you get it right on the other hand!
 
If this was me, I would be stopping the competing and just focusing on having fun at home with some hacking, schooling and maybe odd jump. Maybe box her to some new places to go out hacking, make going somewhere fun and not all about jumping!

She is still only very young, there is no rush to be out competing right now. Get your basics sorted, get her going well on the flat and do some groundwork with her and build a bond with her. You both need to trust eachother, its still early days yet. If you like the mare and want to persevere this is what I would do.

Give both of you a break, its supposed to be fun! :)
 
I think you need to be a bit kinder to yourself! I would never be brave enough to take on a horse previously ridden by a professional, I am in no way a pro and ride very differently! If I did take on such a ride, I would ensure I set myself up for success rather than failure - I would do easy things so horse and I got used to each other. Perhaps some unaffiliated dressage tests, so we got used to each other in a show environment. When I went showjumping I would enter classes which I felt were far too small, doing them HC if necessary. She is a young horse and you are a young rider, albeit that you sound very mature, you could both develop into a great partnership - as with any young horse take your time and then take some more time!
 
Sell the horse, someone else will enjoy her and you could have a horse you enjoy. I really don't understand why people try to persevere with something they don't enjoy. This is supposed to be fun!
 
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