Stupid things the Spawn of Satan instructor has said...

[PapaFrita]

She is SUCH a bullsh*tter!!! C and I were remembering some of the cr*p she's spouted and having a general laugh..
So, here they are:

"Your horse wants to play with you, like in that film, Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron"
To owner who doesn't know how to (or want to know) put a headcollar on her horse

"He's just young and playful"
After horse SHE sold to owner bit owner's daughter (3 years old) on shoulder

"You mustn't let horses drink water before exercise because it gives them heart problems"

After waving her hands over mare's stomach
"This mare has colic... just give her oats..."

"That horse is completely crap! don't buy it"
To completely unsuspecting friend of owner who was going for a ride...

"This horse is 8"
This horse is in fact 23!!!

"This horse is 8"
This horse is in fact 18!!

"You could try racing her again"
Refering to incredibly out of condition 23 yo TB mare

"This horse will jump 1m classes no problem"
...providing the arthritic knee heals miraculously and horse develops some jumping talent

"This horse will jump 1m classes no problem"
A week before changing her mind and suggesting they sell him

God, I could sooooo go on...
Anyone else know people who spout bullsh*t????

 

[ruscara]

I don't think I have known ANYBODY who could beat that! How can you stay civil (or even sane) with that going on around you?

 

[PapaFrita]

Mostly I walk away muttering under my breath like Kreacher from Order of the Phoenix....

I KNOW I've blanked out alot of the rubbish she says!!

 

[allijudd]

i think i need earplugs just like yours......

 

[Christmas_Kate]

lol
i know people like that
ballshit to everyone about anything. Their horse has done it all, and it's only a vicious git because it's got a special personality.
I couldnt be on a yard with someone like that, it'd do my head in...

 

[MissDeMeena]

More like how do you manage to keep a straight face!! i'd be in floods of tears laughing sooo hard! hehehehahahaha LOL

 

[Bertie1]

Hilarious!!

My YO is absolutely lovely, and doesn't bullshit, but she's rather elderly and is starting to get a bit muddled up:

Recent corkers include:

'Be careful not to let your horse drink too much after exercise as it could get navicular'. I think she meant colic, but not sure!

'Don't leave a plait in your horses tail after you've washed it as it could get caught in something. It's like that saying, united we stand, divided we fall'. Bless.

And my personal favourite:

'Those back protectors won't stop bullets going through them you know.' Useful to know next time you're cantering through the streets of Baghdad!

Bless her, she's lovely, and we don't laugh at her, we all love her - she taught us all from wee nippers. But we do have a little chuckle to ourselves sometimes.

 

[PapaFrita]

[ QUOTE ]
And my personal favourite:

'Those back protectors won't stop bullets going through them you know.' Useful to know next time you're cantering through the streets of Baghdad!

[/ QUOTE ]

I love it! I've actually often thought they do LOOK like bullet-proof vests! ... or that padding catchers wear in baseball...

 

[dieseldog]

Back protector one is my favorite.

 

[lordflynn]

[ QUOTE ]

Anyone else know people who spout bullsh*t????

[/ QUOTE ]

a YM that told me that my just-turned 4yo had lost 3 permanent front teeth (they were baby teeth obviously)

same YM told me ragwort was ok when dried

same YM told me my horse had jumped his stable door from a standstill, without warning (vereeee unlikely-if you knew the horse you'd agree!)

same YM left previous job at vets as 'couldnt stand to see ill horses' when actually he was sacked for bad time keeping, pathological lying and being heavy handed.

 

[dieseldog]

One if our liveries told us the the rats had eaten the end of her horses tail.

 

[Lobelia_Overhill]

I had a Spawn of Satan instructor years ago when I was a kid - for some reason she took an instant hatred to me and went out of her way to be nasty to me.. she had some horrible ponies that were aged and not interested in doing anything other than eat or fall asleep that she kept putting me on, then telling me loudly that I just hadn't a clue how to ride (err, that's why I'm taking lessons!) I was riding for over a year before I was allowed to canter because "you can't even trot properly" - she never did tell me how to do rising trot properly I figured it out from reading a book. Then when she decided I was allowed to canter she gave me bum instructions on what to do with my legs - now bearing in mind the ponies I rode were usually asleep and a bomb wouldn't set them off, not using my legs properly didn't bleedin' well help my cause... it took me a year and studying books to get to grips with the "outside leg back" carry on.
Then she bought herself a new horse that she wanted to compete with, so she hired another instructor and I heard her tell the woman - "oh that one there is Lobelia, just stick her at the back of the ride and ignore her, she's useless, and I think she's retarded" (I was shy!!!) Fortunately the new woman gave me the benefit of the doubt (apparently I have a "wonderful seat" *dimples*) and I learnt more from her on one lesson than I'd learnt in two years from the other woman...

 

[PapaFrita]

[ QUOTE ]
"oh that one there is Lobelia, just stick her at the back of the ride and ignore her, she's useless, and I think she's retarded"

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God she sounds absolutely VILE!!! I'm so glad you found a better instructor!!

 

[Lobelia_Overhill]

oddly enough everyone at the place hated the woman - I heard several people muttering about her at school, but she was the only riding school within 20 miles and back in them days people just put up with whatever sh!t was thrown at them.

In the years since them I've had about 9 different instructors and I'd say 3 of them thought I was the worst rider in the world, 3 of them thought I was a decent enough rider and 3 of them considered me to be an excellent rider (a BHSI said I had amazingly light hands, it was a pity the horse wasn't much cop LOL)

And I'd have to say that the original was the worst instructor ever - she clearly hadn't a notion how to teach someone how to ride, but she could deal with experienced riders OK...

 

[PapaFrita]

Nothing odd about everyone hating such a horrid person!!
I'd've been crushed if I'd heard a 'grown up' talking about me like that! (This was before I realised that grown-ups are probably even more flawed than kids!)

 

[Lobelia_Overhill]

Didn't really bother me that she said that... I can remember wondering why she thought I was retarded, and why she thought she could say so while standing about 8ft away from me and in range of my hearing.

But then I'm wierd LOL

 

[JAK]

[ QUOTE ]
I don't think I have known ANYBODY who could beat that!

[/ QUOTE ]
I agree - this woman is in a league of her own PF - bullsh*t on a hitherto unprecedented scale!

 

[PapaFrita]

Yesterday she was saying that she'd been on a course of "Equinoterapia" (Equine-therapy?) and that she was going to put all her students on the lunge and they were going to ride bareback and do vaulting...
Since I've never ever seen her actually lunge a horse (properly or otherwise...though she does SAY she does it all the time!) and none of the yard horses KNOW how to lunge it's going to be very interesting to watch.
Oh, and yesterday she was kicking a football around in front of a rather baffled horse, trying to get it to play... *sigh* I'm just glad she kept it away from my end of the school where I was riding the much-improved (fingers crossed) Ginger Beast.

 

[Tia]

Hey PF! Funnily enough I saw a quirky advert the other day - it was advertising a foal for sale in my area and the main part of the advert was "Foal bred for therapeutic riding"..........hello!!

 

[PapaFrita]

Hello Tia!!

Any idea what therapeutic riding is? Isn't riding generally supposed to be therapeutic (well except, possibly, XC which is frankly a bit loony!!

)

 

[Tia]

"Therapeutic riding" over here is what they call "riding for the disabled". I found it interesting to learn that one can breed for this discipline......

Did make me laugh though

.

How is the delightful PF doing? Still keeping that ribbon and tie safe and beating the pants off everyone else over there?

 

[PapaFrita]

PF suffered a minor(ish) setback when she fell over in the trailer and cut her leg, requiring 9 stitches. The ONE time I wasn't there to put her bandages on myself blinking groom doesn't bother. ANYWAY we had to drop out of the championship (a 3-dayer) I lost my entry fees and had a nice vets bill to boot.
Fortunately she's back in gentle work now... I believe the groom is still running...

 

[Tia]

Aww that is such a bum! Jeez you were both doing so well too. Never mind there is always next year and the Winter SJing? Do they do that down there?

 

[PapaFrita]

It IS winter!! We don't do summer jumping (far too hot) Won't have to wait until next year thankfully, PF has healed really well and if all goes well I'll start jumping her next week.

 

[Tia]

Doh!! Sorry I forgot you guys are the wrong way round

.

 

[PapaFrita]

Indeed we are ... in sooo many ways