Sudden silent treatment

Rillerpants

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Hello All.
I've been on DIY yard for a whille now and all has been good. Only 3 others and all got on well. Riding out, chatting, moaning about general stuff..all good. 1 has horse that will not stay out on own so we synchronised bringing them in.
Then 3 weeks ago everything changed overnight. Riding at different times,no problem we are not joined at the hip. Bringing in at random times then finding it funny that my horse was doing his pieces coz he was left out. Now when i say hi/ morning i get, at best, a grunt. I've tried asking what the problem is and get nothing back.
I truely have no idea where this has come from but it's making me totally miserable.
The other's are fine with each other as usual. I seem to be the only one getting this treatment. YO has no idea and i hate whinging about stuff. So I've kept my head down,done horse and go.
A pitch fork was left stood up in middle of gateway which i had to bring horse through. Other livery said "oh, he missed that then!" ...what the hell is that about.?
 

WandaMare

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Can you think of anything at all no matter how small that changed when everything went wrong? if that was me i would be racking my brains to think through everything I'd done that might have caused an issue. For example, did you take anyone else to the yard with you for the first time? Did they find out something about you at that point that they could be jealous of? If you can't think of anything I would try and speak to the most mature, friendly one of the bunch, on their own and say you'd like to understand whats happened and go back to how things were. There must be one of them who will speak to you.
 

hopscotch bandit

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Did they find out something about you at that point that they could be jealous of? .
I'd say that in my experience nine times out of ten bullying is because of jealousy, either because they are jealous of you, your horse, or what you have attained with your horse. They usually have a low self esteem and are desperate to impress others and of course, there's strength in numbers so the more that join them, the stronger they are.

Finding the key to why they are bullying you (which lets face it they are simply by definition seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone perceived as vulnerable) will go a long way to resolving the issue.

I wish you well as I think its vile behaviour.
 

Green Bean

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I just can’t stand this behaviour. Maybe it is an age thing, but people like this just get on my nerves. And why do you need to be looking at what you may have done. I think we all know in ourselves if we have annoyed someone or done something out of turn, I assume you have thought about this already. If it is a DIY yard then we aren’t really talking about snobby people. It can be worse than clicks at school as you are going there to relax. As for the fork, I would report it to the YO and insists she deals with. It may not gain you any friends but criminal behaviour is criminal behaviour.
 

Rillerpants

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I'd say that in my experience nine times out of ten bullying is because of jealousy, either because they are jealous of you, your horse, or what you have attained with your horse. They usually have a low self esteem and are desperate to impress others and of course, there's strength in numbers so the more that join them, the stronger they are.

Finding the key to why they are bullying you (which lets face it they are simply by definition seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce someone perceived as vulnerable) will go a long way to resolving the issue.

I wish you well as I think its vile behaviour.
we are all late 40's early 50's. I agree it is totally childish. I have lost sleep trying to work out what I've done. I've asked if i've upset or annoyed anyone and i just get blank looks. One acts as though i'm invisible the other is not talking ( just grunts) and acting really wierd. The pitch fork thing,dumb comments 'to her horse'..not parking her car near mine..just strange.
Not gonna be jealousy, i have nothing that they don't. We are all similar standard in most things. All got TBs.
I'm a stong( ish) 51 y/o mum and i don't suffer fools gladly but this is really getting me down. I'm too old for this crap. Looking for new place or possibly give up horse.
 

hopscotch bandit

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I just can’t stand this behaviour. Maybe it is an age thing, but people like this just get on my nerves. And why do you need to be looking at what you may have done. I think we all know in ourselves if we have annoyed someone or done something out of turn, I assume you have thought about this already. If it is a DIY yard then we aren’t really talking about snobby people. It can be worse than clicks at school as you are going there to relax. As for the fork, I would report it to the YO and insists she deals with. It may not gain you any friends but criminal behaviour is criminal behaviour.
I agree.

I've had funny remarks in the past with a livery who used to be on a yard I was on. For fun, as others had done before me, I wrote 'happy 10th birthday ***' on the yard board with the dry wipe marker pen that we used to leave messages when it was my horses birthday. The comment I got the next day was 'huh, my horse isn't posh enough to have a birthday'.

People like that just get you down.

Same when I came back from a dressage comp. It was the same person with a snidey 'Oh when you have a cob the judge just don't give you a second look compared to a flashy w.b'. Made my blood boil, I may never have had lessons but I used to compete in an event saddle and got to elementary level through my own hard work, perserverance and determination and not because my horse looked pretty.
 

tiahatti

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So sorry to hear this Rillerpants. I wonder if something has happened which wasn't you but they think it was you. Either way, its childish and horrible. I hope you get to the bottom of it soon.
 

dorsetladette

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we are all late 40's early 50's. I agree it is totally childish. I have lost sleep trying to work out what I've done. I've asked if i've upset or annoyed anyone and i just get blank looks. One acts as though i'm invisible the other is not talking ( just grunts) and acting really wierd. The pitch fork thing,dumb comments 'to her horse'..not parking her car near mine..just strange.
Not gonna be jealousy, i have nothing that they don't. We are all similar standard in most things. All got TBs.
I'm a stong( ish) 51 y/o mum and i don't suffer fools gladly but this is really getting me down. I'm too old for this crap. Looking for new place or possibly give up horse.


Don't give up your horse because of a yard bully. Move yards if you really think this is unfixable but don't give up your hobby
 

ycbm

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Does one of them think you bumped their car in the car park, if they are now parking well away from you?

Were the other three there when you moved in? How long have you been there, are they just a clique?

.
 

holeymoley

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Sound like fools. I couldn't be bothered with it. It shouldn't get you to the point where you lose sleep over it. If your horse's welfare is at risk then yes, leave. However, I'd be as bold as brass and ask them all outright pretty brashly what the problem was and don't let them ignore you or say nothing. Use what you've said here as examples and get it out in the open.
 

Mule

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I've had that before although not at a yard, I was sharing a flat with them.
In my case it was that someone had told one of the group that I had insulted her (I hadn't). In the end I found out about it from someone else, as like you, asking what the problem was got me nowhere. It is very annoying. If they won't tell you what the problem is I don't know what you can do.
 

Rillerpants

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No car bumping has occured. It's a new DIY yard and i was the first there. The other 2 came later and a month apart. The one with the horse that won't stay out alone will be buggered if i leave coz 3rd person doesn't turn hers out much. Last few days i've been doing my own thing and horse has stayed in. I must confess i've done it on purpose. He's been ridden, weather is crap and he's happy in. Hasn't helped with mood in yard. But i still say hi/ bye etc and try and be friendly. Only show i feel like crap when i get home. Poor hubby gets it in the neck then?
 

Shilasdair

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This sort of behaviour says a lot more about them, than it does about you.

Ignore the advice to think about what you've done to upset them (you have asked them once, and received no answer). Instead recognise they have NO right to upset you - how dare they behave this badly without explanation.

Looking forward - you can never restore these 'friendships' nor should you want people like this in your life. So either you learn to enjoy your horse at the yard whilst ignoring them politely, or if the social aspect is important to you, find another yard with more pleasant people.

Also consider joining a riding club, or perhaps volunteering for your local RDA/BHS which will allow you to network to find both friends and potential yards.
 

dorsetladette

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No car bumping has occured. It's a new DIY yard and i was the first there. The other 2 came later and a month apart. The one with the horse that won't stay out alone will be buggered if i leave coz 3rd person doesn't turn hers out much. Last few days i've been doing my own thing and horse has stayed in. I must confess i've done it on purpose. He's been ridden, weather is crap and he's happy in. Hasn't helped with mood in yard. But i still say hi/ bye etc and try and be friendly. Only show i feel like crap when i get home. Poor hubby gets it in the neck then?

I'd ask the person with the one that wont stay out whats going on, be nice but to the point. She has more to loose from this situation.

Are the other people friends from before being on the yard
 

Archangel

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If this was my yard I would want to know it was going on.
Group hug needed :eek: and everything out in the open or they would all be out with their broomsticks on fire.

Actually leaving a pitchfork for your horse to have a problem with would be instant out.

Monsters.
 

Rillerpants

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I'm really not into the social thing, so not bothered about that side of things. It's the miserable atmosphere that's sucking the fun out of what is my joy and space from life!The second woman came onto yard later and tried to tell us how she had competed abroad, qualified up to the eye balls..you know the type. I think because i wasn't amazed by her, she disliked me from the start. She, i think, has put a worm in other person's head. It's all i can think of.
 

dorsetladette

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Oh yeah..the nearest rc is about 25 miles away. I'm happy on my own. Just gutted that people can do this. I don't trust many people..this just confirms why.
The more people i meet, the more i like my dogs!

I don't like people either.

After re reading your first post I'm assuming there are 4 of you? YO and 3 liveries? if that's correct surely the YO will be noticing the prickly atmosphere as well? As others have said the YO needs to sit everyone down and get to the bottom of it quickly. Putting things out as obstacles for your horse is not on. The parking away from your car suggests it might be something to do with parking/cars. Maybe someone has a car park dent in their car and has decided it is you, but hasn't got the balls to say anything so is gossiping about you behind your back instead.

But, ultimately you should be made to feel uncomfortable at all while you are at the yard. YO needs to nip this in the bud ASAP.
 

gostelr

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Yes dogs are better! & the other boarders sound awful if they are not being thoughtful about your horse all of a sudden. The side comment about the pitchfork & leaving your horse out might mean they are blaming your horse for an unidentified paddock injury on one of the others or some other horsey paddock behaviour they saw & took offence to? But if they won't tell you then it does sound like their issue not yours.
 

SpringArising

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I don’t think it’s the YOers job to deal with this you they all adults .
Op needs to deal with it .

I agree with this.

I'd be really polite and try to understand what the issue is from a calm place. But if anyone did anything to try to intentionally hurt my horse, I would go absolutely ballistic.
 

Muddywellies

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It can be something reeeeally petty thats festered, as things sometimes do. At my yard our parking is tight and it just takes one person to park in a silly way and it causes havoc, but the person hasn't realised they have parked in a silly way. Are you parking in the designated spot? Are there any sort of unwritten rules re parking?
Tho it does sound like one of the group has managed to brainwash the rest. I cant bear these situations and I too get very upset. But when this has happened to me in the past, once it has run its course, its interesting to find out the reason behind it. Often the others don't actually share the gang leader's opinion but are going along with her for a quiet life, sadly alienating you. If you're strong enough, ride it out. I think you'll be surprised what comes out in a few weeks.
 

Archangel

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The second woman came onto yard later and tried to tell us how she had competed abroad, qualified up to the eye balls..you know the type. I think because i wasn't amazed by her, she disliked me from the start.

That will be it. Somehow you are a threat to her fragile self-esteem.

Perhaps her competing abroad was in fact a walk and trot test - online. Have you checked her out?
I have known a successful show jumper who had trouble with the local clear round and a successful eventer who built up a strong online presence and loads of support, it was only when they were involved in a scandal that I bothered to look up their eventing record. A cricket score at every event. No problem if they were just having a great time but it was a very different story to the one they were putting out.
 
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luckyoldme

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The thing with livery yards is that you are forced into close contact with folk you would rather not be around. Getting up early to have time on your own with your horse..then paying all that money to go somewhere that makes you unhappy.
It sounds like these folk havent got the guts to tell you what their problem is and that makes it very hard to resolve any issues. Ive been on two places with the same issues and both times i moved away. In both cases I felt life was just to short to waste fighting drawn out battles with nobbers.
You cant be happy surrounded by unhappy people.
 

Rillerpants

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Parking isn't an issue. It's a big farm and entry/exit is easy. It's just habit parking in the same place. Pitch fork woman was all jolly and chatty this A.M then wierd and silent when i said my horse wasn't going out. No one around either time. YO is not often around at same time, is new to the game and a bit green. It would just be whinging. Mrs international couldn't read a passport and asked vet if her horse was due his TB jab! After telling vet she was medically trained! Says it all really.
I've caught her horse when he went through fence.brought other one in when she couldn't get there..not a problem.
They have their own paddocks so no fighting, bullying and we clean our own fields. Maybe i just attract pshychotic twats!
 
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