Sudden silent treatment

MrsNorris

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1 January 2006
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1,301
Is the yard full? Maybe they are trying to get you to leave so a friend can have your empty stable.
This happened to a friend of mine, on a small yard, just 3 owners but 6 stables, and she was hounded out by a pair of harpies who wanted their friend to join them. They really made her life a misery, it was shocking. She had no idea what was going on at the time, and only found out weeks after she’d left. Some people are just awful.
 

tristar

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23 August 2010
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This. Absolutely. Yard politics are batshit. I'm not on a yard properly, but I do get dragged into the nonsense from time to time - it's bizarre what people get upset about. I like to keep my head down and avoid everything, while focusing on the distant dream of ponies at home...

I also think your previous comment was quite restrained given the situation.

i did that and focused on what i wanted, that`s how i got there
 

Firefly9410

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17 November 2014
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Parking isn't an issue. It's a big farm and entry/exit is easy. It's just habit parking in the same place. Pitch fork woman was all jolly and chatty this A.M then wierd and silent when i said my horse wasn't going out. No one around either time. YO is not often around at same time, is new to the game and a bit green. It would just be whinging. Mrs international couldn't read a passport and asked vet if her horse was due his TB jab! After telling vet she was medically trained! Says it all really.
I've caught her horse when he went through fence.brought other one in when she couldn't get there..not a problem.
They have their own paddocks so no fighting, bullying and we clean our own fields. Maybe i just attract pshychotic twats!
This is it. You have something she does not. Knowledge skills and confidence. You see through her. That is the threat you pose to her. Ignore atmosphere. Be polite if they are ignore them if not. Do your own thing to suit your needs without relying on them. Tell YO about the pitch fork because it was deliberately done and dangerous. Not in a whinging way or expecting them to do anything about it just making them aware of the situation. YO will either do something or they will not. If dangerous stuff keeps happening and no action by YO then leave. I find small yards the worst for this sort of behaviour.
 

hopscotch bandit

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2 February 2017
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I'm a stong( ish) 51 y/o mum and i don't suffer fools gladly but this is really getting me down. I'm too old for this crap. Looking for new place or possibly give up horse.
I'm an older female too but it doesn't stop you feeling miserable and unhappy and that's what bullies thrive on. They love the power trip, making you question yourself, your motives, your whole being. Then you start justifying yourself to them endlessly and its gets into a vicious circle, you start to lose your confidence bit by bit, you start feeling inadequate and it can make you very terribly down and depressed. You can tell I've been there lol :(

Don't give up your horse. I echo what others have said, you need to confront them and ask them why. I've tried this line myself. Not saying it works (by ignoring you they are on a power trip) but its your only option.
 
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Roxylola

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15 March 2016
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I love torturing people with cheeriness - comes from long years in customer service. There is a certain delight in being pleasant and polite to the point of obnoxiousness. I wouldn't chase them to be friends - makes you look needy but there's a lot you can do to get on people's last nerve just by being pleasant and apparently oblivious to an atmosphere that could be cut with a knife :p
 

PurBee

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23 November 2019
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I love torturing people with cheeriness - comes from long years in customer service. There is a certain delight in being pleasant and polite to the point of obnoxiousness. I wouldn't chase them to be friends - makes you look needy but there's a lot you can do to get on people's last nerve just by being pleasant and apparently oblivious to an atmosphere that could be cut with a knife :p
agreed...having years of practice with MIL helps hugely!
 

GSD Woman

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9 December 2018
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658
I hate this sort of sh*t. I've had it at work a couple of times and it sucks. I don't suffer fools gladly or otherwise and would talk to YO about leaving your horse out and the pitchfork. Don't let them drive you away from a good yard. Do you have a friend that might be interested in moving to your yard? Either way, don't give them the satisfaction of making you miserable or driving you away. Eff them.
 
Joined
18 January 2020
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Thanks for all the replies and advise. I've made enquiries about other yards and 1 phoned YO yesterday so had to explain what was going on. Felt like telling tales.She was surprised coz sed people were fine when she had seen them. 🤔.
I txt 1 and said we need to sort things, please tell me what the problem is. No reply. Gonna see how things go today. But deffo looking for new place. Seeing one today. I just want to be left alone. I'm happy to say hi and be friendly and i can't see that happening here. Just bashimg head on a wall. I've had enough.
 

luckyoldme

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7 October 2010
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I really hope you find somewhere better.
I moved away from it too and had a long time in a lovely environment.
Im the same age as you and pretty much happy with my lot. Im not rich but ive got what i need and im happy.
Sometimes that alone is enough to piss some people off and they cause ripples till you find a way to distance yourself from them.
Once youve left they will have to find someone else to bitch about when they are sat round their couldron .
 

Winters100

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18 April 2015
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If you ever do find out what it is it will probably be be something so small and absurd that you won't believe that she is upset about it. I had one lady not speaking to me for weeks because I had allegedly not given her a ride to the stable when I saw her walking along the street - it is a busy road and I had not even seen her! Plus I would have thought that the fact that I had many other times stopped and given her a lift would have made her realise what had happened!

Honestly I would just say 'Good Morning' and 'Good evening' and get on with your jobs. Usually when people see that they are not upsetting you they end up coming to you to discuss it. Very childish and tiresome I know. I would also speak to the yard owner, but make clear that you are not looking for her to repair any relationships, just to re-iterate rules to prevent horses being put in danger.
 

Trouper

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11 May 2015
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Firstly - Have you spoken to the YO??? If not, I really think you need to do this as there is a safety issue for everyone here and the YO needs to be aware of it. You can say you are not making an official complaint but just wanted them to be aware of what is going on.
Secondly - stop pandering to the bully boy/power trip tactics the other liveries are clearly using by asking to clear the air. They don't want to - for whatever reason - and there is no reasoning with socially inadequate people like this. I agree with others who suggest being polite - Granny used to say "civility costs nothing"!! - and they will get fed up with not being able to get a rise out of you. Personally, I would still try to be cooperative about the turnout situation - even if it is only a quick text now and then saying what your plans are. Demonstrating good manners often gets results in my experience while descending to their level rarely does.
I would not move. That way they win.
 

dorsetladette

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22 April 2014
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I really hope you find somewhere nice for you and your horse. I really useful bit of advise I was given on here when I was in the same boat was this.

When you get to your new yard don't make friends with the first person who offers you a cuppa - they are usually the crazy one. Sit back and people watch for a few weeks and work out the pecking order. you'll hear all the stories people have to tell and then can work out for yourself who is genuinely nice and who is best to nod and say Hi/Bye too.

In the meantime can you speak to the YO and request that she brings your horse in so he is not left out alone. Seems a bit unfair on him to keep him in really.
 

luckyoldme

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7 October 2010
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Firstly - Have you spoken to the YO??? If not, I really think you need to do this as there is a safety issue for everyone here and the YO needs to be aware of it. You can say you are not making an official complaint but just wanted them to be aware of what is going on.
Secondly - stop pandering to the bully boy/power trip tactics the other liveries are clearly using by asking to clear the air. They don't want to - for whatever reason - and there is no reasoning with socially inadequate people like this. I agree with others who suggest being polite - Granny used to say "civility costs nothing"!! - and they will get fed up with not being able to get a rise out of you. Personally, I would still try to be cooperative about the turnout situation - even if it is only a quick text now and then saying what your plans are. Demonstrating good manners often gets results in my experience while descending to their level rarely does.
I would not move. That way they win.
Why the need to win?
Speaking for myself here having been in the same situation.
Folk like that actually live their lives in that state..they go on and on and on till they get what they want then find something else to twist about.
Its not until you get away from folk like that that you realise how much energy their little games suck up.
It really is up to the op how she deals with this of course..but they cant justify their behaviour and they wont change. Once she moves on she will hear tales of other people they upset ..its what these folk do and we all know of at least one or two of the in every area....
And evan on this forum.
 

Quigleyandme

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8 March 2018
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982
I think livery yards can be Petrie dishes for the culture of psychotic twats. I once caught the yard expert horsewoman (I mean bully) in the process of emptying a wheelbarrow full of rain water onto my pony’s bed. She used to interfere with my bridle and steal my feed. I know because the stupid bint left her scoop in it on more than one occasion. She was critical of everybody’s riding up to and including Olympians but was only ever observed walking slowly around the school with her hands up under her tits. These people are a pathetic joke but I can really emphasise with OP about what she is going through because it really can make life wretched.
 

Ranyhyn

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21 November 2008
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Funny farm
This is just horrible. Most people have been there and its just awful to deal with, so my sympathies with that. I would love to say just move, because paying to be in this atmosphere is horrible but I know its not always thats easy!
 
Joined
18 January 2020
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I spoke to YO yesterday. And txt 1 to ask what the problem is and we should sort it. No reply.Other 2 in yard this AM. i said morning and got on with my stuff. Not a word from them. I rode out and they were there when i got back. I sorted out horse said bye and left. It's awful down there. 10 mins later got txt from 1 "are you turning out today?" I said "can't be arsed with agro". She said this isn't working for her so she'll be leaving. I have since found out she has burnt her bridges a bit and fallen out with others.
I'm looking at another yard today. If it's ok, i'm going ASAP.I don't need to win. Anyhow, i have no idea what the fight is, i just want out.
 

bonny

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17 September 2007
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I spoke to YO yesterday. And txt 1 to ask what the problem is and we should sort it. No reply.Other 2 in yard this AM. i said morning and got on with my stuff. Not a word from them. I rode out and they were there when i got back. I sorted out horse said bye and left. It's awful down there. 10 mins later got txt from 1 "are you turning out today?" I said "can't be arsed with agro". She said this isn't working for her so she'll be leaving. I have since found out she has burnt her bridges a bit and fallen out with others.
I'm looking at another yard today. If it's ok, i'm going ASAP.I don't need to win. Anyhow, i have no idea what the fight is, i just want out.
Sounds like the best plan .....that yard isn’t going to work out for you
 

canteron

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15 October 2008
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Cloud Cockoo Land
I spoke to YO yesterday. And txt 1 to ask what the problem is and we should sort it. No reply.Other 2 in yard this AM. i said morning and got on with my stuff. Not a word from them. I rode out and they were there when i got back. I sorted out horse said bye and left. It's awful down there. 10 mins later got txt from 1 "are you turning out today?" I said "can't be arsed with agro". She said this isn't working for her so she'll be leaving. I have since found out she has burnt her bridges a bit and fallen out with others.
I'm looking at another yard today. If it's ok, i'm going ASAP.I don't need to win. Anyhow, i have no idea what the fight is, i just want out.
So do I - pure nosey ness but human nature never fails to amaze/dissapoint! Horrid when you are in the middle, don’t let it touch your confidence in your self. Please let us know if ever you do find out .... and I hope you find a lovely yard
I would try and leave on good terms with YO in case (when the crazies inevitably have all fallen out with each other and left) you want to come back!
 
Joined
18 January 2020
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21
Thanks all. I have no gripe with YO so no reason to leave on bad terms. Told her yesterday that i don't want to leave but dread coming here can't cope with this crap. 1 person txt to ask why she got a txt saying it was her problem. I didn't say that and so i didn't answer..i'm 51 not 12! Just gonna get the hell out. Will update later. Thanks again peeps.
 

bouncing_ball

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30 October 2012
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722
If one is planning on leaving I think I would sit tight for a bit, things might change..???
Agree, I think I'd not rush to leave. Is YO potentially receptive to throwing the remaining two out, if they cannot behave like civil sensible adults? And OP could help with advertising for and showing new liveries round. Especially as OP was there first and hasnt caused any trouble.
 
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