Teenagers!!!!

[noblesteed]

HI all,
I am pregnant so have had to loan my 12 year-old gelding out. It's just a part-loan - he is staying at his current yard, which my friend and I rent for our 2 geldings. I was riding a few times a week but I am in too much pain with my back/nerves etc now so have had to hand over my saddle to the loaner...
He is a fab little horse, great fun, easy to do, bit of a schoolmaster so perfect for his teenage loaner. I have spent a few months giving her free lessons on him twice a week, to train her up and also taught her stable management... She is only paying £10 a week which barely even covers shoeing but I don't mind, horse is happy.
ANYWAY so far so good, she had been riding him well BUT she has no organisation. She has been arranging to go riding with my friend who is happy to look after her, but she has been texting at the last minute to say she can't make it. My friend is getting more and more frustrated because she is being messed about and has had her past 2 weekends ruined waiting for the girl, horses have been left in when they could have been turned out etc etc. My horse has been ridden about once a week for the past 3 weeks which means his fitness will be dropping off fast. She has just rang this morning - they had arranged to ride as the girl's school is shut today - at 10 am to tell my friend she isn't riding, going shopping instead - my poor friend had tacked both horses up ready...

I am not sure what to do!!!!! I am physically unable to sort horse right now (signed off work on sick), though friend is happy to do him for me. I am just so shocked, when I was a teenager I would have KILLED to have a fab horse on my doorstep, all paid and provided for just waiting to be ridden Not sure what to do really...

Just paid for new shoes and a clip - could have roughed him off and turned him away til spring...

Does anyone have any ideas of how to handle this?

 

[clairew]

Would you be happy to advertise for another loaner, this one really doesn't sound like she's that bothered? She obviously doesn't realise how lucky she is!

 

[Natz88]

Sorry to hear your situation. To be honest I would tell the girl to forget it, as she clearly is just messing you about which won't help your health as it is clearly stressing & worry you. I would perhaps advertise for another sharer & in the meantime could you not see if your friend would ride him couple of times a week.... Hope you get it sorted & feel better soon

 

[Mrs B]

Bummer. And the last thing you need right now!

I think you'll just have to be straight with her, or your stress levels will just keep rising as will your friend's.

1) If she makes an arrangement to ride, stick to it as it is extremely rude not to and makes it appear that her time is more important than your friend's.
2) If she does it again, you will be looking for another sharer. (I know that's not easy, but threaten her with it anyway!)
3) OR fine her a fiver every time she does it to compensate your friend having done the work to get him ready and wasting her time. That might make her concentrate.

If you can't find someone, then I think roughing him off is preferable though a shame as he sounds lovely...

 

[jeeve]

teenagers are a self obsessed species, with absolutely no idea how annoying and irritating they can be.

havind said that ... you just need to find one that is more obsessed with horses and less interested in boys/shopping

I would have a talk, ask her how committed she is, because it is a commitment, (you could advertise for another loaner), if she is not that interested immediately and /or then give her 1-2 weeks and if not happening find someone else.

My son who is 17 struggles with committment, he seems to think that if something better comes along he should change his plans at last minute. Sometimes I dream that I slap him so hard his head falls off, it makes me wake up but somehow, it always makes me feel a lot better.

 

[lil'chesnut]

as a teenager myself (16 year old boy to be precise ) i've got to say that i agree with you on this one.
i am unfortunate enough not to be able to afford a horse of my own but am completely obsessed with the things, much to the great annoyance of my parents.
i have a shared ride on a lively welsh cob, who belongs to a friend of my dad. he can be silly at times and as a novice, she can't really handle his little quirks. initially i was just to muck out and ride a couple of times a week but now ride almost everyday and absolutely love him, providing we can catch the blighter of course.
she said that she wanted no money off me and in return was willing to pay me £10 a week for looking after him as she's a busy mother of 3.
i turned down the offer of payment out of a pure LOVE OF HORSES. the money means nothing to me.
i honestly cannot be happier with the situation... a situiation few can find themselves in. most teenagers don't know how lucky they are, honestly.

 

[rhino]

What sort of loan contract do you have? I would be tempted to write (another) one with fairly strict criteria - a lot of teenagers really need things spelled out for them Get her to read and sign the contract, and a parent/carer if she is 16 or under. It can include things like turning out time, exercise requirements (obviously this has to have some flexibility) and anything else you are worried about.

 

[noblesteed]

Thanks guys! It's just not fair on my friend, she is a very busy lady and has limited time. I think I will chat to the girl at the weekend and say she needs to sort it out.

At the end of the day my friend is the most important one here, she has rented the yard for 13 years and I've been there for 2, so I think she would have every right to tell me get lost if she wanted to - I'm sure it won't ever come to that but I think the teenager needs to know! My friend has helped me so much to get my confidence back, and takes me to comps with her in her trailer, organises and collects our winter hay, as well as living on site and so sorting the horses early morning feeds - she really doesn't deserve to be messed about.

It's just so frustrating when you know the opportunity this girl is being handed on a plate! I was hoping she would want to carry on sharing him with me when baby comes as I won't be able to ride every day... Last thing I want is to have to sell my fab little horse! Ahhhh plans never work do they?

Problem is finding someone else round here is nigh on impossible, so roughing off and turning away might be my best option!

 

[noblesteed]

lil chestnut you sound like a star! I wish this girl was like you!
I was just as obsessed as you when I was younger, but I lived in a suburban estate and there were no horses for loan nearby at all... I got my own at 30 though Now I can't ride my husband has had to put up with tears and much gnashing of teeth... even though it will be worth it when I get a lovely baby at the end...

It is in her loan contract to communicate with my friend so maybe I will draw her attention to that. Also I have written in that horse must be ridden or turned out by 9.30 every day without fail. So I wil discuss that too - it's no good ringing at 10 am!!!!

 

[Ali2]

I think that if I was in that situation and the horse woudl be OK roughed off and turned away til spring I'd do that. You can do without the stress of loaners right now!

My two would seize up so I'll stick to the no babies rule LOL!

 

[lil'chesnut]

haha noblesteed, i do try, thanks... unfortunately everything is on pause riding wise at the moment as i had a nasty operation on my back a few months ago. still that hasn't stopped me at all, and within two weeks of surgery i was back up there grooming and doing what i can.

i really do hope that everything turns out well for. lord knows, you sound like you and your boy derserve someone good
(we're not all totally self obsessed )

 

[Jenni_]

Shame your not in Edinburgh I'm on the look out for a share. But I'm a 'mature' 21 year old ; )

I'd have given my right arm for a chance like that at 16

 

[bex1984]

You can't be worrying about this, or feeling like you have to keep an eye on things, when you've got a tiny baby, so best to tackle this head on now.

Perhaps a chat with teenager plus parents, to set out that she has to be reliable or you'll have to end the arrangement because you're not in a position to be dealing with these problems.

If all else fails, I'm sure you could have the next set of shoes off, get some good rugs, and chuck him out - would your friend keep an eye on him? I think you need a back-up option to keep your mind at rest.

 

[lil'chesnut]

funny you should say about Edinburgh, because i lived just outside not long ago

i'm pretty lucky with my shared ride at the moment though, because looking at the way i ride, it's unlikely anyone would let me near their horse

 

[Bettyboo222]

I am a 16 year old girl, and as a sharer I would not dream of doing something like that, it is totally unacceptable. Once perhaps I would understand but over and over is ridiculous.

I would tell her to buck up her ideas or you'll be looking for another sharer

 

[zoelouisem]

I would find a new sharer but i would also make them pay a proper amount for sharing, if there having to part with hard earned cash they may be more keen to get the riding out of it!!

 

[Jesstickle]

In no way do I want to sound patronising but it's great to have our sensible headed teenagers back you up OP. I would explain how much of an inconvenience it is if she doesn't turn up (she probably doesn't realise as her own time is free and easy) and explain that if she doesn't buck up a bit you'll have to find someone else to do the horse as he needs to be kept in work.

 

[lil'chesnut]

amen

 

[azouria]

Red is owned by a woman and there are two of us (the other girl is 16 and i am 18). I have always been very reliable, just the way I am, but the other girl went through a phase of saying she would come and then not turning up etc, however she is a fab rider. In the end she was given an ultimatum - if she didn't sort herself out she would not be able to ride him anymore. She's been great ever since.

If this girl is good with your horse then it might be worth really bringing home to her how much trouble she is causing and what an opportunity she has. Give her one more chance and if not show her the door - there are plenty more dedicated people out there who would kill for the opportunity (I was one of them!) Maybe a contract would be a good idea too?

 

[Rosie Round The Hills]

Sometimes I dream that I slap him so hard his head falls off, it makes me wake up but somehow, it always makes me feel a lot better.

I have nothing to add to the thread, but do want to say that this made me laugh.

 

[BonneMaman]

OK - going to sound harsh here - why don't you tell her what you want her to do/what you expect of her rather than wingeing on here about her.

If she is not pulling her weight then tell her you will have to get another sharer.

 

[DreamOfNoReturn]

She seems like an extremely ungrateful teenager! I am a 16 year old girl and I would have literally killed for this opportunity! It's so hard to find a horse share that I can do because I am limited with how much I can pay which really sucks! Especially since I am unable to afford my own. I would love what she is getting to do! She does seem to be extremely ungrateful and I think you should advertise for another sharer, or give her an ultimatum. It's not fair on you because you are stressing out and it's not fair on your friend because she's having to compensate for the girl and seeing as she has limited time as well. What is especially irking me is the fact that she is meant to love horses and it's not fair on your horse that his "sharer" is arranging to ride him and he is being messed around, also the fact that he's not seeing you as much and having you on him and he's expecting his sharer and she doesn't even appear! Where is your horse based? I would love to share him if you are considering getting rid of your current sharer . Seriously though, I would if you are considering getting rid of her and you are near me .

 

[DreamOfNoReturn]

And after all that I have just realised that you aren't in Edinburgh! I do so hope everything works out for you though .

 

[starryeyed]

How ungrateful!!! I'd definitely have a proper sit down chat with her this weekend & let her know that you're not happy with her level of "commitment" - she's not only messing you about at a time when you're not able to just jump on & ride when she doesn't turn up, but she's messing your good friend about, who's helping her, which isn't fair either. Maybe get her parents involved, they might not know that she's "skiving" off her horse care - but at the same time, that really shouldn't be necessary if she's supposed to be a horse lover who knows what's involved in looking after horses and knows that you're relying on her for some hepl. She's got a really good situation there, sounds so ungrateful to me! I'd definitely tell her that she needs to sort herself out or you'll be looking for another sharer because you, your friend & your horse don't deserve one who sounds like she can't be bothered! There are loads of horse mad teenagers out there who would love to have an opportunity like that.
Good luck x

 

[Spottyappy]

I would get rid of your one! I have a teenaged daughter who has her own pony and would not act like this. We also have a fantastic 16 yr old lad who helps with riding her pony. He rides about 3/4 times a wk,and in return helps with stable duties,muck clearing etc,usually twice a wk but more, or less, at times. He has also looked after all of mine when we have been away,so is very trustworthy,responsible and reliable.
He is so keen to learn new things,and really is interested too. Sadly,for him but lucky for us,can't afford his own equine at the minute.
So,not all teens should be tarred with the same brush,if they really are keen,they will commit and the arrangement can be fun,and a pleasure for all parties.